Addicted
One
Cold slim fingers pressing against my skin, gasps and moans echoing around the room. Just another night I tell myself, one more night and I will let go and stop coming back to him. His hands move faster more urgent against my clothes tugging and pulling. I know the motions; I act as though this is the first time that I still enjoy this. The truth is I can't let him go, he is my drug and I am his addict. He knows it. More tugging and moaning, I try and remember how this is supposed to feel, how I am supposed to feel. I can't even recall how this used to be, how I used to enjoy these nights. His blonde hair falls over his eyes but even that can't hide the cold cruel look in them. The unbridled wanting. My body moves against his, on auto pilot my hands move with his. I moan when I should and stay silent the rest of the time. He moans loudly I know he is already close, I feel nothing as he finishes. My eyes stray to his face where I used to find the most loving eyes. Now all I see is cold hard steel staring down at me, the want was even gone. There was nothing there, not a spec of emotion. The words pass my lips almost sounding robotic.
"I love you." He replies the same; we both lay there knowing it is all empty words. He falls asleep; I can hear his breath coming out in soft puffs. I look around the room slowly curling into myself. When had we become that couple we had always promised to never be? I stared out into the dark world until the heaviness of sleep forced my eyes closed.
When I wake up everything is the same. I open my eyes slowly praying that something, anything, could have changed. He is still asleep beside me and his breathing is slow and heavy, for a moment I find myself drawn to him again. His blonde hair is splayed across the pillow and his face finally looks at peace. I slide out of bed and slowly slip back into my clothes from the day before. None of the other boys even acknowledge me as I slowly slip out of their room. I hurry back to the girl's dorms, keeping my head low and not looking anyone in the eye. They all know what has happened.
As I reach my dorm room a horrible feeling washes over me that I know all too well. This knowing feeling of regret that I can't shake. Once in my room I stare at myself in the mirror for the moment. I see the bite marks up my neck, and the bruises slowly starting to form on my arms and legs. I know I deserve something more, something else, yet I keep coming back to him time after time. No matter what Malfoy does, I am addicted.
"I love you." He replies the same; we both lay there knowing it is all empty words. He falls asleep; I can hear his breath coming out in soft puffs. I look around the room slowly curling into myself. When had we become that couple we had always promised to never be? I stared out into the dark world until the heaviness of sleep forced my eyes closed.
When I wake up everything is the same. I open my eyes slowly praying that something, anything, could have changed. He is still asleep beside me and his breathing is slow and heavy, for a moment I find myself drawn to him again. His blonde hair is splayed across the pillow and his face finally looks at peace. I slide out of bed and slowly slip back into my clothes from the day before. None of the other boys even acknowledge me as I slowly slip out of their room. I hurry back to the girl's dorms, keeping my head low and not looking anyone in the eye. They all know what has happened.
As I reach my dorm room a horrible feeling washes over me that I know all too well. This knowing feeling of regret that I can't shake. Once in my room I stare at myself in the mirror for the moment. I see the bite marks up my neck, and the bruises slowly starting to form on my arms and legs. I know I deserve something more, something else, yet I keep coming back to him time after time. No matter what Malfoy does, I am addicted.