What I Am to You

Skylar went home that night. Everyone helped her pack, and laughed with her for a while. She was leaving the next afternoon. Jessica went to bed first, she always did. Once Skylar was all packed, she hugged Hollie, Joshua, and Phillip, and went on to bed.
"Do you guys wanna watch a movie?" Hollie asked, and Joshua shrugged and turned to Phillip.
"I'm tired, and I mean, tomorrow is our night off." He pulled off his overshirt and folded it. "So, tomorrow we can."
"Yeah, we'll rent something scary so she won't watch it with us," Hollie said, flitting her eyes upwards when she said she, meaning Jessica. Phillip laughed, and Joshua was just smiling.
"You two are too mean," he said, and it made Hollie grin. Phillip just shrugged. Joshua turned to go to his room, and Phillip spun around.
"Hey, I think I left my blow dryer in your bathroom," he said, catching up with Joshua. "G'night Hollie!" he called out one more time. "You know she's not so bad," he said as they walked through Joshua's room. It was cloudy and the room was almost pitch black.
"No?" Joshua smirked and he shut the door behind them. As soon as the last stream of light from the kitchen was out, Phillip turned around and pushed Joshua up against the door. Phillip held his face with shaking hands and kissed him furiously. Joshua loved the rough way Phillip held him still, loved how it felt when he ran his hands up his sides and kissed under his chin. He groaned loud.
"God, I've waited all day," Phillip said, and his voice was full of heat. Sexy heat. He had waited all day, something about seeing Joshua move, walk, and just go about his day after the way he made Phillip feel last night. It drove him insane. Phillip made his way back up to Joshua's mouth, probed it with his tongue. Expertly exploring him. Joshua was already shaking beneath him, and rued that he had to push him away. Phillip put his forearms on the door, leaning so their faces were close. "What? What's wrong?" He was breathless.
"You're gay," Joshua said, and Phillip shook his head, and moved to kiss his jawline. Joshua pushed him again. "You're gay," he repeated.
"No," Phillip said, "you're just so.." he trailed off, running his fingertip around the shell of Joshua's ear. Joshua looked at him inquisitively. "Fucking sexy, I don't know," he said. He stepped back from Joshua, frustrated. Joshua stepped forward and put his arms around Phillip. He kissed right above his lips. Phillip sighed.
"But, am I just sexy?" he asked, and Phillip's brows furrowed.
"No, you're... so much more than that," he said quietly, and he sounded weak. He kissed Joshua again, intently, and Joshua moved them towards the bed. As soon as Phillip felt it touch the back of his knees, he sat down and lifted Joshua's shirt. His lips collided with his taut stomach, and he pulled him closer so he could put his legs around his. He pulled Josh's belt undone. "Shit, I'm so gay," he mumbled. Joshua ran his hands through Phillip's hair with anticipation, and he felt Phillip fumbling with the button on his jeans as he nipped at his hips. Joshua was gasping, tugging at Phillip's hair just waiting. He'd watched him sing, watched the dynamics of his mouth so many times, he couldn't imagine for ten seconds all the things he was about to feel. Phillip finally got Joshua's underwear out of the way, and was kissing his waist, steadying him with his left hand, trailing the tips of his right against Joshua's erection. He pressed his lips to the underside of Joshua's shaft. "Mh, fuck. I'm just gay." Joshua gasped when Phillip trailed his tongue up to his head. Phillip looked up at Joshua, and he was biting his top lip.
