I Don't Love You, Like I Did Yesterday

Lex's P.O.V.

I rolled over in my bed, squinting my eyes shut at the harsh afternoon sunlight and my hand up against the wall it was pressed against before I slid the black curtains hanging from the window shut. The room went dark again and I smiled before rolling back over onto Ronnie's bare chest and shutting my eyes again. Before I felt drowsiness overcome me again, I reached up and pushed his dark bangs out of his eyes. I got a musclebound, tattooed arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling the covers up with it. I felt myself remembering the strangest dream I had the night before but let the thought go and succumbed to slumber.

Flashback To Five Years Ago.

"What the hell was the point of growing your hair back out if you never leave it down?" Jesse griped from the futon sitting in the corner of his room. I scowled at him and he raised an eyebrow.

"I'm goin' home."

"Why?" He scratched his head, messing up his newly dyed black hair up even more than it already was from sleep.

" 'cause I need a shower and you only have dude soap. Duh." I looked at him blankly as I stood up and pulled tightened my messy bun and grabbed my hoodie off of the back of the small, worn couch Dylan was passed out on shirtless, with an arm
hanging off onto the carpet beneath him.

I sighed and shook my head at the stupid boy. After I tugged my hoodie on and retrieved a cigarette from the inside pocket of the black hoodie, I grabbed a lighter out of the pocket of my jeans.

"Poor guy's gonna wake up cold." I shook my head and snatched one of Jesse's four blankets off of his bed and shook it out and layed it on him.

"Bye whore." Jesse waved as I opened up his bedroom door and stepped out. I flipped him off over my shoulder before letting the door slam shut behind me.

I trotted down the steps into the living room and saw Mattie passed out on the couch, shirtless spooning with some girl that must've been at the party we threw here last night. I frowned. By the looks of the red solo cups, empty beer cans, liquor bottles, and blunt wrappers everywhere, the bimbo obviously hadn't
stayed last night to help him clean up. I shook my head when I felt jealousy bubble up in me and reached for the front door and yanked it open, and slammed it behind me. I secretly hoped it would wake the two of them up. This way, he'd lie and say he'd call her tomorrow, and she'd leave sooner.

If I said I didn't understand why I felt this way, I'd be lying. I've had a crush on Mattie for the past year he's been here. I'm a little bothered at the fact that even though he crawls into bed, or should I say in this case, Jesse's couch, with a different girl constantly, but has never made a move on me. Does he think I'm ugly?

I'm the first girl he met here, that should count for something, right? Why do all the guys I like always see me as just one of the guys? Just 'cause I don't fuck them, and I actually party with them and have conversations instead of mindless flirting, does that make me a pariah?

I shook my head and sighed as I walked down the few blocks to my home, inhaling the late afternoonfall air along with the long drag of my cigarette. I heard my phone start to blare Eminem's "Crack A Bottle" from my hoodie pocket. I hit the green answer button and out it to my ear.

"Yo gorgeous! What are you doing?" A male voice boomed through the speaker. I smiled.

"What's up, Bry? Just walkin' home from Jesse's. " I turned down an alleyway instead of the avenue, not wanting to deal with all the assholes and prostitutes and crackheads.

"Wanna ride? Where ya at?"

"Down the street from the ball courts over at the park." I said and took another drag of my cigarette before stooping in the middle of the block and crossed the empty street to the ball court nobody was playing in.

"Im down the street from there now. I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay. Bye." I hung up my cell phone and sat sown on the curb in front of the curb. Resting my hand on my knee, I stared out up at the orange sky, falling leaves that had already changed colors, and the clouds that looked like they were turnings pink. A few minutes went by, and I took the last drag of my cigarette and flicked it before laying back on the empty leave-covered side walk. Not the cleanest, or safest thing to do, but for some reason, I could never bring myself to care about stupid things like that. I sighed and blinked up at the sky.

What a great way to spend my Sunday.

And by that I meant hungover, thirsty, depressed, and just pretty much bored with life. And tomorrow I had school. At that thought, I groaned loudly and covered my face with my hands.

A few seconds later, I heard the loud engine of Bry's trans am, and the crunching of sticks and leaves as he double parked with the car still running in front of me.

