I Don't Love You, Like I Did Yesterday

Adam's P.O.V.

"I'm here now. Yeah, I'll keep you in the know 'til you get here. Bye." I ended the call I received from Jesse's older brother, Jamie as I pulled into Jeans hospital parking lot. I got a text from Ronnie a little bit earlier telling me to "get my ass over here now". Since I was only a state away in New Jersey, his request wasn't all that bad. Shortly after, Jamie, who I hadn't seen in years; calls me and tells me some shit went down and he had gotten a call from the hospital right after his younger brother, and my sister's best friend was in the hospital. He was on his way from Delaware, where he had moved a few years back with his girlfriend. I hoped Jesse was alright, and from when I knew, me sister, Ronnie, Mattie, and Dylan were already here. My assumption was proved correct when I pulled up the emergency entrance, Lex was speed walking out, a furious glare across her face, tears in her eyes. Ronnie was trailing behind her, looking on worriedly as he cried as well. My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach as she approached the car, and somehow I just knew... Jesse was already dead.

I cut the ignition as tears built up in my eyes, feeling the dread wash over me that someone that was dear to so many of us, especially my sister, was gone. She walked up and glared even harder at me, probably because I was driving her car since my own Impala was in the shop. I opened the driver's side door and got out, landing one foot on the pavement before she stopped, inches from the car as she spoke,

"Get out." She growled, grabbing the door before I could shut it with her left hand, snatching her keys back with her right. She shoved me out of the way quickly, before getting into the car. "Get in. Now." She screamed, gripping the steering wheel as she shoved the keys into the ignition, slamming her hand down on the door handle to unlock the doors. I quickly glanced at Ronnie, looking for a clue to where we'd be going. "You deaf?!" She shouted, bringing my attention back to her disheveled appearance. Her hair was tied up out of her red, tear stained face, there was dropplets of blood soaked into the front of her gray hoodie, and it didn't look like I had more than a few seconds before she hit the gas and ran my feet over. I ran around the back of the car, flinging open the passengers side door before throwing myself inside. My sister didn't even wait until the door slammed shut to take off. Leaving Ronnie standing in the dust as we sped off onto the Boulevard. I gripped the seat, my body plastered to it as we broke just about every driving law that ever existed. After running a red light, I turned to face Lex, not that she'd be able to see me through the tears spilling freely. I swallowed thickly and tried to calm my nerves before I spoke,

"What happen-"

"He's dead!" She screamed, cutting me off as we drifted around a corner so fast, I could barely see our surroundings. I wasn't as worried as I should've been, remembering that Lex used to drag race in South Philly all the time, but forgetting that she was pregnant. Before I could open my mouth, she cut me off again.

"Jimmy fucking shot him!" She sobbed taking a hand off the wheel as we flew down a side street. Anger and sadness washed over me, replacing the worry I had for my own life as we cried, already grieving.

"He's fucking dead!" We wailed at the same time, earning tearful looks of concern from each other.

"We're goin' to Jimmy's house now." I choked out, stating more than asking. Lex just nodded and sobbed, as if she were pain. In a way, she was. I was flung back into the door as she spun around a corner.

"Slow the fuck down!" I screeched, flailing my arms as I sobbed.

"Shut the fuck up! Just be glad Ronnie knocked me the fuck up! Otherwise I woulda jerked the wheel on the Boulevard!" She shrieked, speeding up as we turned onto to Torresdale Avenue. She was breathing heavily, and I thanked whoever was up there that she was at least thinking straight enough to care about the health of her unborn child. I reached into my pocket, pulling out my phone and texting Jamie.

To: Jamie

Meet us at Jimmy's.

Message sent at 12:47 a.m.

I probably made at least one error, considering I couldn't see very well through the tears that fell so freely. We were only a few blocks from our destination, and I hoped that even though she was driving like a mad woman, Lex had calmed down.

"He's fucking dead! That scumbag drug attic is gonna have a bullet through his fucking skull! He won't live to see the fucking daylight!" She shouted, I was suprised that the wheel didn't shatter under death grip.

