Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Something Good

"Come on Cal!"
"Go Dex! Beat him!"
"Whoop his ass Cal!"

I was fighting. Yet again. Punches, kicks, more punches. The other boy, Dex, was in pain. I suppose I would be in pain too, if I could feel it.

Pain and I get along very well. When you can never feel it, it doesn't bother you as much. If it doesn't bother you, you're okay with it. The first time I realized I couldn't feel pain was when I ran into a wall when I was three. When I got stung by a nest of bees and didn't feel it, my mom began to think something was wrong.

I guess not feeling pain has it's perks. I can push myself past anyone's limits. I have no limits. But that's a problem sometimes. I don't know when I've pushed myself too far until I've passed out, or am bleeding out, or any other crap I've done to myself.

But it's only physical pain. Emotional pain, it seems, is even worse for me. I feel things most people don't. When I love, I love hard. When I'm angry, I'm bitter for weeks. Mom calls them my "fits". Fits of anger, fits of depressions, fits of hotheadedness, fits of love. Imagine that. "Fits" of love. Sounds like a disease to me. "Cal suffers from fits of love, Mrs. Greene."

I suppose she's right. I tend to fall in love a lot. I've loved Gracie, Tor, Mags, Angelica, Rachel... Loved 'em all for about 6 months each. Then there was Aubrey. Don't think I've ever fallen out of lover with her. Not yet at least.

I fake it well. Most people think I've gotten over her. A few don't. Dex is one of them. The dumb bastard dating her now. He has a theory. His theory is that if he beats me good enough, I'll stay away. Thing is, he doesn't know I've got CIPA. He still hasn't figured out I don't feel a thing. So here we are, and I'm beating the shit out of him. All for a girl I'll never get back.

If my mom knew about this, she'd say I was the dumb bastard. Fighting over a girl who hates me. No sense in fighting for the impossible. But she doesn't know, and here I am.

My boys are cheering for me. Dex's goons are howling for him. It's loud. Hot. Pretty damn smelly. I'm tired. He's exhausted. He shows it. I don't.

It's quiet now. Strange. Dex is still swinging hard, but I'm not resisting now. Wonder how long it'll take him to notice her.

"Dexter Rutherford Rhains. What the hell do you thinks you're doing? You're going to get killed." Aubrey never shouts. Just speaks, calmly amnd quietly. Scarier that way.

"I'll be fine Aubrey. Go home! You shouldn't even be here!" he spat.

"Home? What you're sleeping with the idiot?"

"We're not sleeping together Cal. His mom kicked him out. It's temporary," my buddies and I chuckled, trying to hid our smirks and failing.

"You lived with your mom?" My best mate Louis scoffed.

"Man shut up! She didn't change my diapers or nothing like that"

"You still wear diapers? Damn Aubrey, you sure know how to pick 'em," Louis joked.

"You better shut your mouth Harlesworth, or you'll be next!"

"I'm so scared Rhains. Or should I say Rutherford?" Dexter growled, and took a swing at Louis. He missed by about a mile, and and we all laughed. His goons didn't, but I could tell they were trying hard not to. Aubrey smirked, and I flashed her a smile. She shook her head. My smile disappeared.

"It was nice seeing you Cal. You win. Come one Dex, let's go home."

"You can't boss me around Aubrey!"

"Yes she can. You should listen to her. She might leave you one day," I said quietly.

"You shut up. " Dex pointed a flabby finger at me. "I don't need your advice. You want me to leave so you'll win." I shrugged, shoving my hands in my pockets and turning around. I had walked a few feet when Dex slammed into me, smashing my face against the concrete. He started relentlessly pounding me, the blows getting harder and faster, on every part of me he could reach. Louis was trying to pull him off me, with Aubrey's help.

All of a sudden I felt his weight come off me. I took a deep breathe before whipping around right as he lifted his hand. Time seemed to slow as I watched his fingers curl into a fist and make impact with Aubrey's right cheek. The crack of impact echoed across the room, and her head whipped back. She paused for a moment, her heard turned back towards the door, before it slowly revolved back to face the front.

The whole right side of her face was a deep red, and a bruise was already beginning to form on her jaw. Her huge grey eyes were tearing up but full of fury. Dexter's face was blank, but fear was slowly starting to creep into his eyes.

"We're done. I never want to see your face again. If you come near me, I swear to God I will get you arrested. That's a promise."

"What about my stuff?"

"Your shit is going exactly where it belongs. The garbage."

"What the hell? You can't so that!'

"It's in my house. I can do whatever I want. You better hope you get back before I do." Aubrey spat, then she turned towards me, tilted her head to the door, and started leaving. I fought to keep the smirk off my face as Dex's stupid mug became redder and redder, like he was having explosive diarrhea or something.

I strolled outside, and would've missed Aubrey completely if I hadn't heard her sobs over the sounds of the warehouse district. She was huddled in between a dumpster and some crate, her shoulders slumped and her body shaking. Her knees were curled to her chest, making her look even smaller than she normally was. I shook my head at how pathetic she looked, before curling my hand around her elbow, and jerking back as she flinched.

"He's hit you before, hasn't he?" I asked, kneeling next to her. She nodded, sniffling a little before picking her head up from her knees and responding.

"When we first started dating everything was fine. It really wasn't until he got kicked out that it started."

"How long ago did he get kicked out?"

"Almost- almost six months." her voice broke, and she started sobbing again, her body wracked with sobs.

"Six months?!? Aubrey, why haven't you called the cops on him? You-"

"I know Cal! I know what could've happened to me. I just- he had been through so much and..." she trailed off, silent as the tears ran down her dirty face.

"That's no excuse Aubrey1 You're too damn nice to people. The guy's beating the shit out of you Aubrey."

"You don't understand Cal! You can't possibly understand," she whispered, putting her head back down.

"Well then help me understand," I responded, just as quiet.

"It's- it's complicated."

"I've got time," I mumbled, sitting down next to her and mimicking her position.

"Cal."

"Aubrey. Please. I want to help."

"After he started hitting me, I wanted to leave him, and I tried. But every time I tried, he would ignore me, and change the subject. Or start hitting me again. About a month ago, he dragged me to a party, and we got drunk. He spiked my drink. All I remember is waking up in a strange apartment with an awful hangover, naked." I was about to interrupt, but she put her hand up, silencing me.

"I got pregnant. I wasn't going to tell him, but he found out. He was scared shitless. Said he wasn't ready to be a dad. I told him I wanted your advice. He didn't appreciate that very much. So he beat me harder than he ever had. Then he went to find you." She paused, and I broke in.

"Did the baby get hurt?"

"No. I still have him."

"You think it's a boy?"

"I hope so. My parents know also, and they're willing to support whatever decision I make, as long as I go to the police."

"Well they're right. You can't let that douche bag hurt anyone else."

"I know. I think I want to keep the baby though. I want to give him a chance. To grow up and not be like his dad." She gave me a gentle smile, and I held my hand out. She tensed, but then slowly placed her fingers on mine. I laughed inside at the contrast between our hands. Hers, small, smooth, and fragile, were dwarfed by my large, worn, calloused ones. I liked the contrast though. Probably more than I should have.

"You're going to make a great mom Aub."

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

"I don't know. It's a lot of work, raising a baby."

"Aubrey, kids love you! They think you're God or something!"

"They do not!" She said, playfully swatting me. I started laughing, and she just shook her head at me.

"Hey Cal?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss you."