Here Goes Nothing

I don’t know how I got there. Up in front of everyone, with a black dress and tear-stained eyes…but there I was cue cards in hands and ready to make a speech about the father-in-law I would never see again.
“Ryan Dunn was a great man. Although the way his life ended is tragic, one simple yet fatal action should not be enough to label someone. I’m not here today to be condescending or to even put the record straight on any rumors circulating about Ryan’s life or his brutal ending. I am here to remind everyone that he was a father, a husband, an uncle, a friend, a son… Ryan Dunn was human but most of all he was a random hero to most of us lucky people who have had a chance to be in his life.” I said as my voice cracked a little. I allowed myself to look at everyone in the church. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Their hurt faces and empty looks were almost too much to handle.
“Today, I guess I want to thank him. His mere presence was enough to lift someone’s spirits completely. His smile was literally contagious and he was a gentleman, even though he would never admit that about himself out loud. ” Some people chuckled quietly and I stopped reading my cue cards.
“You know, I’m usually pretty good with words. I mean, rants are kind of my thing but I guess, when it hits that close to home, it’s normal to be choked up and have no idea what to say. People have to know what an amazing man he was.” I said as my voice cracked once more and a tear fell down my cheek. I didn’t even try to wipe it off.
“I’m not gonna stand here and pretend he was perfect because, let’s face it, he wasn’t. But I will not tolerate anyone who will put his name to shame.” I said with a little more confidence.
“I’m thinking about Ryan’s family and friends today, and I’m thinking about him too. We miss you Ryan, and I hope you’re getting cozy up there. We’ll see you on the other side.” I managed to say before going back down. I was heading towards my parents; where my seat was, but Wesley grabbed my wrist when I passed him and led me down to sit beside him. He had tears in his eyes. He placed his hand on my knee and squeezed slightly before giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks for what you said.” He whispered in my ear sadly. I caressed his cheek once before squeezing his hand that was on my knee.
“I meant every word and I wanted to say so much more, but I choked. I’m sorry.”
“It was perfect.”
And as the church continued, all I could do was hope that Wesley would be okay, and that if heaven really exists, Ryan would be up there.