I Don't Love You, Like I Did Yesterday

Fast Forward 4 Months (Lex's P.O.V.)

"I'm fine, Ron. Really. You said it was just a little longer anyway." I sighed into my cell phone, brushing my hair out of my tired face.

"I know, I'll be back tomorrow. I just really don't like leaving you for so long, Lex." Ronnie replied, sadness in his voice.

"I know. Call me later tonight. I'm gonna go let Charlie out and feed him. I love you." I smiled slightly.

"Don't forget to tell Charlie I miss him! And tell the little on that I love her. I love you too."

"Alright. Bye." I chuckled before ending the call and tossing my phone onto the bed.

"Daddy loves you, whatever you are." I smiled and looked down at my rounded belly and laughed. Ronnie was convinced that it was going to be a girl, but I had a feeling it was a boy. I padded out into the living room and looked at Charlie, who sat up from his usual daytime spot on the couch, tail thumping against the suede underneath him.

"Come on, mutt." I turned into the kitchen and slid the glass door open enough to let him slide through, before grabbing his bowl and dumping a pile of dog food into it. The energetic pit bull must of heard the food clinking against the bottom of the steel bowl, because he darted right back inside to be ready for it as soon as I set it down. I closed the back door and headed over to the fridge to grab a bottle of water when the door bell rang.

"Who is it?!" I shouted, still not used to living in a good neighborhood.

"Open the fucking door, bitch." I grinned and unlocked the heavy wooden front door, swinging it open to let Mattie in.

"Yay!" I threw my arms up, wrapping them around his neck. When he pulled me closer, I looked over his shoulder to see Max standing behind him. "Ugh." I rolled my eyes playfully as we pulled away from each other and headed into the house. "Did you have to bring him too?"

Max glared at me and crossed his arms childishly after shutting the front door.

"You're lucky you're pregnant. Bitch." I could hear the smile in his voice as I hugged him next. "God damn!" He looked down at my stomach when we pulled away.

"What?" I crossed my arms as Mattie sat down next to Charlie on the couch.

"You got fat!" He laughed. I glared at him before he got on his knees and put his ear to my belly. "No kicking?" He looked back up at me.

"I can feel some, but nobody else can. Ron gets pretty upset. Sometimes I think he's jealous. If he wants to carry this kid, be my fuckin' guest." I smiled, joking of course. I was already in love with this kid, and was a little happy just to have him to myself for a little bit.

"How ya doin', little dude? Uncle Max can't wait to teach you how to shred on the bass!" He stated enthusiastically before standing up.

"Drums." Mattie corrected as Max sat down.

"Bass." Max stated flatly.

"Neither." I shrugged my shoulders. They both looked at me like I was crazy. "He'll do whatever he wants."

"He'll play bass." Max mumbled under his breath. I smiled as he went into the kitchen, probably to raid my fridge. Max was convinced it was going to be a boy, like I was. Then again, Max was also convinced that he was the funniest guy on earth and that candy was good for you.

I sat down next to Mattie and put my bare feet on his lap.

"Ewwww." He looked down on them.

"Shut up. I just got out of the shower." I pointed to my damp hair. He smiled and took one of my heels into his palms.

"Are they swollen yet?" Mattie asked.

"Yeah, they're killing me. I can't even stand for more than twenty minutes. Ronnie's coming home tomorrow." I stated absent mindedly. After a pause, I turned my attention back to Mattie, who was rubbing my foot. I stared at him wide eyed.

"You said you just got a shower, so it doesn't bother me." I raised my eyebrows and watches him warily for a moment. Mattie had always hated feet. The guys used to screw with him by waking him up by putting their feet in his face. He used to get all freaked out, especially on tour when they smelled. I smiled at the memory and let my head go back to rest on the plush arm rest as he massaged the arch of my foot.

"So, have you given any thought to what I asked?" Mattie asked softly. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Yeah." I answered, not really wanting to give him my answer and end up arguing over it.

"Well..?" I mentally face palmed.

"I don't want to do it. I just.. can't." I mumbled.

