I Don't Love You, Like I Did Yesterday

Ronnie's P.O.V.

"Two non-stop tickets to Los Angeles, please." I smiled at the older woman, tapping my fingers against the marble counter she was behind as I waited her her to look up the prices. Reaching into my back pocket for my wallet, I paused and looked up when I heard a loud feminine sob come from the direction Lex had headed off to. My eyes locked onto the the door off the women's bathroom as I waited to hear the sound again. Everyone else within earshot kept on moving, making it seem as if nothing was out of the ordinary, and for a second; I assumed I was hearing things.

But after a few seconds, another faint sob met my ears.

"Excuse me, I'll be right back." I tapped the counter to get the woman's attention, not sparing her a glance as I took off towards the bathroom. When I reached the door, I pushed it open quickly, not really giving a shit that I really wasn't supposed to be there, especially when I saw my pregnant wife on the floor, back against the wall, head in her hands, wailing into them.

"Oh my God." I sunk to my knees quickly in front of her, gripping her shoulders gently and searching her body for any harm. "Lex, what happened?! Are you alright?" I asked frantically, grabbing her phone and putting it in my pocket. She sobbed louder into her hands in response, before using them to grab me by the front of the hoodie she lent me and yanking me closer to her.

"Jesse... hospital... dying...!" She managed to get out in between sobs, her eyes wide, tears streaming down her reddened face. "Can't... leave!" She shook her head furiously, showing signs that she was going to start hyperventilating if I would've expected her to leave.

"No! No. No. No." I shook my head, pulling her up with me, trying to steady her wobbling legs as she cried and cried. "We're not going anywhere, but the hospital, okay?" I asked, feeling my own eyes become glassy at the thought of Jesse not being around as I held her wet cheek. The door swinging open once again caught my attention as a woman burst through, staring at us with wide eyes.

"Can you take this somewhere else...?" She asked rudely.

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" I yanked Lex back into my chest as she lunged at the woman, screeching loudly as the woman quickly escaped.

"Come on, what hospital is he in?" I asked softly, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and keeping her close to me, trying to prevent her from attacking any more bystanders in sight as we quickly exited the airport.

"Dylan... Mattie... Jean's..." She buried her face in her hands again as I hailed a cab that seemed to have just dropped someone off. I opened the back door of the cab, letting Alexandria get in before me before shutting the door and wrapping my arms around the crying girl again.

"Jeans hospital, as fast as you can." I stated sternly to the middle aged cab driver as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto some boulevard I didn't recognize.

"Shhhh." I murmured, kissing the top of Lex's hair; rocking the inconsolable girl against my chest as we sped towards the hospital her bestfriend was in. I pulled out my phone and scrolled down to Mattie's number, hitting call while I tried to calm my wife down for the sake of her sanity and our unborn child.

Lex?! Are you o-okay?" I heard Dylan shout over a shit load of background noise, including Mattie's strained voice.

"Dyl, it's me. We're on our way to the hospital now." I said, panicking at the chance that he would mention the fact the Jesse was dying, as Lex would probably be able to hear his voice through the phone and start hyperventilating again. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying to stay calm for Lex's sake as we pulled up in front of the entrance to the hospital.

"We-we're on our way, the plane's b-boarding now." Dylan choked out and I heard Mattie tell him to tell me that they were going to be here in a few hours.

"Okay, we'll see you then." I said quickly before hanging up, tossing two twenties into the front seat of the cab as Lex bolted from the taxi and into the hospital faster than I ever seen. I got out and ran in too, to witness Alexandria demanding from the nurse behind the desk that security could "kiss her ass" and that she needed her brother.

The nurse sighed sympathetically as Lex cried loudly, ignoring everyone else around her in the pretty much empty waiting area as the woman got up and started walked towards the back where I assumed the rooms were. Lex followed quickly in front on me, wiping her tears away with her hoodie and running her hands over her face as we zig zagged through what felt like the entire hospital.

The nurse eventually stopped in front of a room, motioning at the window next to the door. Alexandria stepped closer as the nurse and I watched intently and sympathetically as she peered into the dark room, her face blank. Tears continued to fall down her cheeks. By the sight of her, it seemed she'd never speak again.

"What happened to him." She asked lowly, monotonously, not bothering to turn around to face either of us.

