Status: Completed 6/19/2012
Forget Your Mistakes
I Bleed My Heart Out Just For You
“Ryan, go call an ambulance.” Rebekah commanded. “On it!” Ryan yelled, running out of the room, his phone in hand and already dialing. “Stay with her,” she looked at Jamie, “I’m still pissed at you, but I need to go get some towels. Yell if anything happens.” Jamie nodded.
As soon as Rebekah left, Jamie dropped to his knees, putting my head in his lap and running his hand through my hair, “I didn’t mean it, Alex. I really did think it was you…” A tear fell from his eye and onto my cheek. “Hmm?” I mumbled, trying to sit up. I heard Jamie whisper, “No, no, no. Just lay back down. You’re gonna be okay. I promise I’m not going to let anything happen to you…Rebekah!” he yelled, “She woke up!” “I’m coming! Keep her awake!”
“Jamie..” I said weakly. “Yes, Alex?” I couldn’t help it, the tears started falling, “Why?” He looked down at me, my head was still laying in his lap, his tears still falling on my cheek, “Alex.. I never meant to hurt you..” “Of course you didn’t mean to. You didn’t want me to find out.” “Alex, it was dark. I thought she was you. You opened the door. I immediately knew I fucked up. And I knew I really fucked up when you ran away.” I smiled weakly, barely able to lift my hands up and wipe his eyes, “It’s okay, Jamie.” He grabbed my hands and looked at me, “No. It’s not okay, and you know it.”
My eyes started to close and Jamie became frantic, “No, no, no, no, no. Babe, I need you to stay awake. Keep your eyes open for me, Alex. Rebekah! She’s going out again!” he yelled.
As soon as Rebekah burst through the door, we all heard sirens and the paramedics and Ryan ran into the room.
“How long has she been like this?” one of the paramedics asked. “Well, I brought her here at 10:30 and we got home about 10 minutes ago, so I’m guessing at least an hour,” Ryan said, his hands shaking. They picked me up and put me on the stretcher, then started making their way back to the ambulance with Ryan, Rebekah, and Jamie following closely behind.
“Whoa, guys,” the other paramedic said, “We can’t have all of you. We can take one more, but even that’s pushing it.” Rebekah instantly looked at Jamie, “Go.” “But you’re her best friend..” “You’re her boyfriend and I told you to go.” “Fine..but I’m only going because I’m afraid of what you might do to me if I say no,” Jamie said, partly joking. “That would probably be the best decision for you at this point.” Rebekah replied, pulling Ryan to his car.
The ambulance sped off and I was getting hooked up to God knows how many machines, squeezing Jamie’s hand the entire ride. I looked at him, my eyes filling with tears again, “Jamie, am I…am I gonna die..?” “Leah Alexandria, I promised you that I wasn’t going to let anything happen to you before, and I’m not going to anything happen to you now. I am always going to be here, whether you like it or not. I almost lost you once, and I am sure as hell not risking that again.”
I looked over at the paramedic as he started talking while working on me, “I don’t mean to interrupt or anything, but from what I can tell, this kid really cares about you. Take my advice or ignore it, I think you need to keep him around.” I smiled at him, then looked Jamie in the eyes and held his hand tighter, “I plan on it.” He smiled back at me, “I love you, Alex.” “I love you more, Jamie.”
*A couple hours later*
“Good news is, you’re going to be just fine, Miss Davis,” the doctor told us, “you didn’t swallow enough pills to cause any serious damage to any of your organs. Would you mind telling me what happened?” “Um…” I trailed off, but Jamie started talking, “It was all my fault. I made a stupid decision, and it was enough to make her crack.” He squeezed my hand, and I pulled him closer to my bed. The doctor looked at Jamie sypathetically, then back at me, “What exactly were you trying to do?” “I don’t know… I don’t really think I was trying to kill myself.. I was just broken, and at the time, I guess I thought that was the only thing that could fix it..” “Okay, one last question. Why are you taking the anti-depressants?”
Ryan and Jamie stared at me, obviously shocked. I never told them. The only person that knew was Rebekah, and that was only because we lived together. “When I was 17, I started becoming depressed because of my life at home,” I said, “I didn’t know what it was at first. I just knew I was really sad a lot. But when it became worse, I went to see my doctor, and she put me on anti-depressants.” “Have they helped?” “Oh, yeah. I’ve been feeling a lot better over the past two years.” The doctor smiled and said, “Alright, well, I’ll leave you all to go about your conversation. We should have you checked out in the morning, Miss Davis.”
