Status: Completed 6/19/2012
Forget Your Mistakes
I Can Barely Breathe
“J-Jamie..?” I tried desperately not to cry, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t work. “Alex!” he yelled, his eyes getting wider. “It’s not what it looks like, I swear!” “Really? Because it looks an awful lot like you’re making out with some stupid fucking whore!” I yelled back. Lucky for me, the girl was drunk and could barely stand up, let alone beat the shit out of me for calling her a stupid whore. Which was admittedly not the greatest name I’ve ever called someone, but I was in the moment. Give me a break.
He paused, which was enough for me to run out of the room and back downstairs. Ryan grabbed me right before I reached the door, “Oh my God, Alex. What happened to you?” I couldn’t really speak. All that came out of my mouth in between sobs was, “Jamie…and….her….and….upstairs….and….” Ryan interrupted me by crashing me into his chest, “Do you need me to take you home?” I looked up at him with blurry vision and whispered, “Yes, please..” Just before we walked out the door, we saw Jamie running to the bottom of the stairs and stop once he hit the last step, he stared at Ryan and I. Ryan grabbed my hand and pulled me out to his car, giving his brother the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen him give anyone on the way out.
When we got to my door, Ryan asked, “Do you want me to stay with you? At least until Rebekah gets home?” “No,” I said, still trying to calm down, “It’s okay. Go back to the party. I’ll be fine. Tell Rebekah I’ll be okay and I’m just going to go to sleep, and tell Jamie not to come near me when you guys get back.” “Alright,” Ryan hugged me and kissed my forehead, “We’ll be back no later than 12:30. Don’t wait up for us.” I nodded as he walked toward the door, “I love you, Alex.” “I love you, too, Ryan.”
The moment I heard the door close, I ran to my bathroom. Okay, so I lied. I wasn’t going to bed. I was about to make the stupidest decision of my life, but I couldn’t stop myself. All those memories of my mother telling me I’d never be good enough for anyone were all coming back. I couldn’t help but think she was right. Even though that girl was drunk, she was still prettier than me. I’m sure she’s better for Jamie than I ever could be anyway.
I dug through my medicine cabinet and took out the first pill bottle I saw. I opened it and swallowed every single pill. At that moment, I didn’t know what they were for, and I don’t know why I did it. I just knew I wanted the pain to stop. I started to feel dizzy and weak, and before I knew it, I hit the floor and blacked out.
*Back at the party*
When Ryan walked in, the room was dead silent and all that could be heard was Rebekah screaming, “What the fuck is your problem, you dick? How the fuck could you do that to her?” while Jamie just stood there, scared out of his mind. Ryan was startled, to say the least. Rebekah rarely ever screamed, but when she did, you knew she meant business.
“You know, Jamie,” Ryan laughed bitterly, walking over behind Rebekah and resting his hands on her shoulders, “Normally, I would try to calm her down. Normally, I would wonder why she would be yelling at you. But this isn’t a normal circumstance, is it? Do you even understand how much Alex loves you? She would give everything up for you in a heartbeat if she could, and THIS is how you thank her?” “I-” “No. Don’t even try it. You’re not sorry. If you were sorry, we wouldn’t be talking about this right now, would we?” Rebekah kept yelling. Everyone else in the room was silent. You were lucky if you could even hear them breathing.
Rebekah became quiet and her breathing suddenly became heavier as she quickly spun around and looked at Ryan, eyes about as wide as they could go, ”Where’s Alex?” “She wanted me to take her home, so I did.” “Oh my God, we have to get home now.” Rebekah yelled, grabbing her things. “What, why?” Ryan started panicking slightly. “No time to explain now. We gotta go.” She turned to Jamie and looked at him through narrow eyes, “Get in the car, asshole.” Needless to say, he did exactly as he was told.
