Favored By Her Father

A few weeks later I was in the nursery, cleaning up and packing some things away. I was sending the things to the temple. The priests would bless the toys, and then give them to poor children. As I was folding the last of the blankets and placing them in a box, Aikla knocked on the open door.

"My lady, you have a visitor," she declared.

"Send them away," I said, dreamily, as I packed away a toy horse, envisioning a small child playing with it. Aikla left, but came back a few minutes later.

"I am sorry, my lady," she said, "But he says that he must see you and he will not leave. Shall I have Fenuku escort him out?" I turned to look at her. She was a bit unnerved by the stranger's refusal to leave, I could see, and was most likely anxious to call the big burly Fenuku to throw the man out on his ass.

"Did he give you his name?" I asked, calmly.

"No," she answered. I scowled at this. It may have been one of my brothers and if I did not come down, they would come up and drag me out of the room, kicking and screaming, to talk to me.

"Show him to the parlor. Set out some wine and sliced meats," I said.

"Yes, my lady." With that, she bowed and left the room.

I stood in the nursery for a moment, looking at the boxes. It felt like I was packing away my hopes and dreams. I pictured the room after I was done, empty with bare walls. I felt my heart break. I turned, quickly, from the room and walked downstairs.

I was stunned to see Madu sitting in the parlor, nibbling on some meat. He was just as I remembered him. Tall, lean, dark skinned with his head shaved. He looked up at me as I entered the parlor and closed the doors behind me.

"I am surprised to see you," I said with a small smile.

"I heard what happened," he confessed, "I wanted to extend my condolences."

"My thanks," I responded. I felt my eyes sting.

Madu stood and walked over to me, embracing me. My heart thundered in my chest and I felt my stomach flutter. He was warm and smelt of the fields.

"What are you doing?" I breathed.

"Hugging you," was his answer, "You looked as if you needed it."

I laughed and buried my face in his bare chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"I lost my daughter," I choked out, my voice bitter. "There is more crying than talking."

"Then you can cry," he offered. "I heard your husband was away again. What a cruel man he is to leave his suffering wife alone."

"It is alright. I told him he could go."

"Why would you do that?" Madu sounded confused.

"I needed the time alone to clean out the nursery…." My eyes welled up with tears. Madu carded his fingers gently through my hair. The gesture made my eyes water more. Jabari had done it in the nursery when I had clutched Anippe's still body and screamed. I remembered the servants standing outside the door, watching, tears streaming down their faces.

I sobbed, that horrible sound coming from my lips as it had when I collapsed outside the tomb. My body gave out and Madu sank with me to the floor. I curled up against him, anguished sobs coming forth from the depths of my soul. My pain flared anew and I cried it all out.

"Anippe. Anippe. Anippe," I chanted, as if my chants could turn back time and bring her back to me. As if my words could do what all the doctors' medicines and science and prayers could not. I continued to cry and when I thought I could bring forth no more tears, my body did so anyway, finding them in the deepest pits of my broken heart.

When my tears finally dried up, I lay against Madu, exhausted and I gazed up at him. My face was red and puffy and I was a bit embarrassed.

"I-I am sorry," I said.

"Do not be sorry," he assured me. "You are meant to weep for such a loss. I would think it strange if you did not."

I gave him a small smile. We were silent for a bit. I reached over, picking up some meat and eating it. The silence stretched on but I did not mind.

"You are beautiful, even when you weep," he observed. I blushed darkly at this.

He stared at me for a moment, and then leaned forward, pressing his lips to my cheek. I gasped, pulling away.

"Madu!"

"Forgive me," he begged, releasing me. "I thought that was what you wanted."

"It…It is," I confessed. "But Jabari…he cannot know."

"Do not worry, my darling," he said, kissing me. "He will not."

Madu kissed me and my entire body tingled. We made love on the settee and I clung to him, gasping in pleasure. When I climaxed, I bit my lip so I would not cry out his name.

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For the next week, Madu would come to the villa and visit. We would talk and make love all day. Sometimes I would simply lie against him and cry until I fell asleep.

The servants knew nothing and merely thought he was one of my many brothers, come to comfort me.

Jabari came home at the weeks end, and Madu kept away. I thought of sneaking him in at night, but decided it was too risky.

Jabari came into the library when he arrived and kissed my cheek.

"How have you been, my dear?" he asked, searching my face with a look of worry.

"I have been as well as can be expected," I told him.

"The servants told me that your brother has been coming to keep you company," he commented.