"Jamie's on his way down here." I mumbled, trying not to sob anymore as we screeched to a halt in the middle of the street where Jimmy's house was.

My sister pulled up right behind Jimmy's shitty old Crown Vic on the curb before throwing the door open and popping the trunk as I got out. I was shaking with anger, and made no move to stop my fuming sister as she pulled an aluminum baseball bat out and slammed it shut. I turned to face the house, searching for a sign that let my know that he was home. The drug dealer lived alone, so we didn't have to worry about anyone else trying to fight for him. The neighbors would stay in their homes if they knew what was good for them, especially when Jamie got here. After scanning the front of the old, beaten up row home, I spotted the second floor front bedroom window, the glare from a dim lamp bouncing off of it. Just as I opened my mouth to let my sister know, I heard the sound of glass shattering. I turned to see the driver's side window of his car busted out. She swung again, this time for the one right behind it. I observed the window fall apart silently, and and as the back windshield followed. I looked around, surprised that I didn't see anyone else come out onto their porches through my tears.

Just as my sister was working on the front windshield, an old Corvette pulled up right behind Alexandria's mustang, the tires squealing in protest just before the driver stepped out to reveal himself. It was Jamie, clad in a black leather jacket and v-neck. He looked at us, shocked. I didn't blame him for his confusion.

"What the hell's going on? Why ain't we at the hospital, with my brother?" He asked, stepping around the corner onto the side walk. At his question, Lex dropped the bat, letting it land on the cement with a loud clang. I watched as she raised her head, more tears pouring from her eyes for the hundredth time tonight. Jamie's face fell as he neared her, tears welling up in his own eyes. I could see why Alexandria started to break down at the sight of him.

Let's just say, that over the years... Jesse grew to look almost identical to Jamie. The resemblance was uncanny, and through her tears and with her mind racing, it could've been easy for Lex to make the mistake of fooling herself that her bestfriend had come back from the dead... even after he had died in her arms almost an hour earlier.

"Oh my God." Jamie clasped a hand over his own mouth, his body stumbling back as Lex threw herself into his chest, sobbing. "He's gone.... isn't he?" He asked softly, removing his hand from his mouth and wrapping his arms around the girl."How... who did this?" He asked, his tone darkening and cracking slightly at the last part. Neither of us responded, but my sister pulled away completely, pointing at the house.

"Jimmy did this? You-you've gotta b-be fuckin' yanking me!" He cried, throwing his hands back up to wipe the tears he couldn't stop. Lex nodded, then looked at me.

"He shot him." I looked at the ground, then back at Jamie when he spun around. In the blink of on eye, he was up the steps and on the porch reaching for the door with his right hand...

And for his gun with his left.

Ronnie's P.O.V.

More tears blurred my vision slightly as I watched my wife and her brother speed off quickly onto a Boulevard before reaching into my pockets. I gasped lightly in surprise when I felt a small box in the bottom of the hoodie pocket, before pulling it out to see what it was. It was a pack of Newport cigarettes, probably from right before my wife quit smoking. I opened it quickly, finding one left, a cheap Bic lighter next to it. I can't recall what was going through my mind when I took it out and placed it between my lips. But I do remember the feeling of euphoria over come me when I lit it and inhaled, before tossing the useless paper box onto the already littered ground. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but I was setting myself up for disaster.

"Ron- holy fuck." I heard Mattie gasp slightly at the sight of me sucking smoke out of the cancer stick for the first time in three years. "I guess old habits die hard." He mumbled before pulling his own pack out and lighting one for himself.

"Yeah. Guess so." I agreed quietly before raising my head to look at him. He was still crying, I didn't know why I expected otherwise.

"Where'd Lex go?" He asked just as softly, obviously trying to pretend that the world itself wasn't pretty much crashing down all around us.

"She took off with Adam. Probably to Jimmy's." I said, realizing there was a chance that she'd snapped inside, and would never be the same after this. I was scared.