"He was shot. The police took a report, they just left a litt-"

"By who?" Lex cut the nurse off, still not facing us. She stepped closer to the window, leaning her forehead against it. My heart broke at the sight. She was still trying to hide the fact that she was crying, but her shaking shoulders told me all I needed to know. I knew better to step forward, if she wanted to be comforted, she'd come to me.

"He hasn't been awake since the ambulance brought him. They're aren't any doctors on call, but a few nurses stitched him up to reduce the external bleeding. To buy him more time." The young, brunette nurse folded her hands in front of her and looked down sadly, mumbling the last part. I sat down in a plastic chair against the cold, white wall across from the room; letting it all sink in. I started at Lex's back as her hand pressed against the glass, her shoulders still shaking. I couldn't see into the dark room, but I could hear the beeping noises coming from the machines that were most likely keeping Jesse alive.

"So it's basically like beating a dead horse. Huh?" Lex asked coldly into the window, her voice still wavering.

"Normally I wouldn't allow any visitors after hours, but since you'll have to say goodbye soon, I'll let you spend as much time with him as you wish." The nurse sighed, opening the door and staring sadly at Lex. "If you want."

My wife only raised her head from the glass and nodded in response walking slowly into the room. The brunette just frowned at me and walked back the way she came, wiping her own tears away as she disappeared down the hallway.

I looked up and started into the window, watching as Lex sat down on a chair, pulling it up so close his bed that her knees were against the mattress. I could see Jesse a little bit more clearly now. Tears pricked my eyes at the sight of him dying in that bed. I put my face in my hands, sobbing quietly as Lex laid her head next to his on his pillow, gripping his hand. I could feel that this was the end. I shoved the feeling back, squeezing my eyes shut and mentally denying it. I didn't want to see Jesse die, not even just because of what it would do to my wife. I saw him as my friend too, and it killed me to see one of the only mutual friends Lex and I had that never lost faith in us. He made me feel like I wasn't an outsider, like I belonged with her; especially when everyone else was beating me down about our rough past. A quiet sob escaped my lips, and I could only pray that Mattie and Dylan got here fast enough.

Lex's P.O.V.

"J-Jess. You c-can't leave m-me..." I mumbled pathetically into his pillow, a sob breaking free from my throat after almost every word. My cheek was pressed against his slightly colder one as I gripped his hand, desperately trying to warm it up. For what, I don't know.

"It's t-too hard." I raised my head slightly to gaze down at his pale, peaceful face as the machines that he was hooked up to beeped behind me. "I-I... I've never h-had to go on... w-without you b-being there. Please Jess." More tears fell as I used my free hand to brush his choppy raven hair from his forehead. I wanted nothing more to see his eyes open to stare back up at me, as my tears fell into his own face. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, taking deep breaths and squeezing his tattooed hand with both of my own; holding it to my chest.

"I can't do it. N-not without you." I mumbled and shook my head, still not opening my eyes as memories flooded into my mind.

I futilely prayed to whoever was listening that we would be able to make more.

Flashback To Ten Years Ago

"Lex? What happened? You look like shit." Jesse stated bluntly, plopping down next to me on the the highest perch on the bleachers. I glared at him slightly through my black and blue rimmed eyes, the anger I held onto from the fight I had just endured with my mother was still fresh.

"She's gone." I mumbled, running my fingers through my long blonde hair, pulling it out of my hoodie and pulling it into a high ponytail to keep it off my face. I pulled my pack of Newport's out of my Adidas track jacket and took one out, sticking it between my lips and turning slowly to look at Jesse.

"Gone?" He raised a blonde eye brow and zipped up his black hoodie, pulling his lighter out and lighting my cigarette before taking one for himself. He shook his head, swinging his blonde locks off of his forehead. I took a long drag of my cigarette, exhaling the smoke and kicked at the loose board holding our feet up with my beat up converse.

"Yeah." I nodded and ran my fingers over the bruise forming on my jaw, where my mother had landed a pretty good hit on me earlier. Jesse seemed to just notice it, and yanked my hand away quickly before leaning forward to examine my injury. I frowned and stared straight forward. "The entire house if destroyed. She called the cops and told 'em I tried to kill her before I left. If I knew she was gonna do that, I would've." I mumbled, laughing humorlessly. Jesse sighed and pulled away from my face, looking at my cut up knuckles next. "I can't go back." I said as I turned back to glance at my bestfriend.

