Walking Backwards

I was super happy as I headed to my next class. On top of it snowing, Edward and I are on talking terms! Talking terms, can you imagine? I’m so glad that he doesn’t hate me; I mean it is just one person but I’m still happy. I was practically skipping to my next class. Yes, it doesn’t take much at all to make me happy.

“Were you and Edward actually… talking?” Mike approached me, shock clearly seen on his face.

“I know I almost had a heart-attack, I mean… who wants to talk to me?” I started to pout a little as I stated sarcastically.

“I didn’t mean that,” He rolled his eyes, “So, are you still in?” He asks about the snowball war. I stop dead in my tracks and stare at him.

“Boy, who do you think I be?” I ask in a gangster accent, cause we all know that short white people make the best gangsters, can I get an amen up in hurr? No… well moving on.

“What…” He was baffled that a 5’3” foot, white as snow person was actually acting black.

“Gee… you people are going to have a hard time getting accustomed to me, huh?” I laugh a bit. “But to put it in simple terms, duuh,” I toss my hands in the air. As if I would suddenly decide not to.

“Simple terms… Who are you calling a simpleton?” He feigned offended.

“You,” I stick out my tongue and run in the opposite direction. The chase was on!

“Hey~ Come back here,” he yells after me pretending to be mad. We both knew he wasn’t, possibly because he couldn’t stop smiling?

“Nevuh,” I turn my head and yell as I continue running. Oof, I fall back after bumping into someone. “Oops, I am so sorry, so sorry,” I say sheepishly and look up at who I ran into. Oh Edward dear, I mused in my head. After I smirked up at him I took off running again, couldn’t let Mike catch me.

“Miss Payne,” I heard a teacher call my name, “No running in the halls.”

“I’m so sorry Ma’am, you see… the Mexican mafia is after me.” I was making up some weird excuses, but anything to get what I wanted, which was a distraction.

“Excuse me…” The teacher asked as some of the students that were around us laughed loudly.

Gym was ok, I guess you could say. I mean gym could only get so good. I don’t see the point of a class like this, I mean shouldn’t we be studying things that will help us in the future. I mean, I don’t see a zombie out-break coming any time soon, so… this class is very pointless to me. I could at least reason why some of the other classes were alright. It seemed as though we were stuck on volleyball, it rained 10/8 days so what we did usually had to be kept to indoors. Yes, I know 10/8 is incorrect, but it rains a lot in Forks… I’m surprised we haven’t all drowned…

I wasn’t really paying attention, just thinking to myself as usually when a ball hit me square in the back. I turned around to see who it was. This girl obviously can’t serve… wait, hey I hit her in the head last week and she freaking glared at me! Better meet me in the ally tonight… wait, this isn’t the city. I take a few deep breaths and the bell finally rung, I guess you could call it a bell, I am still debating that.

I changed and walked outside. My heart nearly broke in two. “Damn,” I sighed while walking over to my car. Oh of course, this had to be the work of Lady Luck! I swear she has it out for me, and I don’t even know why.

“Jewlzie… it’s… it’s canceled, everything…” Mike yelled, coming up to me practically bawling like a baby who just had its favorite binky snatched away from him. Seemed Mike was looking forward to it even more than I was which was seriously hard to believe.

“Geez, Mike, tough ‘n’ up… Though, this does really suck ass…” Even my mood had faltered ever so slightly. I looked around at the melting snow, but hey I even love this kind of weather. Then all of a sudden, guess what, it started to rain. I sigh as I get out my least favorite binder, trig, and hold it above my head as I walk to my car. Honestly, why does it rain so much? I slide in my car and turn up my car, blaring Dear Whoever. I pulled out and started my ever so exciting drive home.

Pulling into the drive way, I noticed another car, Vincent’s car. This is the first time he’s been home when I got home… Then my heart starts pounding against my chest as I realize something. “Oh god, I forgot to lock the door.” I cautiously got out of my car and apprehensively started to approach the house. I open the door slowly and peak my head in. “Vincent, please let me explain.”

“Jace… mmm Jacey,” he called, he sounded strange however, actually his speech was slurring as if he were drunk.

“Yes sir,” I whimper softly, my heart pounding even harder and my eyes are now stinging. Please don’t be, please don’t be, not now. I repeat over and over in my head. I am now complete in the living, and I look down at the floor. This can’t be true—no, it can’t be happening—not again.

