A New Day
one
I feel invisible without you here. Or at least I did before the day we were reunited through that tragic accident. I think it goes something like this.
The room was spinning, the stars were shining, and I was falling. That’s the last thing I remembered before everything went black.
“Liv, baby, can you hear me?” my eyes were opened to the site of a giant blonde man towering over me. I looked at him with my dazed eyes and slowly cringed. He reached for my hand, but I slowly pulled it away. I didn’t know who he was or why he knew my name.
“Who are you?” and just like that, he stormed out of the room. My thoughts were the only things I had left besides myself here in this sterile, white room. There were a few bouquets of flowers adding slight splashes of color, but not enough to brighten the room.
A moment later, my mom was entering the room with a smile on her face. “Olivia, darling, I’m so glad you are awake. We’ve missed seeing those big green eyes. How do you feel, baby?”
“Groggy,” she took my hands and placed them next to my abdomen which I than noticed to be very swollen, almost pregnant looking. “What happened and why am I fat?”
“You don’t remember? Oh, Hun, do you remember Jordan?” I shook my head. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
“I remember picking out my new car, a Chevy Sonic, and graduation from law school.”
“Sweetie, that was three years ago. You’ve been in a coma for only three months.”
“How?”
“Mrs. Staal, how are you feeling?” a graying African American doctor in blue scrubs and a white lab coat asked, entering.
“Who are you talking to?” I asked after a moment.
“Doctor Webber, the last thing she remembers happened three years ago, but she doesn’t remember Jordan.”
“Who is Jordan?”
“That would be me,” the oversized blonde reentered but with a little girl, no more than two years old in his arms.
“Mama!” the girl squealed in my direction and I knew that it was my daughter.
“Sadie, hi, sweetie,” the man holding her, Jordan, I guess, gave me a weird look but set the child on my bed. I wrapped her in my arms as the doctor pulled my mom and Jordan away.
“She doesn’t remember me but she remembers our daughter. How does that work, Doctor Webber?”
“Let me call our neurology consultant and he should be able to answer more questions.” I nodded and turned toward my wife and daughter.
“She remembers graduation but not your wedding which was before. But she remembers Sadie. This is really weird,” her mother commented to me.
“Mom, where’s Daddy?” Liv asked Mel who sighed and walked out of the room, holding in tears. Olivia looked to me.
“Let’s just wait for the doctor to come back,” she nodded and continued to hug and talk to Sadie.
“Mr. Staal, can I speak with you in the hall?” another guy in a white lab coat and blue scrubs asked. I followed him out. “Mr. Staal, I’m Derek Shepherd, the head of neurology here at Seattle Grace. Can you tell me what your wife thinks she remembers?”
“She says she remembers graduating law school, getting her newer car, and our daughter. Oh, and her parents, but not me or the fact that her dad died two years ago.”
“May I go and speak with her?” I nodded and went to follow him in. “Sir, she, at this point does not know you. I think it’s better if you stay here,” defeated, I stayed put.
“Olivia,” I heard my name and looked up at a tall dark haired man in a dark blue set of scrubs and white lab coat. “My name is Derek Shepherd and I’m a doctor here at the hospital. May I ask you a few questions?” with a nod, he started. “Olivia, can you tell me your full name?”
“Olivia Kelly Masters,” I responded quite coolly if I do say so myself.
“What is your daughter’s full name?”
“Sadie Jane Masters,” I let out in a softer voice than before.
“Who is Sadie’s father?”
“I’m not sure,” I breathed out slowly and quietly. I absent mindedly placed a hand on my swollen belly which caused Sadie to move hers there too.
“When is your birthday?”
“June the 1st, 1989.”
“And your daughter’s?” he asked.
“June the 1st, 2014.”
“Do you remember the birthing process of your child?” I looked down at the baby girl in my arms and shook my head.
“Uh…No,” this shocked me the most. How could I remember my daughter but not her father and giving birth to her?
“Do you know how you got here?”
“Not a clue.”