"Yes," I lied, "Amenhotep came by while you were away." I had hoped the servants would remain quiet about Madu. But I was ready in any case. I gave Jabari the name of my elder brother who lived in Pi-Rameses. He was a land owner with many tenants to oversee, so he did not come around very often. Jabari had never met him, so even if he saw Madu, he would not know of my lie. Amenhotep's wife had died two years ago in child birth, taking the child with her. It would not be strange for him to come and comfort me. He had sent me a letter, telling me how sorry he was and how he knew of my pain.

"That is good," Jabari commented, "I do not like for you to be alone in this house."

"You worry too much," I said, brushing aside his concern. "Jabari…would…would you come to my bed tonight?" His jaw dropped.

"R-Really?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "You just came home from a long trip and you have been very kind to me." The truth was that I wanted to make sure that, on the chance Madu had planted his seed in my belly; I wanted Jabari to think it was his.

"You are not afraid you shall become pregnant?" he asked.

"I am sure you will be careful," I said, flippantly. Jabari seized me and kissed me passionately. I allowed this, but did not kiss him back. He pulled away with a confused look.

"Jabari," I began, "Make no mistake. I am not in love with you. I am doing this because I feel as though I owe you."

Jabari looked hurt and for the briefest moment I felt a pang in my chest, but I quickly brushed it aside.

"It is not a very enticing offer," Jabari muttered.

"It is the only one you shall get," I said.

"Very well," he replied, taking my hand.

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The next day I awoke to find Jabari sitting up in bed. He was staring off out the window. I gently touched his arm and he jerked his head toward me.

"You seem troubled," I said.

"I am always troubled," Jabari sighed.

"Would you like to talk about it?" I asked. He shook his head.

"No, it is fine."

I shrugged and stood, pulling my clothes out of the dresser.

"Do you think you will ever love me?" he asked suddenly.

"No," I replied.

"Why not?" he demanded clearly frustrated.

"Because you were nothing but dishonest from the start," I answered. "You stole me from my home."

"You make me sound like a monster," he snapped. "Your father offered me your hand! He would have offered it to any eligible man who inquired after you! He had a damn line of men! He was going to give you off to the first one who you seemed to favor!"

"At least I would have favored them! You could not even court me! You were so jealous of anyone that might have my time but you!"

"Yes," he growled, seizing me by my shoulders. "I am jealous. The thought of you with any other man makes me furious! That's why I could not risk your father handing you over to another man! Why do you think I sought you out the moment I became a General?"

I gave him a strange look and he seemed to realize what he had said.

"What do you mean?" I pressed, hoping to get one more piece of the puzzle.

"Forget it," Jabari said and I knew in the heat of his anger he had revealed more than he wanted to. I sighed and continued to dress.

"If you were honest with me, I may grow to love you. But you tell me nothing."

"You are not ready to hear everything," he said. "You do not remember. If I tell you now, it will only be a story."

"Then tell me some of it," I said. He sighed and walked over to me, turning me to face him. His large calloused hands cupped my cheeks.

"When I was fifteen, I fell in love with you, but I knew that being a scribe would make me unworthy of you. So I left to join the army, and prove myself to you. I worked hard, and when I was made a general, I knew I was finally worthy of you. So I came back and told your father I wanted your hand."

He was silent then. I looked at him expectantly and when he offered no more, I broke the silence.

"And?" I urged.

"That is all," he said, caressing my cheek.

"Why would you be a scribe, though?" I could not picture Jabari's broad frame bent over a tablet, scribbling while someone dictated. The scribes also took taxes, but that image was equally unappealing. I could not imagine him walking through the poor housing units with the portable desks the scribes wore and counting out how much grain one farm family produced.

"That is what I was being taught and that is what my father was."

"You were a scribe's son," I stated.

"I was," he confirmed.

"What happened to your parents?" I asked.

"My mother died when I was fifteen and my father died a year before we were married."

"Why did you not tell me?" I question.

"You never asked, so I thought you already knew," he said.

"When they never came around I assumed they were dead," I admitted, "That or you were estranged from them."

He gave me a sad smile and said;

"No, I could never be estranged from them. I loved them very much."

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Life fell into a comfortable pattern after that. Jabari and I went on about our daily lives as we always had. We were dealing with our loss the best way we could. I often escaped to the palace when I could no longer stand to be in the house. My parents did not mention this. When Jabari would go away to train new troupes or settle some unrest or whatever else he did that called him from his home, I would call Madu to me. He would come and we would spend the time making love or talking. Sometimes I would just sit and cry, though my crying spells came less and less as the year wore on. I was finding that my mother was right. I could find the will, however small it was, to go on with my life. The pain was still there, and I knew it would always be there, but it became bearable. In the first part of the year I would hear a child laugh or cry and would collapse in tears. I will never again hear my sweet daughter laugh or cry, I would think. The thought was dark and I understood it was wrong since I knew I would see her again in the afterlife. But I found no comfort in it at the time. I lashed out at those who told me Anippe was 'in a better place'. It was selfish but I wanted her with me. I did not want her 'in a better place'. Her place was with me.

