I'm Alright Like This

"Alright everybody!" Alex yelled. I was insanely nervous. I began pacing a little while staring at my feet. 
"We're gonna play a song that you all probably know. And by we I mean me at the moment. It's called Remembering Sunday, hope you enjoy it." Alex talked to the crowd. I looked up at him but saw Sam standing in front of me instead of just the stage. 

"What are you up to? Why do you look so nervous?" he asked sweetly.
"I have to sing again. But with Alex. I don't know how it's gonna sound. What if I mess up the words? What if I go out too early or too late? I'm gonna screw this up." I sighed. 
"You'll be fine. You always over think things." he smiled. I hated how nice he was being to me.
"I gotta go." I grabbed an extra mic then walked out on stage.

"I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible, I'm terrified to speak but you'd expect that from me. I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt. Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair, and out of my mind. I'm keeping an eye on the world, from so many thousands of feet off the ground. I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds, towering over my head." I sang. "I guess I'll go home now, I'll guess I'll go home now, I guess I'll go home now, I guess I'll go." I sang with Alex. I smiled a little and hugged him but I was mad at myself for saying my head instead of your head. 
"Give it up for Lucy Harris of Surrender Seventeen! You killed it girl!" Alex yelled into the mic. The crowd actually cheered for me. I smiled and waved as Alex kissed my cheek. I walked off stage and felt someone hugging me.

"Luce! You totally killed it! You sounded as good as Juliet! I'm so proud of you!" Dave yelled as he hugged me and spun around.
"Thanks Dave but we both know how I feel about spinning." I laughed as he put he down.  
"Lucy you were seriously amazing tonight." he smiled. I thanked him again then went to watch Alex play again. The guys looked like they were really having fun. I looked across the stage and saw Sam kissing a girl, but it definitely wasn't the girl from that dinner the other night. I only paid attention to them and didn't realize the concert ended. I felt a pair of arms slide around me and hands land on my hips.

"You, m'lady, absolutely killed it out there." Alex whispered in my ear then began kissing my neck. I bit my lip and saw Sam looking over so I turned to face Alex and kissed him as passionately as I could. I looked back after the kiss and he and the random girl were gone. I sighed in confusion and saw Alex giving me a weird look.
"Sorry I just saw something weird." I explained.
"Oh. I was gonna say, you love when I kiss your neck." he smirked. I smiled a little and nodded. "What'd you see?" he asked holding my hands.
"I'll tell you on the bus." I sighed and squeezed his hand as I walked us to the bus. I tried to clear everything up in my head before explaining it all to Alex. I figured he'd get mad at me for still worrying about Sam. But I had to be able to trust my boyfriend.

"Luce, what's going on?" he asked as he sat on his couch.
"Promise you won't be mad?" I asked and he nodded. "While you were playing, I saw Sam making out with a girl that wasn't his girlfriend."
"Okay... So?" Alex said slowly.
"So that bothers me."
"Why?"
"Because he's my friend. I don't want to see my friend doing stuff like that."
"Well it bothers me that you're more focused on what this guy is doing. If he's playing girls, then that's his choice. I don't see why you care."
"I don't know. I'll just drop it I guess." I sighed, knowing Alex was somehow right. And I couldn't afford a fight with him right now. He stood up and kissed my forehead. 
"I do admire how much you worry for your friends though." he smiled.
"Thanks. I can't help it." I smiled a little back then hugged him. He squeezed back then softly pressed his lips to mine.
"I'm gonna go find Jack and the guys." he said after pulling our lips apart.

I watched him walk off the bus and heard the door close. I sighed and sat on the couch for about a minute then grabbed one of Alex's hoodies and walked off the bus to find Sam. I asked around then called him and made my way to where he was. I k we Alex would kill me for going to talk to him but I had to get this out of my head.

"Heyy Lucy!" Sam giggled.
"Hi...you okay?" I asked.
"Oh yeah! Im fine!"
"Okay then. I have to ask you about something."
"Anything, Lucy." he smiled and tried holding my hand, but I didn't allow it.
"Who was that girl you were with tonight? During Alex's set? It definitely wasn't Kaycee."
"What are you talking about?" he responded nervously as his smile faded.
"When Alex was playing, I saw you kissing a girl that wasn't Kaycee." I stated. He sighed and pulled me off to the side.
"Look. Her name is Amber. I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to Kaycee. She doesn't have to know. You understand right? Like how Alex couldn't know about us?" he gave me a look that made me feel so guilty but pissed off at the same time.
"Excuse me? There never was an us, Sam. We just hooked up. And there never will be an us." I tried walking away from him when I saw Alex out of the corner of my eye. "And if I see Kaycee, I will tell her what you're doing because that's not right. You're a jerk, Sam. I wish I never liked you." I said loud enough so Alex could hear me. When I started walking away again, Sam grabbed my arm and kissed me messily. I shoved him off me and suddenly someone tackled him down. Judging by the jean jacket and messy hair, it was Alex. Alex was about to punch him when Jack pulled him off. I was too shocked to move.

It wasn't until Alex was walking away that I realized what had happened. I looked at Sam then Jack, then ran after Alex. I caught up to him.