His brows furrowed in confusion and his cigarette bounced between his lips when he spoke, still staring at me from under his straight, choppy bangs that were the same color as my own. I never realized it, but we could easily pass for siblings. We were both tall and lanky, naturally dirty blonde, and had similar personalities. I always wondered what it was like for other girls, having girl bestfriend. I mean, I had girl friends, but I wasn't close to any of them like I was Jesse.

"Where's your dad?" He asked slowly, exhaling smoke into the cool night air. I sighed and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my worn, tight flare jeans and smiled sadly.

"He left too. Went to Jersey. He was so high he didn't have a fucking clue what was goin' on, man." I shook my head. "He'll be back though. It is his house, after all."

Jesse just nodded, his way of letting me know he didn't have a reply, but he was still listening.

"But, now the cops are lookin' for me. They'll probably three oh two me, throw me in Friends hospital, a fuckin' mental institution, dude. Fuck me, man. I'm screwed. Might as well be on the street." I groaned and rolled my eyes, sticking my cigarette between my lips once again.

"You're comin' home with me. My mom won't let her adopted daughter sleep in the park, especially since she knows that I'd be out here with ya." I glanced at him to see a smile on his lips as he patted me knee. I laughed, this time it was a happy one.

"You don't have to do this for me, y'know." I mumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed and looked down at both of our beat up shoes.

"How many times have you snuck me into your house, or had your dad come get me cause shit got bad at my house? Huh?" He nudged me playfully when I didn't respond, so I nodded at looked back up, just in time for something to catch my eye on the basketball court. One of the only places on the block where the street light wasn't busted. There was three guys walking across the pavement, making their way towards us, the hoods on their sweat shirts up, hands stuffed in their pockets. They were walking quickly, and my heart started to thud in my chest quickly. Jesse tangled his fingers with mine, squeezing my hand in a reassuring way.

We had every reason to be startled, or even scared. Around here, women, men, teenagers, anyone being jumped or attacked in broad daylight was the norm. What was stopping these guys from kicking the living shit out of us?

"You know them?" I asked Jesse softly, not taking my eyes off of the small group coming even closer to us. We could fight, but we probably wouldn't win. If they were intending on harming us, they'd do it without hesitation.

"No. They look shady as shit though." Jesse mumbled, not doing my nerves any good as the three guys now stood at the bottom of the bleachers. They smirked up at us, most of their faces still hidden.

"Hey guys." The one in the middle nodded at us.

I nodded back, Jesse waved. Shit. This wasn't going to turn out good.

"Dip your fuckin' pockets." He replied. My heart dropped into my stomach at his threatening tone, and my mouth betrayed me.

"Get the fuck outta here." I growled, though I knew it was hollow. Jesse squeezed my hand so tight, I felt it start to tingle from lack of circulation. He was warning me.

It didn't matter, they were probably gonna kick the living shit out of us anyway, just 'cause they could. It was a Monday night, and none of our friends were out. We were out numbered, and they were bigger, more intimidating, and older than both us. Jesse could take one, not two, let alone three. He was only fourteen, after all.

"Stupid bitch." He laughed, his friends followed suit. I broke out into a cold sweat when he reached into the waistband of his jeans, the pistol stuffed there catching the light of the street lamp. My eyes widened and Jesse gripped my hand even tighter, silently saying everything, but nothing. I glanced between the amused, animalistic men, looking for a way out for both me, and the boy holding my hand, terrified.

"Dip your fucking pockets." He repeated, while one of his friends jumped up onto the bleachers in a flash, almost nose to nose with us, yet right below us. The other one stepped up as well, closer to me than Jesse. My eyes widened as he reached forward and yanked Jesse forward by his hoodie, as the other shoved me away from him, our fingers untangling reluctantly. I screamed, frightened that they would hurt him because of my words.

"Leave him alone!" I cried, shoving the man's hands off me. Before anyone replied, his fist smashed into my jaw, still managing to knock my senses out of whack; even from the odd angle he swung.