When he left the room, I noticed Ryan and Jamie still staring at me in disbelief. “What?” “Don’t ‘what’ me, Leah Alexandria,” Ryan said, “Why didn’t you ever tell me you took anti-depressants?” “Um, it’s not exactly something I just like to tell everyone seeing as how it’s not really something to be proud of, Ryan Keith. I take them because my mother is a horrible person, and she drove me to the edge. But I got help, and now that I have the medication, I feel fine. That’s all you need to be concerned about at this point,” I said using the same tone he gave me, looking at him then at Jamie, “You, too. Can we just not make a big deal about this?” “Alex, you almost died,” Jamie said. “But I didn’t.” “But you could have. I can’t lose you, Alex.”
Ryan looked at Rebekah and said, “Is that what you were talking about when you told us we had to get home quickly?” Rebekah spoke for the first time since stepping through the hospital doors, “Yes. I know how she gets when she’s stressed, and I wasn’t there to stop her from being stupid this time.. But we’re just gonna leave you two alone for a little bit.. Um, come on. Let’s go for a walk or something..” She grabbed Ryan’s hand and they left the room.
I scooted over on my bed and patted the spot next to me. Jamie hopped on and put his arm around me, still holding my hand. I rested my head on his shoulder and he sighed. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Alex,” he said quietly, “I really don’t know what I would do if I lost you. Two close calls is bad enough, I don’t want to go through that feeling a third time.” “Two?” I asked, looking at him. “One was tonight, the other was when you told me you were moving here.” I laughed lightly, “There are lots of other girls out there, Jamie. I’m sure you wouldn’t have any trouble finding another girlfriend.” “Maybe so, but there’s only one Leah Alexandria Davis and I don’t plan on losing her anytime soon.” “So maybe in the future, but not soon?” I smirked. “You know what I mean, Alex,” he chuckled, “I love you, and if I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone else.” He kissed me and my heart started beating faster, causing the heart monitor I was hooked up to to beep faster. Jamie and I laughed and I looked at him and said, “It’s amazing how you still do that to me after 10 months, you know.” He smiled and kissed my forehead, “The feeling is completely mutual.”
As soon as Rebekah left, Jamie dropped to his knees, putting my head in his lap and running his hand through my hair, “I didn’t mean it, Alex. I really did think it was you…” A tear fell from his eye and onto my cheek. “Hmm?” I mumbled, trying to sit up. I heard Jamie whisper, “No, no, no. Just lay back down. You’re gonna be okay. I promise I’m not going to let anything happen to you…Rebekah!” he yelled, “She woke up!” “I’m coming! Keep her awake!”
“Jamie..” I said weakly. “Yes, Alex?” I couldn’t help it, the tears started falling, “Why?” He looked down at me, my head was still laying in his lap, his tears still falling on my cheek, “Alex.. I never meant to hurt you..” “Of course you didn’t mean to. You didn’t want me to find out.” “Alex, it was dark. I thought she was you. You opened the door. I immediately knew I fucked up. And I knew I really fucked up when you ran away.” I smiled weakly, barely able to lift my hands up and wipe his eyes, “It’s okay, Jamie.” He grabbed my hands and looked at me, “No. It’s not okay, and you know it.”
My eyes started to close and Jamie became frantic, “No, no, no, no, no. Babe, I need you to stay awake. Keep your eyes open for me, Alex. Rebekah! She’s going out again!” he yelled.
As soon as Rebekah burst through the door, we all heard sirens and the paramedics and Ryan ran into the room.
“How long has she been like this?” one of the paramedics asked. “Well, I brought her here at 10:30 and we got home about 10 minutes ago, so I’m guessing at least an hour,” Ryan said, his hands shaking. They picked me up and put me on the stretcher, then started making their way back to the ambulance with Ryan, Rebekah, and Jamie following closely behind.
“Whoa, guys,” the other paramedic said, “We can’t have all of you. We can take one more, but even that’s pushing it.” Rebekah instantly looked at Jamie, “Go.” “But you’re her best friend..” “You’re her boyfriend and I told you to go.” “Fine..but I’m only going because I’m afraid of what you might do to me if I say no,” Jamie said, partly joking. “That would probably be the best decision for you at this point.” Rebekah replied, pulling Ryan to his car.