"Do you always lay on the sidewalk and moan or...?" I heard a soft laugh and propped myself up onto my elbows to look at him. He was almost hanging out of the rolled-down window, with a Mötley Crüe T-shirt and his choppy brown layers were sticking up slightly.

Looks like I'm not the only one who had a good night.

"Get in baby." He winked his bloodshot gray eyes at me. I got up and walked around his car over to the passenger's side, brushing the leaves off of me and out of my hair. He reached over and swung the heavy door open and I hopped in, shutting it behind me. He grinned at me before taking off down the block, making me slam back into the leather seat. I glared at him slightly and we made a sharp turn down a narrow side street.

"What'd you guys get into last night? Your runner ever come through?" He glanced at me as he sped down another street.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Some people stopped in with bottles. The kegs were kicked by midnight. It was cool." I shrugged at the last part and he glanced at me again before replying.

"What's botherin' you?" I raised an eyebrow at his question. "Two kegs and bottles isn't cool for you. It's a pretty good fucking night if ya ask me." He laughed.

"Well nobody did." I looked out of the window at the setting sun.

"Damn. There really is somethin' bothering you. Spill." He said as he pulled up in front of my house, narrowly missing the trash cans set out for the morning. I stole his cigarette and took a drag before frowning at him.

"You probably don't wanna know." I looked down and sighed. I felt him take his cigarette back from in between my fingers.

What guy wants to hear a girl bitch about other guys?

"What's his name?" Obviously he does. I didn't answer, but I turned and faced the window when I felt my face start to heat up. When some of my dirty blonde hair was brushed behind my ear, I turned back to face him. He had a soft look on his face, his eyes held understanding and he was wearing a small smile. I panicked, wondering why it looked like he was pitying me.

"Mattie doesn't like you back, does he?" He asked softly.

"What?" I gasped and my eyes went wide. He just smiled at me, changing my mood from shocked to pissed. "Thanks for the ride." I practically flew from his old car and up my walkway, hearing him laugh softly and say he'd call me later. I opened the screen door and jammed my key in the lock and opened the front door before stepping inside. I frowned when I walked in to a lit up living room. My dad was in Jersey, and the only one who had a key other than him was Jesse. I walked further into the living room and gasped again when I saw Mattie sitting on my couch with his feet propped up on my coffee table, wearing the same clothes as I saw him in earlier, plus a hoodie zipped halfway up, exposing his bare chest. It wasn't as weird as it sounded, we were all pretty close, so all long as clothing covered the necessities, it was fine.

"Hey babygirl, suprised to see me?" He smiled, letting some of his wavy brown hair fall into his blue eyes.

"Uh, yeah." I laughed nervously and dropped my keys on the coffee table before sitting down across from him. His eyes followed my movements as I unzipped my hoodie and removed it before tossing it on an armchair closer to the TV. I fixed my tight black T-shirt and smiled at him awkwardly.

"Why are you acting so weird?" I laughed again and he just stared at me.

"Weird?"

"Staring at me." I moved my bangs out of my eyes and stared back.

He shrugged and took his hoodie off too, and I struggled slightly not to stare at his naked upper half. There was a tattoo of a large spider web stretching from his chest to the inside of his upper arm, with the spider hanging down to the top of his abs. It was a beautiful, detailed, colorful tattoo that he had just gotten a month ago. I remembered it perfectly, because I was the one who sketched it out before he went to the shop.

For some reason, he looked more sinister with the way he sat, shirtless, eying me shamelessly with the beautiful, evil artwork on his body.

I bravely stared him right in his eyes and waited for him to say something.

"I dunno. I always stare when I think something's beautiful." He smiled again and I my heat sped up.

"W-what?" I shook my head, trying to hide my reddening cheeks.

"I said," he paused and smiled softly. "You're beautiful."

My eyes went wide. "Where the hell is this coming from?" I choked out. I forced myself to remember he was just with another girl last night, although I didn't think that he slept with her. He wasn't that sleazy, and I wasn't aware of him sleeping with any girl come to think of it.

"What?" He asked me.

"I've known you from how long? And this is coming out now? I'm confused." I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning my back against the corner of the sectional and put my legs up.

