Blind Photographs

Dear world, please take me over.

I slipped on my glasses and cringed as my eyes suddenly focused everything. The tile fell softly back into place as I made my way down. It hadn’t occurred to me to bring a light, but eventually I’d have to come across someone.

Reclaim me as your own.

It felt like hours before I stopped to take a rest, but it could’ve been any amount of time.

Don’t deny me what I’m asking

We should stop here for tonight. You’ll start walking again when you wake up. Radio Heat suggested. I agreed immediately.

This house is not a home.

It was endless wanderings. Just moving along one edge, stopping to eat, and sleep, and think.
I thought mostly about what I’d done. Lots of things that I wasn’t proud of. The main issue being my inability to put roots down anywhere for too long. That unfortunately wasn’t all of it.

I helped Dr. Speed sell his drugs. I could’ve been killed so many times over, but I never was, by some stroke of luck.

I nearly killed Yellow Yankee. It was an accident, but he still almost died and it was my fault.
After that I was so shaken up that I wanted to die myself. So when the Ghosts went back to the city, it was the perfect time. Too bad they set their guns to stun.

It didn’t end there, for good or bad I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t stay anywhere for too long.

Couldn’t let myself feel like people actually loved me.

Couldn’t make myself believe that I was meant to be here.

I eventually got over the experience with Yellow Yankee. He was fine, that’s what mattered.

But then I started thinking about everything else. These people spent so much time and effort making sure I was alright when they were busy trying to save themselves too.

What had I ever done in return?

It would be easier for them without me, or so I thought.

The fabulous killjoys had changed my mentality, if only slightly. And it absolutely terrified me.
The thing about being back in the city after the first escape, though, was that it was all like a dream. Everything got numbed until you fell asleep. The dreams would come back vividly until everything seemed like a giant nightmare filled with firing guns and standoffs in the sand. You'd break out into a cold sweat and want to drill a hole in your head just to relieve the pressure and confusion.

And even then, when you woke up after it all, you couldn’t remember if it was real or not.