It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing...

Tristian's P.O.V

I stared at her back, shocked. It didn't even register at first that she was trying to show me the brand Inbetween her shoulder blades, I just saw all the white streaks in her semi tan skin-scars- and how painful each one must have been. 

" my God..." I murmured when I finally focused on the center piece of the fucked up 'artwork' and read the words 'daddy's favorite'. I wanted to throw up. Who could do this to someone like her? She was so...so...

so what? a voice sneered in my head. I flinched. She was so beautiful, inside and out. No one deserved to be treated like this, especially not her. 

you do. the voice snickered, and I shook my head to clear it.  

"can I..." I asked to distract myself. She nodded stiffly, her gaze straight ahead. I immediately let my fingertips touch a particularly nasty scar that ran beside her spine from the small of her back to the curve of her shoulder blade. I fallowed it with my fingers lightly, and I saw her flinch slightly. I pulled away immediately. 

she doesn't like you touching her. the voice kindly pointed out. Note the sarcasm. 

" what happens when you have these... Flashbacks?" I asked, pulling her shirt back down. She turned to face me slowly, meeting my gaze a moment before looking down. 

she can't even look at you! You're pathetic! I clenched my fists slightly, digging my nails into the skin on the palms of my hands. She rubbed her forehead. " I... I don't know, actually. I feel everything fade away, and then it's like I'm reliving the past. I can't pull away until the memories over. And, like this time, I just kind of go on autopilot while it happens. I don't remember getting in the shower or washing, but I did." I snickered at her. " doesn't smell like it. " I teased. She rolled her eyes, but I could tell she wasn't mad at me. 

"
she would it she saw what you did to yourself this morning, stupid. She'd hate you, the fact that you mutilate yourself on a daily basis and she-

SHUT UP! I screamed in my head. For once it went silent. Usually only the medicine- the medicine I hadn't taken for two consecutive weeks because I had ran out and hadn't filled it again- usually made this fade away. All of it. I sprang from the counter suddenly, making her jump. I grimaced. 

"sorry. Come to Walgreens with me?  I need to pick up a few things. " like my medicine. I was NOT letting something like this ruin the chance of a good friendship with Gracie. She deserved someone who would give their undivided attention anyway, not someone who had to constantly split his attention between psychopathic babbling and her. 

I' m not just going away with the medicine. the voice so kindly pointed out. It was right, too. It always took a few months after I start taking the medicine for the voice to go away completely. Which was bullshit, because the moment I go 24 hours without the medicine, it's back again. 

" Tristian? Are you listening?" Gracie asked in an amused tone. I realized I'd zoned out. See? Exactly what I mean. 

" nope. Lets go!" I laughed, tugging her with me. She tugged me to a halt. " I was SAYING you need to put a jacket or shirt on or something. No shirt no service, remember?" I glanced down. 

"oh. Go eat then. The bakery has a drive thru , so I kinda forgot to change. " I jogged to my room, pulling a hoodie over my bare torso and switching my pajama pants out for some blue jeans. I came out to see her sitting at the table, making fun of Freddy for something. I smiled slightly. 

she'd never look at you like that. You're pathetic. the voice hissed. As if to prove it wrong, she looked up at me and smiled, if anything a warmer smile then what Freddy got. I smiled back, motioning to the door. She stole the doughnut Timmy was aiming for his mouth with and ran out the door. 

"hey! The was mine dammit!" he called after her. Her laughter was heard from the stairwell. I rolled my eyes. " going to the store. "

"and picking up your meds, right? I know it's been awhile since you had them, and don't think I didn't hear you cutting yourself in the bathroom again. Why you do it on your legs I'll never know, but still. You HAVE to stay on your damn meds man." Frank said, rather bluntly. 

see? You still haven't told them about me. You WANT me around. I ground my teeth together, then smiled at Frank. 

" I don't recall you trying to stop me. "

" and have you try and slice me up like you did last time I tried to stop you? No thanks. But seriously, get the drugs man. " Freddie and Timmy where both silently glaring at me. Everyone knew I cut in this house, seeing as how Gracie was now gone. I grabbed my wallet off the counter. "whatever. " I muttered, storming out.