"I think we should. It would make him happy if he were still here." He responded, switching to my other foot. I sat up and stared at him.

"If Jesse was still here, you wouldn't be asking me to do a show without him, I'm sorry Mattie, but my answer is no. If you still wanna do it, have someone to replace me too." I frowned and flopped back down, not wanting him to see the tears that were threatening to spill.

"Lex, I wanted to do it to honor his memory, it would be Jamie filling in for him, not replacing him. It would be one last song. The first one you and him wrote together. To let the fans know that it's over." He mumbled. I glared at the ceiling, noticing the way he wouldn't say Jesse's name.

"I... I just don't... I don't know... okay?" I mumbled, blinking away tears.

"It's your choice. I just want you to know the reason behind mine."

"Maybe." I murmured thoughtfully.

"Oh yeah, Dylan's on his way over with Jamie." He added nonchalantly.

"Damn, invite the whole neighborhood over, why don't you. And since when is Jamie in Cali?" I sat back up on my elbows.

"He's been crashing with us for a couple days. He's been keeping in touch a lot since the funeral. Adam's back off tour too." He replied, setting my foot back down onto his lap.

"Good thing he has his own house." I mumbled jokingly, kind of missing my big brother.

"He has little Adam too." I shot up straighter and grinned.

"He's has little A?" I chirped happily. Mattie just smiled and nodded.

"Son of a fucking cunt motherfuck!" I heard Max shriek from the kitchen, before a loud string of smashing and banging around.

My face dropped when Mattie got up, letting my feet down gently before taking off to my kitchen.

"Stop tryna play Betty Crocker, retard!" He shouted and disappeared from my sight. I shook my head and smiled, surprised that the two had become close friends over the last few months.

"I'm telling Ronnie!" I sang, missing my husband more than anything, but also remembering that he would be acting just as goofy as they were.

"DING DONG DING DONG DING DON-" I stood up and swung the door open, cutting off Dylan's impersonation of a door bell. "Hi." He squeaked with a grin, hugging me gently before passing me off to Jamie.

"Hey beautiful, how's the little one?" Jamie smiled and patted my stomach gently after he hugged me.

"He's fine, still really tiny." I looked down at my small baby bump."

"She'll be adorable." He grinned and started off towards my bed room, a huge duffle bag slung over his broad shoulder. I glared at him. Jamie also thought it was going to be a girl.

"Oh, don't tell me you're moving in. You'll have to fight Max for the guest room." I chuckled, following him.

"Damn straight! I'll shank a hoe!" I heard Max shout from the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah. We know." I muttered as Jamie and I entered the room.

"No, no." He shook his head. "It's for you, some things that were left to you." He said before setting it on the bed.

"Oh, Jesse's." I whispered and patted the bag slowly.

"Yeah, there's more there than it looks. A lot of pictures, band tee's, letters, even a few video tapes. There's a box in there, but it has a lock on it. I didn't wanna break it, so I guess there might be a key floating around back home. Or here, ya never know." Jamie smiled and walked out of the room.

I was dumbfounded, staring at the huge duffle bag. I frowned, putting my hand to the hem of my T-shirt, where our two lockets were. After a few minutes, I shook my head and picked the bag up by the strap and stuffed it under the bed on my side, saving it for when Ronnie came back so that I could go through it with him. Normally, I wouldn't want to share something like this with anyone else other than Mattie or Dylan, but I realized I had been keeping to much from my husband, and that I was becoming too closed off. We were having a child, sharing a new life together. I wanted to open.

Later That Evening

"Lex, you ready?" Dylan's voice came through the door of the small dressing room behind the stage we were going to be performing our last show on.

"I'll be out in a few." I mumbled back, touching up my eyeliner. I was shaking, anxiety controlling my movements. After a little while longer, there was a tap on the door before it opened. I looked in the mirror and dropped the pencil, sighing when I saw it was only Max, smiling sadly at me.

"Hey, you alright?" He asked softly and sat down next to me.

"Yeah, as good as I'm gonna get. I wish Ronnie was here though." I sighed and combed my bangs. I made sure the Iron Maiden shirt I was wearing completely hid my small baby bump before turning to smile weakly at him.