"Shut the fuck up, cunt." The man with the gun cackled, still standing at the bottom of the bleachers as he pulled the pistol completely out. Jesse lunged towards us after the guy who hit me grabbed me, but was yanked right back, causing him to almost loose his balance and fall off of the top bench on the bleachers.

"Leave her alone." He ground out, visibly upset. I turned my attention back to the man, jabbing the gun in our direction as the other guys started to search us, roughly.

Just as the asshole who punched me finished patting my jeans, I remembered that I took my dad's gold chain earlier in the night, out of fear my mother would've have stolen it. It was currently stuffed in the front pocket of my hoodie, where I thought it would be safe. Obviously, I thought wrong.

Without thinking, I kicked the intimidating man as hard as I could in the shin, sending him to his knees and making everyone around me jump and react harshly; especially the man holding the gun, who fired.

In the millisecond it took for the bullet to hit someone, I felt so many things go through my head. Out of fear, I jumped back, grabbing onto Jesse as we tumbled back off of the bleachers and down into the grass, out of range of the deadly weapon that was currently in the hands of what I assumed was safe to say, a retard. I hit the ground harshly, the air leaving my lungs with a woosh as I scrambled to get up, desperately pulling Jesse with me. He hesitated slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of the aftermath of what had just went down.

"Don't look back!" I cried, pulling on the sleeve of his hoodie, breaking out into a run with him catching up at my side. Another shot fired, hitting neither of us. I shot a look behind us as we sped up, seeing the man who hit me coughing up blood and crying. The guy who gripped Jesse up was trying to to help him, and the asshole wielding the gun was aiming at us, shaking like a leaf as we sprinted across the dark field.

We ran for what felt like forever, and didn't stop even when we were out of the park and bolting down the street towards Jesse's house. Our sneakers smacked the ground and our hearts thudded in our hears as we tried to catch our breath, shuddering at the sounds of sirens blaring in the distance; on their way to apprehend a criminal who was probably long gone.

We were practically gasping for air as we reached his steps, taking three at a time before throwing ourselves up onto the porch and through the front door into the living room. Jesse tripped on the area rug, causing me to tumble into him as the door slammed shut behind us. We didn't get up, just gasped for air on the floor. The sound of a masculine voice caught my attention.

" 'Thought I heard sirens. What'd you hoodrats do now?" Jesse's older brother, Jamie, chuckled groggily from the couch, sitting up and pulling the blankets up over his tattooed arms. He shivered as the cold air we let in wafted through the warm house. He shook his long brown hair out of his mature face, smiling lazily at me until he saw my terrified expression. He probably would've noticed Jesse's, if he wasn't face down on the floor.

"Oh my God. Who died." His face dropped as I stood up, rubbing my left side, the one that took most of my fall; both times.

"I dunno his name. It'll probably be on the news." I mumbled absentmindedly, still trying to gather my shattered thoughts as my bestfriend pulled himself from the floor.

"You didn't hear the gun shots?" Jesse panted, standing up and brushing himself off.

"Holy shit..." Jamie trailed off, looking towards the front door. "They were shootin at..."

"Us." Jesse finished, his voice shaky.

"What the fuck?!?!" Jamie shot up, revealing a shirtless, broad chest. I blushed and looked away, finding the wall suddenly interesting. I had always had a huge crush on Jesse's big brother, but never voiced it aloud.

"Well, fuck that." He growled, flinging the black blanket off of him and shooting up off the couch and reaching under the pillow he had his head under, swiping his own nine millimeter from underneath it. I blushed even deeper when his jeans dropped lower down on his hips, completely ignoring the fact the angry older boy had a gun and pretty good reason to use it. Jesse elbowed me, signaling that we needed to stop him before he stepped in front of the door.

"We can't go out there. The guy tried to shoot Lex, but missed when she fell off the bleachers and took me with her. Thanks for that by the way." He shot me a thankful nod as he gripped the thresh hold. I nodded in reply before plopping onto the couch and running my fingers throughout my pony tail.

"What?!" Jamie shouted again, dropping the gun on the coffee table and grabbing me by my shoulders, forcing me to look up at him; bewildered at that. "Are you okay?" I nodded absent mindedly, still trying to gather my thoughts as my eyes roamed over his terrified expression.