“All… All I ask—ask of you… so simple… All I ask is to at least lock the doors.” He was staggering as he approached me, his shadow now overcasting my tiny form. I tensed up waiting for whatever it was to happen…

Beep. Beep. Beep. The inconsonant buzzing of my alarm clock woke me from my dreadful nightmare. I was not ready for today to start, no not that I was ready; I just didn’t want today to happen because if it does that mean that last night was real, all that was real. All that pain… all the crying and begging, how I had hoped that this time it was different.

I slid out of my bed, carefully as not to hurt myself further. Damn, I did not know old men like that could hurt so much… I walked over to a mirror that I had hanging on a wall and lifted my shirt to look at my back. I turned around and glanced back, there were huge red whelps covering my back alongside with a few bruises. I can still feel the sting of the whip as it tore into my tender skin, the harder I cried the harder he would hit. I didn’t even feel like taking a shower this morning, today is going to blow anyway.

I picked out a black shirt that says ‘I bite the ‘neck’ that bleeds’, it had some blood sliding down the left side of the shirt, I also picked out a pair jeans, and black chucks. I got dressed and grabbed my regular kitty hoodie, belts, and wallet. On my way out, I made damn sure that everything was locked up. There was no way I would make the same mistake twice, especially if it meant that I would get to skip on something like that.

I didn’t even like sitting in the car, my back against the interior burned. “I think I might just ditch…” Not like I felt like going to school any way. What I said couldn’t even be heard through Mozart Season belting out their hearts through my speakers. I park in my normal parking spot and wince as I lean back, forgetting how it had hurt when I got in the first time. Okay, note to Miss Pain back still hurts, so try not to injure it further. I scold myself.

I must have looked like a robot as I got out of my car. As I was standing up I heard something that I have never heard—never wanted to hear. I looked around to see what it was; it was a van skidding on the ice. Thing was, it was swerving in my direction. I’m sure a normal person would have run or screamed something. But I couldn’t I was rooted to the spot on the ground. I had been frozen by fear and my legs would not cooperate with me. So I did the only thing I could, I braced myself for impact and closed my eyes tightly.

Something had wrapped around me and yanked me back, out of the way of the out of control van and out of danger. I hit the back of my head against the ice covered parking lot with a sickening crack. But the van wasn’t done with me just yet, where my legs previously, there was not shattered glass and pieces of metal.

“Jewlz, are you ok?” I heard faintly buzz. My vision was spinning and I had an awful ringing in my ears. I know that voice… “Jacey, are you okay?” I heard louder.

“E… Edward…” I groaned groggily, nothing was making sense.

“Are you okay,” now he was sounding frantic and I could feel his grip tightening.

“I’m perfect fine,” I said half-heartedly. I knew it was convincing since my body betrayed me, as I was rising up and wince and had to lie back down.

“You hit your head really hard; I don’t think it would be best for you to move.” Edward was looking down at me.

“My head isn’t what hurts….” I grumble quietly. A normal person wouldn’t have been able to hear what I said, but Edward cocked his eyebrow. I was a little uncomfortable and now paranoid that he heard. “So, how did you do it?” I asked while looking up at Edward. Students were now flocking to the scene or dialing on their phones, because a scene like this is so alien.

“Do what,” he mused.

“You were over there with the others, so how did you save me?” I asked, a cool demeanor covering me. His smile dropped as he was looking at me.

“What are you talking about? I was right beside you, Jewlz.” He answered. I decided not to push the topic until I could get him alone, then no one would be able to interrupt us.

“Yeah… okay, maybe you’re right.” I once again tried to sit up since I was tired of being on the ground, but two strong hands were on my shoulders, pushing me back down. “Sorry hunny, not tonight.” I smirked. No one else would have been joking at a time like this, not someone who was almost ran over, but hey, I’m not like others.

“Ha,” he rolled his beautiful topaz eyes, but I could tell that he found it very amusing.

“I’ll be fine,” I stressed the word fine while smiling as I was trying to get up but he kept his hold on me firm. “Fine,” I gritted my teeth, “you’ve won. Since you saved me I won’t cause you much trouble… for now.” I mumble and for a smile. I put my arms behind my head as I rest on the cold ice, it was actually soothing to my back which had started throbbing with heat and pain.

