Status: Completed 6/19/2012
Forget Your Mistakes
You Can Take My Heart If Yours Won't Beat
“Uh…” I said, after almost five minutes of continuous staring for them and an unbearable awkward silence for me, Jamie looked straight at me and nearly yelled, “I think I love you, Alex!” It was pretty obvious by the look on his face that he immediately regretted saying that. I nearly choked, “I’m sorry, what?” I could tell Jamie was scared out of his mind and mentally beating himself up. “I, uh… I mean….” “Um, I’m just gonna leave you two alone for a while I go take care of something….somewhere other than here,” Ryan stood up, pretty much running out of the room. Jamie sighed and walked over to the couch and sat next to me where Ryan was before. “Alex, I meant to tell you before. Really, I did. But you just…you make me so nervous and I couldn’t…” He trailed off and looked down at his feet. Which was admittedly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. “I make you nervous?” He half smiled, “Yeah..” I laughed nervously, “Good nervous or bad nervous?” “Good, mostly. It’s partly bad because I could never get the courage to even say hi to you.” I tried my best not to smile, but I couldn’t help it. His smile, his nervousness, the fact that he just told me he thinks he loves me.. It was a lot to take in, but I certainly wasn’t going to complain. “I think I love you, too, Jamie.” I whispered. He looked back up at me, “Really?” “Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t I?” “I mean, we’ve never actually had a legit conversation before, and we don’t know each other that well..” “You don’t need to know someone really well to have a crush on them, silly.” I laughed. He laughed, “I guess not.”
“Jamie,” I said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. By this time, Jamie and I were sitting closer together, my head resting on his shoulder, his arm around my waist. “Yes, Alex?” “Why do you like me?” I didn’t really think before I asked him that. I probably should have though, because Jamie didn’t seem like he had an answer. “What do you mean?” he finally asked. “I don’t mean it like that,” I laughed nervously, “I just mean, you could get someone better. I know you could. You could get someone who isn’t moving thousands of miles away in four months. The way you smile and the way your eyes light up when you’re happy, how passionate you are about music, you have tons of girls wanting to date you who are a hundred times prettier than I ever will be..I’m not good enough for you, Jamie. I’m not.” Jamie seemed genuinely shocked, “Leah Alexandria Davis, I may be able to get a bunch of girls, but I only want one. You. And I always will no matter how much you want to believe you’re not good enough. You are beautiful in every single way, Alex. Always have been, always will be. And I am prepared to tell you that every day for the rest of your life until you believe me.” I sat up, looking straight at him, barely whispering, “I love you, Jamie.” He smiled and leaned closer to me, “I love you, too, Alex.”
I knew what was coming next, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. I wouldn’t say I’ve had my first real kiss yet. The only other guy I’ve kissed was some junior at school when I was a freshman, and I wasn’t even willing. He kinda just pushed me against my locker one morning and tried to make out with me. It didn’t last long though, because Ryan came up and hit him. Needless to say, Ryan didn’t let me out of his sight for at least two weeks after that little incident.
In the midst of my thoughts, I felt Jamie’s lips hit mine. Honestly, I’ve never really believed in that whole feeling fireworks shit. It just didn’t seem possible. Until now, that is. I felt like I was in a burning fireworks warehouse or something. There were so many butterflies in my stomach, I didn’t think anymore could fit. I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing at one point. As soon as he pulled away, my eyes opened and I thought I was going to cough my lungs out. “Was it really that bad?” Jamie asked, half jokingly, half worried. “No, not at all!” I basically screamed when I caught my breath again. “This is really cheesy, but I may or may not have forgotten how to breathe…” He laughed that adorable laugh of his, “Good. I thought maybe it was too soon.” I smiled, “Jamie, if anything, it wasn’t soon enough.”
Ryan walked back in with the biggest smile on his face, “Finally! I’ve been telling him to do that for the past 5 years!” “Ryan!” Jamie yelled. I just laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Gee, Alex. Thanks for the support.” I smiled, throwing my arms around Jamie’s neck, “Shut up. You know I love you.” I kissed his cheek and he smiled back, “I love you, too.”
