Your Reason to Be

Louis' POV

I wiggle into the comfort of the beanie bag I have dragged outside from the living room. Everyone else settles onto stools or benches. 

We are outside, on the deck, catching some fresh air. The back of our house is awfully quite but it's not the eerie silence, more like the ideal peaceful and serene scene.  

My eyes wander around the backyard appreciating what I see. Us boys aren't out here often. Unless we decide to battle against each other in a game of football or have a swim in the built in pool. Which is rarely used considering London's fine weather. 

"So Liam...gotten far with Danielle?" Harry smirks at his question. 

I let out a smile but don't laugh. 

Liam doesn't at all find what Harry said amusing. He glares at the boy with anger in his brown eyes. "I'm not disrespecting Danielle like that by telling you guys. She deserves privacy."

I scoff. Always the gentleman.

His frown suddenly turns into a small smile. "Okay, no not really. I don't wanna rush her."

His confession starts up the boys' echoing cheers. "We knew you couldn't resist!"

He smiles sheepishly then glances at me. "What about you Lou? What's up? What's going on with Chey?"

"I don't know. She'll probably never know how I'm so in love with her."

Harry begins to sing a lyric from the very first song we performed together. "That's what's going on. Nothing's fine I'm torn!"

I chuckle. "Yeah that's how I feel." They all turn to look seriously at me, eventually each raising a curious brow. 

"Have you even talked to her?" Liam starts. 

Zayn then continues the interrogation. "Tara told me you and Chey were up talking."

"Tara eh?" I wink at him.

Harry butts in, "What were you talking about? Late at night? You two were also sleeping together!"

"What?" Niall screams. 

We all flash him a look. Even Harry frowns. "Not that way."

His blond head droops down. "Oh."

"What do you think Niall?"

He simply shrugs before turning away to face the opposite direction. "You okay mate?"

A gasp flows out from a mouth. Liam blurts out, "Oh god. You like her. Niall! You fancy Chennaya."

Harry snorts. "Liam, that's not even a surprise. We all want her. She's bloody sweet. Even you."

The comment makes me cringe and arm flies up to smack the back of his head yet again. And for also talking about Chennaya in a way I do not approve of. "I told you. Don't talk about her that way."

He pokes out a tongue. "I was not. I said sweet."

"Yeah," I scoff. "And I know what that means Hazz."

"But do you Niall?"

He stares into my eyes, both pairs of blue orbs burning through each other. His head moves up and down sending my heart so spiral down to the centre of the earth. I know how this is going to be. I know how this story is going to end. I have no doubt that it will happen. How have I not seen it coming. The clues were truly in front of me. 

But I love her. 

I crave her.

I need to be hers and for her to mine.

But now I see how that is not possible.

"Lou?" he mumbles, looking so helpless and guilty. "I-I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

The familiar stinging pain in back of my throat, that signals me the tears are on its way, begin. I let out a shaky sigh, running my fingers through my hair, closing my eyes to force the tears back down. 

"Lou," he whispers again. A hand rests on my shoulder and I don't bother shaking Niall's hold off since I know it's not his fault. "I'm sorry Lou. I couldn't help it. I know I should learn how to control my fe-"

I finally reopen my eyes. "No. It's fine. You don't choose who you like or fancy or fall for. Don't feel guilty Niall. If you like her then that's it. I can't stop you. Just like how I can't stop what's coming next."

His light brown brows scrunch up together. "What do you mean? I'm not gonna hit on her I promise."

I swallow. "I can't stop you because...because I think she fancies you too."

The hand on my arm immediately freezes. "A-Are you sure?"

I nod. "She doesn't stop talking about you four. But specially you. She's always complimenting you. I guess I should just give up." I let my head fall onto my hands and groan. 

"No!" Liam yells. "You can't Louis! Don't do that. Niall promised he won't get in between you and Chennaya and he won't. Don't give up on her. She deserves someone better than her ex. And that's you Louis, that's you."

I bite my bottom lip and stand up. "Maybe you're right. And Niall thanks for being honest buddy."

He grins. "Course. Now go on. And I hope you'll forgive me."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. And if she does like you and," I pause for a few seconds, "somehow you end up together, I'm fine with that. I might end up heartbroken but at least she's happy and you're happy."

A thump interrupts his answer, followed by a sound of something rolling along the tiled floors. It's a familiar sound. A sound I've been dreading to hear. This goes on for a minute or so and light footsteps make their way to the back door. 

She opens it, a duffel bag hangs on her right arm. "Um guys? Can I ask a huge favor? Can you please drive me to Tara's house?"

"Of course!" Harry chirps. 

She smiles at him. Even though that sweet smile usually lifts up my heart, the back of my head reminds me she's leaving my house, which means less time or even no more time with her. 

I sigh dragging my two feet to follow her to the car.