The Man I Thought I'd Never Love

I hoped that everything went well with the concert, because my parents were coming home from their vacation tonight, and I had a lot of cleaning to get done before it was safe for them to step even a foot inside the door. The drive to the concert was a long and boring one. So in my mere boredom I went toward the back of the bus, and found one of Brian’s guitars. I knew he wouldn’t mind me playing it, because he never had minded. He had told me a while ago that I was the only person he was comfortable with playing his guitar and that made me feel quite trusted, since his instruments were treated like his potential children. I took a seat on one of the bunk beds, away from all the idiots, and started to just mess around, playing different, random chords, to different A7X songs. Then I decided to play a whole actual song. But there were so many to choose from. I finally went with Dear God, a much slower song that was slightly challenging on the acoustic; well at least it was for me. I knew the song by heart because it had practically been drilled into my head. So as I started playing I also started singing.
“A lonely road crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
while I recall all the words you spoke to me
can’t help but wish that I was there
back where I’d love to be, oh yea
dear god, the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I’m not around
when I’m much too far away
we all need that person who can be true to you
but I left her when I found her and now I wish I’d stayed cause I’m lonely and I’m tired, I’m missing you again oh no once again
There’s nothing here for me on this barren road
there’s no one here while the city sleeps and all the shops are closed
can’t help but think of the times I’ve had with you
pictures and some memories will have to help me through oh yea
dear god the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I’m not around when I’m much too far away
we all need that person who can be true to you
but I left her when I found her and now I wish I’d stayed
cause I’m lonely and I’m tired and I’m missing you again oh no once again
Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in to selfish ways
and how I miss someone to hold
when hope begins to fade
A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
Dear god the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I’m not around
when I’m much too far away
we all need that person who can be true to you
but I left her when I found her, and now I wished I’d stayed, cause I’m lonely and I’m tired, I’m missing you again oh no, once again” I let the last note ring, it slowly faded.
The doorway cracked. I turned around in alarm. There Brian stood, his dark figure blended in with the walls, but his dark brown eyes as always glistened in the moonlight. He had a devilish grin on his face again. “God you scared me! How long have you been there?” I asked turning toward him completely, still holding the guitar close to me. “Long enough. I didn’t know you could play or sing that well. You’re really good.” “Thanks, but I mean that wasn’t that good. You’re way better, I was just messin’ around.” I said standing up, I tried to walk passed him to put his guitar back where it belonged but his arm at my waist stopped me. I felt his muscles tense as I childishly struggled against his grip. I gave up quickly; he turned me so I was directly facing him staring into those deep brown eyes again, holding so many mysteries, and home to so much hurt. Secrets never to be shared with anyone, keeping everything locked inside. But when he spoke, he hid all that pain and agony from people. He pretended to be normal, never letting them see the real him. But I wasn’t fooled. In fact I almost cried by simply standing there. My good friend for such a long time, practically my brother was hurting and had been for such a long time, because of others never thinking about anyone but themselves, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, no way to help him. I was useless to him.
His warm breath got closer and heavier on my skin, and gave me cold chills. “Brian…Let me go. Please.” I stammered my voice was shaking for some unknown reason. Brian had never had that effect on me. Why did he now? “Hey listen. Why are you getting so fidgety? I’ve held you before without any problem. Anyway…You’re beyond artistic.” I interrupted him by chuckling slightly. His eyes buried me in guilt somehow. “I’m serious. I wouldn’t mess around with something like this. I can recognize talent, and I’ve known you’ve had it to a degree for a while. You have a gift of picking things up so quickly, but then you put your personality, and style into it, making it way better. You make things like you….stunning.” he stopped at that suddenly looking back into my eyes. I had gotten lost in his words and hadn’t realized the bus had stopped, and Brian and I had made the space between us vanish entirely. I felt his muscles, and the rhythmatic rise and fall of his chest. We stood there for what seemed like forever, staring at each other, gazing into each other’s eyes. What was it with us and the eyes? He caught me off guard by starting to lean in. I knew his intentions, and knew I shouldn’t kiss him but I couldn’t gain energy to do anything. I couldn’t move or speak. He had me that captivated. He hesitated for a minute. But his wish was granted when the silence on the bus was broken by Zacky yelling “Uh before my next birthday would be nice!” Him yelling started me, which in turn made me jump in surprise.
