Back to the Start

I knew it was unfair, that Rachael didn't deserve anything I had just said to her. But Falyn didn't get it. Sighing, I lean on my car and wait for Rachael to come out again. As soon as I see her walking towards the glass door of the Starbucks, I quickly open the door for her. 

"What a gentleman Gare. Thanks.", she says grinning widely. "Not gonna lie, I'm kind of surprised to see you still here."

Why is she being so nice? "Sorry Rach. For before. I really...well, I was being a douche. Just...sorry."

Smiling brightly, she holds out an ice coffee to me. "You're so lucky that you and Pat like the same things." Seeing my look, "What? If Pat was picking me up, I didn't want him to whine like a baby."

Really? She was voluntarily offering sugar and caffeine to Pat. "Can we go to the park?", I ask, heading into the car, so she follows suit. 

I head straight to the shady tree we always sat under (aside from those times we sat behind the bushes). What do I say? Nervously, I fidget with my hands, trying to decide what to say. 

After a while, I still hadn't said anything. "Soo...what's up?", asked Rachael. 

"I don't know where to start."

"Well, I'll give you a hint. You can start by apologizing again. And then continue by telling me what happened to bring out your rare pissy mood. Because we both know that it is really difficult to get you mad, and we both also know that I didn't do a damn thing to deserve that, especially since you were the one who wanted to get coffee together in the first place."

Well, guess she stopped worrying about calling me out. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I was just...well, you said it. Pissy. I was texting Falyn. And...she doesn't trust me! A year into this and hundreds of tour dates and creepy fangirls, she starts to not trust me now! Not even tour freaked her out this much. And I just got back. We were perfectly fine in New York. She said she wouldn't be mad at me anymore. I never gave her a reason to doubt me. But she does. And I don't get it."

Rachael gives me a look. "You don't get it? You have to be kidding. Are you really still that naïve? I know you didn't get it when we were together. That I didn't like girls throwing themselves at you."

"You're right! I DON'T get it. You, and Falyn, know that I'm not that kind of guy. I wouldn't do that to anyone. But you still don't trust me. But I had never done or said anything to her, or you, to question my loyalty."

"Garrett! You really don't get it. It's not YOU that she's worried about. It's ME. She doesn't trust me being with you. Just like I didn't trust fangirls. Which is why she keeps on getting mad at you. And why I keep on telling you I don't want to talk to her. I told you. Before. That I don't need to do this to you and Falyn. Ok? I know what I did three years ago. And I do want you to be happy, and I remember your face the day that you told me about her. And you ARE happy with her. Happy and in love. And I don't want to be the one to take that away. So seriously, I'm going to go. I'll still hang out with you guys and go to practices if you want me to. But we can't hang out alone. Falyn is only gonna get worse. What girl is going to accept that her boyfriend is close with his ex again?"

With a quick hug, she ran out of the park. And I'm clueless again. I don't even understand girls sometimes. Like now. But I still don't know what to say. So I watch her disappear around the corner. My phone had been on silent since we got to the park. But now I see that there are too many unread texts from Fay. I can't do this right now. I get into my car and head back towards John's house. 

"Hey man.", I say when John answers the door. "Can I talk to you? It's about Fay. And Rachael. Sort of."

"Kid, I swear if you did anything to hurt Falyn..."

"I didn't do anything wrong! Why are you and her acting like a crime that I'm friends with my ex again. If you remember, she was my best friend before I even met most of you guys."

"But she's also your ex. And you're probably breaking Fay's heart."

"I love her.", I respond quietly. "Does that not mean anything to anyone anymore?"

"But Garrett. You also loved Rachael. You had a LIFE planned with her. The amount of times we heard you talk about it was unbelievable. With Fay, you say you love her. But there's no future. Not like it was with Rachael."

"Why are you on Falyn's side? I'm your band member. You should be on mine! I'm talking and hanging out with Rachael. It's not a crime."

"Are you seriously saying you don't see it?", asks John. 

"See what?!"

"Rachael is still so in love with you. It's in everything she does and says around you."

"What? No she's not. She just told me that she didn't want to talk or hang out with me anymore.", I argue. 

"Ok. She ran out crying when she heard what you said to Falyn on the phone. She hated the idea of you going to New York. She completely freaked out when you got punched in the face. She was practically crying. And she just told you that she wouldn't talk to you anymore, which just confirms it even more."

"Nothing you said even makes sense. What I said was mean, and in the past, and I really shouldn't even have brought it up. She GAVE me the idea of going to New York. And I got punched! And kind of because of her. Is she supposed to not be worried? And how does not talking to me prove that she's still in love with me? John, you're actually going insane."

"Gare, I can't spell this out for you. You need to figure it out. Just like she does. On your own. But don't string Fay along. She's a great girl."

"I know she is! Which is why I love her! She's perfect and good for me."

John just shakes his head at me. "I think what Rach did was smart. Just work it out with Falyn."

I turn to leave. That was no help at all. "Just so you know, at one point, everything you said for Fay was what you would've said for Rach."

Who can I talk to? Pat? Kennedy? Jared? Dirk? What about Rach's friend Sam? But I need someone who's unbiased. Pat always did like Rachael the most. I guess I could talk to him.