“Do you remember a hockey player by the name of Jordan Staal?”
“I think I do. Actually, I know I’ve heard that name before.”
“Do you know why you have?”
“He plays for Pittsburgh, my favorite team.”
“Alright, I’ll be in the hall with your family. Yell if you need anything at all.” And once again I was left alone with my thoughts, and my daughter.
“Mr. Staal, your wife has a unique form of amnesia. The last five years or so don’t exist except your daughter. I think the best thing right now is to surround her with friends and family, maybe even pictures, to remind her of what her mind cannot. She may or may not ever regain the memories; each case of amnesia is so different. All we can do is hope for the best. I’m going to send Doctor Robbins back up to get vitals now that she’s awake. If you need anything, have a nurse page me.” I shook hands with him and he was leaving us behind.
“Do you want me to take Sadie home for her nap? When I come back I can bring pictures?” Mel asked me.
“That’d be great, I think I’m going to try and talk with her.”
“Good luck, Jordy.” We entered the room together and Mel said goodbye to Olivia and take Sadie home. “Sweetie, I’m going to take Sadie home for a nap. We’ll be back in a couple of hours. Jordan here is going to stay with you.” She looked from me to her mom and was pleading with her eyes to try and get her mom to stay. But Mel wasn’t having any of that. She just swooped up my child from my wife’s arms and kissed her daughter’s head before leaving Olivia and I together in the small room.
“Olivia,” she looked up at me with her big green eyes.
“You’re Jordan Staal,” she simply stated. I nodded. “My daughter looks like you. Are you her father?” again, I nodded.
“You know me, you know our daughter, and do you remember our life together?” she shook her head. “May I sit?” I gestured to the seat I had been in since the first day she was admitted and she nodded. I wiped a hand across my forehead.
“Will you tell me about it? Our life together and maybe I’ll be able to remember.”
“We met your first day of law school. You had just moved into your apartment the night before after coming home from Spain.” I smiled while thinking about the day we met and what she had worn that amazing day four years ago. “You were really jetlagged and just plain exhausted that day, so you wore your brother’s sweatpants, blue with white letters down the leg that read Marines and a really ugly Chicago Blackhawks shirt, a Toews shersy if I remember right.” I smiled and looked down at Liv. “I was visiting my sister-in-law just around the block and we literally ran into each other. We apologized and went our separate ways. But a few weeks later, my sister-in-law set us up together on a blind date. You wore this little black dress and neon pink heels, every man within a mile of you turned to watch you enter the restaurant that night.” She looked so eager to hear more that I just couldn’t stop.
“Lindsay set us up?” she asked quietly.
“You remember Lindsay?” she nodded. “Well, than, she did set us up.”
“She’s really pretty; actually, all your sisters-in-laws are beautiful.”
“You remember Tanya and Shannon?”
“Of course, I was Shannon’s maid of honor,” realizing what those words meant, her eyes turned away from me. I lifted myself from the chair and sat on her beside and forced her to look at me by cupping her chin gently and turning it to me. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, I know you can’t help it. It’s just hard that you remember my brother’s wedding and not ours. May I touch your belly?” with her approval, I protectively rubbed the bump I had created within her just over six months ago now. Her mom and I were just glad we didn’t lose the baby in the accident. “Hi, there, baby. You be nice to your mommy now okay. You’ll be here before we know it,” I whispered to the abdomen of my wife. I looked into her eyes while I spoke. She at least smiled this time.
“Do we know if it’s a boy or girl?”
“No, I didn’t want to know without you. So, if you want to know, we’ll find out.”
“Did we want to be surprised when we had Sadie?”
“Yeah, we did.”
“Than I think we can be surprised again. There’s a lot of gender neutral things these days, right?” I smiled and nodded as I laid my head on her belly. My blue eyes met her green ones. “I wish I could remember. You seem pretty great.”
“We were pretty great. We’ll get there again, I promise you that.”
“Okay.” She smiled and clasped my hand in hers. Right than and there, I didn’t feel so alone. She was trying so hard to remember, but still couldn’t. But she wasn’t giving up.