That’s when it happened. Our lips met, so gently, and gracefully. They hesitated for a second, then proceeded in an elegant dance. His hands connected around my waist, pulling me as close as possible, mine were in his hair slowly. I gently and discretely set the guitar down. I felt him smile into the kiss. I could feel him hesitate for a minute, I knew wanted to do, so I gave him the okay. I slowly slipped my tongue on the inside of his mouth. It tasted like mints and was so warm and welcoming. But it wasn’t anyone I didn’t know, it was Brian, one of the most perfect people I’d ever had the blessing to meet. His tongue fought with mine, naturally he won, and they danced for a minute. Eventually our tongues were in our own mouths again. He decided to put himself, and his goofy personality into the kiss. He picked me up gently from the waist, so I barely even noticed and spun me around. “GUYS LETS GO! STOP MESSING AROUND!” Zacky shouted from the front of the bus. He was really ticked now. Brian laughed, I did too eventually. My mind and heart were racing. We stopped kissing simultaneously. Yet we still held each other close, gasping for air. He looked as stunned as I felt. We stood there for a minute, catching our breath, once we could accumulate words Brian started to chuckle. “Wow… See I told you, you were talented.” Before that I had been wondering if the last few minutes really happened, but when he said that, he proved everything. “Huh funny… Um what the hell was that?” In a way my question had been rhetorical, but Brian being the smart ass he is had to answer. “Uh I might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure we just made out.” He said smiling, knowing what I had really meant. “Well thank you captain clearly obvious. What I meant was, what the heck did you do that for? Oh my god… Zacky is gonna kill us if he finds out. Ohh shit we are so screwed… it’s not even funny.” Brain apparently got a kick out of my over reacting, and worrying over little things. “Who said Zacky has to know? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt us. But where does all of this” he said gesturing to me, him, and practically the whole world around us “leave us?” he asked. I pondered that for a second. I really had no idea. I had never really, deeply thought about being with Brian. But since we kissed, and there had obviously been some spark I guess that kind of meant we were together. “I don’t know. But we better get out there for the sound check before everybody gets really livid.” I said grabbing his hand, leading him out of the bus, past the paparazzi and inside the arena. There weren’t too many people inside yet. Most of them were outside waiting in line. So we had the huge building to ourselves for a little less than an hour. The guys didn’t seem too upset, except for Zacky of course, but it doesn’t take much to make him upset, especially when it comes to his music. Brian reluctantly let go of my hand, and headed toward the stage. I went and took a seat next to Val while the guys did their sound check, and last minute rehearsals. Which were always amusing because harsh language was common, but even more so when all the guys were nervous. I still have no idea why they all get nervous since their fans clearly love them...But they do. Thank god Val was like me, and not super talkative, because with so many things running through my mind there was no way I would be able to carry on a half way logical conversation.
The rest of rehearsal and the very last sound check went relatively quickly, in fact they were starting to let crazy screaming fans in already. It took me a moment to connect the pieces, and grasp the concept that I needed to move unless I had a serious death wish. Before I had the chance to make it to the stage a colossal wave of screaming girls came filing in. They were like a huge swarm, so close and so loud I didn’t know which way the stage was. Even the light was starting to vanish. All those people so close, to me. The room started spinning, and closing in.
My chest got tight, like it had been tied into a thousand knots. I started gasping for air, trying to find a way out, to make people move, but despite my efforts they wouldn’t budge. All the sudden I couldn’t take it anymore, being so close to all those people. The room went black, and I landed in someone’s arms. Whose arms they belonged to I could only guess but hopefully it was someone intelligent enough to know that I was extremely claustrophobic and as soon as I was out of the tight space and had some air I would be fine.