Walking Backwards

Beep… beep….. beep-beep… Why has my alarm clock gotten so annoying? I don’t remember it sounding like that at all? I squeeze the fabric of my bed. This doesn’t feel right either; it’s not soft and plushy. The fabric is now scratchy almost. I try to open my eyes, but the spinning of the room makes me shut them immediately.

Words. I heard words, but they sound so distant and so fuzzy. Like when I would watch an old t.v and the channel would go out and there would be nothing but white silence, I think it’s called. Again I don’t remember having a tv in my room—actually I don’t remember coming home from school yesterday.

There’s a throbbing in my head, it hurts. I try to open my eyes again and my vision is overcome by a sudden and blinding white light. It envelops me and I squint so I can look around. A white room. That’s where I am, on a white bed, with white blankets. The gown I am is gray and almost feels like something made from paper.

The buzz of someone speaking feels my ears again and my eyes dance around the room looking for the source. It’s Edward; he’s standing to the left of me. His hands clenched tightly to the railing as he’s looking at me. His amber eyes sullen and almost a black color, something I have never seen before. I can see the quiver on his lips as he speaks, yet I can’t understand the words that are coming out of his mouth.

Biting on my lip I reach up to my ears. From whatever happened, have I gone deaf? Have I lost partial hearing and from now on everyone will sound like a broken radio? I don’t want to not be able to hear. My heart beat quickens, my breath becomes shallow. Edward’s words are louder and I shake my head.

My hands come in contact with where my ears are supposed to be, but there’s some type of bandage. Before I can stop myself, I can hear myself stammer. “Shit, I’ve lost my fucking ears.”

My hands are pushed away and Edward holds my face as his thumb slips up under the bandages and lifts them up. “You haven’t lost them.” He chuckles softly as he pulls his hands back. His voice is audibly clear now without any distortion.

“Oh thank God,” I grab at my chest where my heart would be. I heard Edward flop down in a chair by my bed.

“You had me worried…” he sighed loudly. Why? I don’t even know where I am or how I got here. I’ve never seen Edward look so out of shape. His hair was a mess, his eyes were dark, and his clothes were all wrinkled up.

Pushing my hands, palm against the bed, I tried to sit up. Needles shot through my body and the breath was snatched from my lungs. Edward was by my bed in a flash. “What the hell did I do,” I wheezed while looking up at the dreadfully boring ceiling.

“You don’t remember anything?” he asked quickly.

Anything… I don’t remember anything I was at class and I think I remember getting into the car. “No, it’s all so blurry.” I was going to rub the bridge of my nose to try and stop the headache that had bedded itself in the front of my face, but it hurt to just touch my nose. “Why does everything hurt so badly?” I whined as I poked my cheek repetitively. I would then proceed by saying ow, each and every time.

“Well, you left the house and you were involved in a car accident.” Edward looked away shamefully. That’s right, I can remember now. I was mad with Edward for some reason and then I remember being in the car—dark—turning up the music then nothing. It was still choppy.

I held my arms out in front of me; I had ugly green bruises everywhere from whatever I had hit. I’m guessing my face made friends with the steering wheel. How could I have been so careless? One thing everyone should know is if you are mad you should not drive or at least drive with other distractions.

I felt down my chest and I could feel even more wraps. It seems I really messed up this time. I can only imagine… oh my god. “Oh no, no, no, no, no!” I dug my teeth into the bottom of my lip as I looked forward, eyes going wide.

“What is it?” Edward asked frantically as he leaned close to me, probably thinking I was in some kind of pain.

“I did it… I really did it didn’t I?” A quiver shot through my lip. “My car… my baby… she’s dead isn’t she? Mangled on the side of the road somewhere—abandoned and alone while dying…” I was being over dramatic in a sense…

“Yeah, it was a complete mess… We don’t know how you made it.” Edward was scratching the back of his head agitatedly.

“From the feel of things, I don’t know how either.” I sighed while closing my eyes. My car is gone. It was my only means of an escape; it’s where I went when things were bad. Now what am I going to do. “What am I going to do…”

“What are you going to do?” Edward repeated.

“Wait, you can read my mind?” I asked quizzically.

“No… you said it.”

“Oh,” I mumbled. “My car, I know it’s silly just meant a lot to me.”

“Even after how you got it?” My eyes instantly filled with tears as I looked up at him. Again my heart started to pound, and a slight ring in my ears began; my temper was rising.

“W-Why…” the cracking from my teeth could be heard as I grinded them together, a mix of emotions swimming across my face as I didn’t know whether to throw things at him or not.

“Wait… I didn’t mean to say that, Jacey I’m sorry it’s just been hard—“

“What’s been hard?” I folded my arms over my chest the best way I could without being insanely uncomfortable.

“Just… stuff, I am really sorry—about everything about two weeks ago, about saying that and how I’ve been acting.” His hand was cold against my bruised face as he caressed my cheek gently.

“Two weeks?” I asked weekly while closing my eyes. All ounce of anger and hurt vanishing from the wells of my being. A quaky breath escaped from my parched lips.

“That’s how long you’ve been here.” The pain in his voice made me want to double over and hide from all existence. I didn’t want him to feel that way, especially not over me. I don’t deserve someone like him… I really don’t. He leaned down to kiss my other cheek but just as he was about to I turned my head and our lips met.