"I've never had a blowjob before," he told Phillip, and he just smiled, some private joke. Phillip licked his slit, slowly, gently. Joshua gasped hard. Phillip ran his index finger up and down his length, and just watched him, letting his cock rest on his lips. Joshua flipped his shirt up, so it would stay, and Phillip winked at him. He couldn't take it. He looked up, he couldn't even put his eyes on Phillip. Phillip stroked him slowly, then took him int his mouth. Just the head, and he let his tongue lay flat as he sucked. Joshua gasped even harder, and it faded into a moan when Phillip gripped his base, and moved him further in. He hated to make Joshua look like an amateur, but the desire to hear... His thoughts were disjointed, he couldn't get them straight, he didn't want to think about anything but the way Joshua tasted, the way his finger felt against his sharp hips, the way he just knew Joshua would pull his hair. He took a loong breath in as he let Joshua ease down his throat, slipping past the gag reflex he didn't have. When Phillip's lips met the base of his dick, he lost it. He whimpered loud, and tangled his hands up in Phillip's hair and pulled. Phillip moaned quietly, and moved back, sucking hard. When he pulled Joshua from his mouth, he inhaled sharply. Their eyes met briefly but Joshua just couldn't take it, Phillip stroked him, and ran his tongue down Joshua's length again. His hands moved faster this time, Josh's skin was slick with his saliva. Phillip couldn't care enough to be disgusted, all he could think about was all the sexy sounds he planned to illicit from the sexy man who was desperately trembling in front of him. Phillip tongued his slit again, stroking him fast before taking him in his mouth again. He rolled his tongue against Joshua's skin, and did all he could so soak up every orgiastic utterances that passed his lips. When Phillip heard Joshua catch his breath, he deepthroated him again, and contracted his throat around him. Joshua's nails dug mercilessly into his scalp. "Phillip," he whined, and he started shaking. Phillip retracted, jacking him off, roughly, his mouth gently suckling the head of his cock. There was no word to explain the desire he had to just taste Joshua... "Fuck, please.." he whimpered, his voice weak, hands weaker as he felt electricity course down his spine. Phillip wasn't prepared when the first stream of Joshua's cum filled his mouth. He swallowed hard, but couldn't resist the urge to jump back. Joshua wrapped his hand around his own cock, and let his orgasm follow through. Phillip watched Joshua's hand move with a fluidity that only came with a practice. He was slow, attentive, and every bit of his ejaculate landed on his stomach. Joshua's skin was a thousand degrees when Phillip's tongue came in contact with it, and Joshua observed as Phillip slowly, carefully licked his stomach clean. He was sucking his lips when their eyes finally met. Joshua smiled at the image. "I almost thought you were a seasoned professional," he joked.
"Yeah, well," Phillip shrugged. "God." He sighed against Joshua's skin, and fell back on the bed. He felt Joshua's hand run up hs stomach as he laid down next to him. Phillip pulled his socks off with his feet and crawled up to put his head on the pillow. Joshua's head was next to his thigh.
"I think it's your turn," he said, moving his fingertip in circles on Phillip's knee. Phillip shrugged.
"Do you want to?" Phillip asked, and Joshua rolled over onto his stomach and looked at him.
"Do you want me to?" he asked, and Phillip shrugged again. "It's fine if not," Joshua told him. Phillip shrugged a third time, and Joshua crawled up next to him. Phillip smiled when Josh's arm went over his chest.
"It's not that I don't, I just," he said, and he turned on his side.
"What?" Joshua asked. Phillip moved his lips over his teeth.
"I totally have to shower, and I don't know if I want to sleep in here two nghts in a row. If Jessica or Skylar found out, I don't know how they'd react," Phillip explained.
"Well, it's not like we're actually together, so when we say we aren't, it's not a lie," Joshua replied. Phillip was nodding.
"Well, we could be." The words blew the air out of Joshua's chest.
"Lying?" he asked. Phillip kissed the corner of his mouth and pulled him close.
"Together," he corrected him, and he felt Joshua smile before they kissed again. Phillip got off the bed, and looked around. He had gotten his things out of Josh's bathroom earlier when Josh was taking a shower. He had said he needed them, it was a weak excuse entirely worth seeing Joshua completely naked, covered in soap, and humming to himself. "Like I said. Shower. My room. You can come if you want." he yawned, and felt Joshua's eyes on his back as they crept up the stairs. Phillip was in the shower, Joshua was sitting on Phillip's king size bed on his laptop. The door was open, and Joshua couldn''t concentrate on what he was trying to do. Phillip's scent, his voice, his very essence wafted out into the bedroom, and carressed Joshua's skin. Today he was singing a song Joshua didn't know. He'd heard it, but he didn't know what it was. Soon, Joshua heard Phillip's blow dryer. He'd teased him about it once. Stop pretending you use that, your hair is such a mess, he had joked. Phillip called it a meticulous mess, and now, all Joshua could think was that summed it up perfectly. When Phillip walked out, he was wearing black boxers, one size too small.
"No shirt?" Joshua asked.
"Do I need it?" Phillip asked, flexing his arms. Joshua rolled his eyes and closed out the window he had open. "So is that a yes?" Phillip asked, running his hand up his chest.
