Even if it Kills Me

"Is he awake?" My cousin, Kouyou, aka Uruha of The GazettE, asked, looking at Kai and I.

I shook my head and lightly brushed a stray hair from Aoi's forehead, which was covered in a sheen of cold sweat.

"He was probably out partying it up after the show last night, again," I muttered, perched on Aoi's bed.

Kai shook his head in worry and sighed. "He's been like this ever since she left him. I warned him that it was just a fling, but he refused to listen. I hate seeing him like this." he said.

"That woman is a leech," added Uruha.

I nodded, remembering the pretty blonde lady that Aoi brought home almost three months before. He was really happy with her. They dated for almost two weeks, when one morning, Ruki complained about hearing sex noises coming from Aoi's bedroom.

Aoi bought her everything she wanted and tended to her every whim. Until, one day, she sent him a picture of her and another guy in bed saying that it was over.

I had never seen Aoi cry until that day.

Ever since then, he kept to himself. He locked himself in his room until we had to physically force him out. He seemed perfectly happy onstage, but as soon as he was backstage, the charade was over.

We were all extremely worried about him, and we all carried a feeling of hatred towards the girl called Kameko, who rendered our lovable guitarist depressed and broken.

"How long do you think he'll be out, this time?" asked Uruha.

"I honestly don't know," I replied. "Hopefully, he'll be up soon. What time is it?"

"Nearly five," came a deep voice that I instantly recognized.

"Hi, Reita," I greeted, smiling at the blonde, whose nose was always covered with his signature noseband.

At that moment, Ruki popped in.

"Maybe we should just let him rest," he suggested.

Kai and Uruha left in agreement. Reita followed. I gently removed myself from his bed, but I didn't leave the room. Instead, I sat in the wooden chair nearby.

Ruki laughed and said, "I should've known that you wouldn't leave, Haruka."

I smiled. "Well, I can't let our poor guitarist wake up alone," I replied.

Ruki smiled, kissed my cheek, and waltzed out of the room, leaving me with a sleeping Aoi.

I sighed. "What am I going to do with you?" I asked no one in particular, when I heard a light chuckle and a slight voice saying, "Well, you could get us something to eat. I'm starving!"

Aoi cracked a smile as I turned to him.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him.

"Hungry," he laughed.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Alright, smartass. Let's go eat."

"Better to be a smartass than a dumbass," he countered, grinning.

I couldn't help but laugh as he leapt out of the bed shouting for Kai's warm blueberry pancakes and rice.

"Haruka!" I heard. "Did you tell him that I would make pancakes for dinner?!"

I laughed and made my way into the kitchen. "I didn't," I answered Kai.

"He probably thinks it's still morning!" I laughed, then lowered my voice and whispered to Kai so the others couldn't hear.

"Please, Kai-chan? He's actually better today and I want to keep him that way."

Kai looked over to Aoi sitting at the table and grinning, waiting for the aroma of Kai's pancakes to fill the room. The look on Kai's face told me that he knew I was right.

But, before Kai could even get the ingredients for he pancake batter, Aoi piped up, "Nevermind, Kai. I think I want to go to the steak house with Haruka, instead."

Good natured Kai just shut the fridge, smiled, and said, "That sounds like a good idea! You two haven't left the house in what seems like ages! Ruki, Reita, Uruha, and I went just yesterday, so it's only fair for you two to go tonight."

"What do you say, Haru-chan?" Aoi asked.

"Sure!" I replied.

And with that, Aoi rushed upstairs and dressed, meeting me in the living room soon after.

Kai laughed, and told us to have fun and eat well, as he shooed us out of the house like he was our mother.

The walk there was uneventful. We talked, and I made sure to avoid topics that might upset him. He was finally happy again, and I wanted him to stay that way.

Right when we got to the restaurant, however, I saw a mop of blonde hair that stood out. I tried to steer Aoi away. I racked my brain desperately for an excuse to get him away from there, but I was too late. She turned around and looked at us. That was all it took to upset Aoi enough to take off running.

"Dammit!" I muttered, as I took off running after him. "Aoi!"

