Afraid

Rose Tyler was very, very, very afraid. All around her, closing in, were hundreds of blinking lights and angry, shouting voices; hot metal bodies gleaming in the light of glowing blue eyestalks and those funny ear things; sliding; floating; announcing her death. Any moment now, her cells would shatter as one of their deathly beams hit her. She’d be gone once and for all—never going back to home, to her mum, to London. “Doctor!” she screamed, searching the empty space around her for any sort of a weapon. “Doctor, where are you?”

Only the enemy replied: “EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE.”

And she awoke, right before the beams touched her skin. Her entire body was coated in a sheen of cold sweat, and the room all around her was so dark. This was almost a comfort after the overwhelming lights and sounds of the angry Dalek. However, Rose was scared all the same. She pulled the duvet tight under her chin and curled up again, trying to shake the childish fear that some sort of horrendous alien was hovering behind her. For a few long, tedious minutes, she simply took in and let out each breath, trying to carry on, trying to continue, trying to live. Finally, it became clear that she was not going to fall asleep.

She sat up, shivering as the cool air of her bedroom hit her sweaty skin. So dark. She knew that outside, down the hall, the lights of the TARDIS would be blinking on as ever, lighting her pathway to the next destination. Hoping to find some relief from the fear gripping her insides and making her hands tremble harder than an earthquake, she stood, racing to the door and flinging it open as quietly as possible before dashing down the hallway and into the center of the TARDIS.

The familiar sound of the TARDIS’ engine filled Rose’s ears, and she immediately felt a bit better, though the flashing lights and dials on the control panel only served to remind her of her Dalek nightmares. It hadn’t been the first. For weeks now she had dreamed of all sorts of horrendous aliens, some that she had encountered with the Doctor, and some that she had dreamed up herself, somewhere deep in her subconscious. Sometimes she slipped back into sleep after waking, and sometimes she simply lay by herself, shivering and shaking and trying not to cry. But this was too much. One nightmare too many had pushed her over the edge; she felt simply too alone and too afraid to stay in her room and in her own thoughts. Straightening the edges of her cheap cotton pajamas, she hesitated in the threshold of the hallway before tiptoeing off to find the Doctor.

His room wasn’t far, and the door barely creaked when she opened it, her feet padding softly across the squishy carpet. By the distant light of the TARDIS’ engine, she could just make out the Doctor’s silhouette laid out across his bed, turned away from her. “Doctor?” she whispered, closing the door gently and making her way toward him. “Doctor, are you awake?”

He murmured something and shifted slightly, but made no sign of replying. Rose let out a long, shuddering sigh and stepped closer, placing her hand on the Doctor’s shoulder and shaking it gently. “Please wake up… I need you,” she said, her voice firmer now and a bit desperate.

“Rose?”

She took a deep breath as he turned over to face her, his clear blue eyes questioning. She’d never even been in his room before, much less in the middle of the night. “What’s wrong?” he mumbled, reaching one hand out to grasp his arm.

“I just—I…” She sighed. “Maybe I should leave you alone.”

“Are you alright? What’s going on, Rose?”

Rose gulped and sat down on the very edge of the bed. “Nightmares, that’s all. I can’t sleep. And I’m really, really afraid and I just—I wanted to be near you.”

The Doctor’s gaze grew soft, and he sat up, reaching both arms out to his trembling companion. The first of many tears rolled down her cheek as she crawled toward him, burying her face in his shoulder and letting him clutch her against his chest. They sat in silence for a long time—or near-silence, since Rose was sobbing hysterically and the Doctor continued to shush her softly. “It’s okay,” he whispered, tucking her hair behind her ears and grasping her chin. “I can’t promise you that I’ll never let you get hurt, but you’re safe now. Nothing can get you right now.”

“C-can I stay here?” she queried with a hiccup. The Doctor nodded rapidly, tucking her shivering form under the covers and watching as she started to relax. Obviously, being in his presence was more than enough to make her feel better; she just needed some time to calm down. The Doctor planted a tiny kiss on her forehead, pulled the covers up to her chin, and laid down next to her.

“Doctor?”

A small sigh escaped his lips, and he turned his head to look at her. “Yes, Rose?”

“I love you.”

With that, she turned on her side and closed her eyes, revelling in the safety of the Doctor’s warmth only a few inches away from her back. Something about having two hearts did seem to make him warmer. Rose had never bothered to ask him all that much about the science of Time Lords; she figured that they weren’t all that different from normal people, but she could never be sure.

The Doctor already knew the truth in Rose’s words, but something about them seemed to play at his heartstrings. She’s so afraid, he mused to himself, watching her ribcage expand and collapse as she took each deep, unsteady breath. And of course it’s all my fault. I at least owe her one night without bad dreams. He shuffled closer to her and wrapped one arm around her slender waist, kissing the back of her head and breathing in a lungful of her hair’s warm scent.

Rose couldn’t bring herself to say something; to push the Doctor away; to move closer; to move at all. Something about him made her frozen, as if in time—and here she was, frozen in Time’s very arms. And don’t you dare let me go. She screwed her eyes shut and stayed there, frozen but so, so happy. So, so safe.

“Still afraid?” whispered the Doctor with a little laugh—almost a daring one, really—as he laced his fingers in hers, his breath skating over her tear-streaked cheek.

“No,” she replied, but her voice was as soft as a ghost and quite shaky as well.

He chuckled, his grip on her tender frame tightening. “Then come here.” Confused, she turned her head to face him and caught his lips, demanding her affection more hungrily than ever before. Rose turned the rest of her body and clutched the Doctor’s face with her hands, while he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her so close that their three heartbeats seemed to merge into one. Her fingers ran through his short, soft hair, trying and failing to get a grip on it, while his hands curled into fists, gripping her pajamas. Finally, he fell back, gasping for air and holding Rose as if the world were ending.

“I love you too,” he murmured, his voice coming out rather like a growl.

“Good.”