The room was spinning, the stars were shining, and I was falling. That’s the last thing I remembered before everything went black.
“Liv, baby, can you hear me?” my eyes were opened to the site of a giant blonde man towering over me. I looked at him with my dazed eyes and slowly cringed. He reached for my hand, but I slowly pulled it away. I didn’t know who he was or why he knew my name.
“Who are you?” and just like that, he stormed out of the room. My thoughts were the only things I had left besides myself here in this sterile, white room. There were a few bouquets of flowers adding slight splashes of color, but not enough to brighten the room.
A moment later, my mom was entering the room with a smile on her face. “Olivia, darling, I’m so glad you are awake. We’ve missed seeing those big green eyes. How do you feel, baby?”
“Groggy,” she took my hands and placed them next to my abdomen which I than noticed to be very swollen, almost pregnant looking. “What happened and why am I fat?”
“You don’t remember? Oh, Hun, do you remember Jordan?” I shook my head. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
“I remember picking out my new car, a Chevy Sonic, and graduation from law school.”
“Sweetie, that was three years ago. You’ve been in a coma for only three months.”
“How?”
“Mrs. Staal, how are you feeling?” a graying African American doctor in blue scrubs and a white lab coat asked, entering.
“Who are you talking to?” I asked after a moment.
“Doctor Webber, the last thing she remembers happened three years ago, but she doesn’t remember Jordan.”
“Who is Jordan?”
“That would be me,” the oversized blonde reentered but with a little girl, no more than two years old in his arms.
“Mama!” the girl squealed in my direction and I knew that it was my daughter.
“Sadie, hi, sweetie,” the man holding her, Jordan, I guess, gave me a weird look but set the child on my bed. I wrapped her in my arms as the doctor pulled my mom and Jordan away.
“She doesn’t remember me but she remembers our daughter. How does that work, Doctor Webber?”
“Let me call our neurology consultant and he should be able to answer more questions.” I nodded and turned toward my wife and daughter.
“She remembers graduation but not your wedding which was before. But she remembers Sadie. This is really weird,” her mother commented to me.
“Mom, where’s Daddy?” Liv asked Mel who sighed and walked out of the room, holding in tears. Olivia looked to me.
“Let’s just wait for the doctor to come back,” she nodded and continued to hug and talk to Sadie.
“Mr. Staal, can I speak with you in the hall?” another guy in a white lab coat and blue scrubs asked. I followed him out. “Mr. Staal, I’m Derek Shepherd, the head of neurology here at Seattle Grace. Can you tell me what your wife thinks she remembers?”
“She says she remembers graduating law school, getting her newer car, and our daughter. Oh, and her parents, but not me or the fact that her dad died two years ago.”
“May I go and speak with her?” I nodded and went to follow him in. “Sir, she, at this point does not know you. I think it’s better if you stay here,” defeated, I stayed put.
“Olivia,” I heard my name and looked up at a tall dark haired man in a dark blue set of scrubs and white lab coat. “My name is Derek Shepherd and I’m a doctor here at the hospital. May I ask you a few questions?” with a nod, he started. “Olivia, can you tell me your full name?”
“Olivia Kelly Masters,” I responded quite coolly if I do say so myself.
“What is your daughter’s full name?”
“Sadie Jane Masters,” I let out in a softer voice than before.
“Who is Sadie’s father?”
“I’m not sure,” I breathed out slowly and quietly. I absent mindedly placed a hand on my swollen belly which caused Sadie to move hers there too.
“When is your birthday?”
“June the 1st, 1989.”
“And your daughter’s?” he asked.
“June the 1st, 2014.”
“Do you remember the birthing process of your child?” I looked down at the baby girl in my arms and shook my head.
“Uh…No,” this shocked me the most. How could I remember my daughter but not her father and giving birth to her?
“Do you know how you got here?”
“Not a clue.”
“Do you remember a hockey player by the name of Jordan Staal?”