"Mh." The sound filled Joshua's throat, and Phillip smirked.
"Figured as much," he said, and sat down beside Joshua, putting his arms around his stomach. He'd changed into his pajamas, navy A&F sweatpants, and a white wifebeater. Phillip put his chin on Joshua's shoulder, and studied his neck. He had three huge marks, from Phillip's mouth. "They'll be gone in about a week, I reckon."
"Yeah, but, you're going to leave more on purpose," Joshua said, cutting his eyes at him. Phillip laughed.
"You make it out like I'm a man of purpose," Phillip said.
"Well aren't you?" Joshua asked. Both of them laughed and Phillip kissed the side of Joshua's neck. "What do you wanna do?"
"We could watch a movie," he suggested. Joshua shrugged. "I'd kind of feel bad for turning Hollie down, though."
"You? Remorseful?" Joshua feigned shock, and Phillip just looked at him. "Maybe she's still up."
"It's after one," Phillip said, incredulous.
"By ten minutes!" Joshua argued.
"Seventeen, precisely." They were laughing, and Phillip slid Joshua's laptop closed. "Plus, you know those posh people. Don't they go to bed after tea or something?" he laughed at his own joke.
"Ass," Joshua said, pushing his computer to the side and laying down. He bounced a little. "Your bed is so much more comfortable. It's firm," Joshua commented.
"Yeah, it feels me against it and it gets hard." Phillip explained, and fell in next to Joshua.
"Oh yeah?" he asked. Phillip chuckled.
"Yeah, sound familiar?" he asked, and Joshua hit his chest.
"Shut up!" He was blushing. Phillip grabbed the TV remote off the nightstand and flipped on the television mounted on the wall in front of the bed. Criminal Minds was on, so he left it. "So, what song was that? It was nice. Slow, and kind of different," he started a conversation.
"Oh, uh." He was already absorbed in his show. "It's called Hallelujah, by Jeff Buckley." Phillp explained.
"What's it about?" Joshua asked, cuddling up to Phillip's left side. Phillip got a little smile on his face.
"Sex," he said, "well, actually having an orgasm." Joshua looked at him. "No, really. I searched it up one day," he said.
"Explain," Joshua said, and Phillip poked at his lips, running his arm up around Joshua's waist.
"Well, in the beginning when it's like 'I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music do ya,'" he had sang the words in that soft voice Joshua nothing but loved. "It is basically saying that this is what he did, and he liked it, but you're not into that, okay. It's complicated, but basically, it means that orgasm is a lonely thing because you experience it solitarily." Joshua just looked at him, he looked cute when he was being serious.
"Makes sense to me," he agreed. "Why's it called Hallelujah then?" he asked. Phillip shrugged.
"Something about being highly exalted. You know something really funny?" commercials were playing on the TV. Joshua looked at him, expectant. "Well, last night, you know how you said you didn't have a condom? Well, I didn't expect you to, and you're a virgin. Were a virgin. It was just fine. But, Colton. I remember when we were picking rooms still, and he was unpacking. He totally brought condoms," he said. Joshua laughed.
"He would, he just struck me as nasty." Joshua looked disgusted.
"Real nasty. Because the box was open when I went to get the flashlight the night we played manhunt," he said. Joshua made a face.
"I wonder who!" he said, and they laughed together. His laugh caught in his throat. "Elise."
"Jessica," Phillip added. "Hopefully not Deandre, shit, can you imagine?" Phillip asked, and then he started making high pitched little noises. Joshua laughed.
"That's what you sound like!" Joshua said, and Phillip started laughing. He pushed his fingertips in between Joshua's ribs and he squirmed, pulling Phillip's hands away. "Stop, it tickles!" he exclaimed. Joshua grabbed Phillip's shoulders, and they just laid there laughing. Phillip heard a door shut down the hall.
"Bitch is awake," he rolled his eyes. Joshua shrugged, trailing his fingers down Phillip's chest.
"She doesn't really bother me much." Phillip rolled his eyes again. Joshua laughed, Phillip leaned in to kiss him.
"You're really watching your show," he said, turning so their lips wouldn't touch. Phillip reached behind him and hit the button on the remote. He leaned in again only for Joshua to squirm again. "It's really bright in here," he said, and Phillip clapped twice and the lights went out. "Really?"
