Grasp the Unpredictable

It's been a year.

A year since Lee was once in my life, but it has also been one year since she left.

A year since she found me with our old best friend Val at Starbucks.

A year since I lost the love of my life.

You'd probably expect big ole M. Shadows to get over a girl like Leeann Macy Bilian. Well, think again.

I haven't gotten over her. And I probably never will. I loved her. I still do, but she...isn't alive anymore.

Me and Val...well we're not together anymore.

I couldn't be with her. She's not my girl. Lee was my girl.

Val can't even compare to Lee. And I should've fucking seen that before.

But like almost every other guy, I thought with my dick instead of my fucking brain. And because of that, I lost her.

I shook my head quickly as I caught a glance of weird looking fingers move in front of my face.

"Shads? Yo Shads?! Earth to Matt!" I heard Brian yell frustrated.

"Huh?" I replied quickly with shock. I looked up quickly to see all of my band members and best friends in front of me with instruments in their hands.

I looked in each and every one of their eyes. Each pair of eyes, going from Jim's blue ones, to Zach's green ones, to Short Shit's brown ones, then to Brian's dark brown ones. And each one of them gave me their deepest sympathy.

I'm shocked they even remembered.

"Dude," Jimbo started out. He set down the keyboard that was in his lap onto the piano that was behind him. "We all remember man. She was like a sister to us. We all feel the pain."

No they don't.

"No you don't." I said voicing out my thoughts. "No you fucking don't. You guys didn't feel the pain of losing your one and fucking only. You guys didn't lose your fucking love!" I screamed.

How dare they say something like that to me. They had no idea how the fuck it felt to lose the one they loved the most.

"Jim, when Leana dies, you come to me and tell me how much it hurt." I said lastly before getting up out of the computer chair and exiting the music room that was in Brian's beach home.

I walked up the stairs and toward the front door, grabbing my keys and putting my feet inside my shoes and left. I slumped toward my Escalade and jumped in the driver's seat before jamming the car key into the ignition.

"You guys have no fucking idea." I whispered sadly, tears on the rim of my eyes. I pulled out of the driveway.

But then I stopped cause I saw a glance of a girl who looked exactly like Lee.

I'm losing my fucking mind.