Do I?

We had been back in Boston for five days. I also realized I spent a majority of those days at the gym or rink with the guys.

"Ali!" I called out into the empty apartment.

I dropped my bag by the foot of the bed and climbed into the shower.

I don't want to lose her again. That was all I could think about while I was in the shower because I knew I was going to screw something up again.

When I got out of the shower she still wasn't home. Probably playing catch up with the girls.

I turned the tv on, Red Sox were playing the Phillies, reminding me I need to take her to a game.

During the sixth inning Ali came through the door.

"Hey babe," I smiled at her as she set her keys down.

She smiled back before disappearing into our room.

She returned shortly after, she now had on pajamas and was sitting next to me.

"How was your day?" I asked, placing my hand on her knee.

"It was good," she smiled, "Brit and caught up with each other and I got to hear about all the cute things her and Looch did over summer and I got to tell her about our summer."

I smiled and nodded a she spoke, doing my best to not screw up again.

"And guess what?" She smiled bigger now, before I could answer though she cut me off,
"Tammy is pregnant!"

"What?" I couldn't help but smile now too.

"Yep, we were there with her when she took the pregnancy test."

"That's great," I was really happy for her but something inside me ached. I was almost thirty and not even married yet.

I could see it in Ali's eyes too. She was a little upset it wasn't her telling her husband about being pregnant and seeing him react by jumping up on the couch and running around the house.

I was an uncle but not a father and now Nathan would be the father of two. I could barely keep a relationship together how would I keep a family together?

I sunk back in the couch, trying not to show my disappointment. Ali's smile had faded and she was up and in the kitchen now.

"I'm going for a drive," I let her know before shutting the door behind me.

After getting into the car I knew I should have stayed and let Ali know how I was feeling. I knew she could read me like an open book but this topic was a little more confusing. Even for me.

I wanted to be a father, really bad. I knew I would make a good one. Whenever I babysat my nephew or teammates kids it made me want my own bundle of joy.

After a while I decided to head back home, it was a little after eleven and I didn't know if Ali would he in bed.

There was a plate of food for me on the table but no Ali in sight.

I peeked into the bedroom were she was wrapped up in blankets. The tv was on but I couldn't tell if she was watching it or not. I also hoped she hadn't cried herself to sleep.

I wrapped the food up, placing it in the fridge before climbing in bed beside Ali. Up close I could tell her eyes were shut and her pillow damp.

I silently cursed myself before rolling over to look at the wall.

I fail as a boyfriend.

~

In the morning Ali was in the kitchen, making breakfast.

"Smells delicious," I hugged her around the waist.

She smiled and continued to scramble the eggs.

"What are you doing today?" She asked, turning the stove off.

"Gym with the guys."

She nodded, scooping some eggs onto my plate.

"What are you doing?"

"Probably something with Brit," she shrugged.

"I'm sorry," I looked her dead in the eye now.

I could see she was fighting the tears and I didn't know why, "For what?"

"For last night, for everything, I love you," I took a hold of her hand now.

"You didn't do anything," she shrugged.

"But I left."

"We both just needed to think," She then went into to room, probably to get ready for the day.

I grabbed my gym bag, more aggressively than intended and headed out the door.
Tyler, Brad, Nathan, Milan and Johnny were already there when I got there.

"Soup," Brad hugged me before climbing up onto the bike. A loud rock song was blaring from the speakers over head putting the guys into workout mode.

"Did Ali tell you the news?" Nathan grinned.

I smiled back at him, nodding. I climbed up onto the bike next to Brad and got lost in thought.

I hope that Ali knows I want to be a father and that I would marry her in a heart beat. I'm just afraid that if she doesn't know that she doesn't want to think of the possibility of us creating a family.

"Soup, you okay?" Looch asked when I realized I had stopped pedaling and was most likely staring into space.

"Yeah just got a lot on my mind."

"Well you better clear your head, preseason starts in a couple weeks," Tyler suggested but he wouldn't understand. Tyler was a one night type of guy unless the girl was lucky then he became a two day guy for her.

I rolled my eyes, "You wouldn't get it Segs, this is grown up problems," I teased trying to lighten my mood and make it seem like nothing was bothering me.

A couple of the guys oohed but they knew it was true, "Come on Soup, what's wrong?" Johnny finally asked, seeing right through me. That was one thing about our team, we all knew each other and were closer than you could imagine.

I shrugged, "Ali, me, our relationship. I just love her so much and I feel like I am failing her."

Brad made a gagging sound causing him and Tyler to start chuckling to each other. Both Johnny and I simultaneously threw our towels at them.

"Why do you feel like you are failing her?" Nathan asked.

"Well Tammy is pregnant again, Johnny got married, my little sister who is a year younger than her is getting married and we are just...here."

"Do something about it," Looch offered from his laying position on the weight bench.

"It's not that simple. I don't know how she feels about us anymore, what if I propose and she rejects me? What if she doesn't want to have a family?"

"Well do you want to marry her and have kids?" Johnny asked.

"Of course. I love her more than the world."

"Well than talk to her about it, well find out if she still believes in your relationship and we will be here if you decide to propose and need any help," Nathan smiled as the guys all nodded. Even Brad and Tyler.

And just like that the conversation switched to something to else and I was okay for that. I was lost in thought anyway.

The guys invited me to lunch with them and I couldn't say no, Ali wasn't home and it was the boys.

We settled on the same place we always went to, The Fours. It was just after the lunch rush so it was pretty empty. We were seated more toward the back but still with a good view of the baseball game on TV.

But I was distracted by the blond ponytail waiting a table a few down from us. I thought she quit, she told me she had.

"Hey isn't that Ali?" Tyler leaned over asking me.

I nodded, knowing for sure it was her when she turned around. I pushed myself away from the table making my way over to her a little more quickly than intended but I needed to catch her.

"Ali," I placed my hand on her shoulder, feeling her jump slightly.

"What are you doing here?" She sounded a little nervous. She had no reason to be but she wouldn't look at me.

"The guys and I came here for post practice lunch, the real question is why are you here, I thought you told me you quit?" My voice was now only loud enough for her to here.

"Well," she hesitated, not sure what to say.

"Well what?" I asked, trying my hardest to get her to look at me.

"I have to work, I'll talk to you later about it," She tried to push past me but I caught her arm.

"Ali, you told me you were going to quit this job."

She sighed, "I didn't want to sit at home and just expect you to provide for me. We aren't married and you shouldn't be just handing me money and stuff."

"But I love you and I want too."

"Gregory, that's what husbands do for their wives."

"What about Looch and Brit?" I slipped my hands into my pockets not but ended up taking them out again.

"That's different. We've been having issues and I don't want to fall on my ass if you decide to leave or if I do."

I couldn't believe she had these thoughts. Were our problems that bad?

"Ali, listen I don't plan on leaving. I love you too much," I lifted her chin up to meet her eyes, they were full of sadness now.

"I love you too," She said before turning and making her way to the back .

What had I done? I really needed to fix this and soon.