I Believe In The Finer Things & You Don't Believe In Me

The next few classes passed by slowly, and I eagerly awaited after schools activities. I'd always just been that weird kid who can't talk, and Josh was giving me a chance. It was the best feeling in the world, although in the back of my mind I knew he'd get sick of me. He'd get tired of waiting for me to write out silly messages, and he'd abandon me as if I never even existed. In my excitement, I pushed the assumption away, he's different.

*

When the bell for last period finally rang, I practically ran to my locker, grabbing all my things quickly and tossing them into my bag before slamming it shut and locking it. I turned to see Josh walking towards me, and I smiled as he approached. "H-H-Hi." I stammered as he reached me, and he looked down a second before making eye contact again and smiling.

"Hey." he said, "So, I've been thinking, and I figured we could go grab a coffee or something and go back to mine? Just hang out? You could stay for dinner, if you want. My mum always cooks enough for ten although we live in a house of four. It's all up to you, though. Whatever you're comfortable with." he unveiled tonight's plans and my smile spread as I listened.

"T-t-th... T-t..." I started, but sighed in frustration before nodding. "Alright then. You don't mind walking, do you? I only live a few blocks down, and there's a coffee place on the way." he asked, and I shook my head, trying to avoid talking as I became more and more self-conscious about my stutter.

We walked down the hallway, ignoring the crowds of rowdy teens as we made our way to the front doors. The cool fall air made me grin, and I took in a deep breath before I realized Josh watching me. I raised my eyebrow as if to ask 'what?' and he chuckled, "Nothing." he said, looking away, the blush rising to his face again. "This way." he guided me to the left and along the sidewalk.

"I don't mean to be so blunt, but can you talk at all? I don't think I've ever heard you say one full sentence." Josh asked after a few moments of silence, and I shook my head. "You fully understand everything I'm saying, though?" he asked, and I nodded. His eyebrows knit together for a second, "So you just can't communicate the words that you think?" he continued to pester me with questions, but I didn't mind.

This was the first time anyone had ever even acknowledged my existence, it's not like I get asked these things every other day. He continued asking me yes or no questions, trying to get to know me a bit better on the way to the coffee shop.

When we arrived, I really didn't know what I had gotten myself into. I had never even drank coffee before, I just wanted to fit in, so I didn't argue. "Do you want me to order for you?" Josh asked, and I nodded, thankful to have him here. "Can you write down what you want?" he asked, and I nodded hesitantly once more before pulling out my pen from my pocket and my notepad from my backpack.

Iced coffee, light cream, no sugar.

I ordered what my mom always gets, and I knew from sipping her drinks prior that it tasted awful. It was the only thing that I actually knew what it was, though, so it seemed reasonable to get it. Josh eyed me strangely before we stepped up to the counter. "She'll be having an iced coffee, light cream, no sugar, and I'll have a black mocha?" he ordered, and flashed our waitress a smile before she went to fetch our drinks.

"That'll be $4.01." the woman said, and Josh handed over a five. I dug through my pockets, trying to come up with two dollars to pay him back, but when I held it out he refused. "That's alright. I don't mind paying." he said, handing me my drink as we turned to leave. He sipped his drink as I put my money away, despite how much I wanted to argue, and then I decided to taste whatever it was that I had just ordered.

My face wrinkled up in disgust as I tasted to odd flavored drink, and when Josh noticed he laughed. "Did she give you the wrong thing?" he asked, and I shook my head immediately, not wanting him to find out, and I took another sip, keeping a straight face and forcing a smile once I'd gulped it down. Josh chuckled, focusing on the pavement ahead of us. "I'm not annoying you, am I?" he asked, looking to me for a response.

My eyes widened in surprise at the question as I shook my head, "N-n-n... N-no!" I responded, trying to reassure him, a bit confused as to why he'd think that. His facial expression seemed to calm a bit, and I took my phone out of my pocket, opening up a new message so I could type something out for him to read.

You don't annoy me at all, it's actually nice having someone to listen to other than my mum. Am I annoying you?

