My Only One

Lexie didn't say anything. She didn't think she could. She had been thinking of things that she would say to Alex when she saw him again, but now he was really here, she couldn't bring herself to speak. Seeing Alex's face when he saw her again for the first time in 5 years rendered her speechless. Heartbreak.

Alex wasn't saying anything either. He was just staring at her, either waiting for her to speak or willing himself to say something else.

Out of the corner of her eye, Lexie saw Rian nudge Jack and they silently headed for the door. Isabelle stood up silently too and left the room after them, leaving Alex and Lexie alone.

"Why did you come back?" Alex finally asked. He was not looking at her, but looking pointedly at the ground.

"I -- I don't know, really," she admitted honestly. Then she just thought Fuck it, and quickly told him how she found out about them after hearing them on the radio and how she got to be here.

Alex listened quietly, not giving any reaction to what she was saying at first.

"So now you want to be friends with us again because we're famous? Are you after money? Publicity? What is it you want?" Alex asked, sounding as if he was really trying to keep his voice calm.

"Nothing!" she nearly yelled. "It's not like that at all. I just needed to see you again... And I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I left things between us. I'm sorry for not talking to you in person before I left. I'm sorry for everything."

"Well your apology is not fucking accepted," he spat and walked forward quickly so that he was infront of her and she resisted the urge to step back away from him. His expression was frightening. "What made you think I wanted to see you again? What made you think that I would still care about you? Because I don't. I don't give a shit about you anymore, Lexie."

Tears welled up in her eyes at his words, but anger also bubbled up inside her. "You're lying," she said.

"I'm not lying," he spat.

"Yes you are," she said. "I spoke to Vinny. He told me what you were like after I left, how broken you were."

"Well... that was then. This is now. Things are different," he said defensively, but she knew that she was getting to him.

"I don't believe you," she said quietly, then spoke more loud and clearer. "Remembering Sunday, that's about me isn't it?"

Alex said nothing, just stared at her.

"I saw the way you performed it tonight, the emotion you put into it. You wouldn't be able to sing it like that if you didn't still care... if you didn't still feel."

"So is that why you're back? You want me back? After all this fucking time?"

"No," she said quietly, then immediately felt guilty. The flash of hurt across his face was quickly hidden, but she saw it and she wished that she could have answered differently. "I told you, I just had to see you again. I needed to apologize."

"If I said I forgive you, would you leave me alone?" he said.

"No because I know you're lying again," she said.

Alex moved closer to her, so close they were almost touching and she could feel his breath on her face. "You want to know the truth?"

She nodded her head, not trusting herself to speak. "The truth is that I love you. I loved you 5 years ago and I haven't stopped loving you since. I tried so much to get over you but I couldn't do it. I loved you too much and I still do. More than anything."

Lexie's breath caught in surprise but Alex continued talking, desperation seeping into his words and he held onto her wrists tightly as he spoke. "When we were together I had vision of us one day getting married, having children. I could see myself doing all that with you. Then you left. I know it wasn't your fault that you had to go, but you could have told me, we could have made it work somehow. I wouldn't have given up on you."

"Alex --"

"Let me finish," he said more desperately. "I tried to get over you, I did my best. I got other girlfriends, hell, I was even back with Lisa for a while... but none of them compared to you. I didn't know how to explain it to anybody, what I was feeling, so I wrote a song. Then the guys seemed to get it. They helped me and I got better."

"Alex, please just --"

"I said I'm not finished," he interupted. "Things with the band were going amazing and for a while, I forgot about you. Then we came to England for the first time for a tour and it reminded me of you. I tried to find you but I couldn't. I've tried to find you every time we've been over here, but I never have... instead, you've found me."

"Do you wish I hadn't have come?" she asked nervously.

"No," he whispered. "I'm glad you've come, actually. I didn't mean what I said to you before. Seeing you again after all these years... it's like I'm alive again. You're still as beautiful as you were then, by the way."

She blushed, despite herself. "Alex there's something --"

"Lexie, I fucking love you," he said, as if she hadn't spoke. He let go of her wrists and moved them up to cup her face and his thumb stroked her cheek gently. Lexie's heart started fluttering; they were close enough to kiss.

