Here Goes Nothing

I didn’t exactly know why I was so nervous. Whether it was because I was actually going on a date or the fact that it was with WESLEY, I didn’t know. All I knew was that I had about a gazillion butterflies going through my stomach and I was breathing heavily like a crazy girl as I paced back and forth.

“Goddamn it, Kayles! Stop doing that you’re gonna make a hole on the floor.” Bam said from his spot on the bed.

“I’m sorry. What time is it?” I asked as I finally stabilized myself and crossed my arms slowly.

“It’s exactly twenty-six seconds later than the last time you asked. He’ll be here soon just…relax!” He told me and I obliged, sitting on the end of my bed.
I didn’t have to wait for long before there was a knock on the door. I quickly got up but Bam pushed me back down with a smirk.

“Allow me.” He simply said with a smirk. I rolled by eyes but stayed put. Even though the wall blocked me from seeing him, I could hear everything.

“Hey man.” Bam greeted and I practically saw the friendly pat he gave on Wesley’s shoulder.

“Hey! Is Kaleigh ready?” Wesley asked.

“Kaleigh? Sure she’s ready. I just wanted to talk with you before-“

“Okay! Let’s go! Don’t wait up Bam; I’ll see you tomorrow morning!” I said hurriedly as I grabbed Wesley’s arm and headed out the door, interrupting my cousin’s speech. I didn’t give him a chance to answer before I slammed the door behind me and started to walk quickly down the hallway and towards the stairs. I could hear Wesley jog behind me to catch up, and I could also hear his quiet laugh as he finally caught up with me.

“What was that?” He asked me.

“I think you know EXACTLY what that was. The big brother speech given by my cousin was not something that I wanted to hear. And if anything, you should be thanking me right now. I don’t honestly believe you’re looking for that talk with Bam.” I said.

“You’re right.” He said as we started to make our way down the stairs. “Did I mention that you look very beautiful tonight?” He asked me.

“No, you haven’t. But thank you for the compliment. You don’t look so bad yourself.” I said as I allowed myself to really look at him for the first time tonight. He was wearing a plaid button down t-shirt with black jeans. It was casual yet kind of fancy. And it fit him very well. I had decided to put on a yellow summer dress and curl my hair just a little.

“Thanks, I know.” He smirked jokingly and instantly, the mood was lifted. I shoved his arm playfully and he reached up and grabbed my hand, sending a million sparks through my entire body.

“Okay, so I guess this is where I tell you a very embarrassing secret.” He said as we started walking down the street. I had to force myself to focus on the conversation and not the fact that his hand was still wrapped tightly around mine.

“And what would that be?” I asked him.

“I never actually dated.” He told me and I looked at him with pure shock.

“Well I can hardly believe that. Where does all your ego comes from then?” I questioned him with a smile.

“All those times I looked in a mirror.” He said bluntly and I snorted softly. “I’m serious about the dating thing though. I mean I only ever had one serious girlfriend but we never dated, we just dove right into the relationship part.” He explained.

“And what happened? Did she finally realise that she deserved way better than you?” I asked jokingly.

“Uh maybe. She killed herself.” He blurted out. I stopped dead in my tracks. He stopped a step further and looked at me with a confused look on his face.

“What?! Are you serious? Because if you’re joking then you’re idea of humor is sick and-“

“I’m not joking. I had just turned sixteen. We would’ve celebrated two years together but her dad found her in the garage three days before. She hanged herself.” He told me. There was no emotion in his voice or in his face, almost as if he was telling someone else’s story.

“I’m so-“

“Please don’t say you’re sorry. It was a long time ago, and I’ve had more than enough sympathy from everyone. I grieved and I moved on. And most of all I try to comfort myself with the fact that she dreamed of traveling. I’ve never been too fond of the idea. I mean, yeah I’m doing it right now but I wouldn’t do that for a living, you know? She wanted to go out and see the world. She wanted to be a journalist. I want to live the rest of my life in West Chester; it’s just where I belong. So I tell myself that it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. Maybe it’s not healthy or right but I just…I don’t know. I just need to tell myself that and I’m okay.” He explained and I didn’t even realise I was softly stroking his arm with my unoccupied hand.

“Then keep doing it. Look, I don’t know what it feels like to lose a loved one because I’ve never experienced it. But I do know what it’s like to be a shoulder to cry on. So if you ever need to talk…about her or anything to keep your mind OFF of her, I’m here.” I said. He looked at me intently before he broke into a slight smirk.

“Not even a little PDA?” He asked me. I rolled my eyes and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss on his cheeks.

“Maybe a little PDA.” I said as I giggled a little. He chuckled with me and squeezed my hand before we started walking again.