Favored By Her Father

The next morning I woke to find my head pillowed on Jabari's chest. He was still asleep, so I took the moment to study him. His face was relaxed, serene almost. His shoulder length blue-black hair was splayed out on the pillow, falling like a silky waterfall over his shoulders and around his face. The sun cast shadows over his bare chest, bringing his muscles into sharp relief against his dark skin.

This was the man who had provided for me, loved me, and been there for me. He was also the man who lied to me and stole me from my home. Did all his good deeds out way his bad decision? Should I not simply accept things the way they were and try to learn to love him? Or did those few bad decisions, make every good thing he did seem like penance for his own guilt? I knew I cared for him. He was the father of my children, but I still felt anger at the things he refused to tell me. And I was still angry at my mother and father for giving me away so easily. No one had asked me. No one seemed to care about how I felt.

I realized that it was an impossible thing to never leave the palace, but was it so wrong to simply wait another year or two? Why did Jabari hide the reason behind his seeking me out? And why did I get the feeling that everyone but me knew some great secret?

"Good morning, love," Jabari said, reaching over and running his fingers through my hair. I was a bit startled to realize he had awoken. How long had I been lying there, staring at him and thinking?

"Do not call me that," I told him, but the words lacked their usual malice. He laughed and leaned down, brushing his lips gently over mine and whispering;

"Say it all you like, I will not stop." I rolled my eyes at him and pushed him away from me, laying back and stretching. He bridged his body over mine, putting his knee's outside of my thighs and his elbows over my shoulders.

"Meritites," he said seriously, "Are you happy?"

"I suppose I am content, given my circumstances." I said. He pushed himself off of me and sat at the edge of the bed. The muscles in his back rippled as he leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees.

"What can I do to make you happy?" he asked.

"Nothing now," I said. "You cannot turn back time."

Jabari smiled. "If it would make you happy, I could try." I sighed and sat up as well.

"Yuny." he said, suddenly. I turned to him, confused.

"That was my father's name," he clarified. Yuny. It sounded familiar, but I could not place it. Before I had more time to think on it, Aikla knocked on the door.

"My lady, your brother is here," she said. My heart stopped. Madu had returned. I had not had time to send word to him or inform the servants to turn him away at the door.

"Send him away," I called, hoping my voice was not shaking at I thought it was. "Tell him Jabari is here. He no longer needs to keep me company."

"No need to be rude, Meri," Jabari chastised. "Take him to the table, Aikla. We shall be down in a bit."

"Yes, my lord," she replied.

"Jabari, no!" I cried.

"Meritites, what has gotten into you?" Jabari asked. He stood and dressed, heading for the door. I quickly followed.

Madu sat at the kitchen table, looking just as nervous as I. My heart pounded in my chest so loudly it must have been audible to all in the room.

Jabari walked casually into the room, and then stopped. I saw his broad shoulders tense and his back became rigid.

"I thought you said this was your brother," Jabari said in an eerily calm voice.

"He is," I lied.

"No," Jabari's voice grew harsh. "He is a farmer named Madu." I was silent. Jabari turned to me. I had never seen such rage in him. Furious seemed like a poor word to describe his expression.

"I hired him to help me plant the fruit trees in the court yard before we were married."

Again, I remained silent. I could think of nothing to say.

"You are sleeping with him." It was not a question. Jabari knew. I had nothing to say. What could I say? I could not deny it. I turned away from him

"Get out," he said to Madu, who quickly stood and left. Once he was gone, Jabari rounded on me.

"How could you?" he hissed, "I gave you everything and you slept with another man?" I moved behind a side table to shield myself, not that Jabari had ever been violent with me.

"And you," he pointed at Aikla. "How could you not tell me? How could you let him in?"

"She did not know!" I cried, defending the cowering servants. "Do you really think she would not have told you if she knew?"

Jabari turned on me.

"Be silent! I have had enough of you today! Is the child in your belly even mine?"

"Of course!" I said.

"Lies!" he barked.

"No!" I wailed. He stalked towards me, flinging the table out of his way, breaking two legs off when it struck the door. My back hit the wall behind me and I looked around for a way out. Jabari slammed his palms against the wall on either side of my head.

"Whore," he accused.

"I am not a whore!" I protested.

"I am a good husband to you," he bellowed. "How could you do this to me?"