"They're probably going to kill him, y'know." He replied, staring off in the direction they had sped off in.

"Yeah." I nodded, still in the daze of shock I had been trapped in since Jesse's heart monitor flat lined.

"He's dead either way, with Jesse's brother on his way down." Mattie said evenly. My eyes widened slightly. I didn't even know he had a brother.

"Really?" I asked, sniffling slightly. Still not looking at Mattie.

"Yeah. Adam probably told him. They're friends." He muttered. That comment hinted that he was closer to my age than Lex's. "He probably called Lex. Not that she answered. I hope she doesn't see him." His voice wavered, I could tell he was gonna break down again.

"Why?" I raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Because... she's not in her right mind right now. Let's just say...
that the siblings could almost pass for twins... especially since Jesse's started dying his hair dark." He mumbled, his voice cracking at the last part. I nodded in understanding, letting more tears fall. I was thankful that I hadn't worn eyeliner, it would've been all over my face by now. "He's crazy, only bad things can happen if him and Lex are together and upset." He stated sadly, as if he gave up on trying to stop the inevitable long ago. After a few moments of uneasy silence, the automatic doors slid open quickly, catching our attention. Dylan walked out to us with glassy eyes as he shrugged his jacket on and stared at us as he lit his own cigarette.

"Where'd Lex go?" He asked.

"Took off with Adam." Mattie replied, tossing his cancer stick onto the concrete. After a few minutes, Dylan spoke up again.

"Well, what the fuck are we standing around for? We gotta go after 'em!" He looked at us as if we were stupid. I shared a look with Mattie before turning back at him. "And maybe stop them from doing somethin' stupid... if we can."

"Stop them from doing what?" I didn't realize what a stupid question it was until after the words rolled off my tounge. My mind was slowly starting to piece itself together from it's shattered, shocked state. My eyes widened as I looked to Mattie slowly.

"Fuck." He breathed out.

"Did you bring your car? By the time a cab gets here, somebody else'll already be dead." I gasped at my own words, wishing someone would kill me already. Mattie just closed his eyes and shook his head, forgiving me for my choice of words before I even apologized. Dylan didn't even seem to notice.

"No. But I did."

Lex's P.O.V.[/]

"Jess!" I cried reaching my arms out toward him as he bolted into the house. Adam was pulling me back, making me even more upset.

"Lex, no! Don't do this to youself! You know that's not Jesse. You can't go in there, you're pregnant! Stay out here, please!" My brother pleaded, pulling me back gently towards my car.

"Not again!" I cried, more tears falling as my mind was spinning in circles. Somehow, I knew Jesse was long gone in the back of my mind. But in my fragile, broken state, Jamie had somehow morphed into my bestfriend; in my mind of course. I couldn't wrap my head around what was going on, so my mind was playing vicious tricks on me, fooling me with memories of the past. I shook my head furiously, remembering the only thing that remained clear. I was pregnant, and not doing a good job keeping it that way. I sobbed again, holding my face as I nodded.

I couldn't see anything as my brother gently put me in the back of my own car, gripping my shoulders soothingly as he spoke.

"Lex, we're gonna get through this, I promise." He choked out, kissing my forehead. "I'm going in. Under no circumstances do you come in after me, you got that?" I heard him plead. I just nodded, still not being able to see. The door slammed shut before I looked up, watching my older brother dash into the house after Jamie. I cried and cried like a baby, gripping the two gold lockets hanging from my neck as reality sunk in even deeper, almost like blades, slowly killing me. After what felt like hours, I heard three loud popping noises, making me jump and press my hands to the glass of the window.

"No." I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. I don't know how much more time passed before another violent sound met my ears. This time, it wasn't gun shots. It was tires squealing across asphalt to my left. I turned and opened my eyes, seeing Mattie, Ronnie, and Dylan stop his Grand Am in he middle of the street and jump out, looking towards the house. Mattie was the first to notice my presence as I hopped out of the car and into his arms, making him stumble back as he wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling the top of my head slightly to calm me down as I cried into his chest.

