Airplanes

Darien

“Time’s is up. Now take what you just learned and make a conclusion.”

Ricky is a self-centered man. He wants everyone to sulk over him. He demands everyone else’s pity and knows how to get it.

I shook my head. I just gave him a brief summary of my life and he still doesn’t get it. His head is like a brick.

I stepped back into silent anger mode. Nick and Jeremy noticed and they pulled me aside in the hall. I wanted to rip Ricky’s head off. I probably could, if I wanted. But if I rip his head off, dad would be right.

You will never amount to anything! All you do is run around and expect everyone else to cater to you. This ain’t no Destiny’s Child. I wouldn’t be surprised if you went to jail for murder, you little spoiled brat!

He was angry I stood up to my big brother. He was more of a bully than any relative to me. He’d take my money and laugh. I told dad but he’d just laugh and tell me to grow up. I did. Karate classes. Mixed martial arts. I stood up to him and left him hunched over on the floor, crying. In the position I used to.

Aunt Lynn laughed at me. Grandma laughed with her. I was now the outcast of the family. I wasn’t treated the same. In the winter, my big brother would get to sit inside and drink hot chocolate while I was outside shoveling the already shoveled sidewalk and driveway. Then dad would find something for me to do while the family sat inside and enjoyed Christmas.

Run to the store and grab us some beers.

Go outside and wipe the snow off the windows.

Go to Georgia’s house and grab three cases of eggnog.

Run to the store and get all the ingredients for chocolate cookies.

I’d do it all. The family pack mule. At night, my nose would be stuffed and I’d have a fever but no one answered my calls for help. Mom would drop in when dad was too drunk to notice her absence and would clean my snow ripped skin and give me medicine to take care of my cold. Sometimes she’d even let me have some hot chocolate. But the next day, I’d be forced right back into the freezing temperatures.

Jail has nothing on that.

“What is wrong?”

I shook my head. And pulled away from their caring eyes. The hall was a blur. I wasn’t crying, I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. I wished anyone would step in front of me or say something to me so I could pound them. I headed to lunch, not really hungry. Nick and Jeremy were right behind me, prepared to pull me off anyone who stepped in my way.

Nick and Jeremy are the only ones besides mom who know about the abuse. I wouldn’t want to tell Ricky because he will say something that will make my head explode. Nick was always there when school started, she would buy me clothes and shoes with her allowance so I could look decent. As a payment I became her personal tutor. Jeremy was also right there. He is my shrink. If anything gets me too angry, he is right there, already tapping into my reserve of feelings. He also is my backup. Nick is too. If anyone messes with one of us, they mess with all of us and they have to deal with all of us.

We walked through the cafeteria, stopping any conversation we walked past. We aren’t popular, but everyone knows who we are, and they know to respect.

I hate it when I am angry. I seem to be doing everything in slow motion. And I feel like I am watching myself in a movie. Like right now. It’s like I am one of the bystanders watching myself angrily walk past. I could see my own intense hazel eyes burning into anyone they fall on.

We continued out the exit to the outdoor lunch area. We grabbed our table. I sat on top of the table and Nick and Jeremy sat on the benches on either side of me. Again, I felt like I was looking at myself on the other side of the outdoor lunch area.

“What is wrong with you?” Jeremy asked.

“Ricky got on her nerves. It’s amazing how the cute ones are always the ones that make you want to rip them to shreds.”

I looked at Nick. She was right. Ricky isn’t bad looking. But he is a self-centered jerk.

I looked down at my shoes. Nike really isn’t at all as interesting as I am making them.

Jeremy cleared his throat. He seems just as angry as I am.

“What’s up with you, Jeremy?”

He concentrated his black eyes on me. “I feel like a ghost.”

“Are you sick or something?”

“No.”

Nick looked over. “He probably watched Twilight.”

Jeremy would usually choke out a sarcastic laugh or a smile but he just sat there.

“Are you mad at someone?”

He shook his head.

Jeremy is an actor. He has stared in everyone of the school’s plays. The last one was called In the Darkness... Never in the Light. It was about a vampire who went out on a blood spree and ran across a girl who wanted him to kill her. The vampire refused. So the girl followed him, begging him to kill her. He city was undergoing a blackout. The skies were always dark and she was always there. He fell in love with her so he finally killed her but killed himself later. Sure enough, Jeremy was the vampire. His part was so touching, I cried.

“Dude, you are mad at someone, aren’t you?” Accusation dripped from Nick’s voice.

Jeremy looked up at me.

I remember the last time Jeremy got seriously mad at someone. It was when his dad hit his mother. Jeremy turned white then beat the crap out of his father. He beat his own self up for weeks because of the fight. He has never turned that color unless it was a matter relating to his father.

“Does it have anything to do with your father?” My voice was a whisper.

His dark, intense eyes were locked into mines. He nodded.

Nick hadn’t heard. My problems didn’t seem so bad anymore. Jeremy’s abusive dad was back.

“You want to talk about it?’

He shook his head. “I’ll call you later.”