Now when I heard a child laugh or cry I would imagine a healthy Anippe, running through the balmy open fields in the afterlife and right into my arms. It made me smile.

I tried to have Jabari in my bed as regularly as I could so he would not become suspicious of what I did while he was away. I was civil to him, but we still argued.

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One breezy winter's morning, I awoke from a sound sleep and made a desperate run for the toilette where I vomited up what little food was in my stomach. Aikla was at my side in an instant, pulling my hair back from my face. When I was finished she put me to bed and called Tarik.

Tarik examined me and declared that I was, once again, with child. This surprised me since I had not even noticed that I had missed my cycle. Tarik gave me potions to take to ensure the babes strength and recommended that a priest bless me twice a month.

This was all a bit excessive but I knew it was because of my poor Anippe. They wanted to make sure I birthed a healthy baby this time.

I dismissed Tarik and Aikla and called Madu to my side.

"Is it mine?" he asked, worried. I counted backwards in my head with the estimation Tarik had given me on how far along I was. He had estimated that I was three months, so it had been around a two month period Jabari was at home.

"No," I told him, "It is my husbands."

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Unbeknownst to me, Aikla had sent word to Jabari about my pregnancy. Luckily when he arrived home, three days early, Madu had already left to go tend his farm. However, due to the unexpected return, I had not had a chance to change the soiled bed clothes. I was stripping the blanket from my bed when Jabari barged into my room.

"Jabari," I cried, surprised, "I did not expect you home so soon."

"Aikla sent a messenger saying you were with child," he said. He moved towards me, but stopped, his dark eyes landing on the dirty sheets. I felt all the blood drain from my face as he moved towards the bed to more closely study the stains.

"Meritites, what is this?" he asked. I turned away from him, trying to think up any excuse I could.

"Have you been…" he paused and I held my breath, hoping he would not guess right. "Have you been pleasuring yourself?" I blushed, if you can call it that when your whole body turns red instead of just your face. I had to clench the muscles in my jaw, hard, so it would not drop. I stared at him for a moment, speechless. Fortunately, his back was to me and he did not see my shock at such a bizarre assumption. It was then that I realized just how trusting my husband was. It would never have crossed his mind that I would sleep with someone other than him. I felt a twinge of guilt. What would he do if he ever found out? Would he even believe it?

I pushed these thoughts aside quickly and snatched at the opportunity he had given me.

"Yes," I said, softly, hiding my face behind the curtain of my hair. Jabari turned to face me, but I could not see his expression.

"I cannot help it," I went on, "for the past few weeks I have felt such desire and you have not been here." I peeked up at him then and saw a look of astonishment on his face. I would have laughed at how easily he was fooled if he was not standing in front of me. Instead I bit my lip and cast my eyes back towards the floor. I heard him move, quickly, and then the door closed. He had left. I flung myself down on the bed, feeling tears well up in my eyes. It was such a cold dismissal. He simply left and for some strange reason, I felt hurt. I let out a sob.

"Meri?"

My head shot up and I saw Jabari standing by the door. He hadn't left; he had only closed the door to give us some privacy.

"Why are you crying?"

I rubbed at my wet eyes.

"I thought you left," I said in a small, pitiful voice. I hated how emotional pregnancy made me. His sharp black eyes softened and he strode over to the bed, taking me in his arms.

"I said all those things and then I thought you left," I continued. "I felt…hurt. I am already so miserable and you would just walk away."

"Miserable?" he repeated.

"Yes," I all but wailed, pressing my face into the bed. "I hate you! I hate you and yet my body craves you."

"Your body…" he trailed off. I was beginning to think of him as one of those exotic birds I had seen on a trip with Papa to one of the other countries. It was colorful and could talk, but it would only repeat what was said to it.

"Why did you say nothing?" Finally, an original sentence.

"It is embarrassing," I said.

"You never were embarrassed about asking before," he pointed out.

"It would still be embarrassing to ask for it every day!" I exclaimed. Suddenly he was on me, caressing between my legs, nuzzling my breast. My body was on fire at his touch. I had not lied when I said that I felt desire, but Madu had been there to slake my lust. I had not really had a need for Jabari.

I gasped when he kissed me, sliding his body along mine. My nails dug into his arms and he groaned, tearing my clothes away.

I had really liked that dress, I thought, belatedly.