Favored By Her Father

I was dreaming that Jabari was home, taking me in his arms and telling me how he had missed me and loved me. I cried and clung to him, begging that he never again leave me. The children gathered around me, kissing me and fighting for a place in my lap. I held them all to me, feeling such joy, feeling whole. But I knew it was a dream and I wept. I would wake and Jabari would not be there. The children would be in the house, tended to by Henut and I would have to tell them that their father was never coming home. He was gone. I stared at Jabari, memorizing his handsome face. His blue-black hair fell forward and curtained my face as he kissed me.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," I said, waking in the birthing house. Dakari stirred at my side at the sound of my sobs. I caressed his plump cheek and cooed at him.

"Is the child…alive?" I heard from outside the birthing house. I sat up quickly and Dakari let out a sharp cry of discontent.

"Your son is well, as is his mother," Aikla assured. My breath caught in my chest and I reached for the door, pushing it open.

"Jabari," I moaned. I saw a shadowed figure in the courtyard and realized the sun had set some time ago. The figure turned to me, and Aikla moved her torch so she too could see what was happening. The flame illuminated him. It was Jabari.

I pushed open the door further, not caring that I was not supposed to leave the birthing house yet. I leaned heavily on the door frame, my body throbbed in pain but I ignored it.

Jabari's hair was cut shorter, to his chin, he had a long scar from the corner of one eyebrow all the way down his chin that just barely missed his eye, and his torso had other scars, superficial knife and arrow wounds as well as one long scar that went from his shoulder, almost down to his hip. He clutched a cane in his left hand, leaning on it heavily and the hand that held it was missing its middle finger above the second knuckle. His right ankle was wrapped with stiff cloth and I could tell that he had, luckily, not broken it, only sprained it. I thought that part of the reason he leaned on the cane so much was from the exhaustion I saw on his face. He looked as though he had not had a decent nights rest in months, and I could believe that it was true.

I ran to him, the cool night air on my naked body, and jumped into his arms, kissing him.

"My lady!" Aikla cried, horrified. "You are not to leave the birthing house!"

I ignored her, pressing my lips harder against Jabari's. He dropped the cane and wrapped both arms around me, opening his mouth and pressing his tongue against my lips. He staggered a bit and I set my feet on the ground but did not let him go, nor pull away from his lips.

I parted my lips for him, kissing him, tasting him, wanting to memorize this moment in every way possible. I finally pulled away to gasp for air, but pressed forward again. He chuckled and pulled back from me, pressing sweet dry kisses to my lips while he tried to calm me so he could talk.

"I missed you as well," he said. "Does this mean you love me?" I looked up at him, wincing as my body throbbed, protesting my harsh treatment of it. My vision swam and I knew I had exerted myself too much. I shook my head to clear it and Jabari's expression fell.

"Meritites…" he said.

"Dakari," I gasped. "That is…your…sons…n-name…"

I slumped forward in Jabari's arms as darkness consumed me.

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I awoke in the birthing house and called out to the servants when I found the door was barred. The door had never been barred before so that if I needed something I could open it and call for help.

"Why is the door locked?" I asked when Aikla came in.

"So you do not run out again," she told me. I blushed at this.

"I will not leave again," I promised. Aikla eyed me skeptically, but set the massive piece of wood that held the door closed aside and called Oba to bring me breakfast.

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I kept my promise and did not attempt to leave the birthing house, though I waited anxiously for my time there to come to an end. Jabari had not been able to visit, part of the reason being that he was not supposed to and the other part was he was not in very good health. Aikla told me that he had been found in a rebel 'prison', if you could call a boarded up shack a prison. He was not tortured so much, but they did starve him and make it a game of cutting him. The rebels were to be punished. He was beaten up, with a sprained ankle from a failed escape, but all in all, he was whole. They had tried to get him home as soon as they could, at his own insistence. He was trying to make it home before I gave birth, but luck was not with him. Bahiti had chosen not to tell Jabari of what had gone on in the birthing house. I did not want him to know, either. I was embarrassed by it.

I could often here Minkabh and Bahiti's son, Abasi, playing in the court yard. A couple times they got loud and Dakari would fuss. Minkabh would hush Abasi, taking the boy to the opposite side of the yard, saying;

"Mama and Baby are trying to rest,"

"I know," Abasi snapped. "I have been around when my Mama gave birth. I did not mean to be so loud."

When my purification finally came to an end, I quickly went into the house, placed Dakari gently in his crib and sought Jabari out. He was sitting in his study, his cane against his desk. I stood in the doorway and stared at him as he sat with Minkabh on the knee of his good leg, showing him something in a book. Minkabh smiled at his father and laughed as Jabari made a face at him.