This is one of the reasons Jeremy and I became friends so quickly. We were both abused and we know how it feels to be outcast.

Nick wasn’t abused. Her mother and father are as in love now as they were at the beginning of their marriage. Jeremy fought for his safety as did I.

I hated my dad. He would get drunk and come after me. Sometime during one of his rampages, I vowed that one day I would kill him. Someone beat me to it. A coworker got tired of his games and killed him but then he turned the gun on himself. I would have really wanted to meet him.

Jeremy never liked to fight. He is angrophobic. I have rarely ever seen him get mad to the point of no return. Once at a cookout, he got mad at a dude that flirted with is little sister, Olivia,she said she wasn’t interested in him. The dude didn’t take no for an answer, he started to feel on her, and easily overpowered her. Jeremy and I both tore into that boy. He looked nothing like he did at first. We weren’t happy afterwards, I felt worse. Olivia was shaken but okay. Jeremy vowed not to let himself get that mad anymore. Then the incident with his father happened.

He cried for days after he beat up his father. I felt his pain. His tears never ended. Nick knows nothing about the fight. She only knows about his mother when she got hit. Jeremy asked that I not tell anyone about it. I promised and know one knows.

“So you play a vampire and now you feel like a ghost?” Nick asked.

“It’s no big deal,” he looked at me. “I’ll call you later.”

I nodded. “See you, bro.”

*******

“Can you come over?” Jeremy’s shaking voice was on the other end of the receiver.

“I’ll be right over.”

Jeremy’s dad is back. He is claiming to have changed and Jeremy believes his mom is falling for it.

I made it to is house in five minutes.

“Hey,” his mother greeted happily. I smiled widely at the sight of this woman. She was also there for me during the hard times with my dad. She always had a listening ear. She was abused while she was young, and she shared all those times with me. It will always come right back and bite them right on the butt.

She was right. Within the next few months, mom divorced him, then he was murdered. I thought it was bad to wish death on someone else, but I just couldn’t find myself telling him I was sorry I wished he was dead after he almost turned me into a popsicle during the winter months and a bowl of hot soup in the summer.

I walked out of the cold air into the warm environment of Jeremy’s house.

“JJ is upstairs.”

Olivia walked around the corner and bolted over to me. Her embrace almost knocked me down. She is now eleven and as beautiful as her mother.

“Hey, Liv. How are you?”

“Good,” she let go of my waist.

“I’m about to take her to the mall. Will you make sure Jeremy doesn’t tare the place down?”

Her voice sounded humorous but I had a feeling her words had a double meaning.

I nodded.

“Bye, Air.” Olivia said waving.

“See you.”

I headed up the stairs to Jeremy’s room. He had his hands in his hands. A thick vein was showing on his forehead. He didn’t notice me.

“Don’t stress so much, causes wrinkles.”

He looked up, almost relieved I showed.

“Dad is here. Stopped by today. I almost exploded. Like... I-I was red and I started sweating. I don’t know what it is about that man. I hate him. He hit mom, he doesn’t deserve her, now he just waltzed in our home and is starting to tare everything up.”

I walked over and put an arm around Jeremy’s broad shoulders. He turned and leaned into my shoulder and sobbed. I know what this is like.

Nothing against Nick, but she would probably laugh if she saw Jeremy like this. I stroked his long hair and rubbed his muscular back, just like he did for me when I was left in the snow alone.

“It’s going to work itself out, JJ. I promise.”

He pulled away, his eyes wet and puffy. The thick vein in his forehead had disappeared. “How?”

I looked into his eyes. “Have some faith in your mother. She is a very smart woman and knows what she is doing. She raised you and Liv in those environments and look at you, you are her pride and joy.”

I felt some of his anger melt away. “He just did so much bad. And he still has that scar by his eye. The squiggle.”

The squiggle was what we called the scar beside Jeremy’s dad’s left eye. It’s where Jeremy’s fist slipped off his dad’s face. It tore the skin on his eye. Because it was left untreated, it never healed right.

“Yeah, he knows what happens when he hits your mother again. He is smarter that he looks.”

Jeremy let the words sink in. “What if he isn’t? What if he comes right back here and provokes me? He knows his very presence puts me on end. He knows what to do to get me upset, then he could call the cops and I’ll go to jail.”

My thoughts migrated to Ricky. How self-centered he is. Just like Jeremy’s dad.

“You won’t, remember? You and I reinstated our vow to not allow our selves to get so angry, we go to jail.”

He nodded, seeming to just now remember.

“Jeremy, look, you have so much. There is always a way to protect what is yours without violence. Look at me. I wanted to rip someone’s head off today but I didn’t. I didn’t even curse. You can do it, bro. I believe in you. Plus I am only a phone call away.”

He smiled and nodded. “Thanks. I think maybe you should go. We have been in this room for about an hour. If mom comes home and sees you are still here, she’ll think we were doing a lot more than just venting.”

I smiled and stood. “You and your mother weren’t arguing, were you?’

He looked up. “No.”

“See you.”

“Peace.”

I wonder if peace really comes when you ask.