Caving In

“Matt, where are we going?” I questioned, shifting uncomfortably in the hot leather seat. His shiny black Escalade had been sitting in the hot Californian sun all afternoon, the leather interior on fire.

Matt squinted against the sun, sliding on his mirror Aviators, “Uh there’s this little hamburger shack right off PCH, Roscoe’s. I think you’ll like it,” he smiled, never taking his eyes off the road in front of him. I returned his friendly smile, feeling something deep inside of me spark sensationally. What the hell is going on today? Quickly I shifted in my seat again, turning to look at Mason in the backseat. He was humming again to a song I’d never heard before as he watched the palm trees pass on the side of the road. He was on cloud nine, that much was very obvious and that made me happy too. His hazel eyes were the brightest I’d ever seen them, his dimples never leaving his face as his giggle would spontaneously burst into the quiet car. My heart fluttered happily inside my rib cage.

“We’re here,” Matt announced, taking the keys out of the ignition. He spun around in his chair and faced Mason too. “You ready to eat, Buddy?” Mason nodded his head quickly, unbuckling his seatbelt in a hurry. Matt jumped out of the driver’s seat and opened up Mason’s door, catching the flying six year old as he leaped out too. Matt chuckled, running his hand through Mason’s hair gently as he waited for me at the curb. “Let’s go slow poke.”

“Yeah! Come on slow poke,” Mason giggled. I rolled my eyes at the terrible twosome, this should be interesting.

An hour and a half later we left Roscoe’s, bellies full and drove down PCH another time. Matt pulled off the highway and onto a small outlet, a gravel covered back road that went for on miles. “Matt?” I whined, looking over at him from the passenger seat.

He smiled, shaking his head. “I’m not telling you, it’s a surprise.”

I pouted silently, going back to staring out the window. This night had been unbelievable so far. Matt and I had managed to go through the entire dinner without an argument. We spent the time actually enjoying each other’s company, we acted…like a family. Mason was overjoyed as he ate his chicken fingers quietly, or colored on his placemat. This night had been amazing for the little tike in the backseat, giggling at nothing in particular. And then there was me. Every time Matt’s beautiful eyes connected with mine, something jutted inside of me, catching my breath and causing my pulse to increase. Oh god, please not again. Matt’s smile never faded as he ate his double bacon burger, either strongly enjoying his meal or the company he shared. Or both.

“I’ve missed this,” I admitted softly, wondering if Matt had even heard me over the radio.

He turned his head slowly, a small smile playing on his lips. “Me too,” he faced the road again, flipping on his signal and turning left.

I groaned, “Matt, ser-,”

“We’re here,” Matt chuckled, bringing the car to a stop on the side of the road.

I glanced around, not recognizing anything but fields and a long slap of black top. “Where exactly is here?” I giggled, unbuckling my seatbelt and climbing out.

Matt grabbed Mason and slung him onto his back again, walking around the Escalade. “You’ll see,” he assured, smiling down on me. “Will you grab the blanket out of the backseat, Allie?”

“A blanket?”

Matt chuckled, “Yes, a blanket, to sit on.”

Shaking my head, I smiled at him, “Oh,” I grabbed the Harley Davidson blanket quickly, meeting up with Matt again. “Now what?”

Matt grinned, placing Mason down softly. He grabbed the blanket from my hands gently, unfolding it and placing it down on the sleek black hood. “Climb up.”

My eyes widened, “Excuse me?”

“Climb up,” He said again, grabbing a hold of Mason and placing him onto the middle of the blanket before pulling himself up too.

“Come on, Momma,” Mason commanded, patting the place on the blanket next to him.

There were those eyes again; the hazel ones that could burn holes right through me. “Alright, I’m coming,” I grunted, crawling up to meet the dreadful duo.

The sun was starting to set behind the Escalade, the sky turning shades of pink and orange. “Daddy, why are we out here?” Mason asked quietly, looking up to stare at Matt. Matt grinned down at the little boy wrapped around his arm, pointing up to the sky.

A small white light glowed high in the sky, soaring lower and lower. My first thought was that it was a falling star but as it neared the earth shaking roar became familiar. It was a plane and we were in the middle of it and its runway. Mason awed loudly as the plane descended above our heads, his eyes wide and glossy. It was magical. The plane landed gracefully causing Mason to hope off the hood and run to the fence between us and the airfield, cheering loudly. I watched him contentedly, as I sighed and laid back onto my elbows. I could get used to this.

“Daddy! When is the next one?” Mason called from the fence, a smile from ear to ear.