Alex seemed to be thinking on the same wavelength because he started to lower his face closer to hers, and his lips lightly brushed her cheek, moving down towards her lips. But before their lips could meet, Lexie quickly jumped out of his arms and stood away from him, feeling immensely guilty for so many reasons.

Alex looked at her, hurt but she spoke before he could ask why. "Alex, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" he asked warily.

She took a deep breath. "I never stopped loving you either, I still do... it's just that I've moved on."

"But we can be together again now, Lexie!" Alex said, desperation in his voice and it broke her heart to see him like this.

"You're misunderstanding me. I've moved on. I'm with someone else. Infact... I'm engaged," she said and held up her left hand to show the ring on her finger.

Alex looked as if she had slapped him in the face. "So you come all the way over here, get my fucking hopes up and then tell me that there's not a chance that we can be together again?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears rolling gently down her face.

"Sorry isn't good enough!" he yelled. "I just poured my fucking heart out to you! Well don't I feel fucking ridiculous now."

"I wasn't trying to get your hopes up, Alex, I just --"

"If you didn't want to get my hopes up then you shouldn't have come here. You're just going to break my heart again and I don't know if I can handle that," he said in anger, but Lexie could see the hurt and betrayal in his eyes.

"I guess I'll go then," she said quietly.

"That's the best thing you've said all evening," he said flatly. She held back a sob and made for the door, closing it quietly behind her. She was back in the corridor where Vinny brought her down and it took her a while to notice Jack, Rian, Zack and Isabelle all sitting outside the room, obviously listening in to their conversation.

Isabelle stood up and pulled her into a tight hug and she sobbed quietly onto her best friends shoulder. She then felt three other sets of arms wrap around them both and she cried even harder.

After what felt like forever, she was realised but Isabelle kept an arm around her waist. They silently headed for the exit but Jack caught her arm.

"Are we ever going to see you again?" he asked her.

"I would love to be friends with you guys again... but with Alex, I just don't know," she said.

"At least give me your cellphone number," he said. She nodded and wrote it down on his arm as they had no paper and she left the venue with Isabelle.

"I guess you heard everything," Lexie said as they got into the car and began driving home.

"Yeah, I heard," she replied. "I think he was a bit hard on you, but I understand why he was like that. He's hurt."

"I know," Lexie said. "And it fucking kills me to know that I'm the reason he's like that."

"He'll be fine," Isabelle said, reassuringly. "He's got his best friends around him. They helped him last time."

Lexie nodded, not saying anything else.

When Lexie pulled up outside Isabelles house, she got out of the car and said, "Remember, we're going shopping tomorow. Dress fittings and just some good old retail therapy."

"I know, I'll pick you up at 12," Lexie said.

"Excellent," Isabelle said. "See you tomorow!"

"Bye!" Lexie called and drove off, heading for her own house.

She pulled up in the driveway and went inside, trying to be as quiet as possible so she didn't wake Jonathan up. She quickly brushed her teeth in the bathroom and removed her make up. Then she went into her bedroom, expecting to have to be sneaky but Jonathan was awake.

"Hey, how was the concert?" he asked.

"It was good," she said as she changed into her nightwear.

"Did you see them again?" he asked. Jonathan knew about All Time Low and Alex. She told him that she was going to go see them. He had a right to know.

She sighed, slipping into the covers next to him. "Yeah. The guys were happy to see me... Alex, not so much."

"Well it's understandable," he said, playing with her hair. "He'll come around. It would be good for you to be friends with him again."

"Yeah, I don't want him to leave London hating me," she said.

"Well they're playing Brixton again tomorow, right? You could go down and try and talk to him again," he said.

"I never thought of that. I could do, I suppose. I might ring Jack and see what he thinks, I don't want to impose."

"I'm sure they'd be glad to see you again before they leave," he told her, wrapping his arms around her.

"Mmm," she said, feeling sleepy.

She sensed Jonathan hesitate, before he said, "Alex didn't try anything did he?"

"No," she told him. Which was true... kind of. He had been about to kiss her but he didn't need to know that little detail... that would only make him angry at Alex and most likely want to go down to see him and beat him up.

"Okay, good," he said and switched the bedside lamp off. "Night."

"Goodnight," she whispered and fell into a deep sleep.