Status: Work in Progress!
I Believe In The Finer Things & You Don't Believe In Me
I Wasn't Really Looking, But What Did I Find?
"Kathrine Frusciante and Joshua Franceschi." Mrs. Edgerly's monotone voice announced the partners for our next English project, and my breath practically caught in my throat. He had been my constant crush since kindergarten now, yet I've never spoken a word to him. Maybe one or two in front of him because of my stutter. "Josh." said boy corrected our teacher, venom filling his tone as his eyes glanced over to me, questioningly. She finished listing off the names, and then asked if we had any questions. My hand raised immediately, and she knew the drill, sighing as she came to stand next to me, looking at what I had written down as my question:
Can I work alone?
She shook her head, "I'm sorry, Kathrine, but I have to say no. You are partnered with Joshua, and that is final." she replied, "Josh." I heard the boys aggravated voice correct again. I sighed, looking down at the table, wishing I'd disappear. "Now, if that is all, then class is dismissed. Familiarize yourself with you partners, and Monday I want you all sitting in pairs. Got it?" she asked, and the class as a collective whole muttered in confirmation.
I picked up my books from my seat, my head down as I quickly walked out of the room, my short legs carrying me at a fairly normal speed, not nearly fast enough for my liking. I wanted to run, and leave this hell-hole, but wants are just wants, after all. A hand tapped my shoulder, startling me as I spun around wide eyed. "Hm?" I asked, using sounds instead of fumbling for words, and I saw a shocked looking Josh in front of me. "I was wondering if you wanted to maybe hang out later? If you're not busy, I mean." he asked, obviously nervous by the way he wouldn't make eye contact and he kept fiddling with his hair, but I was just as bad, scared to actually being talking to somebody.
I made eye contact, giving a small smile at his words, "I-I-I'm... I'm uh... n-n-n..." I started to say, but let out an aggravated sigh as I realized I wasn't getting anywhere. My eyes immediately flashed down to the open notebook on the top of my books, and I held up a finger, signifying him to wait a minute as I pulled out my pen and scrawled out a messy sentence.
Sorry about my stutter. Would you really want to? I'd probably just annoy you. I can't really talk.
I wrote, handing it over, and he frowned quickly before he shrugged, handing it back, "I don't mind it. I probably talk enough for the both of us, anyways." he admitted, a subtle blush on his cheeks, and my heart fluttered, he didn't mind it? I nodded, trying to conceal my obvious smile as I wrote again.
Alright. Got something in mind?
"No, not really. I hadn't really expected you to say yes. I'll uh, meet you at your locker at the end of the day? We can talk about it then?" he said, and I nodded, "Alright. See you then." he said, waving quickly, a triumphant smile on his face as he left. I could not believe that that just happened.
Someone had actually bothered to ask me to hang out.
In the past fourteen years of my life, not one person had ever asked me to 'hang out' due to the fact that I was different and had a speech problem. This boy, who I'd now known for eight years, just asked me to hang out, and this boy, just so happened to be my biggest crush.
Everyone knows how that feels? Right? That little swooning feeling when you see them smile, or catch them looking at you. The nervousness that numbs your whole body when you embarrass yourself in front of them. The annoying part about them always plaguing your mind, wondering what their doing, or where they are, or if they actually care at all. Thinking for at least a second, just hoping, that maybe they admire you from a distance as you do to them, but quickly shutting down the fantasy type wish. The sinking feeling when you realize that you're not good enough for them. You never will be. That's why you don't act on your feelings.
That's probably the worst part.
*
*
Can I work alone?
She shook her head, "I'm sorry, Kathrine, but I have to say no. You are partnered with Joshua, and that is final." she replied, "Josh." I heard the boys aggravated voice correct again. I sighed, looking down at the table, wishing I'd disappear. "Now, if that is all, then class is dismissed. Familiarize yourself with you partners, and Monday I want you all sitting in pairs. Got it?" she asked, and the class as a collective whole muttered in confirmation.
I picked up my books from my seat, my head down as I quickly walked out of the room, my short legs carrying me at a fairly normal speed, not nearly fast enough for my liking. I wanted to run, and leave this hell-hole, but wants are just wants, after all. A hand tapped my shoulder, startling me as I spun around wide eyed. "Hm?" I asked, using sounds instead of fumbling for words, and I saw a shocked looking Josh in front of me. "I was wondering if you wanted to maybe hang out later? If you're not busy, I mean." he asked, obviously nervous by the way he wouldn't make eye contact and he kept fiddling with his hair, but I was just as bad, scared to actually being talking to somebody.
I made eye contact, giving a small smile at his words, "I-I-I'm... I'm uh... n-n-n..." I started to say, but let out an aggravated sigh as I realized I wasn't getting anywhere. My eyes immediately flashed down to the open notebook on the top of my books, and I held up a finger, signifying him to wait a minute as I pulled out my pen and scrawled out a messy sentence.
Sorry about my stutter. Would you really want to? I'd probably just annoy you. I can't really talk.
I wrote, handing it over, and he frowned quickly before he shrugged, handing it back, "I don't mind it. I probably talk enough for the both of us, anyways." he admitted, a subtle blush on his cheeks, and my heart fluttered, he didn't mind it? I nodded, trying to conceal my obvious smile as I wrote again.
Alright. Got something in mind?
"No, not really. I hadn't really expected you to say yes. I'll uh, meet you at your locker at the end of the day? We can talk about it then?" he said, and I nodded, "Alright. See you then." he said, waving quickly, a triumphant smile on his face as he left. I could not believe that that just happened.
Someone had actually bothered to ask me to hang out.
In the past fourteen years of my life, not one person had ever asked me to 'hang out' due to the fact that I was different and had a speech problem. This boy, who I'd now known for eight years, just asked me to hang out, and this boy, just so happened to be my biggest crush.
Everyone knows how that feels? Right? That little swooning feeling when you see them smile, or catch them looking at you. The nervousness that numbs your whole body when you embarrass yourself in front of them. The annoying part about them always plaguing your mind, wondering what their doing, or where they are, or if they actually care at all. Thinking for at least a second, just hoping, that maybe they admire you from a distance as you do to them, but quickly shutting down the fantasy type wish. The sinking feeling when you realize that you're not good enough for them. You never will be. That's why you don't act on your feelings.
That's probably the worst part.
*
*
♠ ♠ ♠
So, started a new fic. I think I like this one the best so far. Please comment/subscribe/rec to give me some feedback. Let me know if you like it? Maybe read some of my others? I start to get second thoughts about posting my stuff on here. No one ever actually seems to like it and it gives me a bit of a sad feeling and makes me second guess myself. I know I'm not the best writer, but it would help if I could get some constructive criticism! Thanks for reading, and subscribing/etc. if you have! Have a lovely day/rest of your day! :)