“Anytime now, Bud. I got something for you,” Matt waved Mason back over to the car as he shuffled off the hood. He walked quickly back to the trunk and fished around for a few moments.

“Momma, what’s Daddy doing?” Mason questioned, looking up at me from the gravel.

“I have no clue, baby,” I said softly, not taking my eyes off my little man.

“Here you go Mace,” Matt smiled as he reappeared, showing Mason a small glass jar.

“What’s this for?” Mason asked, clearly confused and still hyped up after the first plane.

“Fireflies,” Matt responded, pulling out a miniature knife from his back pocket. He carefully poked holes into the lid before handing it to Mason. “Run around and see how many you can catch for me,” He spoke lovingly as his offered the jar to his son.

“Awesome!”

I giggled as I watched Mason take off into the grass, jumping and squealing as he tried to catch the glowing bugs. “I miss that sound,” Matt murmured quietly as he leaned against the front bumper.

I blushed, looking down at my hands. “You’re being very open.”

“Well you were open with me in the car, so I thought I should return the favor,” he smirked, turning back to watch our son.

Silence fell between us but it wasn’t like the uncomfortable ones we’d shared over the last few days. It was peaceful and I finally had the chance to think about all that had happened. I had been so irritated when we were at his parents this afternoon but seeing him play with Mason the way he had completely erased all of that. He’d been amazing to me all night, so sweet and charming. It’d been like we were back in high school all evening. There was a glow in Mason’s eyes that I had never seen before Matt showed up and I was falling more and more in love with it as the days went on. What happens when Matt leaves? When he goes to tour? When he isn’t around daily? My heart ached at the thought. Would Mason hurt because of it? Oh Matthew, why can’t you be a pencil pusher instead of a rockstar?

“Allie, are you okay?” Matt pulled me from my thoughts, eyes full of wonder and amusement. “I’ve always thought it was adorable when you lost yourself inside your head.”

I blushed again, not making eye contact as my heart raced around my chest excitedly, “Yes, I’m fine… Hey Matt, how long are you home for?” I questioned, still keeping my eyes low as I listened to Mason’s giggling in the background.

Matt sighed, looking up into the darkening night sky, “We’re on a break for the summer; we might play a few shows here and there but no tours or anything like that… Then in September we have a nationwide tour planned until about Christmas, why do you ask?” He asked, turning to face me.

“…Mason,” I began. “I don’t want him to hurt while you’re gone.”

His liquid hazel eyes hardened at the thought, “I’m coming back this time, Albany.”

I watched him carefully, trying to find the right words. “I hope so.”

“I will. There is no question about it. I’ve…become attached to him already, Allie. I can’t leave him ever again. I can’t hurt him like that,” Matt spoke softly, his face softening as he thought about Mason.

“Then why did you leave the first time?” Damn it Albany, curiosity killed the cat, remember? I thought furiously.

Matt looked down, watching his fingers sketch pictures on part of the exposed, dust covered hood. “I was scared…,” he breathed. He took a deep breath, “That night, when my parents went out of town and left us home alone? Do you remember?”

I smiled slightly at the memory, “Yeah, your dad said I was already pregnant so there wasn’t much more damage to be done.”

Matt smirked slightly, becoming serious again as he spoke, “You were about six months along and Mason was kicking your side. You got all excited and scared the shit outta me, screaming and all that. I guess, up until that point I was just angry at you, angry that you got pregnant, angry you were living with my family but when you made me feel your stomach,” he stopped midsentence, his face contorting as he floundered for the words. “When I felt him kick my hand, it was like a slap in the face. There was baby in there that needed me, that was going to depend on me and I got scared. I did what I thought was right, I ran,” he was in pain as he whispered now, “I played music and ran around getting wasted and partying, but there wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about you. I cried the day Mason was born. I was so livid at myself for not being there for him, for you.”

“Then why didn’t you come back?” I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes at his confession. My heart was aching but I didn’t know whether to build up a wall against this man or break one down.

Matt looked up at me, his eyes looking all the sudden tired and dread filled, lacking the usual life I loved about them, “I…I don’t know. I didn’t want to leave the guys mid-tour so by the time I came back you were all set up in the apartment and living a life without me, I thought you wouldn’t want me after what I did. I still think that.”

“Oh, Mattie,” I murmured, sliding off the hood and landing in front of him. I cautiously stepped towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him closely. His head fit perfectly in the crook of my neck, nuzzling the naked skin there as I listened to the beat of his heart. I hadn’t know it was broken just as mine, longing to be with me as I had always with him. But we both lead different lives now, does he still want me? I’m not 17 anymore.

Matt pulled away slowly, “Come on, let’s get you guys home.”