Wine After Whiskey

The final seconds ticked excruciatingly slow at the CONSOL Energy Center. Flower had been pulled just ninety seconds before, and everybody on the ice was pushing for just one goal to tie it up and put it into overtime. To give the Penguins one last chance to further their season.

It never happened that way. Chances were fumbled, blocked, or miscued and with the final blow of the horn, the season was over. Just like that. Tampa Bay gathered around their goaltender for a celebration that left everyone in the arena wonder if they thought they had just won the cup; while the Pens went and saluted the fans for the final time that season.

Emotions were on high after not only a hard-fought series, but an overall rollercoaster of a season. Between Sidney and Geno going out halfway through the season, and the blockbuster trades made in order to fill in the voids left from their two players, the team had gone through a lot and should’ve been proud of dealing with adversity; but dropping a seven game series to a team that in their minds shouldn’t have even been in the playoffs was a kicker.

As everyone around the locker room started taking showers and getting ready for a final night in the CONSOL after all post-game interviews had been done, James sat in his stall and let all of the emotions that had filled him the last couple of months finally sink in.

First, it was the trade. In February, he and Matt had been brought over from a semi-surging Dallas Stars in order to provide defense and goal scoring. Matt had done his job; James hadn’t. It disappointed him more than anybody on the team could even imagine. He had been brought in to carry this team and to be their leader. He had failed, and with one year left on his contract he was worried that Dan and Ray wouldn’t be so adept to having him come back for anymore time in the ‘Burgh.

The next was Tessa and Aubree. Since that evening nearly a month before, James hadn’t had much time to think about them. Hockey and moving to a new city kept him busy enough to where he was able to distract himself. It had been for the best seeing he probably wouldn’t have made it through the season without trying to get in contact with Tess. Now that the season was over James had one mission, and that was working on his relationship with Tessa and his daughter.

Guys filtered out of the locker room and said ‘goodbyes’ until they would meet again in a couple of days for locker-clean out and exit day interviews; but James stayed put. He hadn’t moved since he slumped back in his locker right before the media frenzy was allowed in. Still in full gear- minus his jersey- he sat with his back facing the wooden wall and his hands running through his messy hair.

Some of the guys walked by and asked if he was okay, others ignored him understanding that he was dealing with some personal things and just wanted to be left alone; Matt was the only one of his teammates who stopped and actually sat down next to him, he knew it wasn’t just about dealing with a loss. No, it was much more than that.

“If there is anything good about this, it‘s that you‘ll be able to see them now…” Matt mused as he ran his hands through his short hair. In the past two weeks of playoffs, it looked like everyone had aged twenty years from all the stress, Matt was the only one who still had his ‘baby face’.

James nodded but didn’t open his eyes. He thought that maybe if he wished it hard enough game seven could be turned back around and they would still have a shot at winning it, and moving onto the next round. He still wanted hockey to be going on so he’d have an excuse to avoid the inevitable of talking with Tess. James was nervous as hell for it. Excited, but nervous.

“If you don’t plan on going home for a couple of weeks, the smart thing to do would be call. Let her know you‘re coming back to Whitby and that you want to see her for a little while… And to see the little one.” He said the last part in a hushed tone. Matt knew James wasn’t ready to say anything about his child, and when he was James would be the one to say something.

“I guess… I just…” James didn’t know what to say. Words stopped before they could be let out and everything just seemed to be cloudy. Finally the silence between the two friends was broken when James threw one of his gloves across the room and let out a loud yell. “Fuck. What the hell am I supposed to do!?” He asked to no one. Every internal conflict and struggle that James had been pushing to the back of his mind for the past three years was finally beginning to bubble over.

If he didn’t do something about it now, it would only be time before the pot finally boiled over.

_____

The drive home from CONSOL was short. After James had his mini breakdown and took it out on his hockey equipment, he took a shower and put back on his rumpled suit and made his way to Matt’s car- who had been waiting for him for over an hour.

When they got back to their house, Matt plopped himself down on the couch and fired up the DVR to catch the latest episode of the ‘Bachelorette’ that they had missed early last week, and took a long sip from the beer he had grabbed from the fridge. James walked by him, uninterested as to find out which guy was going home this week, and shut his bedroom door quietly behind him.

The brutally silent bedroom became instantaneously loud as soon as the ring of an outgoing call started to buzz. The phone rang, and rang, and rang before it finally clicked to voicemail and voices he had been avoiding for years, finally spoke.

Hi, this is Tessa and Aubrey. We can’t come to the phone right now so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message we’ll get back to you as soon as we can. Thanks!

There was a staticy silence before another voice- one much brighter and peppier- returned.

Bye, I love you.

Those four words almost brought tears to James’s eyes. He hadn’t ever heard Aubree talk; he had never been around for much more than to see her open her eyes and her first smile. Hearing how grown up she sounded made him realize how much he had been missing out on all of these years.

James didn’t leave a voicemail on the first call. In hopes, he called back and wished that Tessa would pick up or perhaps the little girl would by accident answer her mother’s phone, forcing her to talk to him. In a way he thought that she might be ignoring him. If he was in her situation, he may have done the same thing.

The second time it still went to voicemail, this time much quicker and he realized she had screened his call. Instead of taking that as a total rejection, he left her a quick voicemail explaining everything he needed too.

“Hey Tessie, it’s James. I just wanted to know how you and Aubrey were doing and wanted to see if you wanted to maybe get together for lunch when I come home in a couple of weeks. I know it’s late there so I’ll let you go, but if you could give me a call back. I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.”

It was simple, sweet and to the point. Exactly what James wanted to say without giving away too much. He knew things weren’t going to be easy in the beginning, he knew there would be so many issues, it was something that he was going to have to tackle; but James also knew it would probably be one of the most ‘worth-it’ things he had ever done in his entire life.