Feel

James lay on his couch, his eyes trained on the TV but not really focusing. His mind was elsewhere.

He had wanted to kiss Amy for the longest time. And he wanted to do it again. But they had gone too far, he knew that, and she seemed to be completely put off at the idea of them together, so much so that she wouldn't even talk to him about it. She needed to hear his explanation, even though she didn't want one. But what could he do? Should he go apologize again? Should he try to explain and hope she'd listen this time?

And say what? He ran a hand over his face, turning to stare at the ceiling. 'I stopped us from having sex because I didn't want to take advantage of you like that, because I actually care about how you feel.' James sighed, his hand clenching into a fist. He brought it down onto the couch beside him forcefully. Maybe you should tell her how you feel.

***

James walked over to Paul's house, not allowing himself time to stop and think. He had to tell her. She had to know that he had never wanted to take advantage of her like that. It relieved him slightly to see only Amy's car in the driveway, but only for a second.

He took a deep breath before knocking on the door. He heard footsteps, and heard something rustle behind the door. He knew she was looking through the peephole, and he knocked again when the door didn't open immediately.

"Please let me in, Amy." His tone was desperate. He rested his forehead on the door beside his hand. He was about to give up when he heard the click of the lock, and he took a step back as the door opened slowly. He almost smiled as he saw that she was wearing an oversized Penguins t-shirt and pyjama pants. Her blue eyes flickered to his for a moment, before she stepped aside and let him through.

He didn't have time to even speak before she had shut the door and was walking into the living room. He paused before following. Amy sat down on the couch, and James sat on the armchair. Amy lifted her legs up onto the couch, pulling her knees into her chest. She stared at the floor. It was James who finally broke the silence.

"Amy..."

She didn't budge. She felt her stomach flip as he said her name. His voice, low and quiet, sent shivers up and down her spine... But she didn't look up. She couldn't. She watched out of the corner of her eye as he leaned his elbows on his knees. When she was certain he wasn't looking at her, she allowed herself to take him in; her heart fluttered and she swallowed hard. The messy hair; the lips that, at most times, held his signature, boyish smile; the small bit of scruff he let grow on his jawline. He looked frustrated.

"You can't just run away on me like that."

Amy felt her heart skip a beat at the dejected tone in his voice. She closed her eyes. It was quiet again, before she finally blurted out the words.

"These... feelings I have for you, James..." She inhaled a shaky breath before letting it out and finishing, "They are... scary." She glanced up, and found him staring back at her intensely, mixed with a look that was almost like surprise. Her pulse quickened as his eyes searched hers, before she hastily looked away. He looked like he wanted to say something, but stayed quiet. She took in another breath, trying to compose herself. Her knees fell, and her fingers lifted up to rest on her forehead. She let out a nervous, weak laugh, letting her hand fall back down into her lap. "They are the scariest thing I have ever experienced."

James was silent for a moment. The air was full of tension, and Amy could hardly breathe.

"Did you ever think that maybe it's scary for me too?"

Amy's head snapped up and she felt her heart begin to race. "What?"

He kept his gaze on her for a moment before he shook his head and looked down. "After that first day at my place... and whenever I would see you... All I knew was that I just wanted to be around you." He let out a frustrated sigh, unhappy with the way his words were coming out, and scratched his jaw. "Shit, Ame, I think about you all the time," he said softly, looking up to meet her eyes once again. Amy could hardly breathe. "And I didn't mean for the other night to ruin things between us." He looked down again, breaking their gaze, and it was silent for a moment before Amy began to react.

"James," she said softly. He looked up at her, and she gave him a tiny smile before looking down again. "It's not..." she paused. "We're not... We're not ruined." Her eyes met his again, and her stomach flipped at the look on his face.

"No?"

"We don't have to be," she offered quietly. It was silent again for a small moment until James stood up and Amy followed, scrambling to her feet. She hastily took the few steps towards him, and within seconds she was in his arms.

She stood on her tiptoes, her arms slung around James' neck. Her face was buried in his shoulder, and she inhaled the familiar scent. He smelled safe. And warm... He smelled like home.

James' hands were on the small of her back, and he held her to him for all that he was worth. After a moment, he gently pulled her face away from his chest so he could look down at her.

He stared down at her as she bit her lip, and looked down at his chest. She lifted both of her hands, and began to play with the collar of his hoodie. She felt his eyes on her. She tugged on one of the strings that protruded from the front of his shirt, while James' thumbs traced circles on her back.
Their eyes met. They gazed at one another for a moment, before their eyes drifted to each others' lips. James wasted no more time. He pulled her closer, and kissed her gently.

Amy felt her stomach flutter. She had had some recollection of what it felt like to kiss him from the other night, but this was even better than she remembered. It surprised her how it seemed as if her entire body was on fire. She was sober, she was awake, and this was real.

Her hands found his hair, and he pulled her in close by the waist. There were no boundaries between them, and Amy felt a profound weight lift off her shoulders as he continued to kiss her.

James pulled away first, and Amy's eyes stayed closed until she felt him running his fingers through her hair. She looked at him, and she knew she was blushing. She leaned into his chest again, and his arms wrapped around her.

"That was nice," she finally said shyly. She heard James chuckle, and smiled at the sound. He murmured in agreement.