Inability To Love, (You've Had Me On My Knees Before.)

Hollie tugged nervously at her dress for the millionth time in about five minutes. She felt so damn sick, her stomach rolling like a boat on choppy seas. Lance was stood beside her looking as anxious as she felt.

"Big day today," she murmered straightening Lance's buttonhole and smoothing down the shoulders of his suit jacket.

"Yeah, for me and you both!" He replied flashing pearly white teeth and patting Hollie shoulder in a reassuring way.

"I still cant belive you wanted me to be your best man," she giggled turning to face the rest of the church as Lance faced the vicar.

"No better wo-MAN for the job!" he replied with a wink.

All of a sudden the church seemed to come alive with the gorgeous sounds of the wedding march played simply by a twelve string guitar accompanyed by everyone getting to their feets in the pews.

"Show time." Hollie whispered causing Lance's tanned skin to pale nervously.

"Here we go, now or never!"

xXxXxXx

When Gwen appeared at the begining of the aisle Hollie doesnt think she's ever felt so proud in her life.

"Oh my god! Seriously Lance youre gonna wanna see this," she annouced, grinning so wide her jaw hurt as she grabbed Lances shoulder forcing him to turn around to face the aisle.

Gwen was a vision in white, glowing like an angel, smiling bashfully and completely stunning, flanked by Katie in a silvery gown that made her look every bit an elfish princess. Lance gasped and if they had been in an anime his eyes would be huge flashing hearts right about now, totally breath taken by his very soon to be bride.

When they finally met at the alter and Katie relieved Gwen of her bouquet so she could hold Lane's hand, Hollie had the deepest longing to be stood in their shoes, Jaxon at her side, holding her hand, professing his undying love. The thought hit her so hard that she almost stumbled, luckily noone was paying attention to her whilst the most perfect couple in the world said their vows.

She could make this right. She knew she could fix it, but she had to put it out of her mind because right then, her best friends were getting married and she wasnt going to miss it for the world. Tonight would be her chance. She took a quick scan of the church and caught Jaxon's eye, he looked like a deer trapped in the headlights, Hollie tugged her lips into a smile. "Hi." she mouthed.

Jaxon looked like he wanted to run but smiled none the less mouthing back a simple, "Hey,"

Hollie grinned, today was a good day, Jaxon had turned up, her best friends were finally getting married and tonight, tonight she would fix what she'd broken.

XxXxXxX

The church looked like something out of a fairy tail, all white and silver and orchids and lillies and roses, fairy lights and candles illuminating the intimate gathering, the soft scent of vanilla warming the air.

Jaxon was clad in his favourite charcoal suit, a royal blue tie that matched his eyes and an anxious smile. Leon met him at the church's entrance and instantly clapped a reassuring hand on his broad shoulder.

"I wasnt sure you'd make it Jax, but im glad you did." he announced with a sincer smile that crinkled his green eyes. Jaxon nodded screwing his mouth to one side, "I wasnt sure I was gonna make it either, only just made up my mind really."

The look in Leon's eyes was a bit too all knowing for Jaxon's taste and it quickly reminding him that this was Katie's best friend and there was a reason for that. Leon was as coniving as Jaxons sister but in a totally innocent way, you couldnt help but like him, trust him, he had a way of making people want to spill their hearts to him. He was extremely tall, pushing 6ft6", with a mess of dark blonde hair and sparkly green eyes, he was kind and warm and compassionate, always stood up for what he felt was right and had been more than a little pissed off when he heard about Hollie and Caleb. Other than Katie, Leon was the main person Jaxon confided in and had always sort of hoped he and his sister would end up getting married so they could be brother-in-laws.

Feeling the moment getting a little too serious for the setting Jaxon chuckled slightly and said, "So when are you and Katie gonna get hitched?" Leon flushed a very satisfying shade of red in response before spluttering several times and excusing himself to go and get a drink. Jaxon threw his head back and laughed properly for the first time in a few weeks and heading inside the church scouting out a good seat on Gwens side of the aisle.

xXxXxXxXx

Hollie and Lance entered from the front of the church lead by the vicar, Lance was wearing a spotless, pure black suit, the only colour his shiny silver tie and a white calla lillie button hole, Hollie was in a floor length silver gown that clung and swished in all the right places an idetical flower on the dress's strap. The sight of her made Jaxons heart jump up into his throat, she was etheral, all slanting cheekbones and ocean green eyes, her ink black hair curling around her face and falling in soft waves down her back.

It was the first time Jaxon had seen her since that day over a month ago and even though she had rung him and texted him and brought him coffee and everything else he hadnt actually replied or spoken to her at all. The only thing Hollie had gotten in return was a simple, "Okay," that Jaxon had texted her late the previous night after writing and rewriting the message about a million times debating whether or not the day would end in tragedy.

Seeing Holile at the front of the church in a gown and smiling at an obviously extremely nervous Lance had Jaxons stomach doing funny things, like a flock of birds had taken refuge in his depths but were now trying to escape.

Hollie was trying, that much was obvious. She realised what she had done was wrong and was trying to make amends. Jaxon loved her, there was no denying that for a second but, she had hurt him, betrayed his trust, brought another man into their home, had purposely ruined what they had. How could he just let her back in after all that damage. Oh shit.

'I need to leave, I cant do this, god I need to get out of here before Hollie notices Im here and...'

Just as he was about to get up out of his seat and make a run for it the wedding march echoed through the room and everyone clambered to their feet. Jaxon swore internally, no escape now.

xXxXxXxX

Katie caught his eye and grinned as she floated past him looking gorgeous in silver that matched Hollies, her arm looped through Gwen's, Gwen who looked like a princess in her breathtaking ivory dress, Gwen who only had eyes for Lance, her gaze never wavering from his smouldering brown eyes.