I avoided his glances, I didn’t want to let anything slip, yet I could feel his eyes trying to search my very soul. Finally, I heard the ambulance arrive… and thanks to some motor-mouth, I won’t name any names, they tried to put a neck brace on me, a neck brace, like hell. “Don’t you dare!” I growled up at the EMTs. “I will friggin’ bite your hands off!” I was glaring at the young man who held the neck brace in his hands. I could tell by the look on Edward’s face and the paramedics that they were doing their best to not laugh.

“But—“

“But nothing, I didn’t snap my neck, I lightly tapped my head.” I interrupted. My face was turning red.

“It’s procedure…”

“Procedure my ass, now keep that thing away from me.” I yelled which actually did cause them all to laugh at me. “Don’t laugh at me,” I huffed. In the end, they got the stupid thing on me, with some help from Edward. That traitor.

The whole ride to the hospital I was cursing under my breath and mumbling incoherently about Edward. At one point I could’ve sworn I seen Edward trying not to laugh when I looked in the review mirror they had which caused me to become even more infuriated. I was put in a room after having some x-rays taken.

“They never specified that I had to keep this on…” I pulled the neck brace off and chunked it under the bed. After doing so, I heard someone walking towards my room so I lay down and pretended that I was asleep.

“Jewlzie… Jewlzie,” I heard someone call.

“Hey Tyler, damn you look awful.” I reply bluntly while looking up at him and seeing the state he was in.

“Are you okay? I am so sorry; I thought I was going to hit you! I will do anything to make it up to you.” He was a mess and was panicking.

“Oh… you see, it turns out, I’m bleeding internally and I only have a couple of hours to live.” I looked down to my left, but not before seeing the blood rush from Tyler’s face and his eyes widen.

“Oh my god,” I’m so sorry Jacey, it’s all my fault. Oh my god.” He went hysterical and was wailing. I couldn’t help but to bust out laughing, I mean, his reaction, priceless. Mean I know, but I never said I was nice in the first place. He was looking at me as if I had lost my mind.

“I-I was joking, I’m sorry, that was so wrong of me, so very wrong. I’m fine, just fine. Nothings even wrong with me, so please worry about yourself.” I said in between my snorts of laughter.

“That was terrible; I thought that I had killed you! I thought that you were freaking dying, Jacey!” He was very upset but not just because of your joke. The whole ordeal was very nerve wrecking. “I am still so very sorry, I just hope that you can forgive me.”

“Listen, dude, hun, I am perfectly fine. It would take more than that to kill me, so of course I forgive you.” I say while taking off my jacket and rolling it up so that I could use it as a pillow. He just watches me; I pretend that I fall asleep. I still heard him mumbling his apologies, as if I being asleep would actually be able to hear him.

“Jewlz’s asleep?” Another voice was heard. Of course it belonged to the all too famous Edward. I wasn’t thinking, so I shot up which sent shocks of pain down my back. Pain quickly filled my eyes but that was soon replaced with anger.

“Why aren’t you in a freaking bed getting examined and crap?” I yell at him.

“I know people,” he smirks at me while crossing his strong arms over his chest.

“Ooo…” I shake my head glaring which probably wasn’t as menacing as I would like it to be.

“Nice shirt,” he remarked, still smirking that usual smirk.

“Thanks… hey don’t try to butter me up, mister… hmm shirt,” I look down to see what I was wearing because I had completely forgotten.

“Are you okay, Edward?” Tyler had turned to ask and probably apologize to that jerk.

“I bet he’s as evil as ever, I mean fine. Sorry for the Freudian slip.” I snorted sarcastically; Edward was looking very amused by how I was acting.

“I’m fine, no blood no foul.” He grinned. Sheesh wish he’d stop giving me that sexy smirk—I mean not sexy!

“Ah,” I screamed loudly, shocking the two other men that were in the room. They both looked at me, worry stricken. Edward rushed over to be by my side.

“What’s wrong Jewlz, are you hurting somewhere?” He asked quickly.

“My car… oh dear is my car ok?” I was now in full panic mode. Edward face palmed and gave me a look as if saying you were almost crushed by a van and you care about your car?

“Your car is fine…” he sighed, a little irritated.

“Oh thank god, I was really worried.” A goofy grin swept over my face.

