Forbidden

As our years together drew on- Thor and I did get closer. We spent time together standing side by side at every public event- so naturally we discussed our lives and emotions with one another. Thor was still childish and selfish and in no way desireable to me- but he made a good companion at times, especially when it came to combat training and political discussions. Although it was not my place to discuss the political matters in which my future husband took part in- Thor embraced my open mind. He enjoyed to hear my perspective on the matters regarding the other realms. Our opinions differed more often then not. He believed that Asgardians were better then any other beings in the nine realms- I however had a more equalistic view. Thor would enjoy these debates, that never took place in public, of course. Around anyone but Thor and Loki- I remained quiet and without opinion.

Thor was a compainion- a friend. Nothing else. I thought when I was younger, that with enough time- my mind would just fall into place and align themselves with the path set before me. But it never happened. I never fell in love with Thor, although I was still meant to marry him in the very near future. My emotions for the other son of Odin told quite a different story.

"Loki be a dear and tie this for me?" I asked, not turning away from the floor length mirror. I heard him stir from the bed. He sat up with a small groan, closing and putting aside the book his nose was previously barried in. He grumbled something under his breath as he walked towards me. I felt his soft yet calloused hands brush my raven colored hair from my back and over my shoulders. He took hold of the strings of my dress I held out to him. He tied them swiftly behind my neck. He rested his hands on my shoulders and gazed at my reflection.

"Beautiful as always, Edony." I saw his reflection smile and blink slowly- eyes still gazing.

"Thank you, Loki." My pale skin blushed faintly and I looked at the ground. Although I was confident by nature- something about the man in my presence could always break me down to my core. Loki, however, loved this about our relationship. He loved the fact that I could not help but be purely myself around him.

"We must go now, if we are to be on time." His fingers cupped my chin and lifted my face. "Do not blush because of your beauty."

I hated to admit it, but I was beautiful- or at least that is what everyone told me. My raven black hair had developed into long, shiny, flowing tresses. My blue-green eyes had grown wide. My mother said that the color of my eyes was nearly impossible- as if my eyes could not decide if they were to be green or blue- so they settled between. My wide eyes were curtained by my long black eyelashes that seemed to flutter whenever I blinked or shut my eyes. My lips were thin but shapely, always permanently the color of roses. Although my cheeks could blush to a light pink- the rest of my skin was "as pale as winter itself" as my mother said- a trait from her no-doubt as she was the Goddess Of Winter.

I turned to face Loki and embraced him. These eight years had been kind to him. He was always tall- but at the age of nineteen he nearly towered over everyone. He was not as muscular as his brother- but he definitely had muscle tone underneath his robes. I had seen him without a shirt very rarely, usually when I showed up unannounced. But when he would embrace me- I could feel the muscles working underneath his clothes. His hair was as dark as mine and nearly touched his shoulders with an ever so slight curl at the ends. Yes, the years had been kind to Thor as well, but I always found Loki to be more handsome. I was aware I was forbidden to think of my future husband's brother like this- but I could not help it sometimes.

After these years of close friendship- I had grown attached to Loki, even more than I was attached to Thor. Although Thor and I were destined to be together for the rest of eternity- I did not love him. Nor do I believe he loves me. But, as was my duty- so I said nothing of it. Loki had been there for me whenever it was needed - or merely wanted. He had emense talents manipulating energy into magic- one of the skills he had harnessed was the ability to transport his body from one place to another- teleport, if you will. So, when I could not find sleep or something was bothering me- I would look up one moment and see Loki's smiling face in front of me. In these late night visits, we would sit or lay together and simply talk. Loki loved to talk of magic, the other realms, and anything that did not revolve around his brother. We loved to escape reality together- to imagine our own worlds were everything was what we desired.

Ever since we met, Loki had encouraged me to be myself and nothing but, at least around him. He understood the need to pretend to be what your title demands, but he always said that around him- I could act any way I desired.

"Come now, Edony. You know what today means to my brother. We can not taint it with being late. We are both supposed to be beside him." Loki said, bitterness laced in his rythmic voice.

Loki had told me before how he envied his brother. He desired only to be his equal in the eyes of his family and Asgard- not to be just 'the brother of the king'. This part of Loki had grown over the years- as he finally understood his place in the world. And he was not pleased with it. This awoke a slight devilishness in Loki. He would use his magic to trick and fool with his brother and others- usually never at momentous occasions- but enough to satisfy his relentless jealousy. I had repeatedly told him to not fret his place in the world as I did not either- as I had found a way to be happy through our friendship. But, no matter how much he tried - flickers of his internal rage shone through his fake happy demeanour whenever his brother was picked over him or was presented with something.

This day was of great importance to Thor. He was to be presented with his prized weapon and officially betrothed to the woman promised to him- who was me. The people of Asgard thought us the perfect pair. Thor was warm and firy- yet I represented the cold. They said that we even each other out, so to speak- that we compliment each other. This also meant that tonight Thor and I would consumate our engagement. Although I had been to bed with Thor many times before- as was expect of me- this act was to express our love and devotion to each other. Which we did not have. It was just another meaningless ceremony.
As if Loki was thinking the same thing, he sighed.

"I don't like it when he touches you like that." He muttered, still locked in our embrace. His fingertips gently caressed the skin of my back. I sighed as well - entranced with the feeling of the warmth he gave off.

We let the subject drift away as we did our final preparations for the the ceremony and made our way to the great hall where it was to be held. I was to stand next to Loki and the rest of Thor's family as Odin bestowed Thor's greatest power and weapon. Then I would come forth and we would recite vows to each other- much like when we were only twelve.

Loki and I kept our hands locked as we marched out with Thor's family. Everyone in the realm knew of Loki and I's close friendship- so the act went barely noticed. I would not have cared if they thought that our closeness was wrong. He was the only thing that could bring a smile to my face. When he would materialize in my bedroom at night when he knew I could not sleep, or when we marched out together- hand in hand in front of all of Asgard- I was happy.

Finally it was my turn to approach Thor and Odin. I stood facing Thor, with a view of Loki over his shoulder. Thor recited his vows of devotion in an fakely enthusiatic voice. As I recited mine, I looked at Loki the entire time- Thor was too busy watching his father to notice. It was as if the ceremony when we were twelve was taking place all over again.

I looked straight into Loki's eyes. I wished Loki were the one I was to marry. I truely loved Loki - a fact I had always known in the back of my head, but never embraced. I never acted on my emotions, of course. I stayed true to my destiny and position and forced the feelings out of my head. But, I needed Loki to be by my side- not his idiotic brother.

I recited my vows of everlasting love, meant for Thor, to Loki (although no one but Loki noticed).

He held my gaze and smiled enchantingly. He knew the words were meant for him - he had a certain intuition regarding the thoughts in my head.

His voice sounded in my mind, a trick he picked up years ago.

"I love you, Edony. I always have."