The ambulance sped off and I was getting hooked up to God knows how many machines, squeezing Jamie’s hand the entire ride. I looked at him, my eyes filling with tears again, “Jamie, am I…am I gonna die..?” “Leah Alexandria, I promised you that I wasn’t going to let anything happen to you before, and I’m not going to anything happen to you now. I am always going to be here, whether you like it or not. I almost lost you once, and I am sure as hell not risking that again.”
I looked over at the paramedic as he started talking while working on me, “I don’t mean to interrupt or anything, but from what I can tell, this kid really cares about you. Take my advice or ignore it, I think you need to keep him around.” I smiled at him, then looked Jamie in the eyes and held his hand tighter, “I plan on it.” He smiled back at me, “I love you, Alex.” “I love you more, Jamie.”
*A couple hours later*
“Good news is, you’re going to be just fine, Miss Davis,” the doctor told us, “you didn’t swallow enough pills to cause any serious damage to any of your organs. Would you mind telling me what happened?” “Um…” I trailed off, but Jamie started talking, “It was all my fault. I made a stupid decision, and it was enough to make her crack.” He squeezed my hand, and I pulled him closer to my bed. The doctor looked at Jamie sypathetically, then back at me, “What exactly were you trying to do?” “I don’t know… I don’t really think I was trying to kill myself.. I was just broken, and at the time, I guess I thought that was the only thing that could fix it..” “Okay, one last question. Why are you taking the anti-depressants?”
Ryan and Jamie stared at me, obviously shocked. I never told them. The only person that knew was Rebekah, and that was only because we lived together. “When I was 17, I started becoming depressed because of my life at home,” I said, “I didn’t know what it was at first. I just knew I was really sad a lot. But when it became worse, I went to see my doctor, and she put me on anti-depressants.” “Have they helped?” “Oh, yeah. I’ve been feeling a lot better over the past two years.” The doctor smiled and said, “Alright, well, I’ll leave you all to go about your conversation. We should have you checked out in the morning, Miss Davis.”
When he left the room, I noticed Ryan and Jamie still staring at me in disbelief. “What?” “Don’t ‘what’ me, Leah Alexandria,” Ryan said, “Why didn’t you ever tell me you took anti-depressants?” “Um, it’s not exactly something I just like to tell everyone seeing as how it’s not really something to be proud of, Ryan Keith. I take them because my mother is a horrible person, and she drove me to the edge. But I got help, and now that I have the medication, I feel fine. That’s all you need to be concerned about at this point,” I said using the same tone he gave me, looking at him then at Jamie, “You, too. Can we just not make a big deal about this?” “Alex, you almost died,” Jamie said. “But I didn’t.” “But you could have. I can’t lose you, Alex.”
Ryan looked at Rebekah and said, “Is that what you were talking about when you told us we had to get home quickly?” Rebekah spoke for the first time since stepping through the hospital doors, “Yes. I know how she gets when she’s stressed, and I wasn’t there to stop her from being stupid this time.. But we’re just gonna leave you two alone for a little bit.. Um, come on. Let’s go for a walk or something..” She grabbed Ryan’s hand and they left the room.
I scooted over on my bed and patted the spot next to me. Jamie hopped on and put his arm around me, still holding my hand. I rested my head on his shoulder and he sighed. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Alex,” he said quietly, “I really don’t know what I would do if I lost you. Two close calls is bad enough, I don’t want to go through that feeling a third time.” “Two?” I asked, looking at him. “One was tonight, the other was when you told me you were moving here.” I laughed lightly, “There are lots of other girls out there, Jamie. I’m sure you wouldn’t have any trouble finding another girlfriend.” “Maybe so, but there’s only one Leah Alexandria Davis and I don’t plan on losing her anytime soon.” “So maybe in the future, but not soon?” I smirked. “You know what I mean, Alex,” he chuckled, “I love you, and if I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone else.” He kissed me and my heart started beating faster, causing the heart monitor I was hooked up to to beep faster. Jamie and I laughed and I looked at him and said, “It’s amazing how you still do that to me after 10 months, you know.” He smiled and kissed my forehead, “The feeling is completely mutual.”