“I thought you were seriously hurt, I’m so sorry,” Tyler screeched yet again.

“Listen, Tyler, really, I am fine. Edward Dear saved me. Now if my baby was killed… I would have had to hurt you.” I said seriously.

“You baby,” Tyler’s eyes darted to my stomach as Edward’s eyes enlarged.

“Oh geez, no I’m not pregnant, my car, I mean my car!” I begin to flail my arms around, making me wince as my back started to hurt again.

“You ok,” Edward was eyeing me, concerned since he seen me flinch.

“Ya… pulled a muscle,” I lie quickly.

“Bumping your head, and then pulling a muscle, that’s not good.” A velvety voice came. I looked to the door and seen a doctor enter. I noticed the identity card attached to his coat which read Dr. C. Cullen. Ah, must be Edward’s father… hmm, he’s just as gorgeous as the others.

“Haha, nah, I’m fine.” I giggled softly. “Gee, I have said that so much recently, I’m starting to sound like a broken record.” Edward smiled half-heartedly, as did Dr. Cullen.

“Well, let’s see here,” he turned around smiling as he was putting up x-rays of my skull on the board.

“Oh neat-o, he can I keep those?” I ask sheepishly. Edward and Tyler shared a look then looked back at me as if I had lost what little marbles I had.

“Nope, I do believe that I will keep these,” Dr. Cullen said walking over to my side.

“Awe,” I pouted to myself.

“Well, I don’t see anything wrong. Any pain, nausea, or dizziness,” he asks while checking out my temperature than my pulse.

“Nope,” I chirp trying to hide the fact that my back hurt. I am so glad he didn’t see the marks on my back when I had to change in the gown for my x-ray… I had really worried then, because they would be so hard to explain.

“Mhm, that’s good,” He was marking things down in his chart.

“So, can I go back to school?” Honestly, what person do you know who would much rather go back to school?

“My personal opinion is that you should go home and get some much needed rest.” He put his pen back in his breast pocket as I sighed while looking down. My head jerked up as I thought of something that unsettled me.

“I bet he gets to go back to school, doesn’t he?” I pointed an accusing finger at Edward, which earned me a very mean smirk from said man.

“Someone has to spread the good news, right?” I don’t think his grin could get any bigger… It was as if he were mocking me.

“Hmph,”I pouted more, crossing my arms over my chest and staring at the wall.

“Actually, over half the entire school is out in the lobby.” Dr. Cullen pointed out and I buried my face in my hands.
“Oh God, Vincent, he’s not out there is he?” I asked through my fingers, I didn’t want to face him any time soon, and I didn’t know if I would get yelled at for being involved in this or not, all I knew is I didn’t really want to find out.

“No, he did call though and I told him that you were okay.” Dr. Cullen was looking at me, a little confused by what I had said and the way that I said it.

“Phew, I just wouldn’t want to bother him…” I smiled softly. I didn’t know if was convincing or not.

“Well, as far as I see, you are good to go, Miss Payne.” Dr. Cullen spoke while walking over to Tyler. “You, I’m afraid, will have to stay longer.” I was waiting for that, so I jumped up out of the hospital bed but I almost fell. Luckily for me, Edward had caught me.

“You sure you aren’t feeling dizzy?” Dr. Cullen was looking at me, worried and unsure if it was the best idea to release me.

“Ha, trust me, I’m fine… I do that every time I jump out of bed, dammit.” I replied as I scrunched up my nose. This in hand caused Dr. Cullen, Tyler, and Edward to chuckle. I grabbed my jacket and walked out of the room, waving by to the doctor and Tyler. Edward was walking beside me, after a bit I spotted an empty hall and pulled him to the side.

“What,” He looked down at me, confused.

“Don’t think I’m stupid, I know what I seen, and I know you weren’t anywhere near me when that van was about to squash me.” I was looking at him sternly. No matter what he said, I know what I saw.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Jewlz. I was standing beside you the whole time.” He was having a hard time keeping his smile on his face.

“You are lying, Edward. I can tell by the look in your eyes.” My gaze only hardened, I was not going to back down from this.

“What do you think happened, then?”

“What I think? Trust me, it sounds unbelievable even to me, so don’t ask and just tell me what happened.” I demanded.

“I am telling you the truth,” His smile now completely gone.

