Status: Completed 6/19/2012
Forget Your Mistakes
Don't Blame Me
-Alex-
I instantly faked being asleep once Jamie opened the curtain for his bunk. I heard him sigh and say, "I love you, Alex," and kiss my forehead softly. "I love you, too, Jamie," I smiled, but not opening my eyes. I could tell he was a little startled, "I didn't know you were awake." I opened my eyes and smirked, "Told you I was a professional fake sleeper." I winked at him and he laughed, "Right. I almost forgot about that."
"What's up?" I asked. "Nothing, just checking on you." I could tell he wasn't telling me the whole truth. I moved over and patted the space beside me, "You're lying. Get your ass up here and talk to me." He looked at me with what seemed like sad eyes, but climbed in next to me. "What's really going on?" I asked. He wouldn't answer me. He just stared at me. Something clicked in my head, "Oh, I get it. This is about what you and Ry were talking about earlier this morning, isn't it?" "What are you talking about?" he finally spoke. "I'm not deaf, Jamie. I heard you and your brother talking about my dad." "Oh.." "Jamie, if you want to know, that's fine. But I don't want to tell you while other people can hear me," I said softly. He simply nodded. "We can go now if you want. I'm ready to tell you when you're ready to hear it." He nodded again, rolling out of the bunk, then helping me out. I'll admit I was nervous, but I knew he'd find out eventually. Better to hear it from me now than from someone else later.
-Jamie-
I knew she was scared to tell me. It was written all over her face when we sat down under a tree in a nearby park. "Babe, if you don't want to tell me, I can't make you. If you're not ready, it can wait," I said grabbing her hand. "It's okay. If anyone's going to tell you, it's going to be me," she replied. "I trust you, Jamie." She basically whispered the last sentence.
My grip on her hand got tighter as she started to talk. "My dad..." she paused, searching for words, "My dad wasn't the nicest person. Imagine my mom, but multiply it by 100: that's my dad. I was only eight when he left, but honestly, I couldn't have been happier. It may be a selfish thing to say. He is my dad, after all. But he didn't act like it. He would go out almost every night and come home stumbling around and slurring his words. But being so young, I didn't really understand that he was drunk, much less an alcoholic."
There was almost no emotion on her face. I couldn't believe she was telling me this so calmly.
She continued after another pause, "As I said, he wasn't the nicest person I've ever known. During the times he was drunk, he would hit me. Occasionally cut me, but nothing that really required me to go to the hospital. He usually just slapped me or pushed me into walls, stuff like that. He did try other things on more than one occasion, but he never actually did anything. I knew dads shouldn't touch their kids the way he touched me. I was scared, and I didn't know what else to do. I screamed, I kicked, I slapped, I cried... I did everything an eight year old could. The day he left was the day my mom started yelling at me constantly. She was so nice when my dad was still around, even when he was drunk. She did everything to make sure I was safe, warm, fed, and everything a mother should do for her child. My dad left without any warnings, and my mother blamed me. She always told me that it was my fault he left, and that I should have been more willing to do whatever he wanted. I knew she was wrong. I knew that parents shouldn't treat their kids like they did me. But I wouldn't change any part of my past." I looked at her, slightly stunned, but nothing would come out of my mouth. She chuckled lightly, "You're thinking I'm crazy for not wanting to change anything, right?" I nodded slowly and she smiled, "My parents are the reason I left. They're the reason I live with you and Ry. They're the reason I met you. But I don't want this to change how you look at me. I'm still the same Alex. And I always will be."
People rarely ever leave me speechless the way she does. Sure, I'll have times where I don't know what to say, but this girl can leave me with wanting to say a million things, but nothing will come out. It was the first time she's ever told me she trusts me. And while I'm sure she's trusted me before this, it's the first time she's ever verbalized it. And that meant more to be than her being brave enough to tell me about her father.
I instantly faked being asleep once Jamie opened the curtain for his bunk. I heard him sigh and say, "I love you, Alex," and kiss my forehead softly. "I love you, too, Jamie," I smiled, but not opening my eyes. I could tell he was a little startled, "I didn't know you were awake." I opened my eyes and smirked, "Told you I was a professional fake sleeper." I winked at him and he laughed, "Right. I almost forgot about that."
"What's up?" I asked. "Nothing, just checking on you." I could tell he wasn't telling me the whole truth. I moved over and patted the space beside me, "You're lying. Get your ass up here and talk to me." He looked at me with what seemed like sad eyes, but climbed in next to me. "What's really going on?" I asked. He wouldn't answer me. He just stared at me. Something clicked in my head, "Oh, I get it. This is about what you and Ry were talking about earlier this morning, isn't it?" "What are you talking about?" he finally spoke. "I'm not deaf, Jamie. I heard you and your brother talking about my dad." "Oh.." "Jamie, if you want to know, that's fine. But I don't want to tell you while other people can hear me," I said softly. He simply nodded. "We can go now if you want. I'm ready to tell you when you're ready to hear it." He nodded again, rolling out of the bunk, then helping me out. I'll admit I was nervous, but I knew he'd find out eventually. Better to hear it from me now than from someone else later.
-Jamie-
I knew she was scared to tell me. It was written all over her face when we sat down under a tree in a nearby park. "Babe, if you don't want to tell me, I can't make you. If you're not ready, it can wait," I said grabbing her hand. "It's okay. If anyone's going to tell you, it's going to be me," she replied. "I trust you, Jamie." She basically whispered the last sentence.
My grip on her hand got tighter as she started to talk. "My dad..." she paused, searching for words, "My dad wasn't the nicest person. Imagine my mom, but multiply it by 100: that's my dad. I was only eight when he left, but honestly, I couldn't have been happier. It may be a selfish thing to say. He is my dad, after all. But he didn't act like it. He would go out almost every night and come home stumbling around and slurring his words. But being so young, I didn't really understand that he was drunk, much less an alcoholic."
There was almost no emotion on her face. I couldn't believe she was telling me this so calmly.
She continued after another pause, "As I said, he wasn't the nicest person I've ever known. During the times he was drunk, he would hit me. Occasionally cut me, but nothing that really required me to go to the hospital. He usually just slapped me or pushed me into walls, stuff like that. He did try other things on more than one occasion, but he never actually did anything. I knew dads shouldn't touch their kids the way he touched me. I was scared, and I didn't know what else to do. I screamed, I kicked, I slapped, I cried... I did everything an eight year old could. The day he left was the day my mom started yelling at me constantly. She was so nice when my dad was still around, even when he was drunk. She did everything to make sure I was safe, warm, fed, and everything a mother should do for her child. My dad left without any warnings, and my mother blamed me. She always told me that it was my fault he left, and that I should have been more willing to do whatever he wanted. I knew she was wrong. I knew that parents shouldn't treat their kids like they did me. But I wouldn't change any part of my past." I looked at her, slightly stunned, but nothing would come out of my mouth. She chuckled lightly, "You're thinking I'm crazy for not wanting to change anything, right?" I nodded slowly and she smiled, "My parents are the reason I left. They're the reason I live with you and Ry. They're the reason I met you. But I don't want this to change how you look at me. I'm still the same Alex. And I always will be."
People rarely ever leave me speechless the way she does. Sure, I'll have times where I don't know what to say, but this girl can leave me with wanting to say a million things, but nothing will come out. It was the first time she's ever told me she trusts me. And while I'm sure she's trusted me before this, it's the first time she's ever verbalized it. And that meant more to be than her being brave enough to tell me about her father.