"He probably does too. Look, I haven't known you or even Jesse for that long. But I do know that was one of the best friendships I've ever seen. The way you guys were at the wedding. He was so happy for you. Now it's time for you to be happy for him." My eyes widened at his response. I frowned at him.

"Elaborate."

"What I mean is, he might have been taken before his time, and by no fucking means was that asshole right for doing it. But now, he's at peace. Jesse wanted you to be happy while he was alive, and he'd want you to be happy now that he's gone. Nothing can bring him back, but you can be happy for him and he'll live on in your memory, as cheesy as that sounds." I blinked away tears that stung my eyes and leaned forward, wrapping my arms around Max's shoulders.

"I love you Maxypoo." I mumbled into the crook of my elbow.

"I love you too Lexybear." He rubbed my back before I pulled away. "Now shoo." He flicked his wrists flamboyantly and I giggled as I got up and went to exit the room.

"Break a leg, or don't. That would kinda blow." He waved and gave me a thumbs up. I laughed and walked out to side stage where Mattie, Dylan, and Jes-Jamie were waiting for me, clad in skinny jeans and v-necks, the first time I had seen any of the three straighten their hair in weeks. The smiled weakly at me and I sighed and stopped in front of Mattie.

In a way, it felt like I had tripped and fell into a time machine. Then I looked over and seen it was Jamie standing there instead of his younger brother. I sighed one more time and held out my arms, before we all formed a group hug.

"To Skyline." We all muttered, our foreheads falling against eachother's before I took a feel breath and stepped back. I stared straight ahead at Mattie, wanting to punch him and hug him at the same time for making me do this.

"Yo! You guys are on in three!" a stage tech caught our attention to hurry up. I let the three boys pass me before I looked back over my shoulder to see Max nodding towards the stage with a reassuring smile on his lips. I took a deep breath before I strode forward, cheers erupting for the big audience. When I got to the mic, I took it in my hand and smiled at all the people.

"Holy fuck. That's a lot of people." I laughed and glanced at everyone for the courage I needed for my small speech. I took a
deep breath and looked back at the crowd.

"Well um... as you may or may not know..." I swallowed thickly and blinked as the crowd quieted down to let me speak. All eyes were on me. "We lost our guitarist and bestfriend, Jesse back home a little while ago." I smiled weakly and blinked back tears, gripping the mic tighter. "And I'm sorry to say... that we won't be continuing without him." I took another deep breath. "Dropping of the face of the earth wasn't an option," I glanced back at Mattie, who was smilingly proudly, but darkly. "We wanted to give everyone a real goodbye. So uh... here we are... and this is Hold You Down."

Ronnie's P.O.V. (Later That Night)

"Dude! You're not gonna believe this!" I heard Ryan shout from the bathroom connecting our hotel rooms. I was laying on the large bed, reading a book. I assumed he was talking to Jacky, so I ignored him, patting the pocket of my red basketball shorts to fond my phone. I pulled it out and checked the time, frowning. It was after midnight, and Lex still hadn't called me back. I sighed, dropping the phone. She was probably busy, considering everyone was probably over at my house, getting on my pregnant wife's nerves.

At first I was worried about leaving her by herself so soon after her bestfriend's death. Honestly, thinking about Jesse still made me tear up. I couldn't imagine how she felt inside. At first she was a wreck. I thanked whoever was up there that she still ate and slept well, trying not to stress herself out.

I didn't kid myself. I knew it was only because she was pregnant. And that didn't bother me. It only made this child so much more special. It saved it's mother's life.

Recently, she had been taking it well, going through old photo albums and box's filled with trinkets and jewelry, and other memories from their past. A couple times I sat next to her on the bed, asking her what certain things were, bringing up fond memories. I enjoyed it too, probably because the stories were interesting and because her sharing such intimate things with me brought us closer together after the rift I created between us back in Philly gave us a violent shove apart.