It was short, but long enough to send different kinds of shock down through my body; it felt as though I could even shoot some of the electricity out through my fingertips. My eyes were still closed as he pulled back, a ghost of a smile sweeping across my face.

“That wasn’t very nice.”

“Oh, I thought it was very sweet, if I do say so myself.” I grinned up at him, his face had relaxed if only slightly.

“Don’t go tooting your own horn.” He smirked.

“If I don’t who else will?”

“Well, I could always toot it for you.” He leaned in dangerously close again, my air of confidence replaced with shy anxiety. In my head I was screaming for him to kiss me again.

“Did you know that aweso means penis in Spanish?” I blurted. If my face wasn’t already hurting I probably would have bashed it into the wall several times for being so stupid. Why oh why do I have to keep doing that? He tries to be seductive and I respond by being ridiculously awkward. Do I have no control over myself? Is all hope lost? Am I doomed to be seductively awkward for the rest of my feebly little life?

Edward stood erect. Fighting his urge to laugh and point at me. I don’t even want to know what he was thinking in that head of his because I know it would be right. I know he now has the right to make fun of me. I don’t even know why I said it… I don’t even know Spanish! Well… with exception to grande burrito…

I want to know what goes through my head sometimes… because obviously things bypass my brain and head straight for an oral exit. They don’t even need my permission… I just don’t know…

“Pene is penis in Spanish.” Edward smirked while crossing his arms over his strong chest.

“Oh of course a vampire would know.” My eye glimmered.

“What do you mean by that?” he narrowed his eyes at me.

“Well, a specialty is sucking so—“

“Don’t go there Jewlz.” He mocked being offended as I smirked up at him the best that I could.

“You started it.” I rolled my eyes.

“I didn’t bring up the penis topic.” Just as that left his mouth a nurse came in. A look of shock passed over her withered face as she looked from me to Edward. Oh if Edward could blush I bet it would be right now. Disturbance was clear across the woman’s face. She hobbled over to me, a slight limp. Her blonde wire-like hair was pulled up into a tight bun, her green eyes set right above her crooked nose.

“Ms. Payne… it’s good to see that you’re up.” She smiled, still unsure of what to make about the conversation she had just heard.

“Thank you.” I muttered, a blush still tainting my normally pale cheeks.

“I’ve brought some medicine—“

“Hell no.”

“Jewlzie!” Edward hissed.

“I mean, hell no, thank you anyway.” Edward shook his head as he went to the opposite side of the room, burying his face in his hands. His back was turned to us.

“I’m Nurse Gale, I’ll be your nurse and you have got to take this medicine.” Her voice was stern, like she was scolding a child. She held out a little cup. My lips pursed together as I shook my head. “I can always go and find these in the form of a shot, and trust me they sting.”

“Ew,” I grumbled while taking it from her hands. I glared at Edward’s back, from the shaking I could tell he was laughing quietly. Nurse Gale also gave me a cup of water. I overturned the cup of pills in my mouth, I didn’t take them one by one—which shocked the nurse. I chugged the water and then gave back both empty containers.

“Good girl.” She smiled—more like a smirk of pure evil. I heard the door click as she walked out.

“I hate hospitals.” I grumbled as I pulled the cover over my chest, still pouting.

“Don’t be such a baby.” Edward went to his chair to sit down.

“Don’t be such a pedophile.” Edward rolled his eyes at my childish mockery. A dreadful few moments of silence passed and I started to get very sleepy. I yawned loudly while adjusting in the bed, trying to find a comfortable way to nestle into my blankets.

“I’m sorry those beds aren’t the best to sleep in.”

“It’s fine. Edward?” I asked as I rubbed at my eyes.

“Yes, Jewlzie.”

“Why are your eyes different colors?” I could see him through the holes in the railing. I heard him sigh again, rearranging himself in his chair.

“I haven’t fed in a while.” He looked out the window that he was sitting by. The view was non-existent; it was of the parking lot which was littered with only a handful of cars, unless you were interested in a broken lamp, which was also out there.

“Because of me?” I asked, once again feeling guilty. He nodded his head, feeling my gaze on him he knew that he didn’t have to speak. “Well, I’m fine now so you should go.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone.” He looked at me seriously.

“I’ll be fine; I’ll probably be in here until you get back.” I smiled reassuringly, or at least I was attempting to.

“Yeah but… I shouldn’t have left you alone in the first place. Then this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Are you serious? You are really going to try and take the blame for this?” Again he nodded his answer, he opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off. “Edward Cullen, you are not to blame. I was being careless; this is not your fault whatsoever. You being silly is going to cause something bad to happen, so go and “feed”. I will be fine, I promise I will try my hardest not to die of absolute boredom.”

He walked over to me and took my hand in his, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it gently. “You promise?” I smiled as I nodded.

“Plus, I bet it’s not going to be fun watching me be doped up 24/7.” His smile was forced, his body needed something yet he was trying to basically starve himself, and I was not going to let that happen, because if he lost control he would regret it. He regrets even the thought so I would hate to see how he would act.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He smiled and kissed my lips softly. I nodded my head as a medicated sleep began to drag me from my consciousness. I mouthed bye and then he left with that left my feeling of safety and the feeling of being watched again came back yet… I couldn’t look around, the need to sleep was too strong.