Heartbeat

Brian sat in the patio of the Sander’s, sipping a cold beer and thinking about how he actually survived Emily service. Hell he surprised he was able to speak at the service, recalled the moments he shared with Emily from the moment they were kids until he last saw her. Some of stories he shared was able to lighten mood a bit. But it still killed him to watch the casket lower to the ground and then buried. Brian didn’t move until everyone cleared out and made their way to Gary and Kim’s place.

“Hey.” Brian turned to see Gary settle on the patio chair next to him with a glass of what looked like vodka or maybe water. “I see that you aren’t mingling with the rest of the guys.”

“Nah I just felt like taking a breather from everyone.” Brian relaxed against the chair and moved his gaze back to the stars that light the night sky.

“I can understand how you feel. Kim’s inside showing everyone the photo album of Emily. Especially the one where Emily accidently kicked Matt in the face when they were on the trampoline, man Matt had a black eye for two weeks before it finally went away.” Brian burst out laughing.

“That’s how Shads got that black eye?” Brian couldn’t contain the laughter that made his stomach hurt. “He told us that he got into a fight with one of the jocks down at the basketball court!”

“Is that what he said? I guess I just revealed a secret that he tried to hide.” Both Gary and Brian laughed before taking a sip.

“Oh I wanted to ask you something.” Brian straightens up on his chair.

“What is it?” Gary answered

“Before we…put Emily to rest; I saw a bag of jellybeans.” Brian gave a questioning look to Gary.

“So you caught that. Well before Emily and her brother became a part of our family, her father would call her ‘Jellybean’ because Emily would always get a bag of jellybeans when they go the gas station or grocery store. So Jellybean became Emily’s nickname but after her father passed, she couldn’t handle being called that name so she asked not to call that name anymore.”

“Gary have you seen the photo album with Emily, James and Matt where they went to camp?” Kim called from the living room.

“Mom please don’t bring that album out!” Brian heard Matt shout from the pool.

“Excuse me.” Gary left Brian to his thoughts to help his wife look for the pictures that Matt didn’t want to see.


Brian was thankful that he didn’t drown himself in alcohol in fact he was glad because for the past two weeks all that he has been drinking was alcohol to numb the pain. It was relief to not feel so shitface and not remember what he did hours before. Everyone else decided to stay over at the Sander’s place but Brian wanted to be alone for the night though he had a hard persuading Jimmy that he wasn’t going drink himself to oblivion again.

Tossing his keys in the bowl on the small table that was next to the archway a few feet away from when he came through the door, Brian switched the porch light on before locking the door behind him. Taking a step in his living room, Brian could see beer can littered all over the place, dirty dished piled in the sink which gave off a very unpleasant odor and the trash was overflowing with take-out contains. It was a good thing that Brian let his father take Pinkly because the week he has been through, Brian had forgotten about his little dog. Deciding to leave the mess alone for a bit, Brian made his way to his room which not to his surprise was also in complete disarray. Clothes littered the floor, he couldn’t tell which were clean and which were dirty, his bed was no better; the blankets were tossed off the bed, pillows miraculously stayed on the bed but the slight browning told Brian that needed a good washing.

Not wanting to stay in the pigsty any longer, Brian turned around and made his way to the guest room. Coming through the door, Brian felt his chest tighten when looking at the bedroom. He remembered that he and Emily were the ones that decorated the guest bedroom. Though Brian just wanted to throw a bed, a few lamps, and a TV but Emily thought otherwise. With a few opinions from Brian, they were able to make the guestroom a room that Brian actually liked to spend in. But with Michelle and her condition, he hasn’t been in the guestroom for over three months. Despite the old smell and pain that swelled up in his chest, Brian felt a bit calmer than before.

Since most of his clothes were dirty, Brian just undressed until he was inly in his boxers and lay on top of the covers with his hands intertwined behind his head. He didn’t bother to turn any lights on, just lying there in the deep gazing at the ceiling, his eyes tracing the odd patterns.

For once Brian felt nothing, not heart wrenching pain, no anger or guilt. He just felt numb to the world. With each minute he stared at the ceiling, Brian began to get drowsy until he finally closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Brian didn’t know how long he was sleep but he felt a bit warmer, the hollow hole inside him was gone. He twitched when he felt something poke his cheek, he swat whatever was poking him away, hoping to go back to sleep but the poking kept on persisting. Groaning, Brian snapped open his eyes to see what was poking him in the cheek but when he opened his eyes, he had to shut them because the bright light that blinded him.

“Finally, I thought I was going to have to pour cold water down your boxers!”

Brian felt the air leave his lungs, using his hand Brian shaded his eyes and looked around. Though the bright light blinded him a bit but he was able to make out a blurry figure sitting directly across from him. Blinking a few times, the figure began to get clearer. Sitting in front of him was Emily dressed in a summer blue dress that reached her knees and what looked like a crown made from flowers adorned the top of her head.

“What’s up dude?” her famous croaked smirk adorns her lips.

“What…how ar-“Brian couldn’t form a coherent sentence. “I don’t get it, how are you here?” he asked breathlessly.