“SO. Who wants to watch a scary movie?” Ryan asked, plopping down on the couch next to me. “Oh, no way! Scary movies and I do not go well together.” I laughed. “Don’t worry your pretty little face about it,” Ryan laughed, “you’ve got Jamie to hold you when you get scared.” I looked over at Jamie and he blushed. I giggled, “Fine. But if you guys think I’m sleeping alone tonight, you’re sadly mistaken.” Ryan cheered, “Alright!”
Ryan put the movie in and within 10 minutes, I was already hiding behind a pillow on Jamie’s lap. “Honestly, Alex. It isn’t even that scary.” Jamie laughed at me. “That’s what you think now! But when you’re trying to sleep later, don’t come crying to me!” The next two hours were like hell, but I toughed it out.
We finally decided to go to sleep after another hour of joking around and being stupid. Jamie grabbed my hand and pulled me to his room. He sat me on his bed and kissed my forehead, “You can sleep here. I’ll take the couch.” He started to walk away but my grip on his hand got tighter, “Do you really think I’m sleeping alone? Because I don’t.” Jamie groaned, “Alex, seriously. The movie wasn’t that scary. I promise I will not let any mutant clowns or alligators get to you.” I shook my head and he sighed, rolling his eyes. “Okay, okay. I’ll stay with you.” I breathed deeply and sighed, letting go of his hand, crashing my body against his bed. “This is so much more comfortable than at home,” I mumbled quietly into his pillow. “What was that, Alex?” Jamie asked, laying down next to me. I cuddled up against him, laying my head on his chest, “Nothing.” “Alex? What are you not telling me?” “Nothing. Really.” I replied looking up at him, scrambling for words. Jamie just looked at me. And it was the kind of look Rebekah gave me when she knew I was lying about something. “Please don’t look at me like that.” “Alex. Tell me.” I sighed, “I…I said your bed is more comfortable than mine is, okay?” “Well, every bed is more comfortable than your own. It’s a proven fact.” He said, obviously trying to make me feel better. “You don’t get it, Jamie. My mom…..my mom made me sleep on the floor. I’ve never actually had a real bed…” Jamie stared at me and I could feel the tears starting to come down my face so I just smashed my face against his pillow again. “I think I told you too much. Just forget I said anything, please.” “I’m never letting you go back there, Alex. No matter what.” I lifted myself up on my arms and looked at him, “You promise?” “I promise.” was all he said before moving his hands to wipe the tears off my face and kissing me. I smiled at him slightly when he pulled away and laid my head back down on his chest. Right before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper, “I love you, Alex.”
“Jamie,” I said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. By this time, Jamie and I were sitting closer together, my head resting on his shoulder, his arm around my waist. “Yes, Alex?” “Why do you like me?” I didn’t really think before I asked him that. I probably should have though, because Jamie didn’t seem like he had an answer. “What do you mean?” he finally asked. “I don’t mean it like that,” I laughed nervously, “I just mean, you could get someone better. I know you could. You could get someone who isn’t moving thousands of miles away in four months. The way you smile and the way your eyes light up when you’re happy, how passionate you are about music, you have tons of girls wanting to date you who are a hundred times prettier than I ever will be..I’m not good enough for you, Jamie. I’m not.” Jamie seemed genuinely shocked, “Leah Alexandria Davis, I may be able to get a bunch of girls, but I only want one. You. And I always will no matter how much you want to believe you’re not good enough. You are beautiful in every single way, Alex. Always have been, always will be. And I am prepared to tell you that every day for the rest of your life until you believe me.” I sat up, looking straight at him, barely whispering, “I love you, Jamie.” He smiled and leaned closer to me, “I love you, too, Alex.”