"It was easy," I hollered back, my anger overriding my fear. "I hate you and I love him!" Jabari's mouth fell open and for a moment I thought he would cry. He looked so hurt, so wounded. But his expression quickly hardened again.

He grabbed my arm and began to drag me up the stairs. I screamed and kicked and hit him, but Jabari was much stronger than I and when I dug my heels into the grounds and refused to move he simply pulled harder. He threw me into my bedroom and barred the door from the outside.

"You cannot keep me in here!" I shrieked.

"I am your husband," he snapped. "I shall do as I please! You will stay in there until I can think of something to do with you!"

I screamed, banging my fist against the door, but he was silent.

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For two days I remained locked in my room and brought food by the servants.
I lie about and read or simply stared out the window. I hated being cooped up inside. I wanted to feel the warm sun on my skin, dip my feet into the cool water of the pond. The second night of my confinement, Jabari came into the room. I was lying on the bed, singing softly, and looked over at him.

"Why?" he asked, choosing to remain in the doorway. I did not say anything. What could I say? He scowled and paced the room.

"Did I not love you? Did I not give you everything you asked for? Was I not a good husband to you?"

"You were," I said silently.

"Then why!"

I only stared at him.

"Say something, Meritites!" he cried, desperately.

"What do you wish for me to say?" I asked.

"Say it was a mistake!" Jabari begged. "Say you regret it! Say you love me!"

"It would all be a lie," I replied. Jabari sighed and dropped down on the bed, propping his elbow up on one knee and holding his head.

"What should I do, then?" he questioned.

"I do not know."

He sighed again, looking at me over his broad shoulder.

"Will you see him again?"

"No," I said. "If it hurts you so, I will not do it."

"Then why do it at all?" he asked. "You knew it would hurt me when I found out."

"For the same reasons anyone does. Selfish reasons. I love and desire him."

"You love him." He suddenly sounded so old.

"I do, but nothing would ever come of it. I am married and could never truly be his. I always knew it would one day have to end. I would remain your wife and he would have to marry." It was true. Madu would have to marry some strong farm wife to help him tend the fields and bare him numerous children. I was too fragile for that life, no matter what we felt for each other. Maybe it was because I was a princess, or maybe it was because I had been so ill as a child. Whatever the case, I was too frail for Madu's world.

"Would you wish for me to send you home?" he asked. I shook my head.

"It would be of no use," I told him. "I would be disgraced. An adulterous wife sent home to her father? No man would ever have me and my father would be disappointed."

"Your father would welcome you with open arms," Jabari snorted. I smiled.

"So what do we do now?" I asked.

"I do not know," he confessed. He was silent for a long time. Then he stood and closed the door before returning to the bed.

"I am going to make love to you," he said, gently peeling off my wrap. "I will erase all traces of him from your body." I sighed and gave him a sour look.

"Considering I detest the act with you, we seem to be doing it a lot." He smiled and pulled me to him.

"Consider it penance."

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True to his word, Jabari sought to erase all traces of Madu from my body. He left nothing unexplored, kissing, licking and touching every part of me. For a week he refused to leave my room and made love to me every night.

I never heard from Madu again. I suspected Jabari had him sent away, but whenever I questioned him, he would only smile and remain silent.

The remainder of my pregnancy progressed without incident. The only problem I had was my insatiable libido. At least once a day I would be forced to seek Jabari out whether it was in his room, in his study or even in the shower room. He was quite pleased with this turn of events and teased me, saying he should make me beg him. But I knew he would never be that cruel to me.

Jabari made a few more trips away from home and each time he called my brother, Thutmose over to stay with me.

It was an early spring morning when I gave birth to my second child. Bahiti and the birthing woman helped me and after several hours of labor, my son Minkabh was born. His had a shock of red hair, which pleased me, and Jabari's dark eyes. Tarik examined him and declared him in perfect health. I was happy and exhausted.

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After my two week purification ritual, I returned to the house. I was surprised to discover that in my absence Jabari had set up the nursery. I had neglected to do it, afraid that my second child would not survive.

I set Minkabh in his bed and turned to Jabari.

"Thank you," I said, sincerely. He grinned and leaned in to kiss me, but I pushed him away. He looked at me, confused.

"I am no longer pregnant," I said. "I no longer need your attentions."