Ryan sped home and Rebekah basically jumped out of the still moving car when he pulled into the driveway. “Rebekah,” Ryan yelled, “Slow down!” “I told you, no time!” She practically burst through the door and ran to the bathroom door. “Alex!” she yelled and knocked, “Alex, open the door for me, babe!” Nothing. “Alex!” she yelled louder, messing with the door’s handle, “I need you to open the door now!” “Hold on,” Jamie said, lifting his leg up and kicking the door open. “Oh my God..” Jamie whispered.
He paused, which was enough for me to run out of the room and back downstairs. Ryan grabbed me right before I reached the door, “Oh my God, Alex. What happened to you?” I couldn’t really speak. All that came out of my mouth in between sobs was, “Jamie…and….her….and….upstairs….and….” Ryan interrupted me by crashing me into his chest, “Do you need me to take you home?” I looked up at him with blurry vision and whispered, “Yes, please..” Just before we walked out the door, we saw Jamie running to the bottom of the stairs and stop once he hit the last step, he stared at Ryan and I. Ryan grabbed my hand and pulled me out to his car, giving his brother the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen him give anyone on the way out.
When we got to my door, Ryan asked, “Do you want me to stay with you? At least until Rebekah gets home?” “No,” I said, still trying to calm down, “It’s okay. Go back to the party. I’ll be fine. Tell Rebekah I’ll be okay and I’m just going to go to sleep, and tell Jamie not to come near me when you guys get back.” “Alright,” Ryan hugged me and kissed my forehead, “We’ll be back no later than 12:30. Don’t wait up for us.” I nodded as he walked toward the door, “I love you, Alex.” “I love you, too, Ryan.”
The moment I heard the door close, I ran to my bathroom. Okay, so I lied. I wasn’t going to bed. I was about to make the stupidest decision of my life, but I couldn’t stop myself. All those memories of my mother telling me I’d never be good enough for anyone were all coming back. I couldn’t help but think she was right. Even though that girl was drunk, she was still prettier than me. I’m sure she’s better for Jamie than I ever could be anyway.
I dug through my medicine cabinet and took out the first pill bottle I saw. I opened it and swallowed every single pill. At that moment, I didn’t know what they were for, and I don’t know why I did it. I just knew I wanted the pain to stop. I started to feel dizzy and weak, and before I knew it, I hit the floor and blacked out.
*Back at the party*
When Ryan walked in, the room was dead silent and all that could be heard was Rebekah screaming, “What the fuck is your problem, you dick? How the fuck could you do that to her?” while Jamie just stood there, scared out of his mind. Ryan was startled, to say the least. Rebekah rarely ever screamed, but when she did, you knew she meant business.
“You know, Jamie,” Ryan laughed bitterly, walking over behind Rebekah and resting his hands on her shoulders, “Normally, I would try to calm her down. Normally, I would wonder why she would be yelling at you. But this isn’t a normal circumstance, is it? Do you even understand how much Alex loves you? She would give everything up for you in a heartbeat if she could, and THIS is how you thank her?” “I-” “No. Don’t even try it. You’re not sorry. If you were sorry, we wouldn’t be talking about this right now, would we?” Rebekah kept yelling. Everyone else in the room was silent. You were lucky if you could even hear them breathing.
Rebekah became quiet and her breathing suddenly became heavier as she quickly spun around and looked at Ryan, eyes about as wide as they could go, ”Where’s Alex?” “She wanted me to take her home, so I did.” “Oh my God, we have to get home now.” Rebekah yelled, grabbing her things. “What, why?” Ryan started panicking slightly. “No time to explain now. We gotta go.” She turned to Jamie and looked at him through narrow eyes, “Get in the car, asshole.” Needless to say, he did exactly as he was told.
Ryan sped home and Rebekah basically jumped out of the still moving car when he pulled into the driveway. “Rebekah,” Ryan yelled, “Slow down!” “I told you, no time!” She practically burst through the door and ran to the bathroom door. “Alex!” she yelled and knocked, “Alex, open the door for me, babe!” Nothing. “Alex!” she yelled louder, messing with the door’s handle, “I need you to open the door now!” “Hold on,” Jamie said, lifting his leg up and kicking the door open. “Oh my God..” Jamie whispered.