It took me a while after hearing that I had to go back for more recording for a few days to realize she was never truly alone. Now that Max and I had kind of put things behind us, he had been hanging around a lot. Mattie got an apartment not to far from the house, and Dylan had been crashing with him, probably not wanting to be left out. I'm pretty sure that after Amy left Jesse, Dylan broke it off with his girlfriend, and her bestfriend Courtney.

From what Lex had told me, I didn't thinking Dylan and Mattie had much family back in Philly. I found it easier to believe on Mattie's part, because he didn't even move there until they were all in highschool. My wife had mentioned something about Dylan having an older sister, but that she was married and had a lot of kids and Dyl didn't wanna be hanging around the "brats". I still missed my wife, not wanting to be spending any time away, especially with her carrying my kid. I didn't want to miss anything, and made it a point to push everything else I had to do back a few more months, for the albums early release next year.

"Dude! You deaf?" Ryan stuck his head past the threshold and raised a dark eyebrow at me. I shrugged and closed the book I wasn't really paying any attention to and set it on the nightstand.

"What's up?" I asked, running my hand over my tired face before using it push my hair out of my face. When I got the side cut, it was nice not having it in my face constantly. I decided to let it grow back, knowing that my wife secretly wasn't too fond of it. So it was back to square one, choppy and layered to just above my shoulders.

Ryan took my question as a invitation into the room, sitting on the other side of my bed, a laptop in his hands.

"This." He shoved it in my direction. I blinked and looked at the bright screen, recognizing it to be a Bryan Stars video on YouTube. I glanced at Ryan and sighed.

"How many times are you going to watch this interview?" I asked in reference to him playing the first interview we did with the kid a couple years back.

"That's not what it is, just watch it!" He bounced and pointed at the laptop.

I rolled my eyes and pressed play, after a few seconds, Bryan's voice played through speakers loudly.

"Hey guys, it looks like it's sad today today, sorry for looking like shit. Why is it a sad day you ask?" He raised an eyebrow. I kept my eyes glued to the screen, feeling my heart drop into my stomach at the thought that someone found how Jesse was killed and put it on the internet. Except for friends and family, it was still a secret. As far as anyone knew, he died in a car accident or something.

The screen cut to an older picture of Skyline, probably around the time I met Lex. It was the from the first photo shoot the ever did together, their arms around eachother's shoulder, grinning.

"Many of you may have heard of Skyline. They've released two albums, played Warped three times and been on three of their own tours over the past three years. The band consisted of Lex, the lead singer, Jesse, lead guitarist and singer, Matt, the drummer, and Dylan on bass. They came onto the music scene when our good friends Black Veil Brides couldn't front our other good friends, Falling In Reverse. Instead, a contest was held in search for a band to replace them on the tour, and Skyline won. A little while later, I interviewed both bands together, and we found out the lead singer had quickly stolen former convict, Ronnie Radke's heart. They broke up after the tour, but two years later, while both bands were headlining Warped, they got back together, performing shows together. There's even rumors going around that the two married after Warped.

Until tonight, Skyline hasn't made any moves for almost half a year. They played a show in Los Angeles, under a fake name until they were on stage, without their guitarist, and Lex's bestfriend, Jesse. They revealed that this was their last time performing, and apologized. I know I can't be the only one out there who is torn
up about this, they had so many fans, Skyline and Falling In Reverse were even supposed to tour together later on next year. I'm sorry guys, I just can't take it."

I shut the laptop, not really interested in seeing Bryan cry. I had seen enough people, including myself cry these last few months to last me a lifetime.

"Thanks dude, I nodded to Ryan before getting up and walking into the bathroom, dialing Lex's number into my phone. I had to check on her. Going up on that stage without Jesse must've ripped her apart. She'd never done it before. Even when she played with me, Jesse was up there too. It was some sort of unspoken rule.

"Hey handsome." I heard Max shouting something about chicken nuggets and everyone else laughing at him in the background.

"Hey, I uh.. heard about the show. You okay?" I asked, slightly relieved that she wasn't alone.