“A mind blowing isn’t it.” chuckle Emily. “I’m not entirely sure how I got here bu- whoa!”

Emily fell backwards, landing on the grass covered ground, arms tightly wrapped around her. Emily felt Brian shaking; concern filled her thinking that Brian was crying. But she felt the vibration coming from his chest to hers. Hearing his laugh erased all her concerns and returned the hug. Once Brian calmed down, he pulled away and grabbed her face, surprising Emily. Brian twisted her head side to side, looking for any injuries, checking to see the cuts and bruises he saw when he attended her funeral.

“Um not to be rude but why are you examining me?” Emily just sat there while Brian made sure she didn’t have any injuries.

Brian let out a relieved exhale, grateful that Emily didn’t have any injuries that he saw on her body at the Church. His chocolate eyes sting when he observed Emily, taking her, not letting his eyes stray from her in case she would vanish from his sight. Emily let out a low laugh, seeing Brian so attentive toward her. Brian finally noticed that he wasn’t in his room anymore; in fact he didn’t know where the hell he was. He took a glance around him, noticing he was surrounded by a meadow that seemed to have popped out from a book. The sky was blue, not a single cloud in sight, with the sun high in the sky. You would think it would be sweating hot but to Brian it was just the right temptation.

“Where the hell are we?” Brian questioned.

“I’m not really sure. My penny is on the space between life and death.” Emily gave the surrounding area a quick look before turning her attention back to Brian who was giving her a weird look.

“What?”

“Penny? Isn’t supposed to be dime?”

“Eh who cares, this is our world so nobody can say anything.” Emily folded her arms behind her head and let her body fall toward the grass covered ground. Brian watched Emily relax before following suit and lay beside her, with his hands intertwine across his chest. Oddly enough Brian felt at peace, no bitter or gloomy feelings were bothering him.

“How long can we stay here?” Brian kept his eyes on the sky that seem to change colors but still remain a bright and cheerful tone.

“I’m afraid this is only time.” Emily said after a while.

An unsettling emotion settles in the pit of stomach, an ache he felt when he missed home or in this in case, missing his best friend. Silence settle between them, Brian no longer feeling content but remorse slowly taking over his body.

“So I won’t be able to see you again after this?” Brian clenches his jaw, not liking that he won’t be able to see Emily anymore even if he just attend her funeral.

“No, but you still have more than one person to care for you. You’re not alone as you think Brian.” Emily turned her head until she was looking at Brian. “Don’t forget you still have Michelle, I may not bet there physically but I am, well a part of me is there literally but as the saying goes, I’ll always be there with you.”

Brian turned his body sideways and leaned on his right elbow. “But what if I want you there physically? You’re my best friends in the world and not being able to see you every day is just-“

“I know Brian but you have Michelle, the woman you fell in love with, did everything for and the woman I was able to give a second chance.” Emily cupped Brian’s face, giving him a stern yet tender look. “Don’t throw that way; don’t throw away my gift to you both.”

“I don’t want to leave you.” Brian pulled Emily into an embrace, burying his face on her shoulder. His voice thick quivered a bit but Emily didn’t say anything, instead she wrapped her arms around his head.

“I know that life can be unfair but things happen for a reason and I don’t want to wither away because of my death. All I ever wanted for you is to be happy.” Emily felt the tears roll down her cheeks, absorbing into Brian’s shirt. “I love you, Brian with all my heart.”

“I love you too, Emily.” Brian’s words were muffled but Emily still heard him. “Will I remember this when I wake up?”

“No but you’ll feel so much lighter and happier.” Emily pulled away but kept her hands on his shoulders. Her hear broke a bit when she saw wet trails down Brian’s cheeks, using one hand, Emily wiped away the tears and gave Brian a smile.

“Emily!”

Both Brian and Emily turn to their left to see three figures in the distance, from what Brian could tell, the person calling for Emily was a female and the other two were males.

“Is that?“

“Yeah that’s my mother.” Emily beamed with happiness. “Beautiful isn’t she.”

“Now I can see where you got the other crazy half from.” Brian gave a wave to Emily’s mother who returned the gesture. Brian then noticed that the three figures began to slowly fade along with the meadow they were in. Brian began to panic but Emily turns his focus on her again, making him forget what was going on.

“Don’t panic Brian, this just means that it’s time to go, you’re going to wake up soon.” She caressed his cheeks, soothing his panic self. Brian grabbed both of her wrists but made no move to move her hands from his face. Brian nuzzled his face into Emily’s hand, savoring the warmth her hand gave off and the scent that clung to her skin.

“I’m going to miss you.” Brian’s throat constricted a bit when he saw Emily began to slowly fade from his vision. More tears fell from his eyes, the ache inside him began to push against his chest but Emily kept the smile on her face.

“I’ll always be here and I don’t want to see you here anytime soon. The only time I want to see you again is when you live your life fully and have a ton of kids with Michelle.” Despite the stern voice, her eyes were filled with love. “Got it?”

