Inability To Love, (You've Had Me On My Knees Before.)

It starts with a text message that wakes him up one minute before his alarm clock goes off.

'North road is blocked, car crash. Take the west bound. -H x'

Jaxon smiles softly before remembering why he was sleeping alone and hurls his phone across the room. It splits into three pieces and the battery bounces under his oak set of drawers.

Fuck.

His alarm sounding has him jumping out of bed in a panic, great now he was gonna be late for work because he has to stop by the carphone warehouse to get his phone repaired. Great... just awesome.

xXx

Its was just as he was getting out of the shower that evening that he notices the house phone flashing red. The automatic voice tells him he has one new message whilst he rubs the towl through his golden hair, it had been a long day with Katie sending him worried looks every five minutes and his dad being nice to him, cutting him slack and ugghh it was like the world was going mad.

The recorded message starts and makes Jaxons blood run cold.

"Hey Jax, its errr, Hollie, hah but i guess you erm guessed that. Erm, Gwen mentioned that Katie told her that you'd broken your phone and i err wanted to remind you that theres a spare nokia in my, i mean, erm my old bedside cabinate. Its pretty shitty but it works so erm, yeah. Okay, hanging up now." Theres a moments pause as if she wants to say more, just the sound of her soft breathing before she chickens out and says, "G'Night." before the message clicks off.

Jaxon, who had been frozen the second he heard her voice, was at a loss for what to do. It had been two weeks since their fight, since the incident, and he hadnt heard a thing and now its two messages in one day?

He grabbed the phone out of its holdster, punches in Katies phone number and spends about half an hour screaming at his sister. Not like it does him any good.

"Gwen is my friend Jax and I didnt realise Hols was still living with her, we're all grown ups here and we're both worried about the two of you, its unnatural for you to be apart for so long and we're trying to get used to it." Katie speaks to him like a teacher to a child, firm and understanding, making him feel both comforted and sick to his stomach, he hangs up pretty quickly after that not willing to risk his pride by doing something stupid like crying to her.

He takes his laptop and a tub of icecream to bed and decides to watch an Adam Sandler film to take his mind off of everything. It starts to rain outside his window about half way through the film and Jaxon hates how much of a tear-jerking-chick-flick his life has become and snuggles down to sleep, but not before digging through Hollies's drawer and finding her old phone, putting it on charge and hoping that tomorrow wont be so pathetically tragic.

xXx

The next day goes by without incident until about five o clock in the afternoon when hes sitting at his desk returning clients emails. He's just about to call it a day and head home when a 'ding' signals he has a new message. He opens it without checking the email address and instantly wishes he hadnt.

Its a photograph of him and Hollie. Blurry, candid, taken two years ago at a fancy art gallery Gwen had dragged them all to. Katie and Gwen looked beautiful as they smiled wide at the camera, slightly off to one side of the photo in glamorous gowns whilst Lance and Katie's best friend Leon looked slightly out of place but happy in flawless suits. It was obvious that everyone was drinking and laughing and having a great time.

The main focus of the photo though was Jaxon and Hollie. They were the only ones in the entire shot not looking at the camera, both of them way too lost in the other to notice anything happening around them, they were completely obsorbed with eachother. The flash had gone off just as they were leaning in for a kiss.

The perfect moment.

It made him want to cry and scream and smash things.

Yet he couldnt look away from the accompanying message.

To: JaxonWHenderson@HendersonInc .com

From: HollieEmrysIsCOOL@Hotmail .com

Subject: Im sorry.

I don't deserve you, I'm a coward and a liar and a total idiot.

But i want to, no, i need to be better.

This is one of my favourite photos of us, i wanted you to have it.

-H x

"No, no, no! You're not allowed to do this! Urrrghhh!" he slams his laptop closed and bangs his head against it a few times before getting up and leaving the office.

This isnt fair, he doesnt need this shit.

xXx

Theres a fresh cup of coffee on his desk the next morning, a vanilla latte with extra whip from his favourite coffee shop down the street and he grins for the first time in a week.

"Hey Emma, thanks for the coffee youre a saint!" he praised his secretary, poking his head around his office door to flash her a grin making her blush pastel pink.

"Oh, erm that wasn't me Sir, Hollie dropped it off on her way to work and asked me to heat it up before you got in." she smiles wistfully and its all Jaxon can do to keep his breakfast down. "I cant wait until i have someone who loves me as much as you two love eachother."

If it had been anyone but Emma he probably would have lost it then and there, but she was still too young and sweet and blissfully unaware of the shit that was real life so he continued to fake his smile and head back to his office so as not to destroy her fantasy, after all, that had been him when he'd first met Hollie.

Slumping down into his chair he notices a bright green postit note stuck to his desk.

J-

Im sorry, Im trying to make this right.

-H x

Suddenly the coffee doesnt taste as great.

xXx

From that day on he gets texts at least three times a day. They range from a simple, 'Its raining dont forget an umbrella,' to 'I saw an old couple on the train holding hands, should be us.'

Every day there's a fresh cup of coffee on his desk with a postit note: Im sorry, I miss you, I was stupid, I dont deserve you. Im so sorry!
Jaxon keeps them, sticks them to the inside of his desk drawer. Brushes it off, pretends it means nothing when his heart aches.

Every night he comes home to a voice message on his answering machine, reminding him that his dad's birthday is coming up or that the bins needed to be put out and that his regular haircut with Mr Ouleg was coming up. Every call ended the exact same way, Hollie would pause after she'd said whatever she'd rung to tell him staying totally silent for about ten seconds before letting out a big sigh and murmering, 'G'night'.

Somedays it was like she had never left.

Somedays Jaxon wishes she hadnt.

xXx

The end of the next week saw Jaxon having the worst day at work in the history of bad days.

First an intern had spilt boiling hot coffee down his brand new white shirt and he hadnt brought a spare, then Emma had shredded the important documents he needed instead of filing them, then he was screamed at by the japanese buissness man who needed said files via a skype conference call in front of the department heads and then he'd been chatted up by a sleazy lawyer from the fifth floor who was way too hansy and was begging for a fist to the face which ended up with Jaxon being shouted at by his father, CEO Henderson, and having to apologize to Mr Grabby Hands so he wouldnt sue and to top it all off he hadnt heard from Hollie all day, even the coffee didnt have a postit note on it and it upset him more then he cared to admit.

But none of that mattered now, it was Friday so he didnt have to think about work for two whole days. All he wanted to do now was to go home to Hollie, share a relaxing bubble bath, order in his favourite chinese and do nothing but sleep and cuddle and eat and watch crappy telivision until Monday morning came and he had to go back into the hell hole he called work.

Oh shit.

No, erm what he meant was, all he wanted to do was go home ALONE, have a relaxing bubble bath ALONE, order in chinese food and do nothing but sleep, eat and watch crappy telly ALONE until Monday morning.

For some reason that didnt sound as good.