I don't know if it was the rehash of recent events, my mind piecing itself back together completely, or just simply being worried about, but reality had finally sunk in, and my feelings betrayed me. Warm tears leaked down my cheeks when I glanced to my right and seen the same happening to Jesse. I looked back at Jamie, shaking my head furiously before he shoved me into his bare chest. He gripped me tightly with his right arm, while yanking Jesse over and doing the same to him. Normally, the younger brother would scowl and shove himself out of the embrace, but even when I linked my fingers with his own and turned my face towards him, he looked straight into my eyes and mouthed "thank you"

"You're just kids! This fuckin' place is nothing but scumbags. I'll fucking murder 'em!" Jamie growled, his throat vibrating against my wet cheek.

"One of them is probably already dead." I mumbled through my tears, sniffling when he rubbed my back comfortingly. As if right on cue, sirens blared loudly again in the distance, reminding us that we just always lost our lives to some thugs with a permanent chip on their shoulders.

"I don't know what I would do without you, Lex." Jesse lifted his head us, untangling our fingers and wrapping an arm around our shoulders. I shook my head and wrapped my left arm around his waist, my left around Jamie's. I don't know how long we stood there, holding onto each other, but by the time we were disturbed by footsteps thumping down the stairs, the sirens were fading away. Jesse and I raised our heads to see a drowsy looking Dylan walking towards us, a tired smile on his lips. He obviously hadn't seen our faces, cause he didn't ask what happened. I was thankful for that. Instead, he made us feel better without even knowing it.

"I dunno what's goin' on, but group hug!" He shouted enthusiastically as he threw his arms around Jamie's shoulders from behind, who stiffened comically; making Jesse and I sniffle and laugh through our tears.

"Thanks, Dyl." I giggled, feeling my solemn mood start to brighten.

"Huh? For what?" He replied, still not letting go.

"For being retarded." Jesse replied, making us laugh even harder.

Back To The Present

"I was there for you... but... now you won't be there for me..." I mumble pathetically. Ironically, I was more scared of this, than being shot at by those guys. "It's not fair!" I cried, more tears blurring my vision as I cried, staring down at my dying bestfriend. I felt so helpless, not being able to save him when he was right in front of my eyes. I felt betrayed by the world, ripped apart at a time where I was supposed to be happy. The one consistent thing in my life that I had always taken for granted, was being ripped from my fingers. I felt desperate, and didn't even notice Jesse's response to my increasing death grip on his hand.

"Lex?" He rasped, his eyes cracking open his glazed over sky blue eyes. My heart jumped in my chest and I gasped, crying out and clutching his hand to my chest. "Why are you crying?" He gritted through his teeth, probably trying his hardest to fight the pain.

"You're gonna leave m-me." I sobbed softly, linking our fingers. He stared back at me, crestfallen at my words.

"So I'm a goner, huh?" He chuckled darkly, coughing a little bit.

I didn't reply, but my fresh tears falling onto his knuckles told him how I felt.

"At least I get to spend my last moments with my two favorite people. I stared at him confused, until his hand dropped from mine, to my stomach. "I hope it's a boy." He smiled at me, exhausted as tears leaked from his eyes. His hand stayed where it was, rubbing where my unborn child was. I choked back a sob, remembering all too quickly that one of the only people that I had ever loved and trusted with everything in me, was having their life cut devastatingly short.

"Lex." Jesse mumbled, his hand pulling my chin up so that he could look into my red, bloodshot, teary eyes. "Don't cry over m-"

"Who did this?" I asked softly, blinking quickly so that I could glimpse his face quickly before fresh tears clouded my vision all over again.

"Jimmy." He stated, his voice just above a whisper.

"Why?" I cried, not expecting an answer, sobbing to myself. "Why would he do this?!" I shook my head and lunged forward, burying my face his neck. I felt his hand rub the back of my head soothingly as I cried and cried.

"I love you, Lex." He whispered in my ear. "I'm so sorry that I have to leave you. I wanted to... I wanted to see you have that kid so bad. I-I wanted to go back on tour, one last time." He mumbled.

"You knew this was coming." I stated as our tears mingled, asking myself why this had to be our last conversation.

"Sooner or later, yeah. I didn't think it was gonna be soon." He replied.

