Inability To Love, (You've Had Me On My Knees Before.)

"Jaxon I really can't do this right now." Hollie groaned, pushing her overgrown fringe out of her moss green eyes that were narrowed in anger.
Jaxon scoffed, unimpressed, he was always so unimpressed.
"Oh okay, so when you don't want to fight I'm expected to just drop it am I? Great! I guess I should just do whatever you tell me to like a good little house pet, because that's all I am to you right? A freaking lap dog who should abide by your every freaking word!"
Jaxon was furious, the vein in his neck pulsing as he blocked the front door so Hollie couldn't leave. Blue eyes normally oozing with love alight with rage, his entire body shaking.

Hollie took a deep breath, pushing down the boiling lava that was running through her veins, she was a ticking time bomb but she didn't want to explode, not when she had work in an hour, not when the neighbours were hovering outside their apartment hoping to catch a glimpse of the couples 'infamous' arguments.
Deep breaths, in and out, feel the calm sweeping through your body. There we go nice and calm, in, out...

"I'm your boyfriend Hollie! Your BOYFRIEND! You cant just use and abuse me! I'm not disposable. I need your attention away from the bedroom, I..."

Oops too late, Hollie exploded.

"Jaxon you've known me for years, you knew what you were getting yourself into, HELL you pleaded with me to go on a date with you! I don't do clingy, I don't do touchy feely and I don't do commitment. But you begged, you said you didn't care, that you wouldn't try and change me. And you know I don't say those words you want me to say." Hollie paused slightly, taking a deep breath before continuing, Jaxon stayed silent slouching slightly knowing that what she was saying was true, "Jaxon please, isn't the fact that I'm yours and that I'm still around and trying enough?" Hollie sighed wearily, her eyes locked on those of her lover, bright green, pleading, sad.

"You say it to Caleb." his words sliced through the atmosphere like a knife.
"Oh I get it. That's what this is really about isn't is?" Hollie had to shut her eyes from the hurt so obvious in Jaxon's voice. "Caleb and I, well I can't really explain that, we've known each other for twenty years, he's my best friend, you know he is"
She sighed, she seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

Her and Caleb's relationship was a strange one and it weighed heavy on Jaxon, Hollie couldn't help being so close to Caleb, and anyway it wasn't the same thing!

Jaxon huffed out the air in his lungs, running his long fingers through his disheveled golden hair, defeated, before meeting his girlfriends eyes.

"I love you Hols, you're my, well you're my everything and I, er, guess the fact that I'm not yours is well, it's hard to swallow sometimes." he managed to choke out over the lump in his throat, his eyes flicking back to his sock clad feet, shoulders slumped, so different from the strong knight of a man she had met all those years ago, their relationship's pillar of strength crumbling under the strain of unsaid words.

Hollie took a step forward wrapping her skinny arms around Jaxon's shaking form, nuzzling her face into his neck, breathing in his comforting scent, trying to keep them both in one piece.
After a few seconds Jaxon relaxed slightly, hesitantly threading his arms around his girlfriend's slender waist before clinging to her as if his life depended on it, because at the end of the day, to Jaxon, it did.

"You are my world Jax, my boyfriend, my better half. Caleb is my best friend, practically my brother. You have nothing to worry about. I'm yours. I just wish that was enough."

She felt him nod against her shoulder and smiled slight pulling back to softly kiss his slightly dampened cheek.

And it would be enough, for while any how, until the secret smiles and knowing looks would become too much, the scent of another man too obvious and the silence between them too loud. Then Jaxon would once again need three words he would never recieve.