"Yeah, I got a little choked up on stage, but I feel better tying up loose ends. Plus, we went to Taco Bell after the show, though you wouldn't know it with Max still raiding our fridge." She laughed I heard Dylan shout "Is that Ronnie?" And Jamie chime in "Tell him I said hi!" I chuckled, rolling my eyes when Max shrieked "I love you baby!".

"Hey! Shut the fuck up! Can't you see I'm tryna have phone sex here?!" Lex shouted back, making me burst out laughing.

"Looks like your having a hard time controlling the children, I'll let you go. I'll probably surprise you tomorrow and wake you up, since it's pretty late now, I love you beautiful. " I sighed, happy that she was doing alright.

"Yeah, I dunno if I'm gonna be getting sleep anytime soon. I love you too, Ronnie. Get home to me safe."

I smiled as we said goodbye, excited to see my wife and be home tomorrow.

"Awwww, Ronnie loves Lex!" I heard Ryan coo loudly from the other side of the door.

"Fuck you, asshole!" I laughed.

Lex's P.O.V.

"Guys, shut up. I'm tired." I rubbed my temples after I shoved my cell phone into the pocket of the yoga pants I had changed into when we got back to the house.

"Sorry, Lex." Dylan pouted. I looked over and smiled.

"Well, are we ordering or what?" Max sat down on the floor on the other side of the coffee table, bouncing up and down with a menu in his hands.

"I want a club sandwich." Dylan said turning his attention back to the game of Call Of Duty he was playing with Mattie. Max nodded and started dialing the pizza places number.

"I want white pizza." Mattie said.

"Me too." Jamie nodded. "Garlic on it too." Max looked over at me.

"I guess I'll have some of their pizza. I want a cheesesteak with Mayo, extra cheese, ketchup, & fried onions." I smiled as Max struggled to tell the counter girl what I wanted. Finally they, after another cheesesteak and an order of fries, it came out to like thirty bucks.

"I thought you'd order a Philly cheesesteak." Max raised an eyebrow, toying with his phone.

I shared a look with Jamie, who laughed.

"Don't let them fool you, that's a real Philly cheesesteak. Not with all those peppers and all that extra shit." Jamie said. Mattie and Dylan nodded.

"But then again, you're also taking a risk getting one here, they don't know how to make them right." I replied, getting up and walking into the kitchen to clean up the mess Max made earlier and straighten up for Ronnie.

"I'll be the judge of that!" Max chirped. I shook my head and started on the dishes, rinsing the soap off of the pots and pans when Jamie came in and hopped onto the counter just like his brother used to.

"Hey." He smiled.

"What's up?" I replied and I put the last pan into the dish strainer and started on the bowls and plates. I had tied my hang hair into a ponytail earlier, and shook my bangs out of my face to get a better look at him. He sighed.

"There's something I've wanted to talk to you about." He said softly. "Well, actually two things."

"Shoot." I smiled.

"One, with investigation of Jesse's and Jimmy's murders being open at the same time back home, I think I'm gonna tell my girl to come here and get a place." He said. I swallowed thickly, remembering that he had shot Jimmy with my brother, Ronnie, and Dylan present. There was a pause before he went on.

"Two, this is more of a question." I looked up at him as I dried my hands, confused. "Do you want me hanging around?" My eyes widened at his question.

"Wh-why wouldn't I?" I asked softly.

"I just have this feeling... that when you look at me.. you don't just see me... you see Jesse too." He mumbled the last part, making me frown. "I don't want to bring up bad memories just by being around you, Lex." He looked down at his feet. I stepped closer to him and gently grabbed his chin.

"Jamie, I've known you since I was a kid. I see him when I look at you, not just because he looked like you; I see him because he wanted to be just like you. Good memories, not bad." I smiled sadly before he hugged me, nodding.

"Guys! Get out here, now!" We broke away and shared a worried look before jogging out of the kitchen, through the dining room, and into the spacious living room. There were wide eyes all around. Well, except for Max... who just looked confused.

".....I'm guessing the food isn't here." I looked around the room until my fell on Mattie's cell phone, which was ringing loudly.

"Who is it?" Jamie raised and eyebrow.

"Bryan."