"That's why I wanted this room," Phillip said, and Joshua didn't put it past him. Joshua leaned in to kiss him, and he turned his head. "You're a little overdressed." He heard Joshua sigh, and watched him pull his shirt off. Even with his unadjusted eyes, he loved to see Joshua's abs. They were so refined, it made him quiver. He touched them lightly with his fingers. When Joshua leaned in this time, Phillip kissed him, slowly. He knew the slower he moved, the more Joshua wanted to speed him up. Joshua's tongue ran across Phillip's bottom lips and he inhaled through his nose. He loved the cologne that Josh always wore, even when he was all sweaty he still smelled like that. Like it wasn't his cologne, but just his skin. "So, did you want to...?" He was using that thick voice that didn't float through the air, but covered it like a blanket of fire. The flames licked tenaciously at Joshua's sternum. He knew what he was about to say, but the words, he needed to hear them. He raised his eyebrows and tried to smile innocently.
"Wanna what?" he asked, and Phillip leveled him with that glance. Joshua wavered slightly, chewed his lip. "What do you want?" he asked again, his voice stronger.
"I want you to uh," Phillip said, and Joshua ran his fingertip under Philllip's waistband, and he shivered. He swallowed hard. Joshua ran his fingertip around Phillip's navel, and Phillip bit his lip. He never broke eye contact, but the look in his eyes changed. It was sharp, and his eyes looked like ivy when he finally took a deep breath, and pulled the nerve to speak into his lungs. "Suck my dick." Joshua's breath hitched in his throat and Phillip saw his adam's apple tremble.
"Mh," Joshua smirked, and kissed Phillip's jawline, down from his temple to his chin. "Is that what you want?" His voice was saccharine. Phillip laid on his back, and pulled Joshua close, his hands trailing up between his shoulder blades.
"I'm not playing, I just really want it," he was using that soft voice again, and Joshua just averted his eyes. Phillip watched an evil look cross his face right before he met his eyes and shrugged. "Oh, you bitch," he laughed. Joshua watched his mouth, and finally kissed him. Joshua's lips drifted from the corner of Phillip's mouth down to his chin.
"You're lucky you're sexy," he teased, and Phillip sighed and propped his head up on his arms. Joshua decided to be meticulous about this. His tongue moved in intricate patterns down Phillip's neck, and he bit him gently, harder when he gasped. He kissed across his clavicles, his chest. Joshua smirked when he realized that Phillip had shaved his chest, and he continued kissing down his sternum, his stomach. Phillip just laid there, eyes closed, feeling his teeth and his tongue grate against his skin. Joshua circled his tongue around Philllip's navel as he repostioned himself to Phillip's right. He massaged Phillip's hips with his thumbs, and tugged his underwear with his teeth. He gripped Phillip's erection and he drew his left knee up, and exhaled hard. "I love it when you do that."
"I love the way you touch me," Phillip responded, and Joshua rolled his eyes. Phillip brought his fingertips down Joshua's bicep. Joshua was looking at him. "What?"
"Nothing." Joshua felt Phillip get harder beneath his touch and the sense of power it put in him was unbearable. Joshua pulled his underwear off, and ran his fingertips all the way back up Phillip's inner leg. Joshua wrapped his hand around Philllip's erection and looked at him.
"What?" Phillip asked again, seeing a trace of melancholy in his eyes. Joshua shrugged, leaned down, to drag his lips over Phillip's hipbone, towards his cock. Joshua felt the pulse in his hands. He ran his lips up Phillip's shaft, and just looked up at him.
"I just wanna fuck," he whispered, his breath was hot and Phillip couldn't find a word. He Just looked at Josh's lips.
"I don't think I can take it again," he sounded genuinely concerned, and his face was straight until Joshua's tongue snaked under his head. He drew his knee up harder.
"That's not what I meant." Phillip's eyes rolled back and he bit his lip. A groan emanated from his chest.
"God." His breathing was ragged just at the thought. Joshua smiled.
"So, say yes," he said, and Phillip balked.
"How the fuck would I even say no?" he asked, and Joshua bit the corner of his lip when he smiled.
"God, you kill me," he said softly, and he crawled up next to Phillip. He laid on his back, and Phillip turned on his side to look down at him. He twirled the drawstring on Joshua's pants.