"It's gonna happen again!" I wailed, clutching his hoodie as if I was dying.

"Jamie's here?! Already?!" Dylan shouted, obviously seeing his car parked behind mine. I nodded into Mattie's chest.

"In the house!" I heard Ronnie bellow, followed by the sound of their footsteps as they ran into the house.

"We heard the gunshots." I heard Mattie mumble as he cradled me, turning so that his back was leaning on my car.

Bang

Bang

Bang

The shots rang through my head, making me think I was going insane as the sounds bounced up and down the street. I honestly thought I was imagining it until Mattie tightened his grip on me, his heart pounding faster against his rib cage under my ear.

"Oh my God." He whispered into the air, breaking the silence.

"Someone else is dead." I mumbled, staring down at the sidewalk under us.

Ronnie's P.O.V.

"Adam!" I shouted once Dylan and I charged into the house, my call echoing through the mostly empty living room. More shots rang out from upstairs, making us nearly jump out of our skins and gasp. I looked behind me at Dylan, who put a finger to his lips and pointed upstairs. I nodded before we turned and quietly trotted up the wooden steps, looking around the dark second floor. The front bedroom door was open, and I couldn't stop a shudder from passing through me as the sound of someone raggedly gasped for air from the doorway we were approaching. When we entered the dark room, I gasped, slapping a hand over my mouth at the sight in front of us. A tall guy, tattooed and built, around my age, was standing over a guy that I remembered from the chinese store from a few years ago when I came to get Lex back.

The guy I had referred to as 'drug dealer' was on the floor next to the bed, holding the front of his scarlet-stained hoodie, gasping for breath and choking on his blood. Adam was standing next to the guy with the gun, both had tears in their eyes. They weren't phased by our presence, focused solely on the man dying on the floor, that is, until sirens blared in the distance, making all of us turn around and take off out of the room, skipping steps as we raced out, fear gripping all of us. We all just about tumbled down the steps, lunging for cars to escape in.

I saw Lex jump into the driver's seat of her mustang and quickly start the car, just as Mattie did with Dylan's right next to her. Adam and who I assumed was Jamie threw themselves into an old black Corvette behind my wife's car, just as I landed in the passenger's seat. She took off before I even shut the door. I was trying to catch my breath as we turned the corner, feeling better that we were getting away from the house. I looked behind us to see Mattie and Jamie right behind us, in that order. The sirens were fading fast by the time we made the right turn onto my wife's street, pulling in one after another before we exited the vehicles. We were all silent upon entering the house, following Lex through the darkness until we reached the back door. I glanced behind me when I heard something similar to metal scraping across wood, but ignored it as I wouldn't be able to see anyway. We were greeted by light once again when Lex flipped the switch next to the back door, before opening it and stepping
out onto the spacious, furniture covered back porch. We all sat down, except for my wife and Jamie, who glanced at each other and walked down into the backyard, sparing us a glance before they walked all the way back and sat by the pool.

"Beer's in the fridge!" Lex shouted over her shoulder before she followed Jesse's brother to the hammock tied to two trees in the very back of the yard. I waited a few minutes before standing up, catching Mattie, Dylan, and Adam's attention.

"You guys wanna beer?" I asked. They all nodded at me. I walked back into the house, rubbing my hands over my face. I was still trying to calm down, and didn't even think when I reached into the fridge and grabbed a beer before cracking it open. I took a long gulp, not stopping when I had pretty much drank the entire can on bitter alcohol. I shook my head, reaching for a six pack of bud light before going back out onto the porch. I plopped down onto a cushioned lawn chair before tossing everyone around me a 16 ounce can of their own, before cracking another one open for myself. When I pulled the can from my lips, I was met with scrutinizing stares from the rest of the guys.

"What?" I asked defensively, raising an eyebrow before reaching for Mattie's pack of Newport's on the table, lighting one up and tossing the box back down.

"What the fuck are you doin'?" Adam spoke up, staring me down.

"What?" I repeated.