“I think I do. Actually, I know I’ve heard that name before.”
“Do you know why you have?”
“He plays for Pittsburgh, my favorite team.”
“Alright, I’ll be in the hall with your family. Yell if you need anything at all.” And once again I was left alone with my thoughts, and my daughter.
“Mr. Staal, your wife has a unique form of amnesia. The last five years or so don’t exist except your daughter. I think the best thing right now is to surround her with friends and family, maybe even pictures, to remind her of what her mind cannot. She may or may not ever regain the memories; each case of amnesia is so different. All we can do is hope for the best. I’m going to send Doctor Robbins back up to get vitals now that she’s awake. If you need anything, have a nurse page me.” I shook hands with him and he was leaving us behind.
“Do you want me to take Sadie home for her nap? When I come back I can bring pictures?” Mel asked me.
“That’d be great, I think I’m going to try and talk with her.”
“Good luck, Jordy.” We entered the room together and Mel said goodbye to Olivia and take Sadie home. “Sweetie, I’m going to take Sadie home for a nap. We’ll be back in a couple of hours. Jordan here is going to stay with you.” She looked from me to her mom and was pleading with her eyes to try and get her mom to stay. But Mel wasn’t having any of that. She just swooped up my child from my wife’s arms and kissed her daughter’s head before leaving Olivia and I together in the small room.
“Olivia,” she looked up at me with her big green eyes.
“You’re Jordan Staal,” she simply stated. I nodded. “My daughter looks like you. Are you her father?” again, I nodded.
“You know me, you know our daughter, and do you remember our life together?” she shook her head. “May I sit?” I gestured to the seat I had been in since the first day she was admitted and she nodded. I wiped a hand across my forehead.
“Will you tell me about it? Our life together and maybe I’ll be able to remember.”
“We met your first day of law school. You had just moved into your apartment the night before after coming home from Spain.” I smiled while thinking about the day we met and what she had worn that amazing day four years ago. “You were really jetlagged and just plain exhausted that day, so you wore your brother’s sweatpants, blue with white letters down the leg that read Marines and a really ugly Chicago Blackhawks shirt, a Toews shersy if I remember right.” I smiled and looked down at Liv. “I was visiting my sister-in-law just around the block and we literally ran into each other. We apologized and went our separate ways. But a few weeks later, my sister-in-law set us up together on a blind date. You wore this little black dress and neon pink heels, every man within a mile of you turned to watch you enter the restaurant that night.” She looked so eager to hear more that I just couldn’t stop.
“Lindsay set us up?” she asked quietly.
“You remember Lindsay?” she nodded. “Well, than, she did set us up.”
“She’s really pretty; actually, all your sisters-in-laws are beautiful.”
“You remember Tanya and Shannon?”
“Of course, I was Shannon’s maid of honor,” realizing what those words meant, her eyes turned away from me. I lifted myself from the chair and sat on her beside and forced her to look at me by cupping her chin gently and turning it to me. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, I know you can’t help it. It’s just hard that you remember my brother’s wedding and not ours. May I touch your belly?” with her approval, I protectively rubbed the bump I had created within her just over six months ago now. Her mom and I were just glad we didn’t lose the baby in the accident. “Hi, there, baby. You be nice to your mommy now okay. You’ll be here before we know it,” I whispered to the abdomen of my wife. I looked into her eyes while I spoke. She at least smiled this time.
“Do we know if it’s a boy or girl?”
“No, I didn’t want to know without you. So, if you want to know, we’ll find out.”
“Did we want to be surprised when we had Sadie?”
“Yeah, we did.”
“Than I think we can be surprised again. There’s a lot of gender neutral things these days, right?” I smiled and nodded as I laid my head on her belly. My blue eyes met her green ones. “I wish I could remember. You seem pretty great.”
“We were pretty great. We’ll get there again, I promise you that.”
“Okay.” She smiled and clasped my hand in hers. Right than and there, I didn’t feel so alone. She was trying so hard to remember, but still couldn’t. But she wasn’t giving up.