"Please just let me explain." I said out of breath.
"No."
"Alex, please." I begged.
"No." he repeated and I could feel tears forming in my eyes.
"Alex. Listen to me for two seconds." I said standing in front of him. He stopped and looked at me with so much disappointment. "Please, just listen. I was going to him to yell at him for the whole Kaycee thing. I saw you and knew I should walk away. I guess he saw you and kissed me to make you mad. I pushed him off as fast as I could. I promise. You have to believe me." I said. The tears I was holding back were now flowing down my cheeks. I stood in silence waiting for Alex to respond.
"I think it's best if you sleep on your own bus tonight." he whispered staring at the ground. "I need to be alone."
"Alex. Please." I barely whispered.  He shook his head and walked past me. I watched him walk away then stood frozen in the middle of the parking lot alone. I had completely fucked myself over.

-----------------
I walked off my bus the next morning after not getting any sleep. I walked into the venue to find my band or a friend. I hadn't really brushed my hair at all so it was in the messiest of all messy buns on top of my head. I cried all my make up off last night. My face was all blotchy and puffy from crying.

"You look like hell." a male voice said. I turned around to see two guys from Alex's band standing behind me. It was Rian and Jack.
"I couldn't sleep." I said hoarsely.
"Why not?" Jack asked.
"Because I fucked everything up with Alex. He hates me now." I sighed and mentally thanked myself that I didn't have any tears left.
"That's not true." Rian said, putting an arm around my shoulders.
"Yeah. I mean he doesn't totally hate you." Jack added.
"He hasn't said a word to me since last night. He usually sends a good night text and another in the morning. He hasn't sent anything." I sighed.
"Well if it makes you feel better, I stayed up all night with him. He's really messed up too. And he looks shittier than you do." Jack said. "I mean that would happen anyways because you're insanely hot." he smiled and I smiled a little.
"Thanks guys. I don't know if I should try talking to him or not though." I pulled my hair out of the bun and ran my hand through my hair.
"Ask him." Jack whispered and pointed into the distance where Alex was sitting at a table drinking coffee by himself.
"Can you ask him? I don't want to piss him off." I pleaded.
"Sure thang." Jack walked over followed by Rian. I just stood there awkwardly waiting for an answer. I stared at the ground and kicked some rocks that were around my feet and played with the ends of my hair. It seemed like Jack and Rian were over there forever. I figured since it took more than five minutes to convince Alex to talk to me, he wasn't going to. Ever. Again, I was happy that I didn't have any tears left to cry.

"They were right. You look pretty even when you look like hell." I heard Alex say. I looked up and saw him holding his coffee in one hand and an extra in the other.
"Uhm thanks I guess." I mumbled. 
"Here. Just like you like it." he handed me the extra coffee.
"Thanks. Are you still mad?" I asked and stared at the ground again.
"A little. But I can tell that you really do feel bad. I can see it in those eyes of yours." he smiled a little.
"I really do feel bad Alex. When I walked over to him, I was just planning on yelling at him a little. I didn't think he'd kiss me." I said quietly.
"Can we just drop it for now?" he replied with a hint of anger in his voice. 
"Yeah I guess." 
"I'll see you later then." he sighed.
"Where are you going?" 
"I have interviews and shit to do. And you have to catch up on some sleep." he smiled a little at me.
"Okay. I'll be on my bus if you need me." I watched him nod then I walked back to my bus. I was a little sad that he didn't offer for me to sleep in his bunk or something. I drank the coffee on the walk back to the bus then climbed into my bunk. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes until my phone went off. I looked at the new message I had.

From:  Alex <3
Before I forget, have a good nap :)

I smiled and fell right asleep. I dreamed about Alex, as I had since I met him. I was interrupted by my phone going off again.

From: Sam
We need to talk. ASAP.

I sighed and climbed out of my bunk. I paced a little then texted Jenny asking if Alex was done with his interviews. I got dressed in cleaner clothes as I waited her for to respond. Finally my phone went off.

"Hello?"
"Morning Lucy."
"Morning. So when is he done?"
"In about an hour but he has a ten minute break between them. Why?"
"I was just curious. When do I have soundcheck?" not until later this morning, kiddo."
"Okay thanks." I hung up and texted Alex.

To: Alex <3
Please please please don't hate me but Sam texted me saying he has to talk to me. Should I?

I hesitated before hitting send. I couldn't handle Alex being mad at me again. I erased my message to Alex and replied to Sam's message saying only the word no. I climbed back into my bunk and quietly put some music on. I just stared at the ceiling before looking through twitter. I was interrupted by a phone call. I tapped ignore when I saw Sam's name. And again. And for a third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, even eighth time. I got out of my bunk again and called Alex.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" he asked and I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Shouldn't you be answering questions?" I asked back.
"I'm on a break. What's up pretty girl?"
"Sam asked me to talk to him as soon as I could but I said no." I waited for his response which seemed like hours later.
"Really." he said.
"Yes, Lex. I wouldn't lie to you. I almost agreed to but I knew it was wrong so I said no." 
"Okay. I have to go." he said. I couldn't read his tone.
"I love you." I said sweetly.
"Yep." then he hung up.

What just happened?