"Sober and smoke free for three years, and here you are," He motioned to the drink in my hand and the cigarette between my fingers. "pissing it all away." I stared at him for a moment, hearing his words but not really understanding. I settled for a shrug and just took another gulp of my beer, letting my eyes travel to the back of the yard, where Lex was talking to Jamie.

Lex's P.O.V.

"I knew I shouldn't have left." Jamie mumbled, shaking his head, letting his tears fall onto the picture frame in his hands. I sighed, shifting closer to him and staring down at the photo.

It was him, Jesse, and I, about ten years ago, in front of their house, sitting on the Hood of Jamie's first car, an old Chevelle. I let more tears fall as well, shaking my head at him for blaming himself.

"It wasn't your fault. I don't know why Jimmy did this... Jesse never hurt nobody... but I do know, he died a slow painful, death. That bastard." I paused, sucking in a breath and trying to wipe my tears. "That bastard's rottin' in hell as we speak." My voice cracked as Jamie looked back up at me, a frown on his face, that was so similar to his baby brother's.

He nodded in understanding, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and drew me closer to his side.

"You know, I never did mind watching over you and Jess when yous were growin' up." He said softly. I nodded and looked at my feet, kicking at the grass. "And here you are now. All grown up, living your dream."

"Lived." I corrected quietly. He continued, ignoring my statement.

"And I didn't notice it before, but it that Ronnie Radke up there?" He squeezed my shoulder and smiled sadly. I nodded, glancing up at my wonderful husband, who was talking to my brother. "I always told you, that you could have any guy ya wanted. Shit, if you were any older... I woulda scooped you up." He laughed softly. For a second, I smiled, but it was replaced by a frown when I realized that it was identical to the was Jesse laughed.

The way Jesse used to laugh.

"I married him." I replied, motioning towards the porch. "I'm pregnant too." My voice cracked again and I took a deep breath.

"Holy shit. I've been gone too long. Here you are, about to have a fucking kid! I didn't even know I was gonna be an uncle." He laughed again, rubbing my shoulder soothingly as I sobbed and nodded. I found myself wishing that I could just wake up from this nightmare, and roll out of my bunk on the first tour bus we all shared together not so long go.

But it wasn't going to happen.

This was a nightmare, but I wasn't going to be waking up anytime soon. I glanced back up towards the porch, my eyes widening at the sight I saw from a distance away after recovering from a ten-minute long shock-induced stupor.

Ronnie was knocking back a beer, with a cigarette in between his lips. I gripped the cushion on the hammock below me, gritting my teeth in frustration.

"What the fuck is he doing?" I ground out, feeling betrayed as I watched Ronnie take a big sip of the beer.

"Who, Ronnie?" Jamie asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked up to the porch for a moment. "Huh. I thought he was straightedge." He mumbled, slightly distastefully on top of that.

"He was." I growled, jumping up and heading towards the porch. Once I was walking up the steps, Ronnie got up and smiled sadly, and drunkenly at me.

"Hey beauti-"

"Go fuck yourself." I growled, knocking the beer from his hand and all down his shirt before storming past him through the house.

I pulled my car keys out, running for the front door when I heard footsteps go through the kitchen. I threw my front door open, jumped out onto the porch, before letting it slam behind me. I practically flew to my car, flinging the door open and shut just as hard before starting the mustang and taking off.

At first, I tried to calm myself down, driving around aimlessly. But an hour and fifteen missed calls and texts later, I found myself driving down Jesse's street. I knew better than to go to the front of the house. The neighbors were probably watching the empty house like hawks. Instead, I opted for the back, pulling around the corner and into the dark alleyway. I pulled into the concrete space that people on this street used as backyards, cutting the ignition and coasting in neutral so that I didn't wake any neighbors.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and tossed it carelessly into the center console, tired of heading the Smart Phone vibrate before getting out of the car and closing the door quietly. I took a deep breath when I felt my throat start to tighten, feeling a little more ate ease now that I was away from everyone. What didn't put me at ease, was that I was only a few feet away from where my best friend was murdered earlier the same night. Somehow, someway, I finally worked up the courage to get my keys out and unlock the back door.