“No you aren’t.” I screamed at him as quietly as I could.

“Jewlz,” he hissed, looking around.

“Why then,” I shift my weight to my other foot.

“Why?” he was looking at me confused and my eyes started to burn.

“Yeah, you heard me, why did you save me?” I couldn’t take it and looked away at the wall.

“What are you seriously upset that I saved you,” he retorted.

“You know what, yeah I am. If you can’t trust me enough to tell me the damn truth then you should have let that damn van flatten me.” I had been trying to blink back tears, but one escaped down my cheek. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get my car.” I quickly turned around and walked off. I had no idea why the fact he didn’t trust me was upsetting me.

“You plan on walking all the way back to the school?”

“Well, I can’t spread my wings and fly; people might freak out.” I was wiping a few tears that were still battling their way down my cheek. One thing that people never got about me, no matter the situation, I could always turn on a dime and joke. Maybe I really was crazy, maybe it was just my emotions getting to me from this morning, I really can’t say.

He sighed loudly and walked after me, I was already to the nurse’s desk so I asked for a tissue so I could wipe my eyes and clean myself up just a little bit. “Jewlz, do you want a ride?”

“To where,” I placed my hands on my hips and smirked up at him. “Sorry babe, but I don’t go to a guy’s house on the first date.” I wink.

“To get your car,” his smirk reappeared on his face.

“Oh yeah, wait… How will you get a ride?”

“I called Alice earlier and asked her to bring me my car,” he scrunched up his face as if it was really obvious and I was silly to have voiced that question.

“Oh… okay, but gee, that means I have to go home and be all bored.” I frown.

“I am ever so sorry, don’t act upset that you were almost crushed by a van.” He shook his head, not capable of really comprehending me.

“Hm, what’s to be upset about?”

“Maybe the fact you were almost hit by a van.”

“Oh, it could have been much worse.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“How so,” he raised an eyebrow, now intrigued by how the situation could have been any worse than what it was now.

“Well, A. You could’ve stayed by your siblings and let me get smashed—“

“I was by you—“

“B. We both could’ve died—“

“True.”

“C. My car could’ve got totaled—“

“Jewlz are you freaking serious?”

“Yes, I am serious! And would you kindly stop interrupting me?” He was just smiling smugly. Hmph, some jerk.

“You’re fun to pick on,” he remarked, his smirk not leaving his angelic face.

“Oh gee, I’m so very happy that I entertain you. Is there anything you wish, Master?” I spat out sarcastically.

“Well—“ he started while looking over me.

“I was joking.” I said while reaching up so that I could flick Edward on his forehead.

“Brutal, jewlzie.” He was rubbing his forehead, like it had hurt him.

“Hmm, maybe that should be my last named instead of Payne.” I was smiling up at him, my eyes twinkling.

“Nah, Payne really does suit you, because you are a pain in my a—“

“Don’t you even dare finish that sentence.” I growled while point a finger at him threateningly. All he did was laugh at me.

“So, do you want me to give you a ride or do you want to stand around here?” he poked my forehead.

“I can’t stand it here so… I guess I’m forced to go with you.” I pretended to be upset with the fact I would have to accept a ride from him.

“Well, I could just leave you here.” He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

“No thanks,” I replied a little too quickly. “I’d rather walk a thousand miles than stay here.”

“Then let’s go,” we began walking toward the exit, I had to practically job so that I could keep up with him.

“Hey… long legs; I can’t walk that freaking fast.” I huffed and made him stop for a few seconds which he took the opportunity to flash a smirk down at me.

“I’m sorry short stuff,” my eyes narrowed because I think his smirk was widening.

“Oh please, don’t you dare call me short stuff.” I glare softly at him.

“You’re cute when you do that,” he said bluntly which made me blush a deep shade of red.

“D-Don’t say I’m cute,” I was stammering through my words. After a few awkward silent seconds of staring at each other, I soon rolled my eyes and started to walk away, leaving him there confused.

“Jewlz,” he asked walking after me again.

“Can you walk and talk at the same time,” I glanced over him while smiling.

“Well, of course I can.”

“Then how about we stop stopping or we will never reach the exit.” I pointed out.

“You were the one stopping.”

“I was not.”

“Yes you were,” he smirked.