I typed, handing it over to him as we continued to walk. He handed it back as he began his answer, "No, I guess I'm just not used to this yet. I just don't really know what to say." he confessed, and I nodded, understanding, and frustrated that I wasn't able to reply verbally. I typed again, my fingers sliding across the keys with ease.

Talk about anything. Interests? Hobbies? Stuff about you, so that I can get to know you better. I'll do my best to join in.

I showed it to him, and he nodded, " ...Well, what can I say? Eh, I'm Josh. You kind of already knew that. I really like music, Blink-182, Paramore, Jimmy Eat World, All Time Low, those are some of my favorites. I play a little bit of guitar, a tiny bit of the drums, and I'm the lead singer of this band called You Me At Six." he said, and I smiled immediately as he started naming bands.

I love all of those bands! Music is really fun for me. I can sing much better than I can speak. It's easy when I'm singing along to stuff, but I'm not very good at it. Tell me a bit about your band? I've heard about you guys before, but I've never been able to really ask anybody about gigs or CDs or what not.

Josh smiled as he read the part about me being able to sing better than actually speaking, "Really? That's actually pretty cool. I'll have to convince you to sing for me sometime." he joked, and I blushed, knowing that I would be beyond mortified if I had to sing in front of him.

He finished up reading the message, passing my phone back, "We take a lot of influence from those bands, so I'd say we kind of sound like a jumble of all of them. I've got our CDs at my house. Maybe you could listen to a few tracks? Anyways, our guitarists are Max, that shaggy little dude from our Maths class, and Chris, that quiet bloke with the long hair? We have two other members, but they don't go to our school, Max and Dan. Max plays bass and Dan plays drums. I'd reckon we're pretty good. Obviously not the best, but with each practice we get better and better. We've only played a few local shows so far, but we've been working out a few bookings, and pretty soon I think we're actually going to go on a short little two week tour." he rambled, pride radiating from him as he told me all the details.

"I remember the first show we ever played, Dan was going absolutely nuts. He was so nervous- but then again, so was everyone else. I remember practically spending the whole show facing the opposite direction of the audience. Looking out at the crowd made everything so much worse. There were only fifteen to twenty people, but it was enough to make me jump out of my skin. It was probably the scariest moment of my life. Needless to say, that show didn't go so well, but after a few shows I got a little better. Instead of spending the whole show facing Dan, I maybe only spent four out of ten songs? Quite an achievement for me, I'd say." he continued, and I laughed quietly, admiring how he was so willing to fess up and talk about mistakes he'd made in the past. It amazed me, how he was able to accept those little things about him self, his mess-ups.

Josh continued to talk about his band for another few minutes, amusing me as we made our way to his house. They ways his eye would light up as he talked about them starting their debut album signified to me that his band really was his passion. He seemed so dedicated, and it impressed me.

When we reached the front door, he dug a key out of his pocket, putting it in the lock and turning it before it swung open. "My mum's not home yet, but she should be any minute now. You can put your bag down right there." he said, gesturing to the corner next to the door.

He walked into a room just off of their small foyer and I followed behind, "Let's start with the grand tour, why don't we?" Josh thought aloud, "This is the living room, pretty plain, simple." he explained, and a smile made it's way to my face, seeing him as he became more and more comfortable around me in the confines on his own home. "This is the dining room," he said, leading me to the next room, and there house was pretty generic, practically a meshed replica of all of the cozy little houses you see in movies. It was very lovely, to say the least.

Next he brought me to the kitchen, and then downstairs. His basement looked like the epitome of a teenage boys dream, a few guitars leaning against the walls, amps, a large couch, a coffee table with countless video game controllers piled on top, and a massive flat screen TV. There was also a large stereo up against one of the walls, surrounded by stacks of CDs. Looks like I've entered the lair of Joshua Franceschi.