I squeezed my eyes shut as the door slowly creaked open to reveal the once pristine kitchen that Jesse's mother would cook in every night, covered in broken glass from the shattered windows, ceramic from the broken dishes, water from the leaking, busted sink, and finally, tiny specks of blood on the floor. The living and dining rooms were pretty much the same, thousands of dollars, and irreplaceable memories lost in he wake of destruction that really didn't have anything to do with the owner of the once beautiful home. I stepped into the house, ripping away caution tape that tried to block my way. The police must've already been here, not like they'd be much help anyway. I closed the back door quietly, stuffing my keys into the pockets of my jeans before I walked through the dining room into the living room. Everytime I took a step, the Vans on my feet crushed shards of broken glass into the wood beneath me. I ignored the sounds, my face carrying no emotion other than the never-ending supply of tears that had been leaking from my eyes all night. I stopped abruptly in the middle of the room, crouching down and looking at the floor.

There was a pool of blood covering the wood floor. In the center of it laid a cigarette butt that probably fallen out of Jesse's hand just as his body hit the floor. I closed my eyes and inhaled, smelling the fading, stake smell of cigarettes, longing for one more than ever. I remembered that I had a life growing in side of me, and sank down onto the floor, ignoring the glass as I crossed my legs and leaned my elbows on my knees, chin in my palms, staring down at the puddle of blood.

Flashback To Six Years Ago

I tip toed up the cement steps onto Jesse's porch, trying not to move my arms and rustle the wrapped gift tucked into my black and white Adidas track jacket before reaching for the screen door, opening it just enough to put some space between me and the front door as I looked down at my phone, reading the time as 11:59.

I paused for a few seconds, listening for any sounds coming from inside the house. I deemed it okay to enter when all I heard was the soft hum of the television, leaning over and pushing the heavy front door that was practically never locked open, stepping into the house quietly before shutting the door behind me. I looked over to the couch were Jesse was was hanging halfway off of it, snoring with his mouth open.

A few seconds passed before Jamie creaked down the steps from upstairs, grinning at me with his stereo in his arms. I quickly took it, placing it on the coffee table as Jamie plugged it in. As soon as he stood back up, I placed the CD I had bought Jesse for his birthday in the player, glancing behind me and pushing my short, black hair out of my face to see Dylan and his cousin, Mattie coming downstairs to join us. We had grinned at each other, before looking up at the clock above the couch and waiting for the remaining seconds to tick by. As soon as it struck midnight, Dylan handed everyone a bottle of beer before I punched the play button and turned the volume all the way up.

The song Situations blasted through the speakers as we all started to shout over it, clinking our beers together and trying to keep straight faces as Jesse's eyes flew open and he screamed, scared out of his mind as he fell off the couch and onto the floor with a thump that reverberated through the house.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIIIIRTHDAY DEAR ASSHOLE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOU!" We all shouted as Jesse poked his head up over the coffee table. It was a good thing he was fully awake now, otherwise he wouldn't have caught the beer his older brother tossed him as he sat back down on the couch, glaring at us from the other side of the table as we all laughed at him. He probably didn't see the point of trying yell over the blasting music coming from the stereo in front of him. The album had just come out a few days ago, by a band called Escape The Fate. Jesse and I had been sitting here watching MTV, when the video for the song came on. There was something about the lead singer that I fell in love with, immediately fangirling and going nuts over the song. Jesse thought it was pretty cool too, so I bought him the CD. I grinned when I saw him scowl as Dylan leaned over to turn to turn the volume down.

"What the fuck is wron-OOOMPH!" He cut himself off when I jumped over the table and landed in his lap, sideways. I leaned back and reached into my jacket, pulling out the wrapped present.