"If I'm naked, you're going to be naked," Phillip said, and Joshua didn't hesitate before pulling them off, and his boxers in one movement. Then they just laid together. "God, where do I even..." Phillip thought out loud, and Joshua giggled, and turned to kiss him. He was sweet, playful even, but when their skin touched, Phillip cringed. He pushed Joshua onto his back and crawled over him, kissing him hard. Joshua drug his nails down Phillip's back, illiciting a growl from his throat. Joshua bit down on Phillip's lip and heard him gasp. "Fuck, I.." he swallowed the rest of the sentence and delved into Joshua's neck again. Biting, and sucking at his already bruised skin. Joshua's breath tremored. "Does it hurt?" he asked, rasping as he clawed at Joshua's sides. He could feel how hard he was.
"No," he lied. Phillip smirked, and gripped him harder, sucked his skin harder. Joshua whimpered loudly and he couldn't keep himself still. Phillip could only smile. Phillip tilted himself back so he was sitting on his knees between Joshua's legs.
"So are..." he began, but he didn't care, he pushed Joshua's knee and just watched his chest rise and fall with the rhythm of his rapid breaths. He bit his lip and dug his nails into Joshua's thighs. "I'm going to hurt you so bad," he said.
"No, I'll be okay," he assured, and Phillip smirked.
"That's what you think." That look on his face and that stupid husky tone. Joshua averted his eyes, and felt Phillip force two of his fingers into him. He writhed, and tried to stutter but he fell short. Phillip bit at his clavicle, and pushed deeper. He looked up and kissed under his chin.
"Just. Fuck me." The words came through gritted teeth, and Phillip grabbed his wrists, and pushed them down, and forced his cock all the way into Joshua. His eyes welled with tears, and he bit his lips together hard. "God."
"Hurt now?" Phillip asked, and Joshua started shaking.
"Not enough," he said, and Phillip moaned so loud. It didn't matter, none of it mattered, they were the only ones in that house, the only ones in the entire state of California when Phillip started thrusting. His hips moved with a magic sense of sensuality, and he forced every movement. He put his elbows on Joshua's shoulders and used them to pull himself deeper. Joshua's voice was breaking, he couldn't stop himself from screaming. Phillip was sucking his neck. "God, my neck," Joshua groaned and Phillip just smirked.
"Yeah," Phillip agreed gruffly, and Joshua scratched his back hard. He arched, this time, against him, putting him at the most deliciously painful angle. He didn't move, just picked up speed.
"Fucking Christ," Joshua screamed, and Phillip laughed slightly before covering his mouth in a kiss. Joshua's mouth moved with a newfound hunger, Phillip's hands wrapped around the back of Joshua's neck, and he groaned.
"Don't lose your voice yet, I have great endurance," he said, and Joshua smiled, but Phillip tilted his hips upwards, and and Joshua couldn't hold in the sound. He rocked backwards, hard, to meet Phillip.
"You're so good," Joshua mumbled, clutching at his back again.
"If you keep screaming, maybe Jessica will agree," Phillip joked breathlessly. Joshua tried to smile, but he couldn't gain control over his facial expression. Phillip grabbed the headboard, pulling himself deeper into Joshua, and he moaned when he felt Joshua biting his shoulder. "God," he exhaled hard. Discretion slipped away again and their lips brushed.
"Just shut up," he whispered, and Phillip smiled and watched his face as he continued. Joshua's face was wrought with desperation and tears slipped from the corners of his eyes. Phillip slowed down, met Joshua's lips slowly. Joshua held him tight, shook, and mumbled. Phillip kissed down his neck again, and Joshua whimpered beneath him, and Phillip felt him cum. He didn't miss a beat, he just kept going. Joshua was shaking harder this time. "I can't, I can't," he was whispering. Phillip grabbed his jaw and kissed him hard, his teeth dragging against Joshua's lips.
"Shut up," he said, voice gruff. Joshua pulled him closer, and Phillip smiled raggedly, feeling that sensation welling up in his stomach. The shockwaves ran up his chest, and he pulled out of JOshua and forced his legs down, stroking his cock fast, and Joshua laid there trembling, hands on Phillip's hips as he felt Phillip cum on his stomach. When Phillip was done he grabbed the sides of his neck, and looked up. "Shit." The word was more of an exhalation than anything. He let himself fall onto Joshua, not caring about the sweat, the mess, anything. He felt Joshua push his hair back, and their lips met. If he could stay here forever, that would be just fine.