Your Reason to Be

Louis' POV

The atmosphere in the building is severely tight. Even though I am sitting comfortably in a chair, one whole table across from the fans, I still feel like I'm being compressed against objects. I have no idea why, but recently, I've been feeling quiet claustrophobic when it comes to large crowds of people. I assure myself that it's just the almost unbearable heat settling around us, the over capacity of noise and the large percentage of people in one single space.

A hand touches my wrist and I flinch. "Louis? Are you okay?"

Tilting my head to face my anxious band mate, I say, "Yeah I'm fine Niall. It's just starting up again. I don't know why."

I figure easing my way out, and feeding him with small reliable lies, will be easier than confiding in him. To be honest I hate confrontations - they make me feel uncomfortable and it's one of those moments when I wish I were a mute. Though that doesn't seem to be the case about the problem with Chennaya. With her, now that I have no choice but go with it because she already knows the truth, I can now be free of the weight pushing me down. However that might not be possible since she won't return my texts. 

She always has been stubborn and probably always will be. 

"I'm sorry about the other day mate, I just Los-"

I shake my head to shut him up. "No don't worry about it. I was the one who shoved you against the wall."

We both chuckle underneath our breaths, turning back around and facing the next fan. Her face is contorted into a silent gasp, her eyes wide with surprise then a smile tugs on her lips. "Y-you shoved him? N-Nouis?" she stuttered. 

Stifling a long groan, I stare at her with a slightly genuine smile. I don't mind the ongoing curiosity from the fans about our undying 'bromance' although at times it annoys me to no end. Ever so often fans emotionally persuade Harry and I to confess that Larry Stylinson is legit. From all the gay support I've been receiving, I wouldn't be shocked if there are more fans cheering our relationship on than fans being disgusted by our homosexuality. "Yeah Nouis moment, love."

She squeals. "Oh my gosh, you just called me love!"

"Yes, yes I did." I laugh at her, as they like to call it, fangirl moment. She moves onto Niall, an undeniable sparkle in her eye leaving me with a conclusion - Niall is her favourite. It's always a pleasure getting to see the people who are dedicated to you.

I pull out my phone and check the time. 2:34. We have been at this signing or meet and greet, whichever one you'd like to call it, for almost four hours. Beginning to feel the small ache in my writing hand, I stretch my fingers about. I adore the girls but I barely caught any rest last night and I continue to try to not dwell into the reason why. 

"Hi," a girl says capturing my attention.

My mouth immediately stays ajar as I swallow her features in. I know we are lucky to have such fit fans but, dear lord, this girl has gorgeous written all over her. "Hi there gorgeous, name?"

Her blush is absolutely precious. It's then that I realize she reminds me of someone. "Christine," she exclaims suddenly gaining confidence. 

I smile while scribbling my signature and a message on the album cover. I swear she looks exactly like someone I know - I bite my tongue getting slightly irritated. Once done signing I slide the CD over to Niall and he gladly reciprocates the smile she gives. 

An idea lurks in the back of my head immediately etching a small grin on my lips. Still continuing on to say hi to the other fans, I roam the entire place eyeing the length of the queue. If I'm right only around fifteen girls left and then we're finished. So I turn my head back to the girl whose beauty is cemented behind my mind and whisper into Niall's ear. 

His smile reaches both ears. "Oh? Tomlinson fancying the girl eh?"

I try not to show the embarrassment but I have no doubt my cheeks aren't cooperating with my thoughts. "Well yeah," I finally reply. 

Niall agrees with my statement that she is quite a looker and begins to inform the other boys. They each take the time to offer me curious looks. I ignore their stares focusing on the girls coming my way. 

Christine's small squeal isn't hard to catch. I jeopardise the secrecy by staring at her though I manage to hold back a wink - wouldn't want anybody getting idea into their heads. There are the paparazzi surrounding us and I'm already in deep enough waters. I don't need to drown any further. 

The last fan eventually reaches Zayn who's at the end of the table and scurries off to what I see are her group of friends. They all smile to each other, chatting amongst themselves in such a cheery way. A familiar warm feeling spreads through me and I love how I can make people smile like that. 

Paul steps onto the deck patting me in the back. "You did good boys. And Louis, thank you for not making your crush so obvious to the others. She's outside waiting by the van."

The chair easily slides back as I stand up from my seat, wiggling my fingers trying to get the blood flowing through them again. It feels as if I'm back in school again, writing fair amounts of paragraphs from the board. 

I follow behind all the other boys except for Niall who is also trailing behind, next to me. Even if this sounds like a preposterous notion, it seems as if we have become closer over the days he began dating Chennaya - minus the physical disagreement two days back - though not as close as Harry and I, not at all. Maybe it's because we both have feelings for her, both care deeply for her. 

"Do you know when she's coming back?" Of course he doesn't need information on which girl I'm talking about. 

For some reason whenever she's mentioned this strange expression falls upon his face. Do I look like that? "I think tomorrow. Has she texted you back?"

I shake my head and in a way, that's a signal for Niall to cease the conversation. Silence. 

When I spot Christine leaning against the passenger door, a certain numbness overcomes me. I don't know if I should take that as a good sign. It's probably nerves and I cough, toughening up. "Hey," I manage to blurt out only cracking a little. 

She laughs. "Hi again."

The plan isn't what I would like to call nice but I'm not extremely using the girl. I would prefer to get to know her, find out for myself if she is also pretty on the inside. But no matter how many excuses I stir up, I know the reason behind it all. To forget about the person who's been clogging my brain.