I knew what was coming next, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. I wouldn’t say I’ve had my first real kiss yet. The only other guy I’ve kissed was some junior at school when I was a freshman, and I wasn’t even willing. He kinda just pushed me against my locker one morning and tried to make out with me. It didn’t last long though, because Ryan came up and hit him. Needless to say, Ryan didn’t let me out of his sight for at least two weeks after that little incident.
In the midst of my thoughts, I felt Jamie’s lips hit mine. Honestly, I’ve never really believed in that whole feeling fireworks shit. It just didn’t seem possible. Until now, that is. I felt like I was in a burning fireworks warehouse or something. There were so many butterflies in my stomach, I didn’t think anymore could fit. I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing at one point. As soon as he pulled away, my eyes opened and I thought I was going to cough my lungs out. “Was it really that bad?” Jamie asked, half jokingly, half worried. “No, not at all!” I basically screamed when I caught my breath again. “This is really cheesy, but I may or may not have forgotten how to breathe…” He laughed that adorable laugh of his, “Good. I thought maybe it was too soon.” I smiled, “Jamie, if anything, it wasn’t soon enough.”
Ryan walked back in with the biggest smile on his face, “Finally! I’ve been telling him to do that for the past 5 years!” “Ryan!” Jamie yelled. I just laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Gee, Alex. Thanks for the support.” I smiled, throwing my arms around Jamie’s neck, “Shut up. You know I love you.” I kissed his cheek and he smiled back, “I love you, too.”
“SO. Who wants to watch a scary movie?” Ryan asked, plopping down on the couch next to me. “Oh, no way! Scary movies and I do not go well together.” I laughed. “Don’t worry your pretty little face about it,” Ryan laughed, “you’ve got Jamie to hold you when you get scared.” I looked over at Jamie and he blushed. I giggled, “Fine. But if you guys think I’m sleeping alone tonight, you’re sadly mistaken.” Ryan cheered, “Alright!”
Ryan put the movie in and within 10 minutes, I was already hiding behind a pillow on Jamie’s lap. “Honestly, Alex. It isn’t even that scary.” Jamie laughed at me. “That’s what you think now! But when you’re trying to sleep later, don’t come crying to me!” The next two hours were like hell, but I toughed it out.
We finally decided to go to sleep after another hour of joking around and being stupid. Jamie grabbed my hand and pulled me to his room. He sat me on his bed and kissed my forehead, “You can sleep here. I’ll take the couch.” He started to walk away but my grip on his hand got tighter, “Do you really think I’m sleeping alone? Because I don’t.” Jamie groaned, “Alex, seriously. The movie wasn’t that scary. I promise I will not let any mutant clowns or alligators get to you.” I shook my head and he sighed, rolling his eyes. “Okay, okay. I’ll stay with you.” I breathed deeply and sighed, letting go of his hand, crashing my body against his bed. “This is so much more comfortable than at home,” I mumbled quietly into his pillow. “What was that, Alex?” Jamie asked, laying down next to me. I cuddled up against him, laying my head on his chest, “Nothing.” “Alex? What are you not telling me?” “Nothing. Really.” I replied looking up at him, scrambling for words. Jamie just looked at me. And it was the kind of look Rebekah gave me when she knew I was lying about something. “Please don’t look at me like that.” “Alex. Tell me.” I sighed, “I…I said your bed is more comfortable than mine is, okay?” “Well, every bed is more comfortable than your own. It’s a proven fact.” He said, obviously trying to make me feel better. “You don’t get it, Jamie. My mom…..my mom made me sleep on the floor. I’ve never actually had a real bed…” Jamie stared at me and I could feel the tears starting to come down my face so I just smashed my face against his pillow again. “I think I told you too much. Just forget I said anything, please.” “I’m never letting you go back there, Alex. No matter what.” I lifted myself up on my arms and looked at him, “You promise?” “I promise.” was all he said before moving his hands to wipe the tears off my face and kissing me. I smiled at him slightly when he pulled away and laid my head back down on his chest. Right before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper, “I love you, Alex.”