Feel

Amy came to slowly, blinking light from her eyes. She had a massive headache, and her stomach felt horrid. She groggily turned her head to the left to see where the light was coming from, and did a vicious double take as her eyes fell upon a sleeping James, shirtless and illuminated by the sun streaming through the window. She willed herself to breathe as she turned her head, but her eye caught the fabric of her dress, flung over the dresser.

She sat up straight. She felt sick. She pulled the sheet up over her half-bare body, and closed her eyes. She could hardly breathe.

She heard James roll over. She listened for a few moments, and knew he was awake when his breathing changed. She felt his eyes on her, and she heard him intake a sharp breath.

"Shit." She heard him fall back on the bed. He was quiet for another few minutes before he asked, "What happened last night?"

Amy bit her lip. She still didn't look at him as she shrugged in response.

"Ame.." His tone was gentle. "Are you okay?"

Amy sniffled. She used the back of her hand to wipe her nose as she heard James sit up.

"I don't think we..." James' voice trailed off.

Amy nodded before whispering, "I know." She sniffled again.

"Hey." James' tone was soft, and gently brushed her arm with his fingers. She flinched away, and stood up.

"Do you know where my clothes are?" Her voice was shaky as she turned to him. She met his eyes, finally, and her stomach turned as she saw the hurt in his deep blue eyes.

"Amy..." His voice was almost begging. She felt her heart sink and she bit her lip.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She knew her eyes were still filled with tears and she hoped he couldn't see. "I have to go." She turned quickly, finding her dress on James' dresser, and hurrying out into the hall. She closed the door behind her and dropped the sheet on the floor, sliding her dress on. She didn't even take the time to check her appearance. She couldn't risk seeing those eyes again.

***

Amy couldn't sleep. She had been sick multiple times the morning after she'd left James' house, and now it was just her mind that wouldn't settle. She vaguely remembered it; kissing him, the feel of his hands on her. She lay awake thinking about it, willing herself to just stop dwelling on it, but she couldn't.

She hadn't wanted it to happen like that. She had feelings for James, real feelings, and now the possibility of any serious relationship was gone, if there ever had been one. She knew how she felt, and that she hadn't just kissed him because she was drunk. It had been a mix of alcohol and feelings long held inside.

But James, on the other hand... He had been drunk, too, but had feelings come into play? Her mind flew to the night on her front porch. She groaned, rolling over and burying her face in her pillow. She just didn't know.

***

It seemed Amy had to face her demons before she was ready, as Elizabeth fell sick the night of the next game, and the kids had already been promised tickets. She couldn't say no to Elizabeth's request; the kind lady had accepted her into her house and her family. Amy had no choice but to go.

They had tickets for seats that were high enough that Amy had no chance of catching James' eye, to her immense relief. As the game progressed, it took all she had to tear her eyes from his back every time he stepped foot into the ice.

When the game ended, Abby and Jake begged to go see their dad and their "uncles". Despite her attempts to avoid it, telling them that daddy would be busy, Abby shut her up by saying that mommy would have let them do it.

Amy held the door to the lounge open after they got through security, and the kids rushed to join the other kids as someone went to notify Paul. She stood awkwardly by the wall, only looking up when the door opened, her heart beating frantically. She relaxed as Paul came through, and started towards him, only to see the door open again as James walked out.

"I'm just headed for some fresh air," Amy said to Paul hastily, and he gave her a strange look before nodding and glancing at the kids. "Bring them out when you're ready."

Without another word, she turned on her heel and began to walk quickly towards the exit. It wasn't until she got through the first threshold that she heard her name being called. She stopped, her eyes closed, and opened them when she felt him step in front of her.

Neither of them said anything for a moment. Finally, he spoke, opening and closing his mouth a few times before he got the words out. "I'm sorry." His blue eyes were locked on hers, and she bit her lip.

She shook her head. "Me too." She brushed past him, and began to walk again. She felt his hand grab her wrist and turn her back to face him.

"Come on, Amy. You can't just ignore me after..." He paused. "After that.

His eyes searched hers, and she could tell he was hurt. She could see frustration in there, too, and her heart broke.

"James..." She gently pulled him to the side of the hallway, out of earshot from everybody else. She looked down at the ground. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to be upset with me."

Amy heaved a frustrated sigh before blurting out her thoughts. "Do you not understand how much I like you?" Her eyes lifted up to his again, and his eyebrows furrowed. He appeared a bit taken aback. She closed her eyes and finished quietly, "I didn't want you to find out this way, James." He began to speak and Amy cut him off. "Please, just listen... I might as well do this now." She paused, looking down at her feet and tucking her hair behind her ear. James was silent and still in front of her. "I really like you," she confessed. "This just... It went too far, and it could have gone further and... We were drunk, for Pete's sake!" She lifted a hand to cover her face for a second, trying to compose herself before she let her hand fall and looked at him again. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She turned on her heel and, yet again, left James standing there as she hurried away.