If You Dare

I'm not dead.

The medics they'e hired here say that if Steven and.... Mason had found me just five minutes later than they had, I would be dead. I'd be happy.

I haven't seen Mason since it happened. He hasn't left Ella's side.

I tried to take my life three days ago.

A funny fact, if anything can really be funny at this point, is that I haven't said a word to anyone in these few days.

Maybe I'm just saving my first words for Mason.

He's one of the only things I can think of. Steven said he felt guilty for taking me from Mason. I feel guiltier. I want Mason. But it's selfish and stupid of me to think that I can still have him.

Maybe it's just guilt for me, too... But no, it's not.

"She still won't talk," Steven says quietly to whoever it is visiting me in my room now.

I stay on my side, facing the opposite side of the room from them.

It's probably just another person who's trying to get on my parents' good side by being nice to me.

There are some footsteps and I hear the door open and close. Did the person realize that I'm a lost cause?

"Alex," says Mason's soft voice.

I'm hearing things.

There's pressure on the bed, like someone just sat down.

"Alex, look at me," says his voice again.

I squeeze my eyes shut. I have to be hearing things.

A hand rests on my shoulder, making me jump slightly.

"Alex, please."

Is it actually him? Am I brave enough to find out?

Opening my eyes slowly, I begin to turn my head, taking deep breaths. My eyes catch the first glimpse of his face and I roll completely over, sitting up to throw my arms around him.

I feel him grip onto me, his breath shaky. He's been crying.

I look up, even though I know I might start crying, and see that his eyes are a lot puffier than they had been when he had cried before. Ella...

Reaching my hand up to trace around his eyes, I open my mouth, wanting to say something, but I can't. I want to ask about her.

I can't read his mind. Physically, I know I can. But more along the lines of not wanting to.

After sitting in silence for a little while, I will my mouth to utter a sound.

"Is she...?"

He takes in a quick breath, maybe surprised that I talked and surprised that my first words since then would be harder for him than they would be for me.

Looking down at me, I can see his already red eyes watering again. "She's gone. That's why I came here. I-I wanted to know that you wouldn't leave me, too."

The age old tale of sobbing begins, and I try my hardest not to join in.

Ella's dead.

The girl who had been his very reason for existence when I met him is dead.

But he's not. I'd expected him going and offing himself if this happened. But he hasn't.

Not yet.

I think for a second and pull away from him, looking into his eyes.

"Mason, you have to be okay for me," my scratchy voice says quietly, "I need you to be okay. I'm sorry about her, but you can't leave me. You can't. I'd be a reck. You just can't. I'm selfish. I won't let you leave me."