"What's this?" He asked, a light eyebrow raised. "I thought that was my present..." Jesse nodded towards the stereo, since his arms were busy holding his beer and supporting my shoulders. I opened it for him, taking his beer so he could reach into the box himself. He pulled out the Metallica shirt I spent forty bucks on, it was identical to the one I was wearing, the Ride The Lightning album art plastered across the front. He looked down at my halfzipped jacket before glancing back at the shirt in his hand.

"Take the hint," I kissed his cheek. "Stop wearing my shit." I grinned.

"Thank you, Lex. I love it." He smiled and kissed my cheek before I handed him back his beer and took a sip of my own.

"AWWWWWW." Jamie shouted obnoxiously before jumping over the coffee table and into his younger brother and I squishing us into the couch. Dylan and Mattie followed, causing us to scream and laugh under all the weight.

"Get off!" Jesse laughed breathlessly.

"Fat fucks!" I giggled and gave them a shove, sending Dylan and Mattie onto the floor.

"Cake!" Dylan screeched, jumping up off of the floor, making a run for the kitchen. Mattie scrambled to his feet as well, lunging for his cousin who had just made it to the dining room. I was practically in tears when Jamie ran through the room, thinking he was going to get to the cake first... until they grabbed his legs and he hit the floor as well. Jesse and I took the opportunity to run out there as well, thinking ahead and running around the other side of the dining room, leaving our beer in the living room so the bottles full of alcohol didn't end up as shattered, wet glass on the floor. The other guys had stopped manhandling each other and got up, making it into the kitchen just before us.

We all grinned as Jamie pulled out the cake, setting it on the counter and removing the lid as he did so. Just as Jesse turned his back to us and reached into the dish strainer for a knife to cut it, we all reached our hands into the cakes effectively ruining it before shoving our icing covered hands into his face.

Mattie, Dylan, Jamie and I were laughing hysterically, practically having to hold each other up as Jesse stumbled back towards the sink, wiping the cake from his eyes and taking a deep breath. Our laughter died in our throats when he shoved his own hands into the cake, glaring at us playfully.

"You fuckers are so dead!" He lunged forward at us as we stumbled out of the kitchen, practically giggling like little girls, smearing cake all over each other as the Escape The Fate album rang through the house.

The Present

When I snapped out of my daze, I was staring in the direction of the kitchen, smiling sadly as hot tears stung my eyes... but not out of laughter as they did so long ago. The back door creaked open and I flinched, getting ready to run if it was a cop. But after it swung all the way open, I relaxed at seeing Mattie standing in the doorway, a heartbroken look on his normally happy face.

"I knew you'd be here." He said softly, just above a whisper as he walked through the house, stopping in front of me. I glanced up to see him holding his hand out to me. I took it with my smaller one, letting him pull me up and lead me over to the couch where we sat down.

"It's weird... but coming over here so late... and Jamie comin' home... made me remember that one year on his birthday when we woke him up at midnight." Mattie mumbled, staring down at our intertwined fingers. My eyes must've looked like they were about to fall out of my head as I turned to face him.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly.

"Nothing." I looked away and shook my head. "Or everything. That sounds about right." I mumbled, more to myself than to him.

"Ronnie's sorry, you known." He replied, shaking his hair from his face. "He was all upset, he has no idea where you are... Dyl and Jamie do though."

" 'Cause he's drunk. I just needed to get away. I can't deal with everything at once. Especially not him throwing himself off the wagon like that." I shook my head, not really all that mad anymore. "I can't really blame him. I just didn't see it coming, with him bein' sober and talking about it all this time."

"I don't think it'd be so hard on you if you could drink or smoke." He reminded me, patting my stomach gently. "I honestly think it's a good thing, you being pregnant right now."

"Why?" I raised my eyebrows, still not facing him.

"You'd probably end up killing yourself." He replied. At first, I felt kind of offended, knowing how little faith he actually had in me. Then, I realized that that wasn't it at all.

Mattie knew how much I loved Jesse, how much we all did. He understood that I would never be he same without him. He knew that regardless of how many people I had there for me...

I would still be broken.

Try to make your way back home, found that you're alone.