"Now this is where I spend a good majority of my time. All the game systems are down here, and we've got a massive stereo, just an all around good time. I'm going to avoid showing you my room, since it's a bloody mess, but we can go upstairs, grab some food, and then come back down here and I can let you listen to our CDs?" he offered, and I nodded eagerly. Josh smiled, "Great! This way, then!" he said, leading me back upstairs and into the kitchen.

He immediately began rummaging through cupboards, "Feel free to take whatever you'd like. No one ever eats any of this shit, so if anything you'll be doing us a favor." Josh said, and I nodded, looking around the kitchen and finding an apple placed in a bowl on the island. I grabbed it, holding it and poking Josh's shoulder. All it took was a glance down at the apple to understand what I was asking, "Aw, come on! An apple? Live a little! Put that down, pick up a bag of Cheetos!" Josh protested, and I giggled, unable to help it as he gently took the apple from me, replacing it with Cheetos as he said in his previous statement.

"You do like Cheetos? Right?" he asked, and I nodded, looking down at the bag. He walked over to a cupboard, opening it and grabbing two glasses. "I'm having chocolate milk. Care to join me, or would you want something else?" he asked, and I wasn't quite sure how to respond, so I nodded, hoping that I'd said yes to chocolate milk. "Milk?" he asked, clarifying, and I nodded again. He poured two glasses, and then he motioned for me to follow him back down stairs.

He set the two glasses down on the coffee table in front of the couch, and walked over to the stereo. I put the bag of Cheetos down next to the two cups and took a seat on the couch. He rummaged through the stacks, pulling out a CD, and putting it in. He pressed play and the sound of guitars flooded the room and he grabbed a notebook off the top of the stereo before came to sit next to me, explaining a bit about the CD.

"This was our first EP, so believe me when I say that it's not our best. Out new stuff is coming out so much better. This CD kind of reminds me of My Chemical Romance in a way. I guess we were just trying to find our 'sound'. My writing has definitely improved, in my opinion at least. I've got actually got the original copies of the lyrics in here, so you can read along. I don't exactly have the best enunciation in these recordings, I guess." he said, flipping through a few pages.

"This one's called 'Promise, Promise.'" he stated, handing the notebook over and I read along with the song. Josh hummed to it mindlessly, and I actually thought the lyrics were quite good. Much better than I could ever write. Before I knew it my head was bobbing along to the beat slightly, and I found this to be something that I would probably actually listen to. I gave Josh a smile to let him know that I had liked it, and the next song came on.

Josh flipped the page over, 'New Jersey'. Gradually Josh went from humming to quietly singing, and his voice was actually really good. He was a great singer, but I was pretty positive that these two songs haven't done him an extreme justice. He definitely had talent, no doubt about it, I just felt that they didn't show his full potential. A minute or so into the song I took my phone back out, typing him a message.

You guys are really great! From what I've heard, you've got a lot of talent. Could I maybe buy a CD?

Josh looked a bit confused when he read it, "You don't have to buy it! I can just give you one, I'm sure I've got extras. Gimme' a second." he said, leaving my side and returning to the pile of CDs, digging through them again until he turned up with another copy. He came back and handed it over as the song changed. "Ah. 'This Turbulence is Beautiful'. Haven't heard this one in a while." Josh reminisced, turning the page once again to find the lyrics.

He sang along, and my head started nodding again. This band was growing on me. The next song, 'Taste', passed quickly as we finally opened the Cheetos bag. I was absolutely famished. Once those two were over we approached the last track, 'The Liar and The Lighter'. "This one's probably my favorite." he said, as I took a sip of my milk. He found the correct page in the notebook, and I read along as he continued to sing. I immediately loved this song, preferring it over the other few.

This one seemed to mean more to him than the rest, and the emotion in his voice showed it. It was beautiful. When it had finished I was smiling widely, and Josh returned it when he looked over at me, "Liked it?" he asked, and I nodded, bringing my eyes back to skim over the lyrics. "T-T-Th-Th... Th-Tha..." I stumbled, sighing as I pulled my phone back out of my pocket.

That was great, I really liked that one!

