Flux and Flow

I am 23 years old and divorced. I have never felt more ashamed in my life. I felt like a failure because I felt like I never really gave my husband a chance. That was one part of me. The other part of me was relieved that I could do what I wanted to do. I was free to be the person I wanted to be. I was never myself with Tyler, my husband. It was like walking on eggshells when I was with him.

When we decided to get divorced, I packed up my things and hopped on a plane to England. I had always wanted to live here. I had been fascinated with the United Kingdom ever since I was six years old. I don't know why, I just loved it.

I'm Olivia Madonna MacYale. Yes, Madonna. My mom was obsessed with Madonna in the 80's. Worshipped her might even be a better word.

All I ever wanted in my life was to be accepted. I didn't mind being married so young. Tyler and I married when we were 20. All I wanted was to love and be loved. I didn't care about money all that much, just as long as I was loved. I suppose I was naive and had issues about love ever since my father had died when I was younger. I never really knew him, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt me. The worst was when my mother died a year after I got married. It was just something I never recovered from.

Now here I sit in a garden in Surrey, United Kingdom, doing what I do best. Making dull things look beautiful. Pink flowers here, yellow ones over there, and the pretty purple ones to the left. I became a landscaper about a year ago. My mother had loved gardening and after she died I picked it up as a way to stay close to her.

I gave up on a lot after my marriage ended and after my mother died. I gave up on the idea of love. What had it brought me? Divorce, death, loneliness and isolation. I had given up on the idea of God. Why would all of this have to happen to me? What had I done to ever deserve to have all this shit thrown at me? Mom always said that God had a bigger plan for everyone. I'd sure like to know what the fuck mine is.

Some people had told me that my moving to the U.K was me starting over. That's what they had told me at my going away party. I had tons of people come up and tell me that they were so proud of me for taking all the things that had gone bad in my life and move forward to start over.

I had really just come to the U.K in hopes to die off slowly. I had given up entirely. If I died here I would be fine. If I died of a broken heart, alcohol poisoning, food poisoning or being hit by a double decker bus I would be okay with it. Hell, I hoped for it.

i sighed and stood up. I carried some of gardening tools back to my truck. I opened the back of the flatbed and was greeted with some soil and more tools falling at my feet.

"Just fucking kill me," I growled, looking up at the sky.

"I think it'd be better if I just helped you," Came a British male's voice behind me. I was about to turn around and tell him that I wasn't in the mood for his cheekiness. I was going to turn around and glare at him to let him know that I wasn't interested. That was until I saw him.

Hello, beautiful stranger. He was tall with obviously bleached hair. He had a beautiful jawline and this smouldering look that just screamed "bad". He wore just jeans and a tight white t-shirt. He was covered in tattoos and I was somehow attracted to that.

"I can't go to jail for, can I?" He smiled, bending down and picking up some of my tools.

"Thank you," I smiled, kneeling down as well. "And no, you can't go to jail for helping."

"I'm Dan Flint," He stated, extending a hand to me.

"Olivia MacYale," I nodded, shaking his head.

"Nice to meet you Olivia," Dan smiled. "American?"

"Is it that obvious?" I laughed softly.

"Just a little," He nodded. "Where from?"

"Ohio," I replied.

"You're far from home Miss. MacYale," Dan stated, sweeping his hands together once he helped me put some of the soil back in the bag.

"Needed a change," I smiled back at him. My face started to cramp, I can't remember the last time I smiled.

"Well, I certainly hope you find the change you're looking for. Have a good day," Dan smiled. "It was nice meeting you."

"You, too! Thank you!" I called as he walked away. He turned around and gave a small wave before keeping on his walk.

Okay, so maybe I would avoid double decker buses for a while. I needed to find out who this man was. This beautiful stranger.