Ana

You'd think hunger would just be one sensation, one feeling.

But it's not.

It's many.

First there's the annoying, persistent growling noise, the burbling of stomach acids, and the rumbling feeling, like there's an avalanche inside me.

Then there's the painful, achey emptiness that hurts like hell. That only lasts for a little while. Then it recedes.

And turns into the kind of emptiness that I love. The almost-weightlessness that fills me up. The cold that comes with it, and the lightheadedness. The hunger highs and heady rushes that make everything bad disappear.

I love this.

I love the hatred that I feel for fat and for food and for myself.

I love knowing how strong I am, mentally.

I love being in control.

This is why I do what I do.