"Mama!" Minkabh cried, clamoring off Jabari's lap and running to hug me around the waist. I kissed the top of his head and told him to go play. I watched him run down the hall, most likely to go next door and get Abasi.

"Jabari," I began.

"Meritites," he interrupted. "I have something for you." He reached for something on his desk and handed it to me. I took it, looking it over.

"Petition for Divorce," I read aloud. I looked up at him, wide eyed, but he did not meet my gaze. His head was turned and his eyes downcast.

"Jabari?" I asked.

"I release you," he said. "You are free."

I stared at him for a long time, wandering what to say. He was abandoning me. After everything, he had given up, right when my mind finally realized what my heart always knew. I loved him.

Now I knew how he must have felt all those years that I rebuked him. I finally loved him, with all my heart; I was willing to die to be with him. But he no longer loved me. I had pushed him away too many times till he was lost to me forever. I felt tears well up in my eyes and I covered my hand with my mouth to stifle to sound of my sobs. I stared at the papyri, willing it to disappear, willing it to all be a lie.

"Meri?" he asked in a soft voice. I heard him stand from his chair. I dropped the document, letting it float to the floor and gripped the desk with the hand not covering my mouth.

"I suppose, if you want a divorce…" I began, not looking at him.

"By the gods, Meritites! I do know want a divorce!" He cried. I jerked my head up towards him.

"But…the petition…"

Jabari threw his hands up in the air, and then brought them back down to scrub his face.

"I did that because I thought it would make you happy," he said. "I know you still do not love me. I just…I just want you to be happy." My heart swelled almost painfully in my chest at this. He would set me free; because he thought I could not be content with him. He had chosen to forgo his selfish decision to have me at any cost and set me free so that I could be happy. He was giving me what I had always asked for, but I no longer wanted it. I did not want to be free of him; I wanted to spend eternity with him.

"I do not want a divorce," I said.

"What?"

"I love you." Jabari all but jumped over the desk and grabbed me, hugging me so tightly, I thought my ribs would break and crushed his mouth to mine. He kissed me so hard I pulled away a little to relieve the pressure. He followed me and I was almost bent backwards. He finally pulled back and swept the contents of his desk to the floor. Papyri, scrolls, books and ink tablets all crashed to the ground. I cried out at this, but Jabari ignored it, lifting me and setting me on the desk. I tried to protest this, it was after all his work that was now splattered with ink, but he kissed me again, silencing me.

"Jabari," I panted when he released my lips.

"Say it again," he begged. "Please, I have waited years to hear it. Say it again."

"I love you," I whispered. Jabari groaned and pressed me back against the desk.

"Again?" he asked. I laughed and cupped his face in my hands, bringing him up to my eye level and gazing into his dark eyes.

"I love you, Jabari," I said. "I love you, I love you, I love you." He gave me a soft smile and gripped the wrist of my one hand and kissed my palm, closing his eyes and moving down, inhaling my scent at my pulse point.

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Jabari eventually returned to his duties as General. The children grew up strong and my fears that they shared any weakness with the children I had lost were unfounded. The strain I had put on my body with Dakari had left me permanently damaged. The birthing woman said I would be unable to conceive again, but I was fine with this. Jabari did not seem bothered by it either and he seemed to like not having to be so careful. I visited the palace regularly, taking the children with me. When Dakari was six, Mama died. I was heartbroken. Papa seemed to take it as hard as I did, most likely feeling the weight of his deal with the gods even more. The children grew more and more each day, and I thought them beautiful, but I knew that all mothers thought their children beautiful. I was content with my life. Jabari would leave on missions and I would anxiously await his return. When he would ride home, bursting through the gates atop his horse, I would drop whatever I was doing and run to him, jumping into his arms and showering him with kisses.

One cool day in fall, as I stood in the court yard watching the children play and fool around, Jabari came up behind me and wrapped an arm around my waist.

"Meritites," he asked. "Are you happy?"

I looked into his face, now lined a bit with age, and then turned to gaze at the children. Minkabh lifted Dakari into his arms; my eldest son seemed to take after his father with his broad face and shoulders. Kinika turned to Rashida and said something in a tongue they shared that no one else understood, and the two moved to push their brothers into the pond. Dakari cried at being bullied and ran to me while Minkabh chased his younger sisters about the yard, ready to smack them. The girls shrieked and tried to dart inside and lock themselves in their room, almost knocking poor Aikla over as they did so. Dakari's red hair was plastered to his face and he clung to my gown, pressing his face into my stomach.

"Mama, mama!" he chanted. I pushed his wet hair back from his face and smiled up at Jabari.

"Yes, my love," I said. "I am happy."