Flux and Flow

Slow had been our intention. We had planned on taking our relationship very, very slowly. Go on a few dates, talk, get to know one another. We had planned on going out for dinners, lunches, go to some movies, go and see some bands play. Well, that was our plan.

You have to understand that was our intention, that was definitely my intention. It's Dan. I blame him entirely. He's just so gorgeous, so perfect, so smart and funny. We spent hours together. Days, even. We would go out, have dinner, go to whoever's house was closest and stay there.

I had always moved quick. My first husband and I hadn't been dating that long before we got engaged. Hell, I basically told Dan my entire life story the first time we "hung out" together.

A part of me was scared for this relationship with Dan. I was used to moving fast and not having it work out. I wasn't ready to risk losing Dan, but I couldn't control myself around him. My inability to restrain myself was beginning to frighten me. I was trying hard not to pull away and to slow us down. When we were apart I knew that we had to slow down, but when we were together it was all I could do to leave him alone for five minutes.

...

Dan and Olivia laid in her unmade bed watching movies. Dan laid in just his boxers while Olivia wore just his shirt. Olivia laid with her legs across his lap and her back resting against the wall. Dan ran his fingertips up and down her legs. He smiled as tiny bumps rose up on her skin beneath his touch.

They had only been together about a month, but they spent all day together. Sometimes they spent an entire day together and didn't speak. They didn't have to. They just knew what the other person was thinking.

Dan looked over at her and summoned her over to him with his fingers. Olivia obliged and crawled over to him. Dan pulled her onto his lap and held her hips.

"What's on your mind, love?" Dan asked, rubbing her thighs. "You've been weird all day."

"I'm always weird," Olivia joked, smiling.

"Besides your weird, normal self." Dan laughed. "You just seem off. You all right?"

"I guess I'm just scared I'm getting in over my head with you," Olivia sighed, tracing over the tattoos on his biceps.

"In over your head? We just started dating," Dan replied, pushing his shirt up over her thighs.

"And we said we'd go slow," Olivia replied. "What we are isn't slow."

"What about us isn't slow? We're not moving in together, we're not getting married, we're not in love yet. We're just seeing each other," Dan shrugged.

"Sleeping together?" Olivia replied, not looking at him.

"That's what this is about? The fact that we've had sex?" Dan asked. "Darling, that doesn't matter. We're both consenting adults, it shouldn't be an issue."

"You're not scared it will ruin us?" Olivia asked.

"Not at all," Dan replied, shaking his head. "If you're worried about it we won't have sex for a while."

"No," Olivia whined, holding onto his shoulders.

"Then what do you want from me, love?" Dan laughed, pulling her closer.

"I don't know," Olivia sighed. "I guess I just want to be sure that we'll be okay. I really like you."

"I really like you, too." Dan smiled, a hand in her hair and pulling her face closer to his.

"I don't want to give up sex with you," Olivia smiled, pressing her forehead to his.

"Good," Dan laughed. "I wasn't ready to give it up."

"Look," Dan stated, rubbing the back of her neck. "I can't promise you forever. I can't even promise you a year, I can't promise you any sort of timeframe with this, love. All I can promise you is that right now, in this moment, I like spending time with you. I think you're a fun girl, we have a lot in common and we work together. Let's focus on today and not what we'll feel tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Olivia replied. "I can agree to that."

"Dan," Olivia smiled as he kissed her. She fell into him, her hands on his chest.

"Do you promise me you'll get out of your head?" Dan asked. "Stop worrying about things that don't matter right now and just stay here in this moment. Have sex with your boyfriend."

"What makes you think I want to do that?" Olivia smiled.

"I'm psychic," Dan smirked, wrapping an arm around her waist and flipping her onto her back. He caught himself on his other hand, holding himself up above her.

"Are you with me?" Dan asked after a few minutes of kissing. "You're not in your head?"

"I'm with you completely," Olivia nodded.

Dan hoped he had done even a little something to bring Olivia out of her mind. He didn't want her to think bad things about them and ruin them simply by bad thoughts and irrational fears. He liked this. He could love her one day. He didn't want them to fail either.