"And that means I cannot show you any affection?" he asked. I stared at him for a long moment then replied slowly;

"Jabari, you know how I feel towards you."

I thought he would sigh and sulk like he normally did, but instead he grabbed me and brought me close to him.

"I have put up with this childish behavior for long enough!" he snarled. "You have been cruel and vindictive towards me. You have been unfaithful to me and for what? Because I wanted you so much that I could not wait or take the chance that your father would hand you over to another!

"I have given you all that you have asked me for and more, I do not deserve your scorn!"

I was shocked. Before I could say anything, however, Minkabh let out a piercing cry. I looked over my shoulder to see him writhing in his crib. Jabari released me and before he stormed from the room his said in a sharp tone;

"We are not finished."

I stared after him for a moment then turned and gently picked up my son, who sniffled against my breast.

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Later that night, after Minkabh was asleep, I was laying in my own bed, dosing. I heard the door open and the gentle slap of bare feet against the polished floor. I rolled over and pretended to be asleep, peeking one eye open enough to gaze at the massive shadow on the wall cast by the candle near the door and discern the intruder was Jabari. The door closed and the candles were extinguished.

"I know you are not asleep, Meritites," Jabari said, but I ignored him. I really did not want to waste the few precious hours of sleep I would get, fighting with Jabari.

He climbed onto the bed and rolled me over onto my back. I groaned and batted him away.

"Go," I mumbled. "I am tired. I wish to sleep."

"You can sleep after we talk," he said.

"Can this not wait until morning?"

"No," he said. I sighed and looked at him.

"What do you want from me, Jabari?" I asked.

"What I want?" Jabari repeated, his thick black brows furrowing.

"I want you to love and respect me. I want you to stop pushing me away. I want you to be faithful to me!"

"I was only ever unfaithful with Madu!" I cried.

"And what of everything else?" he asked. I groaned and put my arm over my eyes

"What do you expect?"

"All because I did not court you," he said bitterly. I sat up and glared at him.

"You simply do not understand," I snapped.

"No, I do not," Jabari hissed. "I would think that all I have given you would more than make up for a simple oversight."

"You do not understand," I repeated.

"Then make me understand," he snapped, frustrated. I sighed and flopped back on the bed, turning to look at him.

"I have always been my fathers favored childe. My mother named me so, knowing I would be favored above all others. How she knew this, I never understood. She always said she simply knew," I paused. Maybe now I did understand. She knew Papa would favor me, the very same way I knew Anippe would not survive. It was the brief clairvoyance of a mother, when you could look into your child's face and see. I pushed the thought away and continued;

"I was favored. Father spoiled me and I adored him. When my mother and father said that I must marry, I was heartbroken. I had never left my home, not without my father, at least. I expected my father would eventually begin offering my hand up to whoever he thought worthy when I refused to pick a husband.

"I hoped that he would choose someone I would love, someone who would love me. I expected a courtship soon, only to find that you, my father and my mother had made the decision without me. I was furious.

"I understood why my father did it. I was one in a long line of children to be married off, not to mention that he had indulged me more so than perhaps was wise and was worried that I may do something reckless."

I paused, shifting on the bed so that I was more fully facing Jabari.

"But you and my mother had no reason. You both forced me into marriage. You did not court me and aside from meeting you in the receiving hall, you were a stranger to me. I was whisked away from my father's home by a stranger. How do you expect me to feel about that?" Jabari stared at me, his dark eyes searching my face.

"You are right," he said. "I apologize. I suppose I should have done things differently, but can we not start over?" I sighed.

"And what would you have me do, Jabari?" I asked. "Declare my undying love for you?"

"You could give me a chance," Jabari said. "I could even court you."

"When?" I asked, exasperated. "In between you running off to defend a border or train new troops and Minkabh's breast feedings?" Jabari watched me, thoughtfully.

"I am sure we can find the time," he said. "And you have met me before." I growled and sat up in bed, pushing Jabari away.

"That is another thing! You say we have met before, but I do not remember! You give me vague hints and do not tell me anything!" Jabari smiled at me and leaned over; kissing me so gently I was almost unsure he had kissed me at all until I felt his breath on my lips.

"If you tried, you would remember," he said. I huffed and lay back on the bed again.

"Would you mind if I slept in here tonight?" he asked.

"Very well," I said. He stood and stripped, then lay next to me, pressing himself against my back.