He didn't stop or even listen.

Before long, I lost sight of him in the busy streets of Tokyo.

"Yuu!" I called after him, using his real name. A few of the passerby glared at me, but I only mumbled faint apologies before pushing past them.

My cell phone blasted Cassis countless times in the midst of all the chaos, but I ignored it until I realized it was almost midnight. With no sign of the raven haired Aoi, I gave in. I checked my phone. I had a long history of calls from Kai, Reita, Ruki, and mostly Uruha. I hastily scrolled until I found 'Kouyou' in my contacts and pressed the green button.

I t didn't even ring once when he picked up.

"Haruka! Where are you? Are you okay?!" came Uruha's worried voice.

"Hi to you, too." I muttered sarcastically. "I'm fine, but I'm not sure about Yuu."

Then I proceeded to explain how he had run off when we saw Kameko.

"So, he's gone?!" Uruha asked in shock. I heard a chorus of "What?!" in the background, as well as a recognizable "Where?" from Ruki.

"Yes!" I answered my cousin. "And tell Ruki that I don't know! That's the problem, in case he hasn't noticed!"

"Calm down," Kai said. "You're on speaker phone and you seem very upset. Just come home. Running around Tokyo frantic is not going to help. He'll come home when he's ready. He can take care of himself."

I gave in. Kai was right. I was exhausted.

"Where are you, anyway?" Kai asked. I took in my surroundings and relayed them to him.

"Okay," he said. "Uruha is coming to get you. Don't go anywhere."

"I won't," I promised, before saying goodbye and sliding my phone shut. I was just about to head for the bench by a shop just thirty feet from where I stood, when I felt someone standing nearby.

I turned around and saw a guy about my age. He looked a little familiar, but I didn't think about it at the time.

"Hello," he started. I mumbled a greeting back.

"I just overheard you talking on the phone, and, ano...do you know a person by the name of Yuu Shiroyama?"

I was puzzled by this, but I didn't want to he rude. I answered his question, and tried not to give out too much information throughout our entire conversation.

"Yeah. He's a good friend of my cousin's."

"I see," He mused. "What's your cousin's name?"

"Kouyou," I answered, intentionally leaving out our family name.

"I think I've heard a little about him. So, may I have your name?" he replied.

"Haruka," I answered, uneasy.

"Lovely. I'm Ikuto. Tell me, do you and your cousin share the same surname?"

I was getting a little freaked out, by that point in time.

"Yeah. Takashima," I confirmed, immediately, without thinking about it. I slipped up, and I knew it.

"Fantastic," he replied, smiling.

Suddenly, I saw a figure racing across the street, barely yielding to traffic. I knew exactly who it was.

He was wearing a black baseball cap and black sunglasses, even though it was dark outside. That dork. His 'disguise' didn't fool me. I knew him too well.

"See you soon," Ikuto said, smiling and walking away. I shivered.

"Haruka!" I heard.

"Kouyou!" I answered. "Did Aoi come home?" I asked frantically, causing a bit of a scene in the process.

"Forget about that for now," he said. "Who the hell was that?!" he queried.

I got the feeling that I shouldn't tell Uruha about the stranger who called himself Ikuto. I found it too strange that he asked about Aoi, my cousin, and my family name.

Even though Uruha was my cousin, he was like an overprotective older brother. He tried to fill the hole in my heart where my brother should be.

He went swimming one day, and never returned. He had drowned at the age of 16. I was only 9. I never forgot that day and I never went swimming again.

Uruha and I were very close while we were growing up. After Aiji died, Uruha did everything he could to protect and care for me. He did a good job, but it was only natural for me to want Aiji back.

"Some guy," I answered Uruha. "He wanted directions. I wasn't able to give any good directions, but I did my best. He seemed to appreciate my efforts, though." I lied, hoping I had convinced him.

He raised an eyebrow, but didn't question me, which I was grateful for.

"Let's get home," Uruha said, leading me to the car.

I got in and sank into the cushioned seat as Uruha started the car.

I looked out the window and silently begged Aoi to come home.