"I never thought that you liked me... until I saw the way you looked earlier at Jesse's." He said after a short pause, shrugging his broad shoulders.

"What? How the fuc-" he cut me off.

"You thought I was sleeping, but when you walked down the steps it woke me up somewhat. I saw the way you looked back at me."

I took a deep breath and covered my face with my hands out of embarrassment. There was no denying any of it. I felt like the stupidest girl alive. I felt the cushions sink in, and weight on my thighs before two hands gently pulled my own away from my heated face. I looked up to see Mattie smiling at me before he shocked the living fuck out of me and leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine in an open mouthed kiss which I responded to as quick as I could after coming out of my shock. I felt him raise my shaking hands behind his head and deepen the kiss. My breathing was quick and my heart pounded. I was so nervous, it was my first real, sober kiss.

Of course I had kissed a few guys at Jesse's parties, but the few times it happened, I was plastered and seen pictures the next day.

But this was different. Somebody I wanted, physically and emotionally was touching me in ways I'd never let anyone touch me before. I was shaking slightly, and he nudged my legs apart so he could lay in between them and wrap one arm behind me tightly. We broke apart for air and stared at eachother with heavy lidded eyes, panting for a moment before he cupped my face and we both leaned forward for another kiss. This time, his tounge brushed against mine and he let his whole body press against
mine and I inhaled slowly.

My body stopped reacted differently when I felt his hand trail down to my hip and run his fingers over the hem of my shirt. Instead of my hands shaking with nervousness, another part of me started throbbing with want. I sharply inhaled when I felt his hands run across my rib cage through my shirt, and squeezed his shoulders when he bit my lip harsher than I thought he would.

The taste of blood in my mouth seemed to bring me back to reality. I opened my eyes and pushed his shoulders off of my own and his lips disconnected from mine. I looked up at him at watched his expression.

"I understand." Was all he said with a small smile. He leaned up further and stared at me, brushing my bangs from my eyes as I laid under him, speechless.

I was expecting him to be offended or even confused, but
somehow he knew how I felt and why I had pushed him away. He got up and held his hand out to me. I smiled and accepted the gesture, putting my smaller hand in his and letting the boy pull me to my feet. He didn't let my hand drop, instead he put it on his bare chest and put his hand on the small of my back and pulled my against him.

Mattie looked down at me with a smile on his face, still holding me against his chest. Before I had a chance to speak, he pushed my head into the crook oh his neck and I felt his cheek press against my head. My eyes widened and I blushed, this was new to me... I had never let anyone hold me so intimately.

"Why are you doing this... now. Why not... back when you first met me like you do with all the other girls?" I asked quietly into his neck. I closed my eyes and let his shoulder support my head and felt him run his hands up and down my back.

"Because you're different." He said like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"How?" I asked shakily, almost afraid of the answer.

"I can tell you anything. You're not some random hookup. I can't imagine myself ever not being able to call you my friend Lex. Once we started to get close, I realized how much it would blow if I threw our relationship away just for something like sex, if you would've even gave me the privilege." I was touched at his words.

"Probably not." I laughed and he nodded his chin against my hair.

"And... I dunno if I could take you rejecting me." He sighed and I hugged him tighter. "Don't ever change for anyone babygirl. Ever. Mattie pulled away and took my hands in his own, staring at me with those beautiful blue eyes. "Promise me. Please."

"Promise you?" I asked genuinely confused at his persistence.

"Promise me that you won't change for any guy. Not even me. You're too good for that. Promise me." He said in the kept serious tone I'd ever heard him use. I dared at him for a second before nodding. He let out a sigh of relief and hugged me again, righter than last time.

I promise

End of Flashback

I awoke with a start, my head lifting up from Ronnie's chest in a flash. My mind began to process all of the memories it had drug up. I put a hand over my heart as I sat up and grabbed my cigarettes off of my nightstand before lighting one. What the hell was going on? All these damn flashbacks were fucking with my sleep.

I turned to look behind me at the sleeping man tangled in my bed. Beautiful sleeping man. I smiled before turning back around.

Out of nowhere, the realization I had been waiting for the past three years hit me.

Mattie was upset because he thinks I changed for Ronnie.

I promised