Flux and Flow

Dan laid awake all night, wondering if he had made the right decision. He did love Olivia, but he wanted to hear her say it to him. He wanted to know that she loved him. It was what he needed. He wouldn't compromise, even if it meant hurting her feelings a little.

He rolled onto his left side and looked at the spot where she would have been laying had he let her stay the night. It was cold and empty. He wanted to call her, tell her to come over, but he wouldn't. He knew he had to stand his ground. He had given up too easily to other women before, and he had been stomped on.

"Honey," Came his mother's voice, making him practically hit his ceiling he jumped so high.

"You scared the hell out of me!" Dan gasped, sitting upright in bed. He rubbed his face and then looked at the doorway where his mother stood.

"I can't sleep. You're thinking is keeping me up," She smiled softly.

"Sorry, Mum." Dan sighed, tugging at his hair. "I can't stop thinking about Olivia."

"That's nothing new," She smiled.

"I kind of got angry with her," Dan sighed.

"Oh, Daniel." His mother sighed. "About what?"

"She said she was in love with me, but she couldn't say 'I love you' to me," Dan stated.

"I'm confused," She stated. "She already said that she loved you. What does difference does it make the way it came out?"

"It matters to me!" Dan replied. "I need to hear it!"

"Why, Dan? Why do the words 'I love you' matter so much? Why not 'you mean the world to me'? Or 'I adore you'? I've heard Olivia say those words to you a million times," His mother stated. "What's so special about 'I love you'?"

"I love you' puts them all to shame. When she says 'I love you' it tells me that there's no one else for her, it tells me that she wants to be with me and I'm who makes her happy. I'm the one that she wants to share everything with. Everything else just doesn't measure up," Dan shrugged.

"Maybe you should tell Olivia that," His mother stated, and then turned to go back to her bedroom.

Dan sighed and laid back down in his bed. He knew what he had just told his mother is what he should have told Olivia, but he wasn't thinking when they were fighting. He was so caught up in the fact that she wouldn't tell him 'I love you'.

Dan rolled over and cuddled up in his bed, trying to get some sleep before leaving the next morning. After hours of tossing and turning Dan finally got a bit of sleep.

...

Olivia laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling all night. She was thinking about Dan and love. She also briefly thought about Tyler and their relationship. She had, obviously, loved Tyler, but she had never stopped to think about what 'love' meant. She had just assumed the way she felt was love, yet she was so eager to divorce him after his infidelity. She hadn't even tried to reconcile.

Love. What in the hell did that word even mean? It was such a loaded word. It could mean thousands of different things and that confused the hell out of Olivia. Since she had been on her own she worked on staying alive, now that she was with Dan all she could think of was what 'love' truly was.

The panic set in and Olivia's body began to overheat. She didn't know what love was, so how was she so sure she loved Dan? What did it all mean? Why wasn't there one concrete definition?

It struck fear in her heart that she didn't know for sure. It was as if every other relationship took her love from her and now she had to start over again. She had been alone for so long that she didn't bother to realize what love was or wasn't anymore. How did she know she was in love? She didn't. She just felt it when she was with him.

She hated being away from him. She knew that she needed to become her own person when she was away from him, but it wasn't all that easy. She was trying so hard and sometimes the anxiety just hit her like a sack of bricks.

Olivia got up and pulled on pants, leaving on the shirt of Dan's she was wearing. She grabbed a jacket and slipped on her shoes, running out of the door. She took off down the street, running towards Dan's. She ran through the front gate and then went to the front door, ringing the bell incessantly.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Dan asked, then immediately panicked. "Are you all right?"

"Dan, I love you." Olivia stated.

"Vee, I love you too, but don't you think calling me and telling me that a more civilized time would have been a little more- I don't know- logical?" Dan laughed lightly.

"No! I had to say it now, because I've figured something out for the time being and I have to tell you before I lose it again!" Olivia replied.

"Okay," Dan stated, a little lost. "What did you figure out?"

"What 'love' is," Olivia stated. "It just kind of came to me. For so long I thought that love was what movies were based on, and that's not the case. I mean maybe some people's love is, but our's isn't and that's okay. I actually prefer it this way."

"You've lost me," Dan replied.

"You're my best friend," Olivia continued. "I can tell you anything and everything. The things I like, don't like, am afraid of, love and hold close to me. You don't judge, you just listen. You offer me your opinion and don't mind if I don't follow it, but I listen to it. You hold my hand and pull me up, but you always make sure that I'm the one who walks forward. You're the only person who has tried to help me, but made sure that I could do it on my own."

"I don't just love you because of the way you look, the way you smell, the way you smile. I love you for who you are, to the little flaws to the big flaws and right down to the perfections," Olivia smiled.

"I know you do, ba-"

"Shh!" Olivia silenced him. "I'm not done."

Dan laughed and let her go on.

"I went on the internet and I looked up all these definitions of what love was and I hated them all. None of them made any sense to me because they never described what we have and it upset me," Olivia continued once more. "I thought that because maybe I didn't think about you all the time and I didn't see hearts everywhere that I wasn't in love and then I realized that definition is total bullshit. Hearts everywhere? Come on. What am I? Eleven?"

Dan laughed and continued to listen to her. He loved her banter and that she had finally come to terms with the way that she felt.

"I love you because I accept you for who you, the good and the bad. I can see passed the bad and try to help you if that's what you want, or I can embrace it. I don't care. No, I didn't see hearts everywhere. I think about you a great deal, but I have enough of a brain to go and do my own thing and that's okay. It doesn't mean I love you any less it just means that I have my own independence and I know what works for me!" Olivia stated.

"Are you done?" Dan smiled.

"Yes,"

Dan laughed and pulled her in, kissing her.

"And you know sometimes I'll have good days and bad days and I accept that!" Olivia mumbled mid-kiss.

"Vee, I get it. Just shhh for a moment," Dan laughed, going back to kissing her.

They stood on the front porch of the Flint house in the hours of the early morning. Dan had to leave for tour in a few hours, but he didn't mind. He was happy to spend it on the porch kissing Olivia.

"I love you," Olivia whispered.

"I love you, too." Dan smiled.