"I love you too, Jess." I raised my head and kissed his cheek, looking down at him sadly; broken. "It wasn't supposed to end this way. My hand went to his chest, pulling the golden memory from our childhood from his hospital gown. He brought his shaky hand down as well, retrieving my own before I clicked them together. They shined brightly, despite how their owners felt. I didn't pull them apart, feeling that in some strange, impossible way, that it would give him more time. I knew that it wasn't true, especially by his shallow breathing and the heart rate monitor slowing down ever so slowly. A moment later, the door creaked open, I turned around to see Ronnie tearfully knocking against the threshold, Mattie and Dylan right behind him. I reached my arm out, staring at Mattie as he walked over and took my hand in his; wiping tears away as he quickly pulled up a chair and sat down right next to me. Dylan and Ronnie sat on the other side of him, looking on just as crestfallen.

"How ya doin'?" Mattie rasped, smiling sadly at Jesse as he linked his fingers tightly with mine. Jesse only nodded in response. I looked up at Ronnie, feeling another wave of sadness wash over me when I finally noticed he was crying too. I had completely forgot how close he was to my bestfriend, the only one who approved of him and I together, especially when shit hit the fan. I looked a Dylan, who folded his arms on the bed next to Jesse's pillow and proceeded to cry, for the first time I had ever seen.

"I'm sorry guys." He rasped through tears.

"You got nothin' to be sorry for, Jess." Mattie sniffled, causing Dylan and Ronnie to cry harder. We were all dying in a way, losing someone that meant so much to all of us. I gripped Jesse's other hand with my free one, leaning my head back down onto his pillow; our lockets still attached.

"I don't want you to leave me, Jess." I mumbled miserably, still bawling my eyes out.

"I'm sorry, Lex. I don't want to eit-"

"Stop sayin' you're sorry! You didn't do anything!" Dyl cut him off raising his head so that we could see it red, puffy, glassy eyes. I nodded and kissed Jesse's cheek.

"He's right. You didn't." Ronnie spoke up this time. Jess just looked up at him and smiled, tears still threatening to spill.

Jesse's hand went to the back of my neck, holding my head next to his as I stared at him.

"This is the last time we'll all be together." He stopped and took a breath. "I'm just happy I got to say goodbye to you." He stopped and took another labored gasp. I cried harder, squeezing Mattie's hand. "I love all you guys. We got to have our dream, but now it's over." He mumbled. I heard Mattie sob and Dyl put his head back down, unable to stop bawling.

"I'm still so sorry." He whispered in my ear. I nodded, telling him that everything was going to be okay. A few moments of silent turmoil passed before Jesse spoke again.

"Lex. Take the locket." I sat up and looked into his fearful eyes before nodding and reaching down, unclipping the gold chain before reclipping it around my neck. I closed my eyes as reality sunk in. I felt his hand go back to my head, pulling my my cheek back to his.

"Everything I have... I want to go to you. You know who should have what... b-but there's something I want you to keep no matter what." I raised my head enough to look at him as his life slipped through our fingers. He was fading fast.

"What? This?" I looked down at the necklaces. He nodded.

"Well yeah, that goes without saying. But there's something else... a box... in my house... it's red." He mumbled tiredly.

"Okay." I said solemnly.

"It's alright dude." Mattie lied, choking back a sob and forcing a smile.

"Everything's gonna be fine." Dylan forced a smile as well.

Another lie.

Ronnie couldn't bring himself to go along with it, instead opting for the truth.

"I'll miss you, d-dude." His voice cracked. I watched Jesse nod and smile, closing his eyes.

"You all have to take care of eachother. Especially you." He mumbled, squeezing the back of my neck weakly as the heart rate monitor slowed to a crawl. The sound of all our hearts breaking was almost audible as Jesse took his last breaths. I leaned up, once last time, placing a soft kiss to his cold lips just before the beeping completely stopped.

"I love you, Jess." I sobbed into the pillow as his hand slipped from mine onto my lap. We all sat there and cried for what seemed like an eternity before a doctor asked us to leave.

I took one last look at my bestfriend's peaceful face before I stepped into the hall.

Mattie and Dylan were standing side by side, looking at me with crying eyes. I barely noticed Ronnie sitting in the chair next to them as I leaped forward, sobbing as I threw my arms around both of their necks. Our arms around each other, tears falling freely, choked sobs filling the air.

We had our dream, now it's over."