“Yes ma’am.” Brian let out a quivering laugh. “God I love you Emily, I just wish you weren’t taken away so soon.”

“It’s going to be okay Brian.”

Emily began to become transparent but Brian was able to feel warmth from her hands. The last image he saw was Emily smiling with love and adoration in her eyes before everything went white.

Gasping Brian jolted from his sleep. He looked around his surrounding, realizing that he was in the spare room, he calmed down. Brian lay back down on the bed, rubbing the grogginess from his eyes but he surprise to feel his cheeks wet with tears. He was confused to why he was crying in his sleep, he couldn’t remember what he was dreaming about but the pain he felt before he fell asleep was lessen. He felt a bit lighter but the pain of losing Emily still weighed on his heart but for some reason he felt content despite being at her funeral just hours ago. Brian turns his head upward and looked at the clock. He cursed when saw the time, jumping off the bed, Brian made his way to the bathroom while disrobing not caring where he toss his clothes and jumped into the shower.

Within ten minutes Brian was cleaned and pulling his white v-shirt on. The six minutes Brian was fully clean and showered, once he got his shoes, he grabbed his black bean and sunglasses while going out the door. He was determining to set things right with Michelle. He didn’t want to lose another one of his closest friend. Getting into his car, Brian set off to do some errands before to going to see Michelle.


Michelle sat on the couch with her legs folded beneath her, sipping hot tea from a red ceramic cup. Although she was relaxed, being away from Brian made her chest hurt. She didn’t want to leave him alone but the doctor warned her to put any stress on her new heart. She needed to take things easy and being around Brian is causing her pain when he ignored her. Michelle would be lying to say that she was jealous of the relationship Brian had with Emily. The closeness they shared sometimes would irk her but in the end, it was actually Emily that encouraged her to let Brian chase her. And now a part of Emily is now a part of her. Michelle has another chance at life, she could be doing anything she wanted, go anywhere in the world. But all she wanted to do was be with Brian right now.

Letting out a sigh, Michelle continue to gaze out the window that had a wonderful view of her parent’s background. Michelle wondered what Brian was doing. Was he getting enough food to eat? Is Pinkly getting fed? So many questions were going through her mind. It’s ironic now how Brian was the one that was worrying about her and now it’s her turn to worry about him.

“What would you do Emily?” Michelle muttered to herself. Thankfully she was alone, her parents were getting more groceries and she had the house to herself.

A frantic knocking jerked Michelle from her worrying. Settling down her cup, Michelle made her way to the front door where the knocking continued. She didn’t bother to look in the peep hole, and the person standing in front of her surprised her. Brian looking flustered while holding a banquet of red roses in one hand and the other ready to keep knocking.

“Hi.” Brian breathlessly said. “I was hoping you would be here.”

“Uh… Brian what’s going on?” Michelle was both bewildered and surprise to see Brian but glad.

“Look I know I have been a huge fucking ass these past weeks.” Brian began to explain.

“Brian it’s alright, you’re grieving for Emily because –“

“That doesn’t excuse me for ignoring you when you tried to comfort me. I mean you get a second chance of life and I just fucking blew you off.” Brian said while cutting Michelle off.

“Brian you lost one of closest and longest friend.” Michelle closed the distance between them, gently grasping Brian’s face in her hands. “She was my friend too and it devastated me when I found out that I got a second chance was because she died. So I understand that you needed time to yourself.”

“She would have kicked my ass for treating you like that.” Brian chuckled as he placed his hands on Michelle’s waist. “What I’m saying is that I don’t want to lose another friend. So Michelle Dibenedetto will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Haner?”

Michelle’s heart skipped a beat when she watched Brian kneel down on one knee, dug in his pocket and brought out a velvet ring box.

“I know that the timing is way off with Emily’s funeral but I don’t want to live with any regrets from this day forward.”

Tears stung her eyes. Without any thought or restraint, Michelle gave Brian a watery smile and offered her hand to him.

“Yes.”

Brian felt all doubt evaporate from his body and took the diamond ring out of the box and placed the stone on Michelle’s finger. He stood up and gathered Michelle in his arms, placing kisses all over her face before giving her a deep, passionate kiss.

“I told you he was going to propose! I just knew it!”

“Anyone could tell he was going to propose, Emily.”

“Whatever James, you’re just grouchy because I was right about Brian wanting to finally tie the knot with Michelle!”

“Keep telling yourself that, Em.”

“Emily don’t stick your tongue out like that!”

“But mom, James is totally ruining my groove here!”

“Yeah Emily, be a proper lady!”

“That goes for you too, James!”

“Mom!”

A familiar laughter reached Brian’s ears. With his arms around Michelle, he looked around but didn’t see anything, just a slight breeze going by. Brian shook his head with a content smile on his face.

“Let’s go inside.” Brian followed Michelle inside but stopped just as he crossed the threshold, taking one last look behind him before he shut the door.

Unknown to him, a figure stood at the end of the driveway with a joyful smile on her face. She gazed at the beige house that would later be filled with small troublesome children. With a dark blue car passed by, the figure vanished.

“Good Luck, Brian.”