Just like the photo Hollie had emailed him, they were totally enarmered with eachother. Jaxons heart thumped painfully in his chest as everyone finally sat down and the room dissolved into silence.

Hollie caught his eye across the aisle, smiled sofly melting his inside to goo and mouthed, 'Hi.'

Jaxon forced a smile back, 'Hey.'

The grin that lit up her face before she turned her attention to Lance was blinding, it set fire to a spark that Jaxon had feared might be long dead.

xXx

The ceremony was beautiful, honest and short.

Almost too short, as soon as it was over Jaxon knew he would have to speak to Hollie, he prayed the couples vows would at least be lengthy.

They weren't.

Not that it mattered anyway because as soon as they were pronounced man and wife the wedding party were whisked off for photos and whatever went along with the weddingy stuff as the rest of the guests were ushered to the reception.

xXx

The hall was decorated just as well as the church had been; huge white drapes hung from the ceiling, fairy lights and candles and all the flowers had been set out giving the room a soft, cosy, intimate feel. There was a band set up in one corner waiting for the signal to start playing as they chatted softly to eachother doing last minute checks.

Jaxon knew his seat was right next to Hollies at the head table but he wasnt quite ready to face her yet so when Leon and Eli, (Lance's and Hollie's friend from collage), called him over to their table he was there like a shot.

"So, the first of our friends tie the knot!" Eli exclaimed as happy as ever as Jaxon sat down in the vacant seat next to him, "Who do'ya reckons next?"

"Probably my sister and ole Leon here!" Jaxon exclaimed slapping the older man on the back before cracking up laughing quickly joined by Eli.

"Oh really, come on! I mean weve been mates forever and shes way to perfect to date me." Leon defended looking pretty defeated if you ask Jaxon.

Eli rolled his eyes before announcing as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "You two are as bad as Gwen and Lance were, you're obviously perfect for eachother, hell you even have her lil' bro's blessing."

Leon flushed fushia swatting at Jaxon's hand as he tried to pinch his cheeks. They were soon silenced though as Katie stood up at the head table microphone in hand, Jaxon hadnt even noticed the wedding party had returned. Suddenly the birds in his stomach picked up again.

"Hi everyone, Im Katie and Im Gwens maid of honor..."

xXx

The speeches were heartfelt and funny and Gwen's even brought a tear to Jaxons eye. He still hadnt taken his seat next to Hollie as he didnt want to be rude getting up and walking around the hall while everyone was speaking on the mike, well that and he was a total chicken shit.

Finally everyone clapped Lance's mum as she finshed her speech and then it was Hollies turn, Hollie who was staring straight at Jaxon with hope in her emerald eyes.

xXx

"Hi everyone, I'm Hollie and Im Lances best man." She made quotation marks with her fingers as she said 'man' earning a chuckle from the guests, "Ive been looking forward to this day for the past seven years, ever since Lance and Gwen first met at one of our dorm parties our first year of collage. It was love at first sight, well to everyone but the lovestruck pair who continued to dance arund eachother for the next twelve months claiming they were, and i quote, 'Just really great friends'," Gwen laughed from next to her rolling her eyes, Hollie grinned and carried on.

"Lance here, has been one of my very best mates since we were forced to share a dorm room at collage when the board messed up and put a chick in with a bunch of guys, hes the best man ive met, hes loyal and funny and rediculously kind and handsome as fuck," the crowd giggled and Lance blushed burying his face in his wifes neck, "Gwen, well Gwen is just so very very beautiful, inside and out with the biggest heart ive ever known plus she makes the greatest cupcakes ever, shes incredibe! They are truely perfect for eachother and a love like theirs should be celebrated and cherished, it really is a love for the history books." The crowd cheered at that and Gwen shot Hollie a warm smile her chocolatey brown eyes twinkling with tears. Hollie winked at her, taking a deep breath and meeting Jaxons beautiful blue eyes across the room before she continued it was now or never, no turning back even if her heart was trying to break free of its boney cage.

"Unfortuantly we're not all as smart as Gwen and Lance when it comes to love. I, mysef have been hiding my whole life from it. Like a scared child, too afraid to see or speak or feel anything that could end up with me getting hurt. I often lashed out instead of dealing with emotion, hurting the most important person in my life in the process. I hid and ran and lied and cheated." Jaxon was frowning slightly staring straight back at Hollie looking a little confused as she tried to speak around the lump that had formed in her throat.

"Y'see I have been hurt before, more times then I can probably count and I always thought that made it alright for me to hurt other people in return, like a, a rite of passage so to speak, except, this important person had done nothing to deserve it he was utterly perfect and I, well I was too stupid to see that I was the luckiest girl alive. I wasnt worthy of him or his love and im still unworthy of him but, but now I am willing to try to be worthy enough for him because I, I love him and I'm so incredibly sorry and I dont want to hide or run or lie or cheat anymore, I just want to love him, love him in the same way Gwen loves Lance and vice versa, pure and tangible and alot." Jaxon chuckled at that, his eyes filling up as the whole room seemed to hold its breath.

"So I propose a toast. A Toast to the luckiest people in the world, Lance and Gwen who know the secret of love, and to second chances for fools in love willing to be better." Hollie surveyed the room with a twist of her lips; Katie was clinging to Leon who was staring down at her a strange emotion on his face, Gwen and Lance were grinning like theyd just won the lottery, Hollie guessed that was exactly how they felt and Jaxon, Jaxon looked beautiful and shocked yet hopeful.

Hollie felt like she was going to faint. "Cheers everyone!"

The room erupted with the answering "Cheers!", smiling and clapping as the champagne finally started flowing and the band began to play as the party got started.