“Lies,” I hiss playfully. As we reached the lobby, I hid behind Edward before anyone spotted me.
“Psst, if they ask, I died… Use your imagination and make it as gory as possible.” I whisper to Edward who had started to laugh.

“Jewlzie,” Jessica screams as she ran at me and almost tackled me. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me pretty tight, which was killer on my back.

“C-Can’t breathe,” I hiss while I try to push her off of me. I needed air and release for my back’s sake.

“Are you ok,” she asked, well screamed into my poor ear.

“I was before you suffocated me.” I was finally able to answer when she decided to let me go. I mean, as if almost being hit by a van wasn’t enough, now I gotta get ran over by the Jessica-mobile. After telling over a dozen people that I was fine, we were able to reach Edward’s car, it only took practically forever.

“So…” I said nervously while getting into his car.

“Yes,” he looked over at me.

“Got a girlfriend?” As soon as it left my lips I wanted to hit my head against the window. I was mentally slapping myself. Oh gee, can you not find something else in your thick skull to ask? Are you trying to make it obvious you like him? I was scolding myself.

“No, what about you Jewlz,” he was smiling at me, clearly curious.

“Sorry, I don’t swing that way, I’m straight.” I smirk.

“You know what I mean,” he rolled his eyes.

“Gee, party pooper. Yes, I don’t have a boyfriend.” A sly smile making a ghostly appearance on my face, he had furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yes you do, or no you don’t?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Couldn’t you have just said that?”

“Yes, but there’s no fun in answering like that,” I was now smiling brightly. For some reason I was completely happy.

“You make no sense,” he laughed at me.

“I know,” I giggled. I laid my head against the window, the cold felt amazing against my cheek and I couldn’t help but drift off into a light slumber.

“Jewlz, wake up… hey Jewlzie,” I heard someone calling my name.

“Oh no, I am going to be late!” I jerked up and butted heads with none other than. “Oh shit,” I screamed while holding my head as it was now busting.

“Are you ok?” He moved my hand to look at my head.

“No, I have a monster headache, lunkhead.” I started to rub my poor head as he laughed at me again.

“It’s your fault,” he remarked simply.

“How is this my fault?” I asked defensively.

“You suddenly jumped up and hit my head,”

“Gee… what is this? Try to give Jewlz brain damage day?” I pouted. Of course earning me another lovely laugh from Edward, I couldn’t help but smile to myself and sat back, stretching. “mm”

“Tired,” he smiled softly.

“Nope, just bored and wondering what to do for the rest of the day.” I reply, looking up at the sky while still in Edward’s car.

“Do you need help to your car,” he asked, breaking me out of my trance. I shook my head and stood up. I walked to my car and pulled out my keys then slid in.

“Thank you,” I smile. He nods and I pull away from the school, still watching him in my review mirror. It would be so nice… I mean you know if he liked me. I know, I shouldn’t keep my head in the clouds, but I couldn’t help it… I just feel so different around him, almost as if I was safe. I was happy to see that Vincent wasn’t home. I got out of my car and walked to the swing.

I pushed myself back and forth lightly while looking at the flowers. Sometimes, I just don’t see a way out for me… I have my head wrapped around a slither of an idea that one day things will change, but then I remind myself that this isn’t a fairy tale, there isn’t some prince out there waiting to save me, I have got to save myself…

I hate this overwhelming feeling of worthlessness. “If only he knew…” I breathe, how stupid is that. Knew what? Knew that I am someone that no one wants so I am constantly used as a punching bag? No, I would never want him to know that, I don’t want anyone to know that. I shake that silly thought out of my head. No, I will prevail, somehow or another.

I walk in the door after the chilly weather has become too much to handle, something made me glance back towards the road. I don’t know why I expected to see someone there, as if someone would be. But I had this strange feeling that I was being watched, being followed. I walked to the railing of the porch and leaned against it, eyeing every open space.

“Now I know I’m going mad,” I shake my head retreating back to the warmth of my house and shutting and locking the door behind me. In the house the smell of alcohol hits me in the face and I begin to clean, picking up all the empty cans and bottles and taking them out back. I fix a simple dish and eat by myself while watching TV. Things will get better; I repeat to myself, I just know that they will. Once you hit rock bottom, the only other way is up right? Well, no, things could be so much worse… Either way, I have made my mind to make things better. I flip the TV off and wash my plate.