Forget Your Mistakes

-Alex-

Now, I'm not saying I'm proud of what I did when I got on the bus, but I can't go back an undo it. I ran into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. All I could think about was why Jamie yelled at me. He had no reason to be jealous of Garrett. I love Garrett as well as the rest of The Maine, but they're only my friends. I could never love them like I love Jamie. I stopped thinking about everything but Jamie. I stopped thinking logically. I stopped thinking about how Rebekah and Ryan were going to yell at me for this. I was a mess, and when I'm a mess, I make stupid decisions.

I dug through the drawer my stuff was in until I felt something cold and sharp. I picked it up and stared at it for a while. Before I knew it, it was digging into my left wrist. I breathed a sigh of relief. That sigh alone left me feeling sick to my stomach. I swore to Ryan and Rebekah I would never turn to my razor again. I don't even know why I brought it with me. But I did.

I heard the bus door slam shut so I threw my razor back into the bottom of the drawer and closed it. It must have made a louder sound than I thought because the next thing I heard was Rebekah outside the bathroom door. "Alex, what are you doing?" "Nothing," I tried to reply as calmly as possible as I gripped my wrist. "Alex, open the door." "I can't," I said quietly, letting a tear fall down my cheek, "You'll hate me." "I won't hate you, I promise. Just please open the door." I hesitantly unlocked the door and Rebekah opened it as quickly as she could, closing it behind her.

She looked at my hand holding my wrist tightly and I could tell she was disappointed. She grabbed a towel and turned on the water in the sink. "Alex," she said quietly, "You swore you'd never do this again." "I know," I sobbed, "But I couldn't stop myself." "I'm not happy about this, Al. But thank you for not taking it far enough for a hospital visit." I laughed lightly, "You're welcome."

We heard footsteps walking toward the bathroom door a few minutes later and then Ryan's voice, "Alex, are you okay?" I looked at Rebekah and she answered for me, "She's fine. Is Jamie out there?" "No, he's still in the restaurant eating," Ian said. "Dick," Rebekah mumbled under her breath. "We'll be out in a minute," she called back out to the guys.

"I'm not ready to see him yet, Bekah," I said quietly. "I know you're not, babe. We're not going to let him talk to you until you're ready to talk to him." "Thank you," I squeaked.

"Ryan's gonna hate me for this, isn't he?" I asked, gesturing toward my bloody wrist. "I don't think he'll hate you as much as be disappointed," Rebekah replied, finishing cleaning up. I sighed, "I would rather he hate me.."

We walked out of the bathroom and into where the guys were. Ryan instantly stood up and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me tightly. "Um, Ry," I choked, "You're kinda crushing me." I felt him chuckle as his grip on me loosened. "Sorry, babe," he said, kissing the top of my head. Nash and Ian huddled next to Ryan and I for a group hug. "Seriously, guys," I said, "I'm fine." "Allie, you told me you wouldn't do it again," Ryan said quietly. Knowing what he was talking about, I leaned my head against his chest and whispered, "I know."

I heard my phone ring in my pocket, so I took it out and smiled lightly at the caller I.D. before answering. "Hey, Gare," I said quietly. "Hey, Alex. The guys and I have a break, so we wanted to know if you and your friends wanted to hang out for a couple hours." "Yeah, sure, that'd be great." I could hear the smile in his voice, "Alright, well, there's a park pretty close to the studio. Meet you guys there in 10 minutes?" I smiled, "Yeah, absolutely. See you in 10." I hung up and looked at the group, "The Maine's meeting us in the park in 10 minutes. Be there or be square."

10 minutes later, we were at the park, sitting in the grass, laughing with everyone and having a good time. "Where's Jamie?" Garrett asked. "Probably back on the bus by now," Ryan laughed bitterly. "Did he not want to hang out with us or something?" "Um, we actually got into a fight after we left the studio, so I guess you could say that.." I replied. "Oh. What about?" I looked at everyone else and they were all watching me, "You guys keep hanging out, we'll be right back." I jumped up, grabbing Garrett's hand and pulling him to a bench away from the group. "We fought about you guys. Well, more specifically you.." I said when we sat down. "Me? Why me?" Garrett asked, getting nervous. "I guess he didn't like the way I 'hung all over you' at the studio earlier." "You mean when you hugged me?" I nodded and he continued, "Why would he be mad about a hug?" I sighed, "I don't know. I'm not even really mad at him for that, I'm more mad that he yelled at me for it." "He yelled at you?" Garrett looked at me in disbelief. "Yeah, but it's whatever. I'm just not going to talk to him for a while, just until I can actually talk to him without getting angry."

"I'm sorry, Alex," Garrett said quietly. "Why are you sorry?" "If I hadn't said anything, you wouldn't have known I was there and you wouldn't be fighting with your boyfriend.." "Gare, it's okay. I'm glad you said something. I haven't seen you in God knows how long. I miss talking to you," I said, patting Garrett's hand. "Just please promise we'll never ever lose touch again." He laughed, "Pinky swear." He stuck out his pinky and I linked my own with his and laughed along.

I stood up, grabbing his hand and running back to the group. "So," I yelled when I sat down, "What shall we do on this lovely afternoon?" "Well, we could go get some ice cream," Pat suggested. "Pat, I swear, you are such a little kid," Kennedy laughed. "Ice cream!" I yelled. "And apparently, so is Alex," Rebekah smiled. "I'm up for it as long as I'm not buying," I giggled. "Same!" Rebekah yelled. "We would never make the ladies pay," John chuckled. "Unless they lost a bet, of course," Nash smirked. I laughed and lightly hit Nash's shoulder and we all stood up and made our way to the ice cream shop down the street.