Josh's smile seemed to grow, as if it was possible. "Thanks! That really means a lot. Would you uh, want a copy of our new demos? We just recently recorded a few songs, and I think they're much better." he said, and I couldn't believe that he was being so nice to me. I nodded gratefully and he got up to grab me a copy, handing it to me as he did last time. "T-t-t-th... T-thanks." I muttered, embarrassed of my stutter, and Josh smiled at me.

"I like it when you talk." he commented, and I felt my cheeks get hot, "R-r-r... Re-real-really?" I asked quietly, and he nodded. "You're stutter is actually quite cute. I like it." he complimented, and his words didn't help sooth the pink that tinted my cheeks. I looked down at my shoes, too embarrassed to look up.

*
*

The rest of the night went much better than I'd expected. The rest of his family arrived home shortly, and Josh and I decided to watch 'Wayne's World' as we waited for dinner- both of our favorites. Dinner went well. Josh explained my stutter to his sister, Elissa, and his parents, Anne and Peter. They pretty much just asked me a few yes or no questions and on ones that required an actual answer, I typed out and Josh read for me. At around seven I had my backpack and the two CDs, ready to go, Josh and I standing on his front porch as we said goodbye. I was typing out little messages and he was waiting patiently, smiling every so often without an actual reason.

Thank you for inviting me over today. It was a lot of fun. It means a lot to me, you being this nice to me. I know that it's really a hassle trying to communicate with me, but I really appreciate everything you've done.

I typed and Josh read it with a sad smile. "It's no problem at all, really. You don't need to thank me." he said, and I flashed a wide smile before pulling him into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him tightly before letting me go, "G-G-Go-Good... N-n-n-night-t." I sputtered, and his teeth showed in a wide smile. "Good night." he said, and I gave him a little wave before turning to walk down the walkway.

... "Wait- uh, Kate?" he asked, catching up the few steps to meet me. "Hm?" I asked, "Could I... maybe get your number?" he asked, and I nodded, happy that he had asked. A triumphant smile crossed his face as he handed his phone over to me, knowing it'd be easier for me than trying to say the words. I punched in my contact information, and handed it back, "Is there a specific time when it's best to text you? Do you have limits or anything?" he asked, and I giggled at his nervousness as he played with his hair.

As a response I shook my head, and he nodded, "Alright. I'll uh, text you tomorrow. Get home safe." he said, and I nodded, giving him another quick smile and a wave before I set off for home. I only lived a two blocks away, so walking seemed like a reasonable choice.

*
*

Josh was on my mind nonstop for the rest of the weekend. The invitation to his house was so sudden, but he was really kind and understanding to me. Not to mention, he was quite cute, so it was surprising he'd actually want to hang out with me. I have an unlimited list of insecurities, but he made me feel better about myself. He made me feel like I was actually wanted.

He texted me Saturday afternoon, and we talked all night. I told him a lot more about myself, and a bit about my family, making sure to leave out the sour bits that he didn't really need to know yet When it came to my hobbies I pretty much drew a blank. I'm a rather boring person. The only few things I actually like to do are play video games, read books, listen to music, and travel. Music an traveling are my true passion, though.

Seeing new towns and cities excites me, and I'm always making my mum take me on short little day trips about the country- to god knows where- and finding something to do. I was really starting to feel comfortable talking to him, although, ironically, I can barely even mutter a word. My stutter constantly held me back, and it was so embarrassing, watching strangers stare at you as you fumble for words. All personal problems aside, Josh was really starting to become more of a friend to me, and I really like it. Having a friend was fun; it's takes away some of the pain of loneliness.

We texted throughout Sunday-today- as well, and as the night approached I felt those weird butterflies in my stomach, my nerves setting it. I tossed and turned all night, contemplating all of tomorrow's possible outcomes. Once they all started involving dogs, I knew I wasn't far from passing out. In all truth, I welcomed it. I loved sleeping. It was like suicide, but without commitment, and believe me, suicide is something I've seriously considered before. Sleeping just seems like a better temporary solution- less painful for everybody.