Letters to Heaven

Dear xxxxxxx,

Is there a word for being afraid to move forward in life? I've had opportunities, I've had different options. Yet staying in one spot, no matter how uneventful and depressing that spot was, somehow made me feel safer than stepping forward. What am I so afraid of? I don't know...but the fact that I don't know is what scares me even more.

***
Today was finally my interview for the secretary position that was set up thanks to Janice. Of course I doubted myself about a million times plus a few more prior to. I haven't had a job in so long I can't even remember exactly the date of my last one. For the most part, Aunt Elaine has been funding my life style, which in return I tried my best to keep as simple as possible. But after my most recent visit and, well, storming off in rage, maybe this job was a blessing after all. Because I definitely didn't want to make myself feel even lower than I am and continue to accept her money.

I stepped out the cab after paying the driver; the place was actually not that far from my apartment, in fact only about 20 minutes away. I would have walked like I did for other places. However, I must admit I'm not skilled with directions. At all. I could go to the same place every single day for a whole year but still not know whether the destination is on the left or on the right.

"Cloud Nine Industries..."I read the big silver letters written across the front of the huge fancy building, which looked rather new based off the modern and sleek design. I'll be honest I've never heard of the company before, which of course added on to my previous million doubts. But considering the fact that I could probably name only three businesses I did know, it's fair to say that maybe I'm just too out of the loop. Janice reassured me too, since it was her who got me this interview, but that didn't stop me from googling the company of course. I did confirm that it indeed is a real company and not some secret human trafficking cahoots. Sorry Janice, I trust your word but you can never be too safe.

I took in a few deep breaths before I headed in through the huge glass doors."Hi, welcome to Cloud Nine, anything or anyone in particular you're here for today? I'd be happy to direct you." The women at the front desk immediately greeted, taking me slightly off guard.

"Oh, hello there." I responded. There was an awkward silence before I realized she was waiting for me to tell her what I was here for. Which makes sense, that is indeed her job. Get it together Estelle.

"I was scheduled for an interview for the open secretary position at 9am...?" I stated which turned more into a question due to my nerves.

"Interview for 9am let's see, if I could just have your name to check on that?" She smiled, her hands positioned readily on her keyboard for the info.

"Of course, it's Estelle Lumiere."

She swiftly typed on her keyboard, the clicking sounds echoing in the pristine and empty lobby. "Ah yes I see it now, 9am interview with Mr. Krause. He's in a meeting right now, it's taking a little longer than expected, but I'll let him know you've arrived and he'll be with you asap." I nodded taking in the info. "I'll just have you go on up and wait in his office for him. Just take the elevator to the 10th floor, once you enter the lobby his interview room is down the hall, the 4th door to your left." Ah lovely, directions in a building I've never set foot in before. Of course any normal person would be fine, but unfortunately I've established the fact that I'm far from normal. But he'd always tell me to embrace it, turn it into my strong point. If he was here today I'm sure he'd still say the same..

"Ok, thank you very much." I smiled before turning and headed towards the elevators, holding back the urge to beg her to come with me or I might somehow end up lost in the janitors closet and miss my interview. I stepped into the elevator and hit the button for the 10th floor, slightly excited that I managed to put it in without having to think about it. Maybe my memory isn't too shabby after all. I turned around and faced the back wall, which is all mirror giving me a good full view of myself. I tucked a strand of my dark wavy hair behind my ear and smoothed out my deep maroon pencil skirt. It was accompanied by a long sleeve white silk top tucked in with a flowy bow along the neckline. I wore a thin simple gold necklace on my neck that stopped right between my collarbones and a pair of gold pumps on my feet to compliment it. My makeup was kept minimal, with simply a nice layer of mascara to extend my already long fluttery lashes, and a nude matte lipstick on my lips. I took out my compact and patted my cheeks and forehead a couple times to take away the shine before the elevator dinged.

I stepped out the elevator, hoping that there would be someone to greet me like earlier and of course guide me cause lord knows I need it. However I was met with white shiny marble floors and silence. There wasn't even a receptionist desk, it was just a room with two black leather sofas facing each other and a glass coffee table in between with a stack of magazines neatly in the middle.

"Ok, 10th floor then...left? Did she say left?..Oh,she said hallway!" I clasped my hands together in happiness before my face fell again. "Wait, but hallways still have lefts and rights though..." I stood in the middle of the room as I hesitantly faced the hallway. Why oh why didn't I write down what she said. Or remember. Why am I like this.

"Think Estelle, if I was an interview room where would I be.." I whispered to myself as I shut my eyes hard for a moment then opened them, as if I would magically transport to my destination." Ok no directions don't work that way." I sighed to myself. How can I even hope to get this job when I can't even get to the interview room. I probably wouldn't even get hired as the janitor. I stared down the hallway at all the doors, an idea popping into my head.

"Well, I'm lost anyways and can't stand here forever so.."

I walked forward and opened the first door slightly before sticking my head in to peek. In my line of vision was a brown wooden desk with nothing on it. There was simply a leather chair behind it and empty bookshelves. Empty, everything was empty. Definitely not the atmosphere of an interview room. Confirming that this wasn't my destination I headed to the next door and repeated the process. I came upon some interesting rooms, one which I decided was a break room, although it looked almost like a room you'd find in someone's house. It had a flat screen tv, a bunch of game consoles stored below it on a shelf, a sectional white leather couch in front of it. On the other side of the room was basically a full kitchen. There was a fridge, stove top, and a microwave all a matching shiny silver complimented by the white marble counter top. The counter angled out and next to it was a glass dining table with 4 matching chairs around it. I've come to the conclusion that one, who ever designed this place loves leather, monochrome, and glass. And that two, they were filthy rich. Why else would a break room look better than my whole apartment?

I decided to cross this room off the list of possible interview rooms and continued on to the next. I took a deep breathe, hoping that this was the one because I was kind of getting sick of this guessing game. That and this may or may not be the last door. Which means if this isn't it, I suck at deciphering what an interview room is. And here I thought I'd get lost in the janitors room, heck I don't even know where that is.

I creaked the door open and peeked in. It resembled the first room except, this one wasn't empty. And it was a lot more fancier. There was a wooden black table with a computer on it, some files neatly in the center, and a black leather chair behind it. But there was also a leather chair on the opposite end across from it. You know, that typical interview set up.

"Finally, we meet interview room." I grin to myself as I slide into the room and close the door behind me. I take the seat in front of the desk and look around the room. The back wall was all glass, revealing the bustling streets and buildings, which I was used to but here from the 10th floor, it was a rather enticing view. I guess it's all about perspective huh.

There was a rustling outside the door and I swear I felt my soul leave my body. I tried to take a few calming deep breaths before I heard the door creak open. Wait am I supposed to stand up and greet them? But no they're interviewing me not the other way around...but I don't wanna seem rude..oh my god they're in let me just get up ok yes.

"Hi, Mr. Krause, Estelle Lumiere, pleasure to meet you." I began as I sat up and turned around with a smile, but just as soon as I turned my smile dropped. I stared in disbelief at what was before me.

"...Aunt Elaine..?" I gaped at the woman before, her face just as much in shock as mine.

"Estelle?? Darling what are yo-" She was cut off mid sentence as a man's voice came from behind her.

"Go ahead in Elaine, what's with the sudden manners and waiting for me, it's not like you." The man chuckled smoothly as he opened the door wider and came into view. He was staring at Aunt Elaine before he followed her gaze into the room at met with my eyes.

"..Oh.." He breathed out, his confident look from a second ago faltering. Staring into his eyes, that's when it hit me.

"You're that...the abnormal mailbox guy...rain...no...Haine?" I breathed